Archive for the ‘Barack Obama’ Category

Republican Family Values: John Mac Chooses Ice Milf With Issues

September 2, 2008

Who knew so much could happen over such a short period of time. I’m a bit behind given my 5 day weekend and you’d essentially have to be living under a damn rock to have missed this, but to counter Barack Obama’s 38 Million Viewers on Thursday night, John McCain announced Sarah Palin as his running mate.

Jeez.  Where do I start?  When I heard they picked the Governor from Alaska, I was pretty much shocked, then confused, then honestly, I just laughed. One thing I really appreciate about the Republicans is how disrespectful they are to those whom they claim to actually represent.  It’s not that they think Americans are stupid, they KNOW we are and continue to act like it.  In some weird way, I like that about them.  But even most of my Republican friends admitted to me that they didn’t see this Harriet Myers special 2.0 coming.  Sarah Palin?  The chick hasn’t been in the Governor’s mansion for more than 20 months and already she’s under investigation for trying to fire her sister’s ex hubby, but she’s “Ready To Lead Amurica with integrity”?  Puulease…  I mean, who’s running that campaign over there, the Tranny from I Want To Work For Diddy?

First, Barack Obama starts whipping your ass in the polls, so McCain and company put their thinking caps on and come up with the concept that he’s “too popular to lead.”

Perfect.  That makes sense.  A cat who is trying to gain in popularity so he can win an election is now getting criticized for being popular.  I completely get that.  Next they cook up this tasty VP choice which is one part Republican Family Values play, one part Hillary Femi-Nazi pandering.

Right, because those pro Hillary women aren’t going to get that Palin basically stands in stark opposition to each and every position Hillary Clinton holds.  Nah, they just care that she’s rolling with breasts and a vagina….Come on now, she’s Pro Igloo, Anti Abortion Rights, Anti Sex Education (even though her daughter takes more Nordic Dack than a female Moose in heat), Pro Winter, Anti Seal and Pro Gun!  How’s that going to motivate Hillary Democrats?  Oh no, I know, they think that men are suddenly going to forget that they’re sexist and vote for her because she’s got such solid Milf appeal, right?

(Maybe it’s just me, but something aint right about this chick in the eyes)

And hell no I’m not impressed that she was the second runner up in the “Miss Alaska Beauty Pageant” back in the 80’s.  She’s decent looking, no question, but did yall see who actually won the crown that year?

Let’s face it, it’s Alaska.  The standard aint that high.  Borat had tighter hoes back home than Carlos Boozer ever saw before he went to college.  Plus, the babes have to stay inside half the damn year.  Trust me, they aint just burning whale blubber and eating baby seal to keep warm, either.  Shoot, I knew a chick from Alaska in college and all she wanted to go is get freaky.  Shit, sex is more popular in Alaska than hockey pucks, ice fishing and meth all combined.  That’s why Palin has 4 errr 5 kids and her daughter has 2 errrr 1 errrr a baby on the way.

That’s right, her 17 year old daughter, Bristol Palin, you know the one who is benefiting from all those advanced “prayer based” forms of contraception, has allowed Jesus, with the help of her boyfriend “Twig,” to place an original sin inspired brick of Chunky Monkey in her belly piece and if you believe the blogs out here, this aint the first time either.

That Belly bump on the far right is no joke. Hey Bristol, just a little advice, when you live in Alaska where there is 24 hours of darkness for 4 months straight, “girl Imma make luv to you to the break of dawn” might not be such a good motif to go by.

And now they’re on that, “she’s in the process of marrying her boyfriend”..   Oh course she is.  After all, nothing says “conservative values” like doubling down on an already fucked up situation by marrying the pimpled-faced, Igloo Eagle Scout who knocked you up in the first place.

