Archive for the ‘Bow Wow’ Category

Bow Wow Checks Some Video “Vixens”

June 19, 2008

I’m still totally faded right now from the C’s win and the aftermath, but I would be remiss if I didn’t hit up this little tidbit I saw the other day on the net. I guess some video hoez got into a room, talked about the exact topics we all probably expect they speak of in every conversation of every single day, ie. Men with Money, Dack Size, Sex, people who want to have sex with them, their asymmetrically thick bodies, “the Industry” (whatever that means) and their “fame”.. I mean, the only thing missing was a line of coke and a knock off Fendi bag, ya dig? I mean, I don’t expect these chicks to be geniuses, but at least try not to be sooooo stereotypical.

Oh well, I guess that’s what happens to you when you’ve been getting hit off since the 6th grade eeeerrrr men have been trying to have sex with you since you hit puberty at the age of 12 1/2. Anyway, some chicken headz were talking greasy about Bow Wow and Mr. Wow just wasn’t having it. Peep the commentary from Dollicia Bryan and Rita G. that set the Lil Man off:

Wait a second, all the disses are fine (well, not really), but did that chicken Rita G. (NSFW) actually fix her mouth (like Collagen) to say she’s of “Moorish descent”? Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! Say what? I mean, dude, if that chick is of “Moorish descent”, my extra grand grand grand pappy on my mother’s side was kicking it with the Berbers (alright, that’s probably a bit too esoteric for the homies at UvT) back in Negative 2008 B.C. with Lucy, those Geico Cavemen (back when they were funny), the Missing Link and Mumm-Ra the Ever Living.

Chick, you’re Moorish alright.

Meaning you talk More “ish” that what I can take. (Rita G. NSFW HERE)

And More Ass than anyone could have hoped or dreamed for…damn. But back to the non physical substance. Is this babe serious? Come on.. I mean, dude, why can’t we just let a hoe be a hoe these days. What happened to the days when chicks were black, white, afro centric asian or spanish, done? Was it just me or were things much easier back in those days?

Don’t start in with all this “well, I’m actually Hammurabian on my father’s side, well, my biological father….but I grew up Navajo, so I’m really in touch with the earth, dats were I got deez KFC thighs, from that side and then I was messing with this dude, named Brock las- nite, so I got some black in me too” AHHHHHNT. Ok, that was lo, but what can I say? I’m still drunk from the C’s game.

But listen, and this is my last word on this narrow topic, but if you ever ask someone what race they are (which you probably shouldn’t be doing anyway, but I get it as it relates to video and non video hoes) and they start their answer with “actually”: 1. They’re about to lie to you, 2. They’re bullshit and 3. They’re probably good in bed and do freak nasty shit while rounding third base that will leave you wonder why you even need to slide into home…ummmkay?

Listen to uncle Lake.. ha I ask a hot and legitimately exotic babe where she’s from and I get an answer in 1.85 seconds…I ax a ho where she’s from and suddenly I’m in North Africa, Southern Europe and some short-named wild card spot like oh I don’t know, “Bali” that nobody can really confirm. Meanwhile, you ask the broad “Ok, where did you go to High School” and invariably they’ll tell you Greenbelt, Maryland…. Lord knows I don’t like to curse but:

And I wasn’t the only one who didn’t like Rita G’s Act. Peep what Bow Wow had to say not only about Rita G. but also about his supposedly jump off Dollicia Bryan.

Oh yeah, that Dollicia, peep it:

WOW. I didn’t know Bow Wow had it in him. And yo, that joint was produced and delivered with perfection , too. Damn, dude reaaaaally got at Dollicia. Ha. Man, what is wrong with these video hoes? Keep acting like this and they’ll fail to land that all important paid Baby Daddy angle they’ve been working their whole lives for. Come on. These chicks gotta know they’re one set of stretch marks away from going back on that pole. Sure, they’ll hit up the Client 9 circuit for a bit, but even that is a temporary job. Tell em Bow… These chicks shouldn’t have anything but praise for a dude like you. When will they learn?

– Lake


Not that we didn’t know the Dollicia chick was a groupie video ho clown, but I came across a few more pics that are fairly hilarious within this context. First, Dollica and her old squeeze Jamie Foxx as he gets a nice squeeze.

Again, perfectly ok without the Bow Wow talk. So Jamie is getting his ‘bag o’ tricks I’m ole st. nick….bitch’ act on. It’s all good and oh, what was that about Dollicia and Bow?

Yeah, sure… Seems like Bow Wow is completely out of his ‘comfort zone’ and you look completely offended. Kind of like in this next pic.

