Archive for the ‘classic material’ Category

Classically Terrible: No Pigeons

June 19, 2008

In light of the smack talking from Rita G. and Dollicia Bryan about Bow Wow, I figured it was only right to reset a classically terrible comeback by the Sporty Thievez. A collection of cats, I might add, that are likely washing lettuce at their local White Castle as we speak as a result of their album going triple sheetrock on the Billboard Charts back in the day. Haaa I mean, who gave these cats a record deal? Just awful, but it is amusing.

I want to say Hip Hop has come a long way since then, but we all know better. Hell, Soulja Boy is the Sporty Thieves set to choreography and an internet connection. Oh and just for kicks, I’ll hit you with a Dollicia:

And Rita G. pic

for your educational enlightenment. Thx.

– Lake

Classic Material: He-Man & the Masters of the Universe

April 11, 2008

Yo, when I dropped that She-ra reference in Brock’s post it just made me think of how hot that He-Man cartoon used to be. What a great intro:

The rhetoric associated with that joint was just too good. I especially appreciated those hype background singers.. “He-Mon”. They were nailing it. This cat said that “fabulous powers were revealed to me the day i held aloft my magic sword and said, ‘by the power of Greyskull”. Were those writer’s serious? “Fabulous powers”? I mean, isn’t that exactly what every kid wanted revealed to them back in the day? It’s genius…Then the best part:

“I HAVE THE POWER…bitches”

You gotta respect how he had that bitchy little tiger, then hit him with that Don’t taze me bro sword piece and turned the cat into a legitimate wrecking machine. The other night I tried to do the same. I came home made late, drunk as hell on that goose… looked at my dog, held aloft my box of Fig Newtons and was like, “by the power of Kardashian’s ass piece….”

From the procedure, I was looking to get to this:

And yes that is the venerable Bullmastif for you suckers who want to start something (I’ll have one soon enough). Unfortunately, I got this:

What can you do? At least he lost the bullshit sweater. Next time I’ll use a box of Triscuits (and some Munster) for better results. Anyway, Brock is going to hate that I put these dogs up on the site, but fuck it, I feel good.. Oh and one more point about He-Man, that damn Orco, he was fucking terrible.

Looked like a bootleg Blinky from Ms. Pac Man with a zero on his chest. Terrible.

– Lake

————UPDATE————-

Look, you already know where I come out on dogs and white people.  I’ll kick a dog…I said it.  Look, dogs are too familiar.  I worked with a dude who took his dog to a pet psycologist to make sure the dog would get along with his new kid.   Fuuuuuuck that.  First of all, I ain’t paying to brain shrink the dog.  All the dog needs to know is when to eat, where to shit, and stay away from my stuff…and that I’ll whoop that ass if rules one, two or three is broken.  Oh rule #4, you try to bite the kid and you go for the long walk with Daddy Brock.  I know, I know, dogs are people too…ASPCA is on their way to the office, PETA will be calling any minute.  I’ve never given you anything but the truth, agree or not…that is my truth.

-Brock

Classic Material: Half Baked

April 4, 2008

I’m not a weed smoker and never have been. I don’t know, smoking justs wasn’t right for me. Like even a pimperish looking cigar aint right and the few times I’ve gone to it, I’ve felt like freshly authored shit the next day when I woke up. But I can’t lie, watching Half Baked made me wish I was on those tweeds during college.

Being a complete degenerate must be pretty fun. I guess I’ll do it next lifetime, we’ll be butterflies.

– Lake

Classic Material: Doc Holliday in Tombstone

March 27, 2008

Val Kilmer is basically a garbage actor. Well, I’m kind of a bullshit movie goer to so we’re even. But I aint never seen the dude in a movie I was all that impressed it. Well, with one HUGE exception: Tombstone. It was just a great movie. My favorite line is the one about the “music lover.” Doc learns that full a good lesson.

