Change Has Come: Evolutionary Thickness Right Before Our Eyes

People want to hate on my message, but I know there’s a movement in this country.  Yes, all over this nation, millions of women are saying, “Yes We Can,” but I’m not talking about Barack Obama, oh no ma’am.  I’m talking about these thick white chicks that are showing themselves, day in and day out, like X-Men or something.  It’s a true revolution and if you ask me, the future of my race:

My word.  And them draws coming up out of ole girl’s jeans.  Killer.  This is that wild Melissa from Making the Band and the Pussy Cat Dolls show.  Let me tell you, Puff should have taken her for real.  She’s got waaaay better tools than Aubrey.  Speaking of Aubrey, let’s roll some of her recent work.

Not bad.  Do they provide coke on set?

Now I can’t lie.  She does look good.  That vacant, “I’m high and I just jumped off a mic check” always gets the job done.  But didn’t Puff tell her to change that “ho-ish” image up?

Oh yeah.  That’s extremely classy.  And can anyone tell me how many ass cheeks and coochie cuts have been up and down that thing?  Of course, I’m talking about her tongue!  Dammit, I can’t lie.  Topless, licking the pole, J’s sitting on dubbs, thank you lil brother (intern) may I have another?

Wow…  Maybe the tide is turning on this chick.  Though she hasn’t quite mad that evolutionary shift, she’s looking might right…I can’t even lie.

– Lake

Beyonce Makes One Thick Cop

Damn. Those government issue pants don’t leave anything to the imagination.

In other news, Jay-Z has reportedly just been inspired to remake N.W.A.’s classic “Fuck tha Police”.

-Brock

Is Janet Jackson Still Bad?

Here are some pics from her new concert:

She’s still got the dance moves…

Her side profile game is tight.  Got a nice little tuck in there.  Those calves are thick on em too.  Although I’m starting to think that waist plate is as much functional as it is decorative.

Awwwwwwwww.  What’s up with the knee brace game?  That ain’t sexy!  It’s over Janet, I can’t believe it’s really over.  What about the good times we had?  The Rolling Stone cover.  Your freaky “velvet rope” period.  It was so good.  I’m just going to pretend you still look like this…and that this picture wasn’t photoshopped.

Yeah, that’s how I like it baby.  By the way, I don’t care if she’s lost a step…Jermaine Dupri still ain’t hitting it right.

-Brock

Sexy Olympian of the Day: Lolo Jones

That’s right, it is time for another post with theme music.  Feel free to watch the video, but this isn’t all about the music.

This is about Lolo Jones.  First of all, I just love the name.

She also runs the hurdles. So she’s unusually in shape and flexible.  Sure, she had to gold wrapped up until the 90m when she clipped that hurdle, but Lolo, I want to know you are still all good with me.  Once you’ve recovered, call your boy Brock and I’ll help you work on through the pain.  Of course we’ll keep it on the lo lo.

Anyone not down with Lolo Jones?  Check this out.

Yeah.  Let me tell you, I don’t need anymore than that right there.  Angle 2?

Like Rick James said in my all time favorite song, Fire and Desire it was paaaaaaain be. fore. pleasuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrre.  She’s giving the eyes right there.

You can’t complete the analysis without street clothes.  Now this looks like the kind of girl who makes all gear look like athletic gear.  But that thigh work is impressive.  I’d like to see some jeans here, but I’ll take it.  I don’t know why she’s getting her Beastmaster on with that squirrel, but I’ll let it slide.

As a parting shot, just to go with the theme music.

Next thing you know, shawty got lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo.

Shout to H8torade…I’d hit it.

-Brock.

Ashanti’s “Good Good”

In honor of the ladies of Us Versus Them, I’m kicking off black women’s appreciation.  We will start with Ashanti in her “Good Good” video.

I know this is her video, and she has the magic of editing on her side here, but she’s getting her regular chick sexy on right now.  I mean she’s working that thickness.  And she’s talking about her “good good”, can’t beat that.

Sure there is some retouching going on here, but this is about as bad as you can ever ask for right here.  Does it get better than that?

Now I don’t know when this pic was taken, I don’t know when Ashanti was this slimmed out, but she is bangin right here too.  Nelly and his country ass knows what he’s doing.

I know why you’re always smiling now homey.  How did she feel about that Tip Drill video?  I know, I know.  Why am I bringing up old shit?  My bad.

-Brock

Thick Amanda Cicchini: The Saga Continues

Boy, I was just chillin out, reading up on my UvT when I saw Brock’s post on that wild Amanda Cicchini. Ohhh wee, that chick is tight.  I don’t know about yall, but this is the one that got me:

Yessir, I must finally be feeling that hippie vibe, because this shot makes a mufucka wanna go green, ya dig?  Then one of our readers put me onto some more pics that I just had to share.  Like to here they go:

Yeah, first you gotta start with that solid soccer pic.  You know that one that really shows you were all that thick came from.  All that cutting, change of direction and running around.  Sheeit, it’s true what they say, what doesn’t thicken you up, will make you stronger.  Soccer is good on the thigh.  Goes together like peas and carrots.

