Marion Jones Gets Six Months

My word, I know rappers and entertainers are breathing easy these days. Forget the Hip-Hop cops, athletes are catching complete L’s over this Balco steroids situation. Marion Jones, former national treasure just got 6 months in the can for lying to Federal Authorities.

Honestly, that’s messed up.  The judge went on ahead and gave her the maximum sentence although she has two kids, with one still nursing.  Judge Kenneth Karas said that steroid use “affects the integrity of athletic competition”.  I’m sure federal judges have sound logic, but that isn’t really what we’re talking about here.  She wasn’t going away for steroids, she was being sentenced for lying about taking steroids to federal officials.  Here’s how it works.  If you get caught using steroids in athletic competition, you hand over whatever you won, and get suspended.

Ben Johnson whoops the field by three strides…gets caught and gives back the gold medal.  Football players lose four games without pay.  Baseball players catch a lengthy suspension.  You don’t go to jail for it.

Man, this federal gubment ain’t playing with these Balco folks.  The crazy thing is this entire fervor is over Barry Bonds.  If it weren’t for the big man breaking every meaningful hitting record in “America’s Game” there wouldn’t be congressional hearings, books on the “Game of Shadows”, federal fact finding commissions, no one would give a damn.  So when Marion is sitting in prison thinking about what went wrong, she has Barry to thank.  Who else was on that Balco list?  “Evan(der) (Holy)Fields” better watch his ass.  You know crazy ass Bill Romanowski was all clear and creamed up.

Damn from the look of it, his wife may have been on it too.

Mike Vick went down for lying too.  All it does is piss the Fed off.
Roger, are you paying attention?  I know your current plan is to go hard on these charges.  You still haven’t come out and called McNamee a full on liar in all of this.  You might just want to fess up come next week or run the risk of catching 6 months your damn self.  It ain’t worth it Roger.  We know ya did it, just admit it.  Tuck it on in, join Pete Rose and Mark Mcgwire on the “ain’t neva, eva, evaaaaaaa getting in the hall of fame” club, and fade into the background.

This is the evidence that they are using to sack Barry.  A few side by side picture comparisons coupled with the fact that you got back 5 mph on your fast ball when you hit 38.  I will say this, the way black people are going down in the courts lately, Roger actually gives Barry a little buffer.  If they take Barry down hard, they’ve gotta give Clemens the same.  You just can’t picture Roger Clemens in jail can you?  Going from pinstripes to prison stripes is not gonna be hot.

-Brock

The Rocket Man goes on 60 Minutes

After I watched Vince and the boys go out the back door against the Chargers the Lady and I took in Roger “Rocket Man” Clemens’ act on 60 Minutes with Mike Wallace.

Is it just me or does Roger look like he’s about to rip his own face off and go V, the finally reckoning in this picture. I mean, look at dude’s left eye piece….HGH is a hell of a drug.

At any rate, Rog came out and hit us with the righteous indignation, but I wasn’t feeling it. In fact, I thought it was a put on. It kind of reminded me of that fake thug explosion we got from Kellen Winslow, Jr. back in the day about “this U”.

Boy, that joint will never grow old. So as we were watching ole Rocket get all pissed off talking about how he gets no benefit of the doubt, my lady asked me an interesting question, “what if he actually is telling the truth, could you imagine?” I gotta say, I thought about that possibility myself, but it’s just like I told her in my response that only took .5 seconds to get out, “But he IS lying, though.”

Oh well. Bottom line is that the plot has now thickened in this piece.

Congress is getting ready to put Roger under a microscope which will inevitably bring about that hot 5th Amendment maneuver or some sort of silly Mark McGwire “I’m not here to talk about the past” trick.

And all just because a few assholes didn’t like Barry Bonds and that alleged barcalounger he had in front of his locker.

– Lake

Now Here’s Another Hit Barry Bonds…

Just hit that video to give your boy Brock some background music while I do what I do then read on. (no need to watch it)

Breaking News: Barry just got indicted on perjury charges stemming from his grand jury testimony a few years ago. Perjury is the most bullshit way of taking cats down. It is like getting a mob boss for tax evasion, you can’t actually connect them to the crime so you build up evidence that they lied about something that you haven’t actually caught them doing yet. Like someone is going to tell you they are breaking the law when you ain’t got a damn thing on em…please.

The worst part is, Barry didn’t even break a law. In fact, he didn’t even break MLB rules at the time. At this point there is just circumstantial evidence.

Come on, the circumstantial evidence isn’t even that strong.

See, he looks exactly the same. I mean he still runs the same, still wears the number 25…uhhhhhhhh, still wears wristbands and gloves…aw damn, you got me. That just looks crazy.

So I guess the specific lies are that he didn’t know he was taking steroids, that he never got shot up with the juice, and that he never tested positive for the ‘roids. So they either have a letter, written by Barry that he would like to have some HGH, please. A picture of Victor Conte and Greg Anderson hovering over Barry’s ass with a syringe in their hands, or a positive steroid test.

Here’s my thing, sure he may have sullied “America’s Game“. He may have just broken one of the most hallowed records in baseball. His feet may have grown three sizes at the age of 37. But we’re talking about him playing a sport here. He didn’t commit a crime until he lied about doing some shit that isn’t a crime anyway. They are trying to take him down any way they can get him. Knowing Barry he is going to be an asshole through the whole thing just like Mike Vick, and that isn’t going to help him at all.

