You know the Real World franchise is struggling when more people are talking about the Flavor of Love 3 cast than they are the RW cast. I mean, what happened to this show? It’s like they’re chasing their own tails, trying to appease all the critics to no avail. But to make matters worse, this year’s cast is particularly incongruous (yeah, I said it, Duke b*tches) and off-key, no matter what anyone could possibly want to see out of these people.
I’ll start on a positive note, because we all know I’m a positive, glass half-full kind of guy.
1. Simply put, KellyAnne (or is it Kelly Anne?) is FINE AS HELL:
And can I get an arch please?
(though her face is not done justice in this particular pic)
Ooooooh, wee. This Texas babe is smokin’ hot. I mean, a real throwback to that white woman we all know and love. The original white woman who is thin without the new day thick arse piece, not rocking the enhanced cans but who just works that sex appeal and has that “kick ass” personality. Check out this little video of this chick.. man, I aint no Texan, but I get why those hicks down there holler out “Yeeeee Hawww” when they’re ready to lynch errrrrr talk to a hot babe like this:
My word, did you see the shake in that bikini? I didn’t think there was enough there to shake, but I was WRONG and I’m happy to be wrong…and that hot tub action? Man, I love this girl.
2. I looked “Cohutta” up online only to learn that it’s a small town in Georgia. So let me get this straight, this basic dude from Georgia is named for a basic small town in Georgia. Great, let’s put him on Real World in a Australia, kind of like some ironic play on Crocodile Dundee, only Americana style. Genius!? Uh, no.
What in the hell is MTV thinking? I mean, hey, let’s just set aside that this dude is a damn hick with a straw hat or that his bio says he enjoys playing the ahem “Banjo” in his “spare time” (Isn’t that all these country hicks have, spare time?). Haven’t we seen the urban cowboy thing already? It’s kind of played out, don’t ya think? Ace was the cool, good ole Georgia boy with a heart of gold living in Paris, right? I mean, it was kind of novel and fun back then, but this cat just isn’t doing it for me. And he’s simple as all hell. Like, when you’re going to do some mundane act, I don’t need you to let me know before it happens. Just do it.
Case in point, during the first episode, everybody was playing pool and this fool was like, “I thank Imma eat me a piece uv apple”…(????).
Weeeeell, geeez Lou-weeez! You piece of country fried chicken! Go back to Georgia and tell the Grand Wizard I said “Git er Dun”, but just “git owf m’eye funny picture box thangy…go own, now….GIT!”
3 and 4. No this is not a misprint, because MTV has casted the same chick. Both are bottle blond, both have fake weaved out hair, both have fake cans and both have applied about a pound of liquid foundation on their face, neck, stomach and thighs. Indeed, both have stripper names (with the requisite tramp stamps) and not so surprisingly, both are terrible!
(this babe is just a poor man’s version of the next babe, terrible)
(Ok, I can’t lie..Trisha is kind of beer goggle sexy. She’s got the collagen lips that I appreciate, but come on. Even Trishelle from RW Vegas is more interesting than this broad)
Shauvon and Trisha…now how many times have you heard that over the loud speaker at your local skrip club:
“Gentlemen, give it up for the lovely Shaavon and Trishaaaaa (cue cheesy rock music)”
Come on now. What a waste of space in the house! I know, I know, they’re both deeper than the stereotypical ‘stupid blond’ image they present and that’s what’s so intriguing about them, right? After all, one is a successful sex columnist (seriously) for her low-end college and the other is an ex-Jesus freak, who decided to drop the Jesus to just be a freak (as if any of us haven’t seen and/or done that chick before). Damn, this sh*t is soooo played. MTV, if you are going to cast chicks that look like trashy stupid blonds, the least you can do is give us HOT TRASHY STUPID BLONDS!!!! At least then they’d be entertaining and worth watching.
5. I must admit, Isaac was a good choice. Dude is kind of cool and really, he reminds me of a violent (supposedly ole boy got popped for whoopin ass and stealin shit) Ali G, which is exactly what I want over there in Sydney interacting with wild Aussies and hot chicks.
