Shocker: Jamaican Track Stars Are Beginning to Get Busted For Drugs

Wait, you can’t smash world records while jogging the last 15 meters in a 100 meter race, as you run sideways and order up some delicious ox tails?

Come on now.  I’m not saying all the Jamaicans were on performance enhancers, but didn’t it seem a bit odd to see so many of those cats getting their effortless Gold Medal trot on?  If it looks too good to be true, it probably is.  Today it’s some hurdlers getting busted, in 6 months it will be someone else and finally, Usain’s presently undetectable Rum Runner-HGH-Red Stripe elixir of speed will be exposed.  Ha  Dude clearly didn’t want to break that record too much, which is why he jogged the last 15 meters!!!!

I know, I know, he just works harder, plus he’s 6, 4.  Believe me, I know.  Just wait and though you heard it here first, believe me, if you paid any attention, you’ve already told yourself that something wasn’t right.  ha

– Lake

Standing Tall: Much Respect to Silda Wall Spitzer

Now that Elliot is done, it’s interesting to look at some of the satellite issues surrounding this scandal. One I’d like to raise is how strong Silda Spitzer has been throughout this. Supposedly Mrs. Spitzer got word of this debacle on Friday. That means that she had the weekend to slap Elliot around, think about whatever she did or didn’t do that allowed this to occur (believe me, this ran through her mind) and get her mind right about what she was going to do. When the dust settled, there she was, right next to her man.

And if reports are true about her advice for Elliot, she was the one who told him not to be hasty in stepping down from his post. After all, she doesn’t want him to fold up like a damn beeyatch, not after all the work they’ve done building her and Elliot’s career.

I don’t know about yall, but I gotta giver her my highest respeck for doing that.

Sure, you hear some of these silly women and a few men with their skirts in a bunch on tv and radio talking about “Why doesn’t she just leave him.” As if it’s just that simple.

She aint leaving him because that’s her man and they have a life together. That’s why! Because you don’t just turn your back on your family and maybe, just maybe homeboy needs his lady right now to keep him strong.

That’s independent of what he’s done to her. There’s time for that, but these clucking chickens talking about “MEN!! Why do they do this?”

I’ll tell you why:

And this:

And definitely this:

Quite simply because they want to. And some would argue that they are just wired to. That there is nothing you can do about a man looking to hit what evolution has deemed to be fertile ass.

Now Elliot got busted and he’s got to make this right. No question and he deserves all the blame. But Silda has been strong. Silda has stood in there and taken the blows (no ho ho) and Silda is still standing tall. Gotta love a strong woman. Someone who does what she’s got to do rather than just pop off at the mouth and roll the neck at the first sign of trouble.

And on top of that, for a 51 year old woman with three teenage daughters, this Harvard Law School grad has it going on.

Much Respeck for Silda for standing tall to protect what’s her’s. And for those of you who would rather she just reflexively kick Easy E to the curb, tell me when you wake up from fantasy land. I don’t ask my dog to shit where he eats and you shouldn’t ask Silda to either. She knows what she’s doing and if you had a man worth standing up for, rather than a Match.com account and a closet full of skirts you can no longer fit into, you would to.

– Lake

Andy Pettitte is a stankin’ cheater

Hey, what’s up with these idiots in the NY media acting like Andy Pettitte was courageous for admitting to his HGH use?

First off, in the past he always lied about his illegal HGH use. Then he lied about how many times he used it. The only reason why he copped to what he did was because McNamme fingered him. And how do we know that he didn’t use other drugs? He lied before, why not lie again? Come on.

This idiot Tom Friend buried Barry Bonds, but now he’s saying he doesn’t consider Pettitte a cheater? Oh, I get it.

I can’t tell what’s wilder about this pic, the fact that Mrs. C. HGH’d up and got rock hard or the way she’s griping up on that ‘Roided up dack.  lol.

Now I get how these media types work, if you like the guy and can identify with him, he’s not a cheater, even when he admitted to illegal drug use. If you think the dude isn’t a nice guy and you can’t identify with him, then he’s a liar and a cheater. I love the Sports Media. A bunch of hypocritical hacks who couldn’t make it in the legitimate news biz but now allow their own personal biases and prejudices completely taint all semblance of integrity in their reporting.

I know, I know, you’re paid to have an opinion and just are doing your job. I know. Ridiculous.

– Lake

Mac says Clemens’ wife was on the juice too!

