Archive for the ‘Football’ Category

Cowboys Vs. Eagles

September 16, 2008

That is one of the best football games I’ve seen in a long time.

I really didn’t care who won.  It was high scoring, but not because of bad defense, these guys were just out there making plays.  TO even proved why he worked on that double move for so long.

“I’m just working on my shit.”  It worked last night too.


Ohio State vs. USC Update

September 12, 2008

We finally got the OSU boys to Man Up and lay their pre-game predictions down before the game. Way to step up fellas.  This just in.  Beanie Wells was out of the game earlier…now he is listed a “questionable”.  I know, I know, Jim Tressel is just sandbagging.  Beanie Wells is actually going to dress up in a marching band uniform.  Do the pre-game songs.  High-step on out to dot the ‘i’.

Then he’ll rip off the uniform to reveal the number 28 jersey, stiff arm a cat

and lead the Buckeyes to victory.

Even the “don’t tase me bro” guy thinks you need a better plan than that.

Look, I know that is what you dream of when you go to sleep at night, but it ain’t happening.  This ain’t RudySamwise Gamgee is not on that sideline.  It’s okay, really it is.  You’ll still win the Big 10 and get to get your ass kicked by USC again in January.

See ya on Monday.


Man Up Monday: Fantasy Football “Geniuses”

September 8, 2008

I just want to start off by saying I feel like a little kid on Christmas morning.  I could barely sleep last night, stayed in all day.  Only instead of toys, turkey and Christmas lights, I broke out the mini keg of Bell’s Oberon and rocked the homemade wings (buffalo and lemon pepper with a side of blue cheese) and fired up this HD NFL Sunday Ticket (rocking the main game on the projector with the “game mix” on the side with all the other games running simultaneously.)  My man cave is real.  The NFL is back.

And it is already great.  My Falcons and Michael Turner drug the hell out of the Detroit Lions.  Carolina came down to the wire.  T.O. had a crazy almost lost it behind his back catch, and my fantasy squad just broke the 100 point barrier to lead all teams.  Oh! Bears defensive TD!  Killing these fools.  Anyway, for those of you who follow Fantasy Football, the big prediction this year was that the traditional running back era was over and the the QB gives the best value in this years draft.  You see, normally running backs are the best fantasy players, they score the most touchdowns, they get the ball 25-30 times a game, and they end up being pretty durable.  This year, because Tom Brady and Randy Moss went wild, everyone said Brady was an early first rounder, as high as 3, he went 5 in my league.  They were also pumping Romo and Moss as other first rounders.  Well, here’s the risk with taking an early QB:

Brady may be out for the entire season with a knee injury which will kill the Patriots season.  Did I mention I picked last?  That means that although I didn’t want to, I ended up with Randy Moss and Peyton Manning in the first two rounds?  Who were my running backs?  Well for one, I got Michael Turner in the 3rd round…and he killed it today.  Oh and to the rest of the cats in my league, don’t even bother looking for Matt Cassel on Wednesday, my #1 waiver wire position puts him on my squad.  Thanks.

So now the Patriots season, and all those fantasy geniuses who just killed thousands of fantasy squads probably feel a lot like this:

So all the pros need to go back to the drawing board on trying to break out of tradition.  Oh, and everyone in my league better watch out.  I’m picking up right where I left off last year, dominating.

So to all the Fantasy prognosticators, to the New England Patriots, to Matt Cassel, to my man H. Larry who somehow inexplicably ended up with Tom Brady, Rudi Johnson and Vince Young, to the squad who would have beat every team in the league this week other than mine…MAN UP!  HAAAAAAAA!

-Brock the Week One Champ

Are You Ready For Some (Fantasy) Football?

August 22, 2008

That’s right people, the drought is almost over.  I’m not talking about the lakes in Georgia and North Carolina.  I’m not talking about tropical storm Fay working over Florida.  I’m talking about the fact that Football season is coming to improve Sportscenter so we don’t have to suffer through baseball highlights every night, and I can’t wait.  In fact, I’ve already been watching preseason.  Side note, if you have HBO, you’ve got to peep that Dallas Cowboys “Hard Knocks”.  Here’s the best part of Episode 1.

You gotta love that T.O.  He blazes Pacman errrr Adam Jones on a double move and Pacman starts complaining.  T.O. just hits him with “Hell, I’m working on my shit”.  That is why you gotta love T.O.  Sure it has been two years so he is due to try to blow up the Cowboys any day now, but as long as Wade Phillips is smart enough to keep T.O. as a central part of the offense, maybe eveything will be fine.

Anyway, back to the subject, the Us Versus Them fantasy football draft was last night.  It is a 12 man league, most cats come to the table prepared, we even ran the big board.