See MTV, is that so hard? This cat gives you the feeling that he’ll entertain you. That he’ll holler at h*oes, be insightful in the diary room and get buck if gettin’ buck is needed! I like this selection, but that’s just 2 out of 5 if you’re scoring at home.
6. Ok, I’m not all sarcasm. In theory, I’m with MTV giving us the semi-hot Muslim chick who in spite of her “traditional beliefs” still rocks bikinis, wants to get it from dudes she finds attractive and likes to run her J-game (definition: show her boobs) to see where it will take her. I can live with that concept, but Parisa?
Come on now.. I get it, she’s torn between two worlds; that of her mother and father and that of these bitches and hoes. Fair enough. But it’s just like when you draw a play up in the huddle that in theory looked great, but then Brady Quinn steps out and throws that pick. He didn’t know that LSU secondary was that fast, and the ND receiver didn’t realize he was that slow. That’s Parisa. She’s cute enough, she’s compromised (in her beliefs and desire for some tail from a roommate) enough and she’s catty enough to give you some drama, but in the end, it just leaves you flat and bored! Clearly all this chick will do all season is dwell on the fact that she’s not as pretty as KellyAnne, which she is not, that she’s not as white and blond as Shauvon/Trisha and that she’s not at all appealing to roomy Dunbar, Calcutta (or whatever his name is) or Isaac.
So what will she do? Withdraw and talk about how hard it is to practice her beliefs with “these people in the house”.. I mean, how many times will we see this story. Then they’ll go to some mosque or eat some Persian food and everyone will realize how “special” her culture is and will talk about how they “saw another side of Parisa” with that cornball music playing in the background. Sure, I get it.. Believe me. I just don’t want it. Bring back the buck naked hoes… Bring back Ruthie skinny dippin’ and trying to decide if she wants to be slutty with men, women or both!!
Now that’s interesting!!! Give me some more eye candy! Hook up a young Irulan…
Give me something, anything!!! Sorry MTV, you should have just put another dude in the house, probably someone gay, and ran that story line into the ground…AGAIN! She is cute though and better than each and every single chick from Denver. What a debacle that one was!
7. Dunbar… seriously, someone wake me up when this dude gets a personality. I know he provides eye candy for the ladies and that’s important (no homo).
Still, in the end, dude is a freaking cornball. I mean, he’s not even living up to that preppy “Johnny” character that same actor played in every single movie, you know, the rich asshole that everyone loved to hate in those 80’s movies (see Karate Kid and Back to School).
He’s got no style. He’s not smooth. He’s got some girlfriend, which really sucks. I mean, what is this? MTV, if you are going to have the pretty boy type, he’s got to be 1. a true dick (like Dr. Will from Big Brother) or 2. a dude who really wants to and can (or at least thinks he can) nail each and every chick he sees, or preferably BOTH! Isn’t that understood by now? We’ve done the tempted by hot chicks, trying to stay faithful to a girl back home thing before. It’s never all that great unless you know the person in the house is absolutely going to cheat and even that story line is getting played. What happened to the men who just wanted to pimp? Where’s Alton (Vegas)? Where’s Teck (Hawaii)? Even Brad from San Diego appreciated some nubile tail….
All in all, it’s just a disappointing line-up with a few potential bright spots mixed in (like a bad hand of spades or for my vanilla brethren Euchre).
Sure, KellyAnne is a big draw for me and I will watch at least initially because of her, but ultimately, isn’t it time to take this Real World franchise out back and shoot it? Clearly the makers of the series have lost their touch. You know you suck when people are clamoring for that I Love New York II casting special, but hardly anybody is talking about the new Real World…. And since when were these Real Worlds on that fast food program? Didn’t the last one just get done? I can’t take it. It’s all just terrible dude, just like this attempt singing from this clown Nate..
Hilarious and entertaining, something RW is NOT at this point. Sawry…