Now see, Roger Clemens probably should have slowed his roll when he tricked Brian MacNamee with that tape recording, only to play it at a press conference. You might not want to fuck with a cat like that when he’s got dirt on you AND your wife, Debbie Clemens, who MacNamee claims he shot up in the ass with HGH before this Sports Illustrated photoshoot.

Come on. I mean, is anyone shocked that the Rocket and his wife are both juicers? Hey, at least now we understand what that dropped call was really about.

“Hey honey, pick me up a loaf of Sourdough, some feminine wash and a couple cc’s of Brian’s best HGH, I’ve got a butt naked Sports Illustrated shoot and I must look my best.”

Look, I don’t care what anybody says, a grown ass woman of 42 with 4 monster sons ranging in age from 13 to 20 should not have abs like Chyna from the WWE.

Hell, even Chyna shouldn’t have abs like Chyna. WTF? Does anyone have a doubt that this is all true? It’s not like this guy is telling this stuff to a few or the fellas over some hippie lettuce in a back room, he’s telling this to United State Congressmen!!!!

Hmm, fake hair color, check, fake tan, check, fake boobs, chizzeck, fake ass husband, check, hey, why not just fake it all. FAKE BODY DUE TO MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF ROIDS AND HGH….CHECK! Like Chris Rock said, everything about you is a lie. Hilarious stuff, I can’t wait for Wednesday for that public hearing….talk about Tivo worthy…Jeez.

Damn, now see, this is getting ugly. Forget the gloves coming off, these cats are at each other with knives and we aren’t even close to a conclusion. What more could go wrong for ole Rocket? Nobody believes him as is.. I mean, what’s next? Is Andy Pettitte going to produce that Rocket and Debbie Clemens sex tape with Mariano Rivera ahem, coming in for relief? Argh.. sordid man. I feel dirty.

Go Sox

– Lake

More smoke and mirrors from Roger Clemens

You have to hand it to ole Rog. He has learned from the Bonds and McGwire criticisms that they didn’t confront their accusers on these steroids allegations.

The gotcha, gotcha though is that people still don’t believe Roger so it really doesn’t matter. See, that’s something that Bonds knew from jump. Why try to convince people of something they already have made up in their own minds. It’s not going to stop the papers from printing it and it keeps the story alive.

Rog, I appreciate your efforts to cloud the issue, but you’re not W Bush tricking these simpletons to vote against their own interests. You’re a cat who we always knew cheated who just got rated by your own boy. Own it homey, because no matter what you do or say, we don’t believe you anyway. All the rest of this charade is only good for shits and giggles.

You aren’t proving anything and believe me, you aren’t changing any minds.

– Lake

We need a congressional hearing on butt implants

Forget steroids, what we really need to find out is are these asses really what they proclaim to be. Like many of us, I’ve heard the stories about the butt pads the haters say Kim K rocks. But now this controversy is really heating up. I can’t lie, you really have to wonder how asses are getting so fat while stomachs and getting smoother and smoother. On the real, if it looks too good to be real, it probably isn’t real and now cats are actually coming for these video chick’s asses, literally. Peep Angel Lola Luv’s posterior game…

Unbelievable right? Yeah, but is it really unbelievable? Airbrush aside, you don’t go from Weaver’s chicken strip thighs, to an abrupt bowling ball tail like that. I mean, seriously, have you ever seen ANYTHING like that in nature? Me neither. And maybe here’s why:

I can’t lie, something really doesn’t look right. That little under ripple looks more like the ends of my air mattress than something the good lawd brought to us. Who knows, maybe the enhanced tail piece will be as common and accepted as the enhanced J. I mean, I just assume Lola’s breasts are fake, but I really don’t care. Don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely not a fan of the fake J for personal use, but what do I care if it’s in a picture?

I don’t. Anyway, we’ve officially put Lola and Coco on fake ass watch. With Coco the evidence seems pretty strong, though you can never really know in the photoshop era. Still here’s the before:

Let’s get another angle.

And clearly here’s the after:

Here transformation makes Barry Bonds’ look like a junior high growth spurt. I just want these chicks to show up to congress, pull a Raffy Palmeiro and say:

“I have never, pulled back the skin on my ass and laid another coat of thickness down over top my tail feather. I don’t know how to say it more plainly than that. Never. The reference to my enhanced back on Mr. Arlington’s blog is completely false. ”

Uh huh.. To be continued….

