Jermaine Dupri definitely does not have his lady in check

Hey, I’m no male chauvinist, but even I’d have to firmly put my foot down if my lady was caught behaving like this.

And no, I don’t care if it’s on stage or not, faux mic checks would make me wonder what was really going on in that tour bus, especially if she had a clean foot on me.

Jeez.

I mean, look at the expression on that freak dancer’s face!  And that angle on that tail piece.. I just aint right.  But I guess she’s like 48 or something, so it’s like whatev.  Anyway, let’s not forget that Janet has a history of letting her dancers hit, too.

Oh, hell naw.  Cat are really into some other shit.  Whatever happened to just getting after some tail the old, All American way?

Jer-mang.. Please, get your lady man.  She aint doing anything for your image right here.  Be a man, take a stand.  Put this shit to a stop.

– Lake

Kat DeLuna And Other Horrible National Athems

Listen, if you’re destined to be an R&B star, an actress or even just a solid citizen, just go ahead and be proud of who you are, but don’t fuck with the Star Spangled Banner.  First of all, it’s not really an easy song to sing.  It starts low, goes high and just has a veritable minefield of dynamics and notes that are challenging for even the most advanced singers.  Still, not surprisingly, plenty of cats want to sing it and can’t.  I especially don’t appreciate a cat who tries to put all kinds of personal freaks on the song.   You know, when they add in that extra soul sauce so they can really nail the joint.  I think that’s where Kat DeLuna aka Tina Marie Jr. Jr. went wrong:

Jeez… Can you be a “Pop Sensation” and have a speech impediment?  A few pitch problems maybe?  Lol  Yooo, that “Land of the Free” was CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean, even Simon was speechless after that joint.

And by the way, who in the hell is Kat DeLuna?

Damn, thick in the thigh, light in the eye and jeez, the FIRST and ONLY chick I’ve seen that actually sold those high waist shawt shorts, respek.  But why do that when you can always freak the original shorts?

Damn, I need another angle on this:

Wow, that’s a lot of hip for a young girl.  Interesting.  Let’s just hope she steers clear of the enhanced breast plate.  Anyway, I like that first name, Kat.  Ha.  Aint nothing wrong with that, but is she talented enough, well, musically?

Anyway, Kat’s cat ass performance got my thinking, what’s the worst rendition of the Star Spangled Banner I’ve ever heard, oh yes, Carl Lewis’ for sure:

Hilarious.  And while we’re in the jabbing mood, look how this cat murdered the Anthem words:

My goodness.  Haaaaaaaaa  And all those “Middle Amuricans” were just hating my man killing that song.  Come on people, please get those words right, ok?  And if you get into pitch problems on “Rocket’s Red Glare” pull a Carl Lewis and take that “Land of the Free” an octave down, ok?  Oh fuck it, here’s one more.  This cat just tried to power through it.

Ha, terrible.  Thanks for nothing.  USA, USA, USA….

– Lake

I hate to do this, but: “It’s So Cold In the D”

Dude, I really thought long and hard about not putting up this video, but I just couldn’t lay off that heat.  Now, I know we have a number of readers who live in or hail from the Greater Detroit area.  But I bet all of you didn’t know you had an anthem bouncing around the internet.  So I give you, “It’s So Cold In The D”:

…ummm… well..now..errr.  Who’s more shocked about this video, me, Shaq

Or Kwame Kilpatrick.

Yikes.  I know, I know, “It’s so cold at UvT, gonna get Lake in his sleep… wake him with my 9.”  I know. lol

– Lake

Donnie From Way Downtown…KLANG!

Diddy makes hit records.  He drove Danity Kane to #1, he drove Day 26 to #1 and this season it was Donnie’s turn.

The people’s champ has been in the studio working hard, he laid down the tracks, he worked on his dance moves, and he was ready for his big debut.  Surely the ladies of MTV would hold him down, right?

AHNT.  Donnie went on ahead and had that #19 album of the week with total sales of 22,000 copies in the first week.  Damn Donnie, more people clicked on their bookmark for US Versus Them today than your album sold in an entire week.

Seven.  You were the producer on this album.  You were supposed to be the Timberland to his Timberlake.  What did you think about the sales?

Seven: “Fabaless.  I mean that is 21,999 albums more than I sold of my solo album.  Yesss.  I’m getting a new smoke machine.”

Well Donnie.  I don’t know what to tell you.  I know it has got to be real tense on that tour bus right now.  You might have to go to an alternate profession.

Sure, you only get paid a dollar at a time, but you might make out better in the long run.  Oh and another piece of advice?  If you ever get called into a meeting with Da Band, Black Rob and Cheri Dennis…run.

-Brock

Man Up Monday: Ohio State Buckeyes

You knew it was coming…I knew it was coming…but even I didn’t think it was going down like that.

I thought the 18 point spread was a little aggressive, but apparently it wasn’t aggressive enough because Ohio state got whooped.  Look, I know Ohio State has been embarrassed in the last two national championship games, but they took it too far this time.  They not only embarrassed themselves, they embarrassed the Big 10, they even embarrassed me while I was watching it.