Ha, supposedly this is the dude right here.  Oh yeah, he’s definitely got that “I’m about to marry that 17 year old chick I don’t really like because her mom needs me to in order to justify her ‘do as I say, not as I do’ political agenda.”  It’s all in the eyes, he’s ready to do his duty for Amurica.  AHNT

I know, I know, this Palin choice was “fully vetted” and you GOP types were there when ole Twig was laying that Alaskan lumber to young Bristol.  You knew all along that because of her mom’s political views, she’d be forced into the international spotlight as the very personification of your hypocritical and ineffective policy positions.  Yep, she too is ready to take that bullet for Amurica…riiiight.  haaaa

Even Cindy thinks you fuked this one up buddy.

All I can say is that I know for damn sure the Republicans are lucky Hurricane Gustav hit the Gulf Coast today and provided a little cover.  Shiiiiit, that gave them the time they needed to get their stories straight.  Did you see how quickly they canceled all their shit?  Kind of reminded me how quick I was back in my school days to let someone else present first when I knew good and well I hadn’t done shit for that science project.  Oh they’ll tell you they knew about this all along, but saying you knew a 17 year old was preggers is just a bold faced lie.

One thing that’s for sure, this guarandamntees that I’ll be watching Gov. Palin’s speech this week.  Let me guess what she’ll say, this is “a family matter” and her family “needs time to deal with this, blah, blah blah, prayer, this isn’t political, but MY DAUGHTER IS KEEPING THE BABY because we respect life!!!!” haaaaaaa   I love it.

You know what the Republicans should do?  Keep Palin, dump McCain and nominate R. Kelly for President of the United States.

Now hold on, just think about it.   It’d be all pandering, all the time.  After all, is there a more religious man than R?  Shoot, Jesus stays up in his songs, so the religious right will be happy.  Then you’d be able to run him to black folks like he’s that viable alternative to Barack…right?  That ought to make this historic run even more classy….  Then, and this is the kicker, we know he likes them young girls, so he’s literally be able to bang out Palin’s daughter “til the break of dawn,” six months of darkness or not!  And that’s before he offered to keep her warm while “piss on you” played in the background, right?  What, no go?  ha

– Lake


Are her kids really named Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper, and Trig?  Jeez.  Those sound like Paint colors…or wood finishes.  What were Saddle, Rumpus, Vault, Rudder and Twist already taken?  Are these kids or Transformers?  This is great.  The only better thing would be if the pregnant one was Piper.  No, not because Piper is 7.  Because a pregnant teen named Piper is funnier.  You know nominal presidposition to actually getting “piped”.  My Bad.


Barack Did It

August 29, 2008

Shout out to Barack Obama for accepting the Democratic Nomination last night.

This is a moment in history that most people didn’t think America was ready for.  Barack seized the moment and delivered eveything anyone could have possibly asked for.  He acknowledged the history, he addressed the issues, he set the prime moments of his agenda, he drew a stark difference between himself and McCain.  And yes, I will be watching the Republican convention next week to see what they have to say.  I fully expect to see more of this.

Fuck Fox News.


Barack to Hillary: YES I DID!!!!

August 28, 2008

Not sure if any of you remember the scene from Friday where Smokey’s mom punks Craig for slamming her screen door hard, gives him that evil eye and then gets back on the phone and laughs her ass off talking about “HAAAAAAA, YES I DID”… LOL.  Dude, it’s fucking hilarious.  Well, when I saw this picture of Barack looking at Hilly C. give her pro-Barack so I can run in 4 to 8 years speech, I immediately thought about his saying that:

Haaaaaa, the expression on his face is priceless.  Nuff respek by the way to Hillary for her classy speech, now if she can get her nation of non leg and under arm shaving Hilla-Nazis to and vote for Obama because guess what, YOU AINT GOT NO ONE ELSE TO VOTE FOR!

Yes He Can, but don’t fool yourselves into thinking it’s gonna be easy.  I had a few people tell me today that “he’s too this and too that” and “oh by the way his church this and his wife that.”  Let me give you all a translation for 80% of the Barack criticism:

“Barack is black and thus I will not vote for him, thanks.”

If you don’t realize that this is a major factor in this race, you’re an idiot. Let’s hope for all our sake he can overcome it.  And no that’s NOT me holding that sign.  I love Middle Amurica…”U.S.A.  U.S.A.”  ahnt

– Lake

I Just Watched Michelle Obama’s Speech

August 25, 2008

Very impressive.