– Lake

Clemens: He injected me, just not with ‘Roids

According to ESPN.com Roger Clemens hit “60 Minutes” with that same line Eddie Murphy the Prince hit Eddie Murphy the Barber with in Coming to America.

Barber: Well Goddamn boy, what kinda chemical you got in there?

Prince Akeem: I have used no chemicals, only juices and berries

Barber: Sheeyut, that aint nothing but a ultra-perm

No question, Roger is persisting with this “waddent me” defense of the claim that he used performance enhancing drugs to boost his career. Now he’s getting a little more specific saying that his trainer, Brian McNamme, the one who dimed him out under threat of criminal prosecution, injected him with Vitamin B-12 and Lidocaine, a local anesthetic used to treat skin inflammations and not the Juice.

Don’t you love this “Shaggy” defense, which is really another Eddie Murphy creation, of “Waddent me” that Roger is trying to sell us now? It’s so hot. Oh, I get it, you were injected by this dude, only he was hitting you with B-12 and Neosporin for that butt acne errrr sensitive skin men have on their asses (?)..LOL.

(Yall see Rocket’s lady? I think she may be on something too….5 kids and all ripped in the midriff?)

You gotta hand it to ole Rog, though. Through all of this he has remained himself. He’s just the quintessential asshole and always has been. I guess that’s what happens when the media gives you a pass for your transgressions during your entire career. Just like when he told us he threw that bat at Mike Piazza because he thought it was the ball. I know, I know, he had a flashback to KICKBALL when he could a fool out by hitting him with the ball while they run the bases.

I get it. HA. How does hitting a dude with an alleged baseball make sense Rog? You think on that one, then answer me this:

If you’re bent over and Brian McManne, a professional sports trainer, was injecting you with what you thought (wink, wink) was B-12 and Palmers Coco Butter, then how do you really know he didn’t swap out those CVS syringes for some of those Balco ones?  What are you saying, that you never knowingly took steriods?

I know, I know, as far as you know, that was B-12, Vitamin C and Jack Daniels coursing through your veins. Believe me, it happened to me too. I was just helping that UNC hick chick over the fence back in college when her pappy came out with the shotty…

How was I to know we’d get all tangled up like that?

Come on, we all know the Rocketman is a liar. Oh and I bet it felt good when McNamme’s lawyer promised to sue your candy ass if you lied in that 60 Minutes interview or the presser you’ve got scheduled for Monday. Watch yourself son…

– Tabaccy spittin Lake with a ten gallon hat on his head

Belichick is AP Coach of the Year

Bill Belicheat was named the 2007 Associated Press Coach of the Year today.

Congrats from UvT. We were definitely pulling for you. Let me get this straight. This is a cheater.

This is not:

I love the highly ethical, consistent and completely unbiased media members. I guess it pays to have some homies to spread the blame errr cloud the issue errr get your back.

I know, I know, Belichick is just misunderstood. I know. Keep up the good work Bill. Who knows, maybe you can get with your boy Dubyah are run for public office. Belicheat in 2008!!!

– Lake

Shaunie ‘$30 Mil’ O’Neal to the World: “Big Stacks, my pockets on Creatine”

The soon to be Mrs. O’Neal has plenty to be thankful for this year.

Shaunie O’Neal’s purported assets were revealed as a result of a court filing on Wednesday. And what did little mama claim she had? After merely five years of marriage and seemingly 5-18 kids she says she’s got:

• $450,000 in cash and stocks as assets.
• The couple’s $25 million Star Island home in Miami Beach
• An L.A. Condo
• A $3.95 million home in Orlando An additional Condo in Miami
• Several businesses valued at $250,000
• Liberty Grill, a Los Angeles eatery valued at $250,000

For the rest of this post, just envision Kanye’s “Gold Digger” playing. Ahem, anyway, she’s supposed to have $30 million in total assets.

I know big fella, I know. I guess there is a reason to allow a real life sasquatch to bang you out and endure the birth of pound infants for the better part of 7 years (they had a few before they got married). Forget the $30 mil, Shaunie deserves a Purple Heart for letting this dude murk.

Scary.

Oh but she got hers and that’s before the divorce goes through. Now I read that Shaq had an airtight prenuptial agreement per Eddie Murphy and Kanye West’s advice.