Ohio State fan, what exactly were you waiting for again?  Beanie Wells was not waiting for a miracle, he just wasn’t playing.  Jim Tressel did not have a master plan for tripping up USC.  Oh, and the Ohio State Buckeyes are not that good.  That Ohio game was not a fluke, it was an indication of how good this team actually is.  You know the worst part?  Ohio State didn’t play that badly.  They executed on defense, they were running decent plays on offense, they just simply were not better that USC.

Hey Jim.  What ya handing out Buckeyes for this week?

“Todd Boeckman, you took a hit from the blindside and managed not to suffer whiplash.  You get a buckeye.”

“Terrelle Pryor.  When you were running away from the USC defense, you still looked like you were playing the game as opposed to scrambling for your life.  You get a buckeye.”

“Beanie Wells.  But not playing you are the only player who made a positive contribution to the team this week.  Buckeye.

OSU did do one thing right.  They scheduled the always tough Troy University, of Troy state, in the town of Troy…wait, where the hell is Troy?  Way to keep the tough teams on the schedule there.  That is how you always bullshit your way into the national title game.

You want to know what is crazy?  OSU will probably be ranked long about 10 this week.  If they win the Big 10, and win out the rest of their games.  They will be right back in the National title debate.  If top teams lose the way they did last year, they will be talking about their “quality loss” against USC.

We don’t need another debacle like that.

OSU, I need you to Man Up just go ahead and get another loss out of the way now.  Sometimes you can Man Up by stepping down.  Do what’s right.

-Brock

Oh and Will and Triple B…HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaa!  I love it.

Once You Go Barack…

You never go back.

Don’t know when this was, but that is hilarious.  Bill was slacking on his pimping for real.

Matt Damon Drops a Little Knowledge

Finally, someone, ANYONE, just comes out and says straight:

Come on, who among us doesn’t realize:

1. Palin is a joke candidate for Vice President of the United States of America

2. John McCain has a 1 in 3 chance of dying in office, leaving us with hockey mom Palin as our VP, a concept that literally is about as ridiculous as ME bring President two years from now.

5 years ago, Paliln was selling camping equipment.  CAMPING EQUIPMENT!!!!  Two years ago she was running a “city” that’s literally smaller than my neighborhood.  In all seriousness, exactly 20 months ago, I HAD A SUPERIOR RESUME TO SARAH PALIN and I wouldn’t let her run the comments section on this website without a proper UvT vetting and some advanced schooling.  If Sarah Palin, due to her academic and professional substance, isn’t qualified to write for this blog, and believe me, she isn’t, then how in the hell is she qualified to even be a candidate for Vice President?

Hey, this is the Presidency of the United States, it’s not “Brownie, doin’ a heck of a job” running FEMA or Harriet Myers getting appointed to the Supreme Court.  I mean, this is literally a Wu Tang Financial moment, “Protect Your Fucking Neck!”  Enough with the moose hunting and ice fishing jokes, this woman is not ready to be President of a goddamn thing and sure as hell aint ready to be VP of the US of A.  Thx.

– Lake

————–UPDATE—————–

The best quote is “I really need to know if she thinks dinosaurs were here 4000 years ago.  That’s an important…I want to know that.  I really do.  Because she’s gonna have the nuclear codes.”

I don’t think there is a better summary of the situation than that quote.

-Brock

Gary Coleman Keeps it Gangsta

UPDATED:  UvT is getting so strong, the comments are as good as the original post.  Check out the Ladies of UvT getting loose below.

Sure, he might be wearing denim on denim, he might have on green crocs, he might be 4’8″, but if you mess with him he will straight whoop that ass.

Here’s the story.  Gary Coleman was bowling in Utah…wait, let’s stop there for a second.  Why the hell was Gary Coleman bowling in Utah?  That is about the most random thing I’ve ever heard.  Ross Perot was paddleboating in Montana.  Warren Moon was playing Uno in Caracas.  It’s fun, try a few yourself.  Anyway.  So Gary was getting his bowl on with his wife, chillin and shit, when come dude rolls up on him with a camera phone to take some pics.  Gary asked him not to, and Gary’s bodyguard tried to keep him away.  OK.  Second WTF moment.  Gary thought he needed a bodyguard to go bowling in Utah?

The victim said that Gary rolled up on him, threw a few punches, jumped into his truck and tried to run the dude over. Third WTF moment…if Gary Coleman’s croc wearing ass rolls up throwing punches on your boy, I’d be the famous dude who whooped Gary Coleman’s ass.  My CNN story would be titled “Whydchu knockemout Willis?”  Emmanuel Lewis, Little kids, the Chinese Olympic gymnastics team, and Wee Man from Jackass wouldn’t wanth to come near me.  I’d be dangerous, son, dangerous.

My bad, Gary.  My bad.

You better watch out for Gary though.  He might flip on you any second.