Michelle is the real article and those daughters are truly adorable.  You might want to keep the mic out of little Sasha’s hand.  I mean, don’t get me wrong, she’s cute and it’s all good, but Barack had that “what is this girl gonna say next” look to him when he came up on that tv screen.  I like it though.  Yes We Can.  F*ck McCain W. Bush.

– Lake

Oh hell no: Racist Obama T-Shirts in NYC

July 17, 2008

Look, I don’t advocate violence.  Well, actually I do.  But this cat right here, Apollo Braun, who is selling these T shirts out of his Manhattan store, YES, I said Manhattan, as in, NEW YORK CITY, needs a chin-checking.

This is what this cacksucker had to say about his “design”:

For a lot of people, when they see Obama, they see a slave. People think America is not ready for a black president.  I can’t stand Obama,   That’s the only thing I like about him is that he’s black. He opens the door for other minorities.  He reminds me of Adolf Hitler.  He’s a Muslim.

This cat Apollo is Israeli born and obviously doesn’t quite get this whole race in America thing.  Oh but he’s gonna learn and my guess is that he’ll learn very quickly.  This aint the West Bank where you can just roll a tank over a dude with hate in his heart and a rock in his hand.  You fuck around like this and cats will legitimately fuck you up.

That was a WILD video by the way.

I can’t believe ANYBODY, let alone this Olive Oil looking mufucker would have the balls to peddle these shirts in NYC of all places.  And yes, so dumb ass grad student got her ass beat and spit on (good) for rocking the $69 “Obama Is My Slave” shirt.  Now it’s one thing to sell the shirts, but who actually buys these joints?  And if you buy one, what would make you think you could EVER actually rock the thing?  I hate to say it, but it must be a foreign cat who either doesn’t speak the language or who literally doesn’t know anything about America, right?

And the New Yorker thought that people would get the “irony” of their cover.

We would hope that the American public would get that it’s satire.  Right, that’s why the “American Public” reelected Bush and is apparently rolling around with Obama Slave shirts.  Idiots.  He’s got other ones in his store too:

“Jews Against Obama”

“Obama = Hitler”

“Who Killed Obama”

Jesus.  I just hope for his sake that he just catches that stiff ass whoopin, lest I have to start marketing my own pre shrunk vintage cotton crew neck tee with this cat’s picture and the inscription:

“Who Killed This Stupid Mufucka” on the front and “Who Gives a Shit” on that back. Ya dig?

And while we’re at it, “Apollo”?  All I know is this fool best throw in the towel.

Just fucking terrible, top to bottom and proof positive that some things just can’t be talked or reasoned out.  Civility can only take you but so far.

– Lake

Old Mayne McCain Has a Senior Moment…AGAIN

July 11, 2008

Some might think it’s too obvious and cheap to talk about McCain’s “Viagra Problem” given his old age, but I’m not above any of it.

Anyway, the old dude got stumped on a question from a reporter he talks to everyday on his “straight talk airplane” or whatever he calls it. The topic wasn’t complex universal health care restructuring or prescription drug reform..nah, it was why Congress generally and McCain specifically voted to make Viagra available for health care coverage while oral contraception was not. Watch the old guy begin to melt under the pressure.

Ok, is that the cat you want with his finger on the button? I think he got knocked over the head with one too many bamboo sticks in ‘Nam or something. Somebody get this cat a Boost or Ensure before he has to answer a question next time. And did you guys see that cat’s hand? Joint looked like the Crypt Keeper meets Aqua Man.

The scary thing is that I couldn’t tell if dude just blacked out on the issue for a second or if he just side stepped a potential land mine. Hey John, in case you don’t know the answer to that question, I’ll give it to you:

Viagra was made available by Congress, because the religious freaks in this country that lobby for their “faith based initiatives” don’t mind hitting the pharmacy when the good Lord has decided that ole Jeb from “da bible belt” doesn’t need to plant his seed in his old lady/cousin any longer. See, that’s when it’s ok to use science and technology. After all, ‘Git’n her Done is an inalienable God given right…right? But preventing teenagers and other women from getting preggers in the first place…well, “dats jus- unnatural, like Marilyn Manson, Barry Bond’s home run record and the rap muzic.”