(white woman not included)

but of course we have all the fantasy football stereotypes.

Not Prepared Guy:  This is the asshole that shows up with a list with the top 50 players on it, some pocket lint, a pack of twizzlers and no fuckin clue what he is doing.  You gotta love and hate this guy.  You love him because it means he’s going to clear out some bullshit players and you are going to come up on some cats you might not have had a shot on.  Then you hate him because he ends up trying to jack your resources once he realizes he doesn’t know anyone who plays football other than Tom Brady, Randy Moss, T.O. and Ladanian Tomlinson.

Best Player Available Guy: You always feel bad for this dude.  There is always one cat drafting in a position where he never really gets to player he wants so he ends up settling for a player that isn’t quite as good.  Then suddenly he looks up and his entire squad ain’t shit.  You know, waiting for Drew Brees and ends up with Derek Anderson.  Wants Marion Barber and ends up with Willis McGahee.  This guy actually knows what he’s doing, he just can’t catch a break.

The “Is Adrian Peterson Available?” in the fifth round Guy:  No.  No he’s not.

2006 All-Star team guy:  This is the cat who is semi-prepared but always falls for the big name.  Unfortunately he ends up taking cats who were hot two years ago.  You know Matt Hasselbeck, Rudi Johnson, Marvin Harrison, takes Adam Vinatieri in the 8th round.  Just generally messing up.

Overprepared Guy:  This dude is running algorythms and peeping bye weeks for the entire 15 rounds.  Listen player, it is round 13.  It isn’t going to make or break you if you are going to pick up your handcuff RB or a shitty backup TE mmmkay?  Just pick.  You aren’t a damn clairvoyant, and fantasy football is 50% luck and alchemy anyway.  Just order another beer and have a good time.  Thanks.

Always Fucking Up Guy:  This is usually Lake, although he put together a strong run this year.  This is the cat who’s computer can’t connect.  His phone drops.  Slow to pick.  HIlarious.

Drafting Last Guy:  This year this was me.  I don’t care what anyone says, there is no advantage.  It sucks.  Ok?  It sucks.

Anyway here’s my squad:

Peyton Manning

Randy Moss

Michael Turner

Ronnie Brown

Vincent Jackson

Chris Chambers

Bears Defense…awwwwwwwwwww I’m fucked.  I don’t even want to go any further.  I told you it sucks to draft last.

I’ll be watching my NFL Sunday Ticket in the man cave.  So I can watch my downfall in HD with all the games on simultaneously.  At least I’ll enjoy myself.  Can’t wait for the first big hit.

Football season baby, let’s go.


Man(ny) Up Monday: The Sellers Remorse Edition

August 11, 2008

So much happened this week.  The Olympics are starting, John Edwards just got exposed for hitting on the side, but this is a very special edition of Man Up Monday…we’re going to cover sellers remorse.

First, as the baseball trade deadline approached, the Red Sox cut Manny Ramirez loose.  He was too much trouble.  He doesn’t run out flyballs in right field.  He makes calls from inside the green monster.  Apparently he didn’t have any more use for the Boston Red Sox.

Well, since the trade, Manny is hitting .600 with four knocks and 11 RBI’s.  I don’t even like baseball, but I think I want that guy around my team.

How do you feel about that performance Theo?

Do you think you should have kept him?

Easy fella, don’t cry.  You got Jason Bay.  I’m sure he’ll be a real stud.  I’m sure all the fans in Boston really appreciate it.  You better hope Manny cools off, or those fans in Beantown are going to start tracking you down in the streets.  Hey, even Manny doesn’t know why you did it.

Don’t worry, this isn’t all about you.  There is another team setting up to catch a major case of sellers remorse.  In fact it might be the biggest case in history.

Brett Favre is a Jet?  Wow, what the hell is that about?  I know the Packers were in a bad spot, but I guess a fourth round draft pick looks good when you were willing to pay $25 million just to make the dude stay away.  At least you got something for it.

Packers, you’re next.  If Brett makes the Jets winners, you will all look like assholes.  Oh, and tell Aaron Rogers to keep the chinstrap on tight.  He’s gonna be taking hits everyday of the week.  Not just on Sundays.

Never Look Back.  Man Up!


Bill Belichick Sex Tape? Oh Hail No.

August 8, 2008

I know we have a strict never actually watch the sex tape policy here.  Of course we are obligated to report what’s out there.  But this time I’m not going to need any self restraint to avoid this one.  There is a rumor out there that Bill Belichick, coach of the almost undefeated New England Patriots has a sex tape.  Aw naw.

