Hilarious.
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Ye got arrested behind that? Haaaaa Hood up, backpack attached, with that cat telling people he took it while everything is on tape. Haa And when Kanye moves, is it just me or does he just look like a little kid.
Cat ass photog: POLICE POLICE…
Kanye Yes Man: Aint no Po-lice man, go on somewhere.
Fucking hilarious. ha
More later.
– lake
So I fired up the tivo and there it was, “I Want to Work For Diddy“. First impressions, ok, they hype it up with the “this will change your life” rhetoric which is what they always say about these Diddy shows. But this time, with regard to former assistants, don’t we kind of know better?
I know, I know, he’s an artist. Let me tell you, I NEVER want to hear this cat on any track, period. I heard his act on that Andre 3000 interlude, sounded like some bs Man of Morehouse Shakespeare special with extra Ahnt-sauce on top.
Anyway, then they introduce the “celebrity judges” err ex-assistants that ultimately have little to no roll in actually voting these cats on or off. I guess they rotate show to show:
1. Derek, Diddy’s Gay stylist?
First of all, why is dude talking like he just caught clean jaw cap from one of those security guards that roll out when you get eliminated? And is that a southern accent I detect? Nothing against the south, but somehow that makes it worse. Jeez. And just a question about stylists in general, why is their gear always so terrible and how can they help the next man dress if they don’t know enough not to rock the wrinkled sag slim rider pant, with the unintentionally skinny tie piece? Just asking.
2. Moderately, but not too overtly attractive Latin Chick
Plain and basic, but just good looking enough to get it from Diddy. Can you tell that I don’t have a pic of the babe?
3. Capricorn – Wait a second. Baby girl’s name is Capricorn? Bad enough that she’s named after an astrological sign period, but Capricorn is the most ridiculous of all of them. It’s the one people always said when they used to introduce themselves in those cheesy movies from back in the 70’s. “Lawrence T. Chestwood, capricorn.”
Even she can’t quite believe that’s actually her name. I like her hair though… ha
On to the contestants. So I’m looking for the contestants, seeing what there is to see. And let me just say, I’m a champion of diversity. You just gotta have it, right? You assume they’ll have plenty of black dudes. You know, bow tie, probably went to Andover/Exeter (then on to Middlebury) black dude. Ex Corporate America “now I can rock these fake diamond studs” black dude…transsexual dude.
“Now that’s the creep, I be seeing in my sleep”
Ahem. SAY Cut tha, what tha, FUCK?!?!!!!!!!!! Is that what I think it is? Holy lord above, can someone please, for the love of god explain the presence of this….ahem…cat?
What exactly is a tranny? First of all, does Tranny stand for transsexual or “trans-gender”? And does that mean, he/she still has his junk or is already gone? I can tell you what’s not gone, that uncomfortably skrong jaw piece, them shady sideways eyes that themselves can’t even believe Diddy has a legitimate tranny babe errr dude trying to be his assistant and that extra caked-on-baked-on make-up. Yep, we’ve got ourselves a full on dude with some wild balloons in his chest with a side of ass gel on layaway.
Dammit, why is it all lacquered up with a top coat of “only could come from a man” sweat to lock that deception in? And yes, I DO see that extra close cat to her/his direct right in this picture, I’m just ignoring it. Wait, where was I? Seriously, I’ve lost my entire train of thought here. Let me just end that paragraph, maybe that will help.
To quote Diddy, “it’s all fucked up now.” Seriously, and maybe it was just me, but after I saw that wild tranny cat, to me the whole show started to look gay.
And mind you this is coming from a cat that likes Diddy, but all this openly and subtle gay shit isn’t doing anything for those “Diddy runs his assistants under his desk” rumors that have been flying around for years.
Anyway, after I picked my jaw up off the floor and put an extra layer of clothing on to protect me from what I was seeing, I went back to the show. Standard Diddy shit. A bunch of hazing with cats who are way too overbearing.