Dude, why don’t we just give the election to Obama right now.

McCain might not even make it to November at this rate. The cat is just too old, too stiff (is it me or does it seem like the cat can’t lift his arms above his breast plate?), and too damn weak on basic issues. I mean, he made Bush…BUSH, look like George Washington in that interview. This cat makes John Kerry look Jesse “The Mind” Ventura out here.

Obama in 4 (games, months…whatever…jeez)

– Lake

Obama Wins Democratic Party Nomination!!!

June 4, 2008

Though Hillary Clinton still hasn’t accepted the inevitable, Barack Obama locked up the Democratic Party nomination last night.

The best way to “heal” the party is to simply stop talking about Hillary Clinton. She is wholly irrelevant at this point. So warm up the bus and stop giving me minute by minute updates as to whether she has conceded. She doesn’t need to concede. She’s already lost. Her concession is no longer necessary.

Can you guess what the Republican anti-Barack strategy will be? I can:

1. He’s a Muslim

2. He’s got a crazy anti American Christian Pastor

3. He fathered a black child or gasp, maybe even two

4. He’s too “elite” because he went to Ivy League Schools

5. He’s gay

6. He’s dated and or banged out white women

7. His wife hates America

8. He’s not black enough

9. He’s too black

– Lake

Man Up Monday: Superdelegates

June 2, 2008

It’s time.

By Tuesday, when Montana and South Dakota get the job done, the people will have spoken.  It is time for our elected and former leaders to jump off the fence and lead.  Even Puerto Rico already has their vote in, and they don’t even get to vote in November.

By all accounts, Barack Obama will be within about 30 votes of the new finish line by Tuesday night.  That means that about 20 percent of the remaining superdelegates have to go Obama’s way to clinch the win.  Of course, if you listen to Hillary, that isn’t the way you are supposed to win.

HIllary is winning if you fully count Michigan and Florida, don’t give Obama any of the uncommitted votes from Michigan, don’t count the caucuses (including the all important Iowa caucus), add the people who voted for American Idol, light some votive candles, and rewind the calendar back to January when she actually had a lead for a few days.  So take that!

So here is your time superdelegates.  Man up!  Hell, I won’t even hold you to Monday, you can have until Thursday to get it done.  Thanks.


Obama draws a crowd

May 20, 2008

Hey Hillary. I haven’t heard much from you in the last week since John Edwards endorsed Barack Obama. That must have sucked for you. Well this isn’t going to help. Barack Obama almost had more people show up to a rally in Oregon than the margin of votes you won by in your “big win” in West Virginia.

Those are real people. They look pretty white from here and I’m sure they would consider themselves “hard working”. Hill, can you do me a favor and drop out after tomorrow? I know, I know you’re still waiting to shoot the punt in the basket for the win at the end of the third period. Right, you can still win this.



Raafman from the comments hit me with the wide angle.

Damn that’s a lot of people.

Edwards Endorses Obama

May 15, 2008

Long about a full month after it even mattered, John Edwards “bravely” came out and endorsed Barack Obama yesterday.

Of course, for Obama this means next to nothing. After all, he won North Carolina without Edwards’ endorsement and at this point it looks like nothing more than a cat literally jumping on the band wagon. But what does it mean for that ugly thang formerly known as Hillary Clinton’s White House hopes? I mean, Hilly C. is talking a good game, but I don’t care how much lipstick you put on that sucker, it’s still rolling around in a deeper and deeper world of shit with each passing day.

And that showdown that used to look like this?

Now is looking more like this:

Errrrrr this:

Lol… Dude, what could Hillary and company be thinking right now? They have to know that they can’t win. Like, there’s no way. What use is this? Is she just trying to angle for the VP slot? I don’t get it. One thing is for sure, ole girl has a high threshold for humiliation.

That we know. You go girl! Ahnt.

– Lake