Archive for February, 2008

Is Hillary Serious with this Theme Song?

February 29, 2008

I know Hillary is pulling out all the stops for the campaign, but after Barack drops the hot Will.I.Am joint, Hillary comes back with this Latino flavored track.

Is it just me or did they jack that hook from the Dora the Explorer theme song? Also, is it authentic or racist that they had a cat sing the song with an accent so thick that her name came out “Hee-lary Cleeent-tawn”? You tell me.

Now you know Barack got the version that bumps in the club, right?

Como se dice…como se llama…Obama…Obama.

-Brock

Brady Quinn: Break Out the Vaseline

February 29, 2008

You know Brady Quinn is one of your favorite guys here at Us Versus Them. By “favorite guy”, I mean favorite guy to ridicule, favorite guy to point out as overrated, favorite guy to watch slide down the draft board, and favorite guy to look up on Google for pictures like this:

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Brady can’t throw,

and the Browns know,

so Brady gets lo, lo, lo lo, lo, lo….

Anyway, for those who haven’t heard, the Browns are negotiating hard to re-up with Derek Anderson as their starting QB. They’ve already got a $20 million dollar deal on the table. Brady, in case you still haven’t realized. you are not hot. That means you aren’t going to be the main focus of the Brown and Orange for a long, long time.

Seriously, even if Anderson gets hurt, when you are paying someone that much, there is no way to steal their job. Forget being Brett Favre, you just became Elvis Grbac. So Brady, when the team is out playing on the field, where will you be sitting?

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Don’t worry, they’ll keep the bench warm and the Gatorade cold.

-Brock

I Don’t Know Why I Love Stuff Like This

February 29, 2008

I’m really a sucker for people who take a popular song and do something like this to it.

You’ve got to at least let my man get to “those birthday cakes, they stole the show”.

I still hate T-Pain.

-Brock

Mason “Ma$e” Plumlee commits to Duke

February 28, 2008

Everybody knows that Duke has the horses on the perimeter to challenge any team in the nation.

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But to be honest, Duke fans were more than a little concerned when two years in a row our prime Big Man targets, Patrick Patterson and Greg Monroe, decided to play ball elsewhere.

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It didn’t help either that our rival, Chapel Hill State School of North Cakalina, made a big splash when they landed 5 big man prospects in the span of like 2 weeks.

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Anyway, with the cupboard bare for the class of 2008, Duke is looking to the class of 2009 to right the ship in the post. And I guess that project starts with Mason Plumlee.

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Huh?

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Better….

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Ah Ha! There’s our guy (far right). There’s the Duke swagger and feel you need. At least, it’s much closer than that first picture. Maybe Ma$e just needs to be around the fellas to look right…

Hey, I’m not hating on Mason. After all, the very second anyone becomes a Duke player, they immediately go into the “Us” category while everybody else is relegated to “Them” status. So really, I’m not anti Ma$e. But when you look at the scouting report on the dude he’s more of a Mike Dunleavy, Christian Laetner or Danny Ferry type of cat who prefers to float around the perimeter more than bang in the post. So really, he’s not a big man at all, just a tall guard. Now when you’re 6-11 and don’t really like to take it into the paint, people are bound to make comparison’s to Josh McBoberts errrr call you soft.

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I’m not saying he’s soft, I’m just saying homey needs to weigh more than 210 once he actually gets on campus. I don’t know. I just spoke to some stone cold Dukie bamas about Plumlee’s commitment and this was their reaction.

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Just kidding, no this was really their reaction:

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They didn’t quite get it. In response to criticism from the Duke faithful and haterz alike, Ma$on released this official statement early today:

Yo, check this out right
Plumlee on da rise
And you don’t want no problem with us guys, uh huh
M-A-dollar sign-E
And if you ever out tryin’ to find me
I think I should warn you
I get hard when I want to

Damn, let’s hope so..

– Lake

Assology 102: Rihanna Case Study

February 28, 2008

You know your boy Brock wouldn’t let you down. I promised I was going to the lab to develop my 2008 Assology curriculum and I’m back with Assology 102.

We need to take the lessons to the streets, apply what we’ve learned to the real world. The ladies can throw out some real curveballs on you so you’ve got to be prepared. Lake threw Rihanna in the mix last week with this picture.

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Well damn, that is hard to argue with right there. That waist to ass ratio is strong. Let’s go ahead and match that up with her album cover.

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I mean she leans all the way back into that boy to prop that thang up. All good, right? Not quite my friends, lets take a closer look.

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Awww naw, hail naw mang. What the hell is that? What happened? Here is the first principle of Assology: a single tuck does not make a great ass. I mean the set up coming out of the waist is phemonenal, but damn that finish is terrible. You gotta stick the landing, you gotta finish what you started, you gotta tuck that ass back in! I mean those legs are silky smooth like the negative arse chick.

For the math freaks out there, the proper ass to waist ratio can be found with the following formula A>1.64W, where A=ass, W=waist and A does not exceed 2.1W. Angel Lola Luv, I’m coming for you with my tape measure.

Can I get a glute, can I get a crease, can I get a hamstring? What does a properly tucked ass look like? Vida, can you come out here please?

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Don’t get me wrong, like our drunk cousin h8torade likes to say…when it comes to Rihanna, I’d hit it. Chris Breezay and his sthpesshial star tattoo ain’t got nothing on Brock. By time I got done she might have a double tuck. But that ass ain’t all right. Chris Rock doesn’t care though, he’d hit it too.

-Brock

====================Update====================

‘Bout time Brock got back to work!!!!  We don’t give you that much vacation.

Damn, that one pic with the lean back should be called “good ass gone missing”.. WTF?  Maybe she does rock the ass pads, because she’s looking Grrrrrrrrrrreat in that Forest Green number.   What you need to add to your analysis is whether there is a link between the her missing ass syndrome and her chronic inability to dance!  I mean, I aint never seen a chick with ass who can’t dance and I aint eva seen a babe from the Carribean that can’t dance.  Two strikes.  Chris Brown may in fact be hitting it right, but just because he’s rocking it like “the hit maker” doesn’t mean she’s brining that thunder, ether physically or metaphysically (I said it!)….

Classic Material: 2Pac

February 28, 2008

Hey I don’t know how long this is going to be on YouTube, but this joint was crazy back in the day.  “How Do You Want It?” already featured K-Ci and Jo Jo of Jodeci, but Pac also made two videos.  One was racy, but clean.  The other let you know that the entire video was cast with porn stars.  Uhhhh, this joint has to be a youtube use violation, but get it while it’s hot.  This is Not Safe For Work.  You heaarrrrrd me?

Heather Hunter was pretty hot too.  (By the way, you want to know how to tell if you are a porn star?  If you google yourself with safe search on, and you get less than a third of the results that you get when you search with safe search off…you’re probably a porn star)

I wanted to throw up that “No More Pain” also, it features Lake’s favorite line to drop in the club.  “Hands on yo hips, no time for bullshit, freaky bitch come give me kiss”.  Beyond that the flow is actually pretty sick too, he rides that beat on this joint with technique that is waaaaay ahead of his time.

-Brock

UvT Sports: Does Anyone Still Play in the East?

February 28, 2008

Well Damn, the NBA trade deadline was on its way and people in the West lost their damn mind.  Seriously, I haven’t seen people re-up this hard since Avon Barksdale had those packets dropping out of the windows of Baltimore.  It all started when Pau Gasol got traded to the surprisingly decent Lakers. When Bynum comes back, they are going to give people matchup fits. Bynum, Odom and Gasol on the frontline with Kobe in the backcourt? Three cats who are above 6’9″? Two of which can handle the rock from anywhere?

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I don’t know if they can hold it together over a 7 game series, but damn, they’re gonna be tough.

Well I guess that raised some questions in everyone else’s mind also. Because the Phoenix Suns went on ahead and got big Shaq Diesel, The Mavericks picked up Jason Kidd, the hornets picked up Bonzi Wells, and the Spurs picked up Kurt Thomas. Kurt Thomas? Sounds boring, but someone needs to use up their fouls on Shaq, Pau, Dirk and all those other beasts in the West.

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Like my man young aRa Chay in ATL says, Shaq just doesn’t look right in that Suns uniform.  I’d rather see him in the old school Orlando pimp stripes again.

Meanwhile in the East, the Pistons picked up Juan Dixon? Seriously? I guess when 60% of your starting lineup is on the All-Star team, you don’t need much help, but damn Joe Dumars, you can come stronger than that. Okay, in the East the big news is that the Cavs picked up Ben Wallace, Joe Smith (didn’t we ask why the hell he was still in the league last season?) Wally freaking Szerbiak and Delonte West. Fine, Delonte West isn’t that exciting, but that ought to balance out the Cavs nicely. The Bulls basically get Drew Gooden and Larry Hughes..which is swahili for “the opportunity to start scrapping and rebuilding their team right now”. (By the way, why the hell aren’t they good with Heinrich, Deng, Gordon and Duhon again?) And the Sonics got their hands on as many expiring contracts as they could.  Great, that will fill the seats, I’m sure Kevin Durant is really happy about that.  Kevin, how do you feel about that trade?

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Yeah, I feel you bro.

All I know is that I’m scared to hook my NBA Live 2008 to the internet now, I don’t know who plays any damn where right now. By the way, why don’t they ask if I actually want to update my roster? I remember the good old days when I can fire up my old ass version of NBA Live and know that when I fire up the ’96 Bulls, I know exactly what I’m getting. On PS3, I loaded up the Boston Celtics on the wrong date and I had no KG, Big Baby Davis wasn’t on the already short bench, and there were about three backups to choose from. That’s not fun. I don’t want to be a GM, in fact, I don’t even want to have to manage fatigue, I want to grab starters like it is a damn all star game and go from there. I don’t want to watch the Pistons bench play basketball, and I damn sure don’t want to play with them on the video game I own. That shit is my property, it needs to go ahead and cater to my needs.  In fact, I want to play with a cross league, time warp version of the all star team. You know 2007 Kobe, 2001 Shaq, 2004 Kevin Garnett, 2006 Steve Nash, and a non back injury 2003 Tracy McGrady. Nasty squad right?

Phoenix actually looks nasty with Shaq hustling when he is in the game, but how long can that actually last? Dallas should be decent too. The Lakers should actually be able to make noise and go deep into the playoffs.  Oh yeah, and the Spurs are still the Spurs.  Out East the Pistons, Cavs and Celtics should be the front runners by a long shot.

-Brock

Chris Brown & Rihanna Get Matching Neck Ink

February 27, 2008

Can someone explain to me why any man would ever get a matching tattoo with a chick (we can just stop the analysis here), even worse, ON HIS NECK?! WTF? Sounds crazy right? Well that’s what they’re saying Chris Brown did with his “Boo” Rihanna. Incidentally, if you’re a man and have ever called a chick your “boo,” you’re a real bullshit cat.

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No lie, and this may be fake, but they’re saying these are the matching tattoos Rih Rih and Chris Brown got.

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What was Chris thinking with those Stars tats? What, floating hearts were taken? Dude, if you’re going to go with the sensitive couples tat, let her get the picture of her poodle and you get that big ole bulldog. Or let her get the soft cross and you get that extra aggressive one. Don’t get some rising stars cascading directly under your neck line. I mean, Rih Rih can cover that up with one of her many weaves eeeeerrr with her hair style, but Chris Brown has to just live with that for eternity or worse, try to cover it up with an even more ridiculous piece of neck art. Horrible idea for so many reasons. Oh well, people call him a hit maker, not a genius so it figures that he’d make tactical errors like this. Hey, at least he’s hittin…..

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I hope. Anyway, back to you Tat lovers, let me just ask you… Where are you going with the Tat on the neck piece?

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Isn’t that pretty much a career ending move? I mean, when you go with the tat on the neck, you’ve basically put a set events into motion that will shape the rest of your life and not in a good way. Once you go there, you’ve basically committed to a degenerate lifestyle from there on out.

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When was the last time you saw a cat getting tatted up on his neck the week before he started law school? Nah, it’s more common to see a cat getting that neck work done the week before he’s going to jail! Or if you freaks are already in the clink, you may want to get that work done the week before you commit that heinous act that will put you in solitary confinement for a clean 8 months.

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Nah, you’re either going to be a Rock/Rap Star, a pro skateboarder, a working professional athlete or a cat working minimum wage jobs from now until the end of time. Seriously, would you let Tattoo on the Neck Guy prepare your legal documents? Hell no. Would you let him prepare you taxes? I wouldn’t. Look, I don’t even want Tat ‘Pon The Neck Guy delivering my pizza because in order to do that he’s gotta know where I live and that aint cool.

Look at these freaks! Incidentally, when did Out of Control Tat Guy join forces with Extra large Earring Guy?

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Sheeeeeeeiit, this dude went so far as to have some breast implants put into his tattoo of a woman on his leg!!!! Now that’s dedication….and pretty f*cking crazy I might add.

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Too much. And yes the tat did get infected, so he had to deflate his J’d out leg…Too much.

– Lake

Jimmy Kimmel responds to Sarah Silverman

February 26, 2008

I’m sure you all saw the hilarious “I’m Fucking Matt Damon” skit Sarah Silverman did for her boyfriend Jimmy Kimmel. Well, Jimmy went ahead and dropped his response the other night after the Oscars. I generally don’t find Jimmy all that funny, though that unnecessary censorship thing he does is pretty good, but this is solidly funny. Enjoy.

Remember when Chris Rock dissed the shit out of Jimmy for being unfunny after he got his own late night show? Tough.

– Lake

I told Brock this chick wasn’t right

February 26, 2008

And I told yall that Christina Aguilera’s baby aint gonna be right if he’s drinking from these silicone mountains.

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That stage right breast piece aint sittin right. Ladies out there considering throwing some D’s on it or even throwing some C’s… just take note that this is not the kind of freak we’re looking for. Someone call social services to ensure that baby aint sippin on her HGH globes.

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Just another reason to say “Go Red Sox..”

– Lake

————–UPDATE——————-

Awwwww damn!  I thought that was all baby love in there.  That blue veined look is never hot.  I mean that right J looks like it is from a small town called left tittay and it’s feeling homesick.

-Brock