Enters Kim. Shit talking, hand clapping, would be decent looking but for those extra 140 pounds she doesn’t need chick who most likely has at least two kids at home that she terrorizes whenever she can. Definitely interesting for the show, but the kind of person who just can’t get along with anyone. And don’t we know how this will go? She’s had a tough life. She’s always had to fight for what she got. So there is a hard exterior to hide those deep seeded issues she just can’t seem to shake that Diddy will help her to bring out on that treadmill. Right. Either that or she’s just an evil “chick” with nary a social grace or a shred of bitniz etiquette.
I do appreciate her “nilla” pleez expressions, aggressive hand gestures and over the top fuckery of all the other contestants. I know Kim “[you] aren’t here to make friends”. ha So I’m trying to get back into the show and I see them all running all over the city… And then it happens, I see it and turn directly to the lady on the couch and say, literally, “Why is the tranny running like a bitch?” Haaaaaa
Might have been a silly question, but that’s just how it came out. Dammit, I thought we were done with Omarosa. Running around the city, sittin extra high on some wild stilts, all sinched up and shit. Dammit. How did this happen? Honestly. This shit is a serious threat to me watching the show. Did yall hear that cat during those diary room joints? Crazy man. Ok, I’m done with the tranny dude. But just so we’re clear, I could literally go on forever with the gay mess that I saw on that episode. Seriously, chicks aside, there was more gay than straight (and yes, that’s the FIRST time I’ve had to refer to anything as “straight” in my life).
Hey, at least they put some eye candy up in the house, too. They’ve got pretty (enough) white girl.
Oh and extra fine latin heat named Georgette.
Yessir.
Oh yes indeedy. But sadly, that hater Kim chick conspired, along with extra swole, Harve Pierre looking Phil (Da Band?) to get the fine babes out the house. I guess they’ve got to completely kill all heterosexual energy in that camp.
I think they should have consulted with the big man before making that move. Damn shame too. Even this probably gay faced cat Rob didn’t quite get that elimination.
I know, I know…If you can’t say anything nice, just stop writing. Peace.
– Lake
Lake and I both got counted out last night where usually at least one of us is able to roll back in the ring to reset the ten count. During this brief break, please enjoy…a dude dancing all over the world.
You gotta love his commitment to that wild dance.
-Brock
Not to rain on our 1,000th post (word up to my boy Brock and all our readers), but post 1,001 refused to wait to present itself. Shouts to my girl DC Jabberz for putting me on to this. Anyway, this fool Cristiano Ronaldo of Manchester United fame just dumped his uber chick girlfriend Nereida Gallardo. WTF, we just posted on her international thickness and how bad the babe is, and now he’s handing her a pink slip? And while I generally steer clear of the too much gay shat for me site Perezhilton, I gotta give it up to them for this apropos pic on the situation:
Lol.. Pretty funny and yes, with Perez, you always get the gratuitious extra gay angle on every dude in the news. Anyway, I think ole Cris forgot who he was dealing with. I mean, this chick is up for baddest babe on the planet right now. Need I remind you?
My word… and more.
Jesus, talk about 31 flavors, but can she reverse it? Yall know the answer..
Help me father… Dude, either this cat is getting some premium yet to be discovered uber ass that I can’t even envision or this is one dumb mufucka. I don’t care what the chick did. I mean, short of her banging out Mini Me AND coming down with some incurable disease, you NEVER…EVER let this kind of asset go. Not for 5 years at least. I mean, dude.. this chick is AMAZING and damn near flawless.
Like, what else is there to happiness?
He’s got all the money he can spend. I mean, what does this cat what from the broad? And don’t forget, we have NSFW evidence that she’s certified bad to the bone!
Is her service in from the wing not up to snuff? Is her first touch a bit sloppy? Does she fail to make timely runs from the back? I mean, what could it be that this dude needs from a babe that she can’t supply?
On second thought… Forget that I asked. How do you say idiot in Portuguese?
– Lake
We don’t need this from him.
On second thought, we don’t need that from anybody.