Look we already know Bill is down with the videotape.  No wonder the spygate tapes got destroyed so damn quickly.  Bill wasn’t just taping the other team’s plays, he was also showing how to control the backfield, go long, run the offense through the tight end, use his ball control technique.  My bad, that last one was too much.

Here’s the wild part.  The sextape is alledgedly with the married woman that he had the affair with.  Okay, let’s go over player rule number one.  If you are going to do the double dirty move, cheating on your wife with a married woman…you don’t even roll out to a place that can be traced back to you, much less videotaping the damn thing. I mean you are supposed to be checking into a hotel with a false name, going through the connecting door, climbing out on the balcony and wearing a mask.

Speaking of what he’s wearing, does he rock the hoodie in the tape?

Now we know why he chops off the sleeves.  Although I now wonder what he keeps in the pocket.

Who is the babe anyway.  I don’t want to see it at all, but I certainly don’t want to see old people hunchin’, just rollin’ and foldin’ and awwwwwww.  Let’s peep Sharon Shenocca.

Well damn Bill…you get a hail yeah on that one right there.  My older babe game ain’t too tight, but if I had to guess, that’s gotta be top shelf.



The Brett Favre Saga Keeps Getting Better

August 1, 2008

I can’t tell if Brett Favre is a hero, an asshole, or an evil genius, but I’ve never seen anything like this.  Brett Favre got two consecutive Man Up Mondays, might have gotten a third if Miguel Cotto hadn’t punked out at taken a knee at the end of that fight.  It has gotten so bad that the Packers are asking begging Brett Favre to stay away.  To which Brett Favre replied, “Sure thing, chief”.

Then Brett said, “Now when I said I was going to stay away from camp, I meant I wasn’t going to beak out the s’mores and tents at the camp grounds near my house in Mississippi not Packers training camp.”  Brett Favre is talking about going to Packers camp, punking Aaron Rogers for his job, creating a split in the team, making the coach and the owner play one of the worst games of chicken in the history of sports.  In fact I think Brett is going to try to steal the team one man at a time.

I get it, the Packers want it all.  Brett put them in a horrible position by playing this whole thing out in public, but he’s at least partially right.  The Packers are ready to start building the next Brett Favre in Aaron Rogers, but can’t move on…they could end up with nothing.  Favre wants to play, but may end up playing for the Bears or the Vikings and rolling up into Lambeau at least once a year and whooping on the Packers.  The Packers can’t have that. In fact, the Packers think that would be sooooo bad.  They allegedly offered Brett, $20,000,000 to stay at home.  I mean no one has gotten paid that much to not do shit since Brady Quinn (damn, haven’t gotten one of those in for a long time).

Brett could’ve cashed that in and been straight rollin’

Where is this clown going to end up?  I think he has one of the best seasons of his career wherever he ends up, as long as it is not Green Bay.  I know my man Grande Mequon does not like this.  Nope, not one bit.


Favre Finally Calls It a Career…Yawn.

March 4, 2008

This is barely news for me, but I’ll post on it because one of our boys from back in our college days had the audacity to send me a sentimental email on the topic, so I figured I’d just give a quick comment and move on, so here it is: Brett Farve retired, then, jimmy cracked corn and I don’t care.


See unlike some of these clowns out here, I don’t see Brett like this:


Sure, homey was a good QB and you basically had to be an asshole, which I am, to hate on him, but let’s face it, toward the end of his career, 75% of the time he was about as off key as a William Hung solo.

1. Selfishness – While everyone else in the league gets rapped on for being a “selfish diva” which is doubly disrespectful because it’s really just a soft way to call a dude a bitch (They do it to TO, Chad Johnson, Moss), Farve was the epitome of this toward the end. First, dude had the nerve to get miffed when the Packers drafted Aaron Rodgers as if they aren’t supposed to think about life after Favre. Like he wasn’t holding the club hostage after each and every season with this silly talk about retirement. Nilla Pleez!


Then he went out of his way to diss Rodgers, even going so far as to say that he wasn’t there to help another guy develop. Then homey asked for a trade, gave some silly line about having the most talent around him since he’d been there (Reggie White anyone?) and just so happened to retire AFTER he broke a bunch of Dan Marino records he claims not to care about.


What a dick.

2. Interceptions – Has anybody gotten more of a free pass for throwing the most ridiculous interceptions ever known to man?


I know, I know, he’s a good ole gunslinger… A good ole boy who plays like he’s 10 years old, back in the bayou, eatin’ rattle snake and snackin’ on crawfish.


