Free The Juice: OJ Simpson Trial is Underway

Maaaan, fuck it, I’m with OJ Simpson.

That’s right, I said it, I’m siding with the Juice.  Come on now.  I know this is Amurica, so actual Justice and Truff don’t really count.  But let’s face it, Juice was set up with this one.  I mean, how many cats roll up into a spot with some dudes they don’t know to retrieve their stolen memorabilia and just happen to have tape rolling? In fact, roll the tape interns:

Yooo, this is hilarious.  “You think you can steal my shit?”  “Bag this shit up.” Yo, Juice is a funny cat.  Meanwhile, ALL the cats he rolled in with cut deals with the prosecution to turn on the Juice.  Now that aint right.  They tell Juice the dude “took his shit.”  They lead the Juice to the room.  They bring the heat, but Juice is up to go to Jail for life?  How does that work?

Oooooh, that’s right. OJ is being tried for a different crime.  Supreme DickAssness associated with that murder.

Hey, I watched that trial from start to finish.  The state didn’t meet its burden.

I might be the only cat in America who isn’t certain that OJ did it, but I’m not really certain.  What I am certain of is that he doesn’t deserve to go down for Memorabilia Gate alone.  It’s not like he whooped ass, he just confronted some mark ass busters who “stole his shit.”  It was a simple misunderstanding, mixed with a clear understanding that ass tappities could commence if cats continued to play with OJ’s money.  And before yall cats come with that, “I doesn’t matter, he’ll get what he deserves, he’s worse than Osama Bin Laden” AHNT, consider this:

Jigga, Snoop, Juice, Kelly, NOT-Guil-ty!

– Lake

I Wonder It OJ’s Bronco Could’ve Done This…

I know OJ Simpson is famous for the slow speed chase, but Al Cowlings may still be driving right now if Al had skills like this:

My man must of been a professional stunt driver with skills like that. When the cops finally tracked him down they were serious though. I don’t know about those bump moves the cops were going with, it looked like they were trying to kill my man a few times there.

Speaking of OJ Simpson, his lawyer was Robert Kardashian. And of course Robert Kardashian’s daughter is…

…our girl Kimmy K. Kim Kardashian hasn’t been around in a while. I couldn’t resist.  That was a cheap ass segue though.  That tailpiece is still bananas.

-Brock

There’s something about the Juice

You just gotta admit it. There’s something about this dude that you love or even love to hate, but he’s just got that thing.. That it. I can’t quite put my finger on it. Is it the resilience?

If it doesn’t fit, you must acquit…bitch

Maybe it’s the ladies he keeps, for instance, peep his current girlfriend and Nicole Simpson look-a-like Christine Prody:

(do those crazy veins popping out mean her rack is real or do they put the fake joints underneath the real thing…life’s mysteries)

Yooo, this must be the wildest white woman in America. Virtually everyone hates the Juice for beating a murder rap on a chick that looks exactly like YOU and you’re just rolling with the cat like he aint public enemy number 1. I mean, really loving life, enjoying his company, riding that white horse and keeping your head held high. haaaa And believe you me, she and OJ are having the time of their lives together:

I love how this babe keeps the chest aerated… Haaa boy oh boy, look at the Juice enjoying a fine Cuban no doubt and peep that wild necklace the cat has on. What’s he like 55? Classic. Oh and I like to see OJ’s lady standing by him in court.

Ride or die baby, ride or die!

As for the substance of the charges against the Juice; look, I heard the tape of the alleged crime and I didn’t hear anybody catching an ass whooping. In fact, roll the uncensored tape.

(did you think you could steal my shit? LOL)

Sheeyut, I’d be mad if a cat stole my shit too.. haa Hey, it just sounds like a bunch of arguing. I heard perhaps some momentary false imprisonment, but certainly no evidence of armed robbery, kidnapping and all this other nonsense. Hey justice system: YOU ALREADY LOST THE SIMPSON/GOLDMAN TRIAL. Stop acting like this cat did something that’s worth anything more than a trip to anger management classes. The only reason why anyone cares about this nonsense in Vegas is because you think the Juice skated on the murder rap.

Nobody is even talking about whether the dude the Juice rolled up on actually stole his shit. Come on clowns…you’ve got nothing on the Juice. Leave him be, he’s got a tee time back in Florida…haters. It don’t matter if it’s 95 or 2007:

Jigga OJ not guil-tee

– Lake

The Juice gets squeezed…

In hilarious news OJ Simpson was picked up on armed robbery charges in Las Vegas this weekend.

Supposedly, the Juice “broke” into a hotel room to get some sports memorabilia. The facts are still a bit sketchy, but the Las Vegas authorities claim OJ had a gun and they confiscate at least two gats for the investigation. All the time, OJ has claimed that he just wanted to get his belongings from the hotel. Hmmm, back in the day you just wanted to get your lady out from under that wild waiter too.

At any rate, the supposed victim is now saying that Juice was right and didn’t do anything wrong. That didn’t stop the LVPD from arresting his candy ass on Sunday. Hey, if the Juice isn’t guilty of this, he’s guilty of something. After all, ole boy is regularly seen on the golf course, messing with multiple Nicole Simpson look-a-likes and just generally not taking his past seriously.

(look at the juice loving his life. You know he bagged at least one of these chicks that night)

In response to this incident, OJ said, and this is not a joke “I’m OJ Simpson, I know I can’t get away with robbery…I thought what happens in Vegas is supposed to stay in Vegas”… haaaaa

Well at least he’s taking this matter seriously. While I’m at is, let me post up this picture of OJ’s daughter, Sydney…

See looks sturdy in them jeans…not sure if I like it yet. What do yall think?

– Lake

==============UPDATE===========================

This videotape was just released with wild rantings from the Juice up in that hotel room. First off, how did they get the tape? Don’t tell me all the Vegas rooms are bugged. Dammit. Anyway, Juice is HOT in this joint. Maaaaayne, OJ is one cat I would not be messing with.

He’s still got it!! The Juice is Loose.

The Juice is one of my favorite all-time characters. I mean, look at this cat. Dude is like 60, but still pulls chicks tighter than the chick Brady Quinn actually claimed at his debacle of an NFL Draft!

Reportedly this is OJ this Saturday, kicking it out on the town at the Kentucky Derby. You gotta give the man credit, Juice keeps them stacked tight like so many nickels and dimes. I mean, how does that go down? Just imagine the Juice approaching 3 24 year old bottle blond, silky headed pros, I mean what’s that opening line?

• Juice: Hello, my name is O-
• Blondie: I know who you are, do you have any blow?
• Juice: Wanna F*&K
• Blondie: Meet my friend, Allyssaaaaaah, she’s like your biggest fan, her Dad was from Buffalo!

That’s gotta be how those conversations go right? I mean, where is this cat meeting these babes? What are their parents saying? It aint like they’re dating Malcolm X in tandem, but it’s still a reputed murderer at worst and a swole Wayne Brady act-a-like at best! I think Nas wrote a song about it called “These are Our Heros”. Shaking My Head and Wagging my finger… damn, but I can’t lie.. I mostly like it. Go Juice go..

And yes, you know he’s banging that shat out these SHTs most properly.