We outta here baby indeed.

-Brock

=========================

Yo, I completely agree. This is just a bullshit witch hunt of Barry because they don’t like him personally. Typical hypocrisy. How can you get a guy for saying he never knowingly took steroids? How can any juror be asked to crawl into the brain of a person and know what he did or did not think with regard to substances he was taking and then be able to verify that beyond a reasonable doubt? What a joke. This is what we’re paying these feds to do? We need them to trump up perjury charges on a baseball players behind grand jury testimony of some random lab? Thanks for nothing. Free Barry…and OJ.
– Lake

Breaking News: Barry Bonds on Steroids Confirmed!

I know people have put together a lot of empirical evidence that Barry is on that stuff. But Us Versus Them was about to put their hands on a piece of rare evidence that proves Barry did it. A super rare rookie card.

I think he’s bulked up since then.

-Brock

Baseball Sucks: The ‘Is Marc Ecko Famous?’ Edition

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate baseball. I just feel utterly and completely meh about it. I could take it or leave it, I can’t watch a whole game on television, I can’t watch SportsCenter when it is only Baseball season. That’s just how I feel. Part of what I hate about baseball is that twisted sense of history, those terrible inane stats. You know, slugging percentage against left-handed pitchers in the month of July with runners on first and third. Thaaat’s a BS stat if I’ve ever seen one. You couple that with the fact that the best players get the job done at the plate by getting hits a third of the time and the fact that you would be a baseball GOD if you can get that number up to 40%…I just don’t get it.

But here’s the thing Marc Ecko Milecofski of “Ecko Unlimited” fame bought the Barry Bonds record breaking home run ball for 752K in order to put a survey up online to “let the people” decide what happens to it.

The choices were to put it into the Hall of Fame as is, put an asterisk brand on it then put it in the Hall of Fame, or…get this…launch it into space. (Can you hear the laughter? Funny right? Nah, not so much) So the “people” decide to brand the ball with an asterisk and put it into the hall of fame.

This is the most stupid thing I’ve ever heard. Bonds has never been caught breaking the rules. Baseball had their head up their azz when the Sosa, Bonds, Big Mac show was saving baseball. Now, before Bonds is affirmatively convicted of anything other than putting on 50 something pounds and having a big ass head, his piece of history is going to be defaced by Marc freaking Ecko?

How much money does this guy have that he can waste money on this? Does he actually like baseball? What the hell is he getting out of this? Publicity? Sure, I’m talking about him, but I’m here to make fun of people who do stupid s#it. He got plenty of publicity when he released that turrible “getting up” video game. (and Marc, I hear you have actually argued with bloggers in the past about the game not being a complete piece of crap…but I saw that joint for sale in Best Buy for $5 yesterday. Right next to Barbie Horse Adventures, and Nicktoons Movin‘, and Army Men. So yeah, it sucks)

Seriously, who does this guy think he is? From this picture, he looks like he is on that Lake Arlington program.
I hope the people who voted for this weren’t actually baseball fans. I may hate the sport, but you’ve got to respect your history and your athletes. Marc Ecko will be a joke in a few years just like Todd McFarlane who bought Mark McGuire’s record breaking ball for almost $3 Million…that only stayed a record breaking ball for one season.

-Brock

Bonds turncoat gets 33 months in the slam!

Yeee haaaw!!! Look, I’m not a Barry Bonds fan and maybe I didn’t spend 3 years in law school (or maybe I did) but I’m just glad to hear that the guy who leaked the sealed grand jury testimony in the BALCO investigation is getting what’s coming to him. Troy Ellerman, defense attorney for BALCO (and by extension, Bonds himself) a Pecos Bill look-a-like spilled the beans to those two San Francisco Chronicle reporters regarding testimony about Bonds, Jason Giambi and Gary Sheffield.

Now he’s headed to jail, what a freaking idiot! Let me get this straight. BALCO hires you to help them with their criminal investigation. They pay you good money to advise them as to what the best course of action is in an investigation of their health clinic and then you expose witnesses who were forced to testify, under oath, about the wrongdoings of YOUR CLIENT? Then you go and tell on those witnesses like a little schoolgirl in violation of a court order and for what? So you can leak that he never knowingly took the juice? Sure, it was nothing ground breaking, but not only is there a law against leaking sealed grand jury testimony, but you acted in a manner that actually hurt YOUR CLIENT you arsehole!

Because of you, now I have to hear about Barry Bonds incessantly on SportsCenter, Jim Rome is Burning, PTI, Around the Horn (who am I kidding, nobody watches Around the Horn, horrible show), Outside the Lines and all the other tv and radio sports talk shows. They should lock your ass up and throw away the damn key on grounds of maximum stupidity. And lose the hat sucka. You look like a hick from french lick, not some slick n smooth, clown lawyer from Cali who can’t keep his mouth shut. My homey Carmelo Anthony sent me this t shirt for you to wear in jail. I hope it fits — I got you an extra medium.

Hope you get that Oz treatment too, chump. No love.