Gary, you need a new hobby, and you need to chill the hell out.  You should be happy people still want to take your picture.  Just ask Todd Bridges.

-Brock

——————————————–

KIR in NV:

Let’s break this down: how’d his bitty ass get all the way up into SLC undetected? Last I knew, the only colored folk permitted within the city limits had the surname Malone.

And he had to wear that cowboy hat just to keep a low profile.

This does explain the need for the bodyguard though. I’m not sure it’s even legal to be a “brunette” in the Beehive state. It was the late 70s before the revelation was handed down that the extra tanned were not marked by the curse of God.  Or as they call it, the “good ol days”.

Second, of course he’s bowling. If you aren’t on your Family Home Teaching or churning up the butter for tomorrow’s breakfast for 12, that’s what you do. Unless it’s after 8:30PM and then you’re screwed.

And yeah, if Arnold whoop my ass, I take that beating quietly, change my name and slide into that Bitch Ass Protection Program. For real.

—————————————

Rosy F:

@Kir on point as usual. The revelation took too long. I like my drank and the streets too much. And if ashy virginal croc wearing arnold manage to land more than one punch on me I’d be in BAPP.

———————————

Be On It:

Rule #1: Never fight short people.

They have years of built up aggression waiting to be poured out on any fool that dare try them.

Rule #2: If fighting short people, use your knees. A groin shot on a regular person is a chin check for the midgies. Just saying.

Rule #3: If you get your @ss whooped by a short person, please turn in your cool card and proceed to the BAPP.

Rule #4: Never get in an altercation with a short person known to kick ass and take names. Did this fool not hear that Gary was stomping his wife? Isn’t she like 8x bigger than him? I mean, I ain’t never scared, but I pick my battles.

Starting mess with LaKeisha Thomas, the girl who took out a senior linebacker twice her size? No sir!

Patrick Ewing Is Still an Underachiever

Patrick Ewing is on the long list of people who Michael Jordan jacked rings from.  The Knicks never fully had that killer instinct with him on the squad and have been a debacle ever since.

Big Pat got enshrined into the Basketball Hall of Fame recently…uhhhhhhh…and apparently he thought it was a casual affair.

Come on Patrick, you didn’t know they were going to hit you with the commemorative blazer?  You knew Pat Riley was coming smooth, even coordinated the black shirt with it.  Dickie V hit em with the collegate look, and you rock the shorts, untucked shirt and Mandals?  You know how you know you are a complete asshole?  When you are so ridiculous that the professional photographer, your fellow inductees, and your former coach don’t tell you you got half a collar popped like you feel like dancin’ buuuuut just half way.  That is terrible.  Step yo game up.

Bristol to Sarah Palin: “I Learned It By Watching YOU Mom”?

Who knows if Mrs. Palin is slaying more than “the good ole boys” (did anybody bother to tell her what party she’s in?) up in her little store front “City Hall” in Wasilla.

Look, my high school principal’s office looks more official than this shit.

All I know is that when someone holds themselves out as a “Champion of Moral Values” they’re usually not. I know, I know, she’s only mortal…right.  Of course, the moralizers always want to take that uppity high road (until people fuck up and then it’s all about “errybody makes mistakes” and “we’re all sinners”), talk all their shit about family values and the “good ole days of yore” when grandpappy and grandmama worked the land, said their prayers, refused to sit next to blacks errrr helped their neighbors and loved Amurica.   Sure.  Only, back in those days, grandpappy often had a family the next town over and grandmama was getting more than milk for the milkman, which is why your Uncle Jr. is the only one in the family to have red hair.  But that was the “greatest generation.”  Sure.  And it’s the same with this tabaccy spittin’, moose killin’, gun tottin’, unrecognizable accent havin’, Obama disparagin’, Tina Fey lookin’, ‘bridge to nowhere’ financial facts misrepresentin’, hair placed in several up positions rockin’, plane ebay sellin’, 4 errr 5 kids havin’, shotgun wedding endorsin’, Nature’s Valley Granola Bar kid namin’, running the point b-ballin’, not to mention yes yallin’ chick right here.

Awwww, who woulda thunk it.  A country girl, with a bad attitude, decent proportions (for 44) and kick ass reputation is under investigation for living out a real life “Somebody’s Sleeping In My Bed” scenario behind the back of her woefully less impressive Hubby.

And my man on the left doesn’t look too confident either. ha

Shoot, now I see how she got so cross-eyed, she’s over here trying to check out every Tom, Brick and Berry in town.  And I hate to say it, but it’s really freak 101 and anyone who has dealt with a freak and somehow gotten the history knows this to be true, but freak nasty runs in the family yall.  And if you don’t know, you better ax somebody.

Now we’re hearing that the fam was all up in arms when Bristol finally told them she was preggers.  I can imagine how that conversation went.

A true classic.  Not saying she banged out ole Not Mr. Palin either….I’m just saying, this is how she rolled in the 80’s.

And, no, I don’t think this is a photoshop.  ha

– Lake