If that’s so, how in the hell could Shaunie claim that $25 million crib on Star Island as her own? That can’t be right. At best she gets half of that joint, which is still a good pay day for a baby maker who is allegedly getting her body “back in shape” by getting hammered by her Cuban trainer. How many pesos does $30 make? How many times did she use that other Miami condo, the one Shaq reportedly didn’t know about, to get her “Livin La Vida Loca” on with ole Telemundo?

Men, don’t let your women go out to dance that Salsa alone and if you’ve got Shaq stacks, just go ahead and put a private investigator on your wife at all times.

I would say Shaq is getting screwed, but when you consider how Strahan took it up the arse, got his shit sold out in front of his mansion and then was accused of being gay by his wife, $30 million is getting off easy for the Big Aristotle…

– Lake

Trapped in the closet: Another gay Republican is exposed

Oh look, two weeks have passed so I guess it’s time for yet another Gay, Anti-Gay hypocrite Republican story. Let’s see who we got this time. Meet State Senator Rep. Richard “Dick” Curtis (R) from Washington State (and no I’m not making up that nickname. Not only is he a phony gay cat, but he’s a Dick, literally, LOL).

(What’s the deal with these walrus looking gay cats? Boy, this must be an interview, because homey is sweating like an Oz prison bitch with Schillinger and the boys around the corner in this pic. Yikes.)

Anyway, it was reported that some dude out in Spokane, Washington was trying to extort $1,000 out of Senator Dick. Dude said he was just looking for payment for ahem services rendered after a tryst in a hotel…You see, it turns out ole boy was a male prostitute. Awww heeell naw.

Whoa, this fool looks like a deflated John Cena. Not the upside down visor piece. Homo thugs activate. Anyway, the male prostitute was later identified as Cody Castagna, pictured above. Cody said that they had sex in the hotel room with Senator Curtis, but that the Senator Dick didn’t want to pay up after the deed was done. I guess Dick figured he’d put that ass on layaway (ok, even that was too much for me..haa). Wrong. WRONG. Ole boy wanted his stack piece right then and threatened to out Senator Dick for being a closeted gay man with a wife and three kids… Supa uglay!!

Worst of all, Senator Dick was a strong supporter of what? You guessed it, Anti Gay legislation!!!! Ding, ding, ding!!!! In 2005 and 2006, Curtis voted against a bill that granted civil rights protections to gays and lesbians. In 2007, Curtis voted against a bill that created domestic partnerships for same-sex couples. Still, both bills passed despite his opposition.

Initially on Monday when the story broke, ole Senator Dick said publicly “I am not gay, I have not had sex with a guy. I was just trying to help someone out” Is that what they’re calling it these days? Perhaps he needs to get with fellow “not gay until we found out he had sex with mens” fix-it man/con artist Ted Haggard, the once leader of some 10 million evangelical Christians.

Give him a week and he’ll knock that gay stain right off and he’ll keep it off. I mean, after all, he’s cured and delivered.. good as new.

(Uh Ted, I think it’d be best if you just stopped taking the knee all together. Thx)

You’ll be rejuvinated, purified, sanctified and feeling like your old, self righteous self again.

Anyway, once the story unraveled some, then it all started to come out. First, someone saw Senator Curtis at an adult store dressed up as a damn woman (wow) having a “sexual act” performed on him that very same day by “a man with a cane”… Ok, I’m uncomfortable. The workers at the store said that Senator Curtis came to the store often, “he’s our cross-dresser” they said… Wow. Senator Curtis’ reaction upon hearing all the beans spilling was, and I’m not making this up, “I need a divorce lawyer”…. haaaaa Ya think? These gay, anti gay cats are hilarious. They kind of remind me of the fictional blind, black white supremacist character, Clayton Bigsby, on the Chappelle Show.

When will they learn? This cat didn’t mind anti-gay legislation because all of his gay shit was happening on the down low, just how he likededed that shit. Fucking awful. Guess what player, in case you didn’t notice:

And everyone knows it… I guess that’s why he resigned today and now Cody Castagna, the gay prostitute dude, is doing interviews saying he was victimized by the Senator. Yikes… Senator, next time you better just pay up. I hope the G spot you saved on some premium homo thug tail was worth your entire career, reputation and marriage.

Don’t worry, some other hypocrite will just take his place. It will be some cat who doesn’t want drugs near schools, but yet he’s a coke addict. Or some cat who wants to “strengthen the family” as long as it doesn’t interfere with them hoes he’s got on the side. I love the GOP. So brave. So Moral. So brazen. So hypocritical.

– Lake