Now see, I really like this shot.  Reminds me of a fine wine.  So many textures and perfectly complex, ya know.  That bouquet is smooth and fulfilling, but that finish is fantabulous with hints of New Yawk City Sorta-Rican.  Sheeit, Cheetara of Thundercats fame would be proud of that posterior.  And the tight black pants?  A gift from above.  I’m not sure who introduced those to the broader public, but by my count it’s been a gift that’s been giving since about ’95.  I appreciate it.

Damn, is this chick fit or not?!  Wow, look at that waist piece.  I know, I know, the tail went into hiding like a frightened turtle.  Who knows, maybe she was going extra hard on the cardio, because this babe is clearly very intimate with the gym.  But please note the omnipresent thigh piece.  I mean, you sop them sumbitches up with some gravy, a biscuit and some slaw and you’re pretty much set for the night.  And maybe it’s just me, but the cheesier the expression/hair, the more attractive this kind of chick is to me.  I love that face she’s making, it just says “I’m ready for a classy evening of Madd Dogg 20/20 preceded by some Applebees.”  Right?

Damn, it’s official.  I just start from those terrible sandals and work my way up.

You know, I always feel bad for the other thick in these pics.  Like how must it feel to know that a bunch of cats are looking at your girl and NOT looking at you, except when they want to make a side crack about how much you’re NOT like little Ms. Thickness rubbed up against you.  I guess it’s just collateral damage, but still I thought I should just mention.  Ah, one more:

Very nice.  This babe just gives you what you want and need in the modern era of thick white chicks.  I like her a lot and in honor of her and the great state of West Virginia, I’ll fire up “Country Roads, Take Me Home” in honor of them legs and that ass.

– Lake

Amanda Cicchini: The New Thickness

As promised Us Versus Them is here to keep you on the cutting edge of crazy bodies out there in college sports.  We brought you Allison Stokke, we brought you Megan Ohai, and now we may have the baddest one yet.  Amanda Cicchini.

The soccer field is delivering right now because Cicchini is playing out there in West Virginia.  I know it is a small pic, nothing special, right?  Let’s see what she’s talking about in those street clothes.

Cute Girl, good face, but it looks like she’s working too hard to poke the booty out on this one.  Those thighs are setting up for greatness though.

PlaDOW.  Good lawd.  Look, she’s definitely putting a little extra twist on it, but she definitely knows exactly what she’s working with.  That hook might be the most serious I’ve ever seen on one of Lake’s cousins.  I mean from this angle you might be tricked into thinking that the ass in big because the back cheek is supplementing the front cheek.  But here, the ass cheeks are both clearly defined.

Whaaaaaaa…and she’s a freak too?

I know I’m doing too much now, but I just can’t stop.  She’s trying to tuck that waist in extra tight to prop that tail out.  I’m not mad at her though.

Not the playboy bunny too.  I need some more of these right here.  That black dress is locked in tight.  There is too much shadow going on here, but look at where that hand is and how much black dress there in on the right hand side of that joint.  Man.  Miss Cicchini, I expect great things from you.  Don’t let me down.

-Brock

Allison Stokke Update: New Pics Still Bring the Thunder

Allison Stokke is a mainstay here at Us Versus Them.  For those of you who don’t know, she is a pole vaulter who is now on the Cal track team doing her thing.  The only problem is that she’s incredibly hard to catch up with.  Seriously.  She’s not listed on the team site for the Cal Bears.  No bio, they took down the team poster, no candids or action shots of her on the site.  We need to send out an intern to start watching Pac-10 track and field or we will never get any pics again.  But you know we take good care of you here at UvT.

Man, it really starts at the thighs here.  She can try to pull down those shawt shawts all she wants, it’s not going to help, you can still see that she’s working with something.

You can even bring it in close.  She’s still tight too.  Stomach great, shorts tight.  Can we work the profile?

Is that the first clean Stokke profile ever?  She’s got that Skrong booty.  You can tell it is more training than genetics…not much though.  I’d call it 60/40.

Angle 2 of the profile starts to make me question it.  The thighs are still thick, the tail piece clearly sets up, but it isn’t phenomenal.  Did Stokke lose a step?

My bad.  Forget I ever said anything.  Good Lawd.  That is the triple tuck right there.

But Wait!  A NEW CHALLENGER APPROACHES!

Who is this young, fresh challenger for the Stokke throne?  She’s an athlete, and trust me there’s a LOT more where this came from.  The assologist won’t let you down.  More tomorrow…

-Brock

Thick White Woman Alert: USC Soccer Star Megan Ohai

All I know is that somebody needs to check the post count ‘for he be talking about Lake falling down on the job. Hey, Lake don’t blog unless it’s for a worthy cause. I aint been inspired, so like Oran Juice Jones, “Instead I chilled“. Ya dig? But bumping around the net today, I saw something that did catch my eye. Dats right, another thick white woman gone public. Meet Megan Ohai, an All-American soccer star from Utah (they got thickness in Utah?) who now makes her home at USC:

Pedestrian you say? “Yeah, so what” you quip? Sure, but have you familiarized yourself with angle 2?

And in case you’re wondering, I’m not talking about the emaciated zebra on the left. Nah, we’re hunting big game at usversusthem. And what I love about this chick is that she reminds me so much of babes I grew up with. You know the ones. Back in the day they were dissed for being “boxy” or “bulky”. Basically they were dissed for being that softball girl we all knew.

That’s right, I don’t buy that the new white girl ass is really all that new. Nah, it’s just out, exposed and celebrated now for all to see. Remember our Cheerleader friend from Indiana University (NSFW and ALL)?

One version of the previously underground thick white chick was this same highly coordinated and athletic type who had to do everything she could to keep that fat and unappreciated ass out of harms way lest she be tormented and persecuted for her beneath(s). Consequently, dat ass had to go stealth with a series of button ups, long tees and sweaters. It was hidden, along with the advanced thigh, so that the closest you ever got to seeing the goods was this:

Uh huh. See the KFC thigh? See the arched up back piece and the nebulous wonder twins activating up under the hook? See, if you can’t see it, it’s because you just don’t have an eye for it. I know, I was once like you. I couldn’t appreciate it. I had to have it spelled out for me. But now I see a pic like the one above, engage my Lake-Ray vision and see all the possibilities, namely:

Hello! Hot dammit and yes you do have to take away a quarter point for the excessive lean, but hey, it’s all good. And you know what really hilarious about this pic? Look at ole zebra trying to pull her ass out like she’s sittin on them thangs, poor thing. I think Weezy said it best in A Milli:

You’re like a (chick) with no ass, you aint got shit!

And that bemused look on her face, that’s what happens when you realize that a revolution has started up, but you’re not on board. It’s the same face Ole Mayne McCain had when President Obama was rocking the house in Berlin (incidentally, if cats in Germany have Obama-mania, given their wild history, don’t you pretty much think it’s a wrap for John Boy?).

It’s the look of defeat. She knows she can’t compete. Oh and I know what the true connoisseurs of the lady are thinking, “Ok, she’s got the arse, but what about the rest of her, I mean, I can live with a semi butterface, after all we all have at one point or another, but what about the front Lake, wuz up with THAT?”… I got you homies. But I must say, my findings are mixed. Here we have skrong athletic belly.

Which is very cool, by the way, ole Petra Cotton tail over there looks kinda cute, but that outfit looks like a Spencer’s gifts special, ok? Just terrible dude. But then once you go to that angle 1.5, it starts to get a lil dicey for young Meg.

I know, I know, I just don’t know women’s bodies and every woman has that little pooch. Maybe, but how can I discern the pooch from the suck in?

I own know. I suspect we just caught her in the off season, because this shot right ‘chere is juuust about right if you account for thick white woman arse credentials and a KFC bloodline on them legs:

And I do repeat, if you’re not working but with one thang below the waist, you’re just not living your life right guys. Trust me, you gotta learn to work a chick like this. Now see, I bet some dude named ‘Kirk’ is bullshittin on this babe right now. Cat aint touched a thigh, has yet to tenderize that rump…I mean, just has no clue.

How do I know that, because I was once that way. Us white dudes, we keep it old school until someone shows us the light. It’s pretty basic. You start at the J, then you let her focus on you, then you just go straight in for the smash.

It’s a damn shame too. Now that I’m an old school player, I’d be firing up the Kingsford on some slow roast with this babe. You can’t let that fire burn too hot, gotta let it marinate my nillaz. Don’t worry, stick with me, I’ll learn ya.

– Lake

Ashanti is Still Thick, Bless Her…uhhhh Heart

Dude, I know I’ve been hard on the ladies of late, but I have to pay homage to the au natural goodness of Ashanti one more gin.

Dude, it’s them thighs. Toned up like Big Brown at Belmont waiting on inevitability. I mean, it’s like I’m playing the role of Pookie from New Jack City “cuz they just be calling me and calling me…. I gotta go to it.”

Uhhhhh, I’mma need a drink over here!!!!! Lordy hep meh. From the look on her face, I think dat ass surprised her as much as it did me. Dude, it’s just packed in there tight and right. I mean, this babe is a fine oiled machine right about now. “It’s lovely and I love it (Wu Tang, It’s Yourz)”.

You know what I love most about Ashanti? The consistency. I mean, she always delivers, because it’s the same script, different outfit. She’s gonna stay thick, we know that. She’s gonna hit you with the extra aerobicized KFC thigh piece and then she’s going to give you that all important lean back. I mean, every single string of pics has the patented Ashanti lean back. It’s like the steady and dependable tupperware patented burp seal system to lock in that freshness. Ashanti will ALWAYS give you that angle three lean to compliment the head on and the “look at my azz, yes it’s still thick and right” turn around joint. I love Ashanti!

– Lake

———UPDATE————–

I just noticed.  The funniest thing about this picture is the fact that she is standing in front of promotional photos of herself and the thighs just aren’t the same.  She is photoshopped on up and slimmed out in the back.  The best part?  I prefer the real thickums on Ashanti in person.  She might not want to stand in front of fake Ashanti in the future.