Believe me, I get it. Farve can get a free pass for his horrible decision-making, but with every other QB, that’s a sign of immaturity. Farve is the NFL’s All-Time career leader in Interceptions! Farve was a walking contradiction. A double standard personified. I will miss seeing him throw interception after interception at the most inopportune time, but I won’t miss the fact that it was always glossed over. Tarnished his legacy? That IS his legacy.

3. Man crushes –


God will I EVER be happy not to have to hear all these clowns on ESPN, CBS and Fox talk about “how good Brett Favre is”, how “you won’t find another guy who enjoys the game as much”, how “he just goes out there and plays.” I mean, come on. Brett must be a pretty cool dude to have all these dudes on his nuts like that.


Let’s face it, dude was pretty good but he wasn’t that good. He’s not Joe Montana, he’s not John Elway, he’s not Steve Young, hell, he’s not Peyton Manning or Tom Brady. Dude is good enough to be a Hall of Famer and that’s good, but he’s on the bottom of that list, not the top.  I’m really happy that I won’t have to hear anymore Brett Favre dack riding, so I’m happy to see the boy go and no, I won’t be crying that I won’t see Brett play ever again.


He does enough crying for all of us. Next.

– Lake

The Mentality of the Masses

February 3, 2008

With the Superbowl going down in just a few hours, and Super Tuesday just 72 hours away, we have a unique opportunity to look at the mentality of the American people. Here’s the basic story, when it comes to a competitive event, Us Versus Them if you will, there are two kinds of people in the world. There are people who will decide on, and stick with, who they want to win.  Then there are people who just want to pick the eventual winner…just so they can be right about their choice. Let’s look at sports first.


So this weekend we’ve got the Patriots v. the Giants. So here’s how the camps break down. There are the die hard fans. You know, the people who either grew up in the NY or Boston. They’ve been fans all their lives. The dudes who have Pats gear with that terrible minuteman in the three point stance. These are dyed in the wool fans, they will support their team no matter how bad the odds are. You know, the Notre Dame fan who thinks they have a chance every single weekend, the Green Bay fan that won’t watch tomorrow because the Golden Boy, Brett Favre threw the season away in overtime, the Mets fan that had their playoff dreams dashed as they watched one of the worst implosions in baseball history last September.  Or this guy, I’m thinking he would root for the Pats even if they were 0-18 (impossible I know) instead of 18-0.

Don’t get me wrong I know the pain well, every March I struggle with tossing the Blue Devils out in the round of 16 or 8 where they should go out of the tourney, or picking them to go all the way. Is there anything potentially worse than not picking your team to go all the way and seeing them win? I mean what kind of fan would you be if you didn’t have faith? So in sports it is cool, what is the big deal, right? But when you apply this to politics, that is when it gets dangerous.


No one knows better than Rudy Guiliani. I mean this cat forgot the number one rule of the masses. People think what they are told to think. Rudy G tried to get fancy and pretend like Iowa, New Hampshire, Michigan and South Carolina didn’t matter. Wrong…wrong. By time they got to Florida, Rudy was already a loser. Once they said he was losing in the late polling he was really in trouble. Here’s where it comes in…even the people who believed Rudy G was the right candidate wanted to vote for the winner. Who wants to be on the losing team? When you go the casino, you aren’t rewarded for picking what you believe, you win for picking the winner.

So who knows who the winner is ahead of time?  That’s the problem, the media, their polls, the stories that are written, the soundbytes that are edited for youtube proliferation; and that is the stuff that gets to people who actually care.  I bet if I walked into a Michigan or Florida mall and asked ten random people why the Democratic votes didn’t count in the primary, I’d be lucky to find one.  I’m still pissed about that by the way.  Look, I wanted to know, I sought out the answers and it still took me a few days to sort it out.  I bet if you asked people throughout the nation who has more delegates in the race for the Democratic nomination, most people would say Hillary because she “won” Michigan and Florida.


Yeah, Brock got as many delegates as Hillary did in those two states, which is only one less than Rudy Giuliani got, and I didn’t have to spend  $60 Million to get there.

So tonight, go with your gut.  I’m pulling for the Patriots because I want to see history, I want to see if the ’72 Dolphins invite Brady and the boys to their champagne toasts.  But if the Falcons were in the big game, you best believe that all better judgment would be gone and I’d be pulling from the home town boys.  As far as the election is concerned, pull for who you believe in, win or lose.  You’ll feel better in the morning.


By they way…it’s 2:00…they just started the Fox Pregame.  Kickoff is over four hours from now, is there seriously that much to say?  We’ll be talking about Tom Brady’s neighbors cat before all this is said and done.

Eddie Murphy Does NFC Championship Post Game Coverage

January 22, 2008

Eddie is better than Emmitt Smith, that’s for sure.