That “I have two guns….one for each of ya” is just brilliant. It really doesn’t get any better. But Val was hot throughout the movie. Here’s a montage of other scenes. If you’ve watched the movie, then you’ll feel me.

I love Doc. Dude was just better and was a complete dick to boot. Reminds me of someone I know. Pretty sure I’m related to Holliday on my mama side or was that Rick Flair? I can’t keep up. Anyway, Doc had what all the good ones have: a ride or die woman at his side. Good stuff. I love the ladies.

– Lake

90’s Flashback: Kris Kross

March 24, 2008

I don’t know if this qualifies as Classic Material, it probably does. But that isn’t what this is about. This is about how ridiculous the early 90’s were. Check out Kris Kross, “Jump”.

Wow, where do we start? The extra short dreadlocks with rubber bands? The “stomping dance” that everyone used to do? The fact that this song actually did, and still will, make people jump?

Was inside out really wiggity wiggity wiggity wack? Come on, raise your hands. Who actually wore something backwards on a day that was not Halloween. I know you are out there. I know you had a pair of Hammer Pants too.

What was up with saying “iggity” anything? Das Efx made their entire career just dropping iggity into the middle of words. I guess that didn’t last too long. In fact, remember when Shaq rhymed with the Fu Schnickens under the name Shaq Fu?

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That’s right Shaq. I still remember, the secret is out.

Back to Kris Kross, what ever happened to those guys?

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I see Daddy Mack (or is that Mack Daddy?) is still holding tightly to the past. He kept his Al B. Sure unibrow game going though.

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Yikes. Where do I start? That “silkish” shirt? That terrible hat? The shiny ass lips? That Wu-Tang grip he has on that gay ass glass of white wine? Oh no, wait a minute…noooooooo. Are his jeans still on backwards? That looks like a belt loop in the front? Is that a belt loop? THIS DUDE IS STILL WEARING HIS CLOTHES BACKWARDS!?!?! That’s terrible, seriously, the worst shit I’ve seen all day.

Cause I’m the miggitymiggitymiggitymiggitymack daddy, I’m the miggitymiggitymiggitymiggitymack. Terrible.

-Briggty Brock

Classic Material: Banana In The Tailpipe

March 19, 2008

Hands down, Eddie Murphy is the funniest cat to ever live in my view. Anyway, here is his classic “Not gonna fall for the banana in the tailpipe” line.

Good stuff.

– Lake

Classic Cube: Check Yourself & Today Was a Good Day

March 11, 2008

I grew up on the East Coast, but I always had love for Ice Cube and NWA as a youngin’.

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I know, I looked real cute…still do.

This stuff is cornerstone material for Hip Hop fans. Now, this isn’t Cube’s best work, because the good stuff is so controversial that I really couldn’t put it up in good conscience. So here you have it, two true classics starting with Check Yo Self.

That video was great with that cat hitting him with that “Phone check, punk.” And maybe it’s just me, but on video, Cube just looks like Craig from Friday. That “man wait” was pretty much spot on, like when Smokey ripped Craig’s curtain. Anyway, is there anything less believable and funnier than that regressive, sideways sleeper hold Cube put ole boy after he kicked the last part of that verse? And while I have to take points off for the clean version lyrics (real deal version found HERE), I must say it’s hilarious and great all at once.

Next we have the feel good thug anthem that clearly has stood the test of time. Today Was a Good Day has too many lines to speak, so just watch it:

Even saw the lights of the Good Year Blimp and it read, “Lake A’s a Pimp”…

– Lake Cubed

Classic Material: In Living Color

March 7, 2008

One of the best comedy shows ever. First, I give you Milli Vanilli:

Haaaaaaaaaaa These cats are just hilarious.

Then you know I had to go with Homey D. Clown:

Good stuff.

– Lake

Classic Material: We got the Jazz, Tribe

February 26, 2008

This joint goes without saying. Truly a bedrock song off a top 5 best Hip Hop Album of all-time.

This along with “Check the Rhime” are truly classics.

– Lake