Kelly Rowland + New Breasts = Playboy Shoot

Dammit, how did I miss this one. I should have had this post up way back in January. It makes perfect sense for Kelly to “Throw some C’s on that b*tch” en route to a Playboy shoot.

I must say, that concave stomach piece looks about right…

Damn, I didn’t even know that Kelly was big time enough to get love from Playboy. Man, I don’t know, but I feel bad about this. I mean, Kelly is clearly a grown woman and all, but she was always the quietly cute member of Destiny’s Child.

Ya know, she was kind of like that one chick who you peeped and knew was hot before anybody else. The kind of chick that didn’t have the weave and didn’t need to be out front. Guys know what I’m talking about, you see that talent in the babe before she sees it in herself and you know that it’s just a matter of time before she gets turned out….uh, so you try to beat the wolves to it! But eventually you know that you’ll be sitting there as the inevitable transformation occurs. It starts out cool. Sexier gear, a little more confidence…

Next thing you know she’s rolling in the whip with your campus or neighborhood version of R. Kelly with “Pee On You” blaring out of the speakers… That girl is Kelly and that “Pee On You, Remix” is this Playboy shoot….WTF?

You know how you get invested in a chick and just see their terrible life choices and wonder why? Again, this is Kelly. I mean, just because Lindsay took off her gear in that “artistic rendering” doesn’t mean you have to pimp yourself out to promote your album. Or does it? I know, I know, you won’t be doing anything you’re not comfortable with, you know the photographer and wouldn’t do it if anyone else asked you to, you have complete control and creative input and everyone is just so great, professional and classy over there at Playboy.

It’s just a bad idea. People won’t look at you as a sex symbol, they’ll look at you as a hizzoe who laid down for a seedy skin rag. I know, I know, plenty of big stars did it. Right, but exactly ZERO A-Listers ever do it because they don’t have to.

And the enhanced cans don’t mean that now all of a sudden you can or should bear all.

Damn, this alleged breast addition just happened in early 2008, can’t you wait until the swelling goes down before you start taking it all off? And if you were going to make some improvements, why not your ass piece?

People would just assume you’re getting naturally thick, but it’s fairly obvious that those breast-tah-sis were not made by “the Hugh Heffner on High”…ok?

Shyut, I like the old Kelly.

Smooth in that mid section yall. I mean, she could really get it. Don’t get me wrong, because she can still get it, but it’s just for different reasons now. With that said, we’ll have those Kelly skin rag pics as soon as they come out. Don’t worry about that.

– Lake

Throw some C’s on that ‘chick’

Just bought a Cadillac… Hey, I respect the woman who wants an upgrade but instead of going from an A- they raise it on up to a C+. But you just gotta know as a celeb that you’re going to get called out for it. This is a picture of Kelly Rowland in August of ’07.

This is her this week.

Side by side please…

No question, she’s on that silicone juice. Hey, if you’re in entertainment you kind of have to go to it I guess. It’s just a prerequisite. I don’t know, I like the old innocent Kelly a bit more.

Project Cougar Mission, item 1 is now complete.

– Lake

———–UPDATE————-

I wonder if Beyonce hit her with a severance package from Destiny’s Child and said “Let me Upgrade U“.  If so, Thick ass Beyonce shoulda given her some of all that wagon shes draggin’.

My bad.

-Brock

What’s with the high pants?

I know you ladies may like them and I’m sure they’re the “in” winter fashion, but I’m not liking what I’m seeing with these high pants out here.

(Ok, her’s actually look decent, but we all know why Keyes needs that. She’s one ham sammich away yall, just one)

It’s just an epidemic.

They are not sexy to me, and isn’t that all the really matters? Hmm, don’t get me wrong, some people make it work. Look at Kim Kardashian working these joints:

Lovely. But they don’t come off nearly as nice on others. Ole Ms. Can’t dance Rihanna goes to it all the time and I’m just not impressed.

So does Kelly Rowland.

See, I like my Kelly Ro with as low rise as the rise can go. Now tell me she doesn’t look better here than she did before:

Hard to argue with that. How about lower.. definitely gotta take it low!

Silky smooth yall, silkay smoove! At any rate, I guess they’re kind of novel on yall, but it’s just like everything else the look will be high jacked by terrible broads and turned into a cover up for chicks who are trying to get over:

(Umm well, in this shot it’s ok, but I can tell that she just didn’t make it with this get up in person.  How do I know she didn’t?  Believe me, I know, I know.)

Or worse, because we all know it will lead to the inevitable.

(Ah-ha, hush that fuss, errybody move to the back