It’s so terrible that it’s good. Ha. Bow Wow has a new fan….BROCK.. ahnt. ha

Homo Erect-us Part 2

December 12, 2007

Look, I hate to keep harping on this, but I only have one question for you R&B fans, which one is the man in this relationship.


Kind of hard to figure out, right? Do you go with the smooth and confident cat on the left who in the absence of this clown to his right could actually be taken seriously in a civilized society or do you go with the “I likes it smooth, then rough” clown on the right who has that eerie hard/soft, “I hit the weights and the salon erryday,” too tight shirt that reveals the extra tight tricep cat? Tough decision right? Look, both of you cats look gay, but maybe that’s just me. Why not just go with the early 90’s matching sweater vests ala Boyz II Men.


These cats definitely need a spoon full of my favorite nutritious breakfast treat.

Hey Omarion, You’ve got my mom’s scarf where your heart used to be and I don’t like it. Not one bit. It’s times like these that I actually appreciate 50 Cent. Lie to me. Act hard, something, anything to avoid this type of shit.


Homo Erectus lives…

December 11, 2007

I done told you fools about these soft R&B man-on-man duets. I can say the same for this Lil Bow Wow loves Omarion combination, but I think their album cover says it all.


Seriously, if you had no clue who either of these dudes were and you just looked at Omarion’s face in isolation, what would you think was on his mind? And what are they doing at the bottom on this picture? What, is this the suspect, two-man soft thug version of “I am Legend“? WTF? Rule No. 1 violations all over the place. Red card, technical foul, 5 minute major penalty, one stroke addition, one point deduction and every single other way I can tell you to stop doing this type of shit. This is the UvT version of a yellow card, a black and white picture that tells you what I think:


Don’t make me go to my standard joint that to date has been reserved for Ted Haggard, Larry Craig and Trent Lott. Stop doing soft duets, stop spending more time on your hair than you do your gear and stop looking over each other’s shoulder in a hope of catching a glimpse of the other dude’s eye…talking about “face off”. I don’t need that, nobody does.

In fact, no “face” references at all from here on out. You’ve been warned.

– Lake

Ciara Exposed: 50 Cent. You’re cool with me!

September 6, 2007

In the showdown of Fitty vs. Kanye West, with both albums coming out on September 11th, I was firmly in the Kanye camp.  He’s musically better, he’s lyrically better, and that cat reaaaaaaalllly cares about the music and what people think.  In fact, after getting burned on that terrible “Get Rich or Die Trying” album, I wasn’t going to buy the 50 Cent album at all.  Then I saw this:



Ciara Half Butt Naked?  This is the best argument against digital download I’ve ever seen.  Now I want to give it a Fitty-Fitty chance of these pics being a body double.  If it is a double, that is some damn good work.  Those skrong arms and shoulders are definitely Ci-Ci.  (I know, I know…why you looking so hard Brock?  The girl is bad, what can I say?)  The legs and tail piece?  I can’t confirm.  There isn’t much out there of her straddling a cat out there on the net to compare it to.  Who cares?  It’s great.

The real question is…what the hell was Bow Wow thinking? 


Well, I don’t know what he thinks about these pictures, but he’s got to be thinking that this outfit he was rocking in “Roll Bounce” wasn’t a good look…My word!


Bow Wow…Official Midget Status?

June 27, 2007

I know that he is all grown up now…he dropped the “lil”, he was cutting Ciara (clearly he learned something from Jermaine Dupri from the book of “pimpin outside of your league”), and he even almost curses in a few songs. But then I saw this picture:


Now I’ve seen JD in real life. He was with the Brat, who never wears heels and she had him by about four inches. I mean we know Janet is about 4’10” and she towers over him here.


The man can’t be taller than 5 feet. This cat Bow Wow is standing on the table, and is fully in the frame and doesn’t look completely ridiculous. If I was standing on the table in this picture, the only thing you would see in the frame is Lil Brock. I mean, those shorts he has on can’t be from the man section of the store. Where he shops, the clothes are still listed by age, and the only three sizes are “slim, regular, and husky”.

This was a kid who used to say he would play professional basketball if he wasn’t rapping. I guess he got confused with the difference between acting and real life and he is waiting for magic shoes and the kid from Jerry Maguire to show up and help him out. I really feel bad for him since his former rival Lil Romeo is now six feet tall and got recruited to a resurgent USC basketball program.

Damn Bow, I felt for you, so I made an advance call to Gary Coleman and Webster to ask them to leave to door to the lil man club open for you.