And dude, you’re a big movie star, Jenny McCarthy? How very In Livin’ Color first season of you.
Dog, come on now, you’re better than that. Upgrade my man…
– Lake
Fine I know it isn’t Monday, but I’m out here in paradise so I’m a little late kill me. Hey Robin Lopez, you look like a crazy man.
This picture is of the moment that you reached your #1 goal in life. You are going to regret it 20 years from now when your son asks you what the hell you were thinking. Oh, and you jacked Joachim Noah’s swagger.
Let me repeat, you jacked Joachim Noah’s swagger. If you’re going to jack, at least pick a better role model.
-Brock
P.S. – I’ll be back to full capacity next week. Until the Lake is in control. That means you will see more tail between now and Friday than is probably healthy for most people.
Your boy Lake was out in the Streets of Boston Irish jigging and acting a damn fool for the better part of the night. As a result, I damn near killed myself. Yall know what’s going on in the world today and if you don’t here’s a rundown:
1. Big butts
2. Celts win
3. R. is still free
4. Lakers are some beyatches
5. Lake still has a fur coat
I’ve learned a lot of things in my life, but there are several absolute truths. I thought I’d share a few with you:
Food handed out in malls on toothpicks is always tasty.
The point of diminishing returns for Krispy Kreme doughnuts is exactly 2 1/2
And that is only if the “Hot Doughnuts Now” sign is on when you get them. If they aren’t hot, you can’t make it past two.
The point at which the taste of alcoholic beverages no longer matter is exactly 2 1/2 drinks.
If you eat a single of anything from a friend (1 cheetoe, one shrimp, one bite of ice cream) you will return to get an entire serving.
It will not taste as good.
Don’t trust any descriptor of a food that ends in ‘y’. Cheesy, Meaty, Creamy.
Because there is usually no real cheese, meat or cream involved. See, that joint is cheesy, meaty, crunchy, creamy, melty, toasty and just plain wrongy
Any man who uses the word “fabulous” more than once a day is gay…
unless you are actually Fabolous.
I take that back, maybe him too. That’s Gay Face if I’ve ever seen it.
Hoes, Strippers, Escorts, exotic dancers, street walkers, porn stars, and women who work in Vegas brothels all have the same job.
If you have a friend that uses “nahmean” all the time, more often than not, you will have no idea what he’s talking about.
You should always check out the links on Us Versus Them.
You should always read the comments at Us Versus Them.
If a song is remixed today, there is an 80% chance that Lil Wayne is on it.
Once there is moisture near a urinal, the “piss zone” will grow exponentially as every man that walks in afterwards must then try to arch the stream in the urinal from outside of the piss zone…which expands the size of the piss zone.
Every woman who read that just received way too much information.
-Brock
Daaaaamn. I honestly didn’t think they would last this long. The Spurs just got dethroned and the Lakers has survived the roughest Western Conference in recent memory to make it to the NBA Finals. Kobe has got to feel good turning this:
Into this:
And you know he wants nothing more than to do it without this.
You know Kobe can’t wait to prove he can win without Shaq. Although I don’t want to see it and Detroit will still win their series, I think if it is Lakers versus Boston in the NBA finals the universe might just explode as the time space continuum is ripped to shreds. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll watch it, as long as they don’t break out the short shorts again.
Terrible.
-Brock
Sharon Stone was kicking it in Cannes when someone caught her on the red carpet and asked her what she thought about the earthquakes in China. I guess Sharon ripped off some rant on how China’s actions against Tibet are wrong and that the earthquake that killed thousands of people is somehow karma coming back to punish the country.
Nice Sharon, as an actress your opinions on the metaphysical world and the forces beyond our control affect the universe. Great, thanks. Well if you believe in karma, you better watch out. Basic Instinct 2 really sucked. You can’t be done paying for that one.
Look Sharon. You’re still riding off of a moment in a movie where you unexpectedly showed your cooch 16 years ago. It’s probably time to go away.
-Brock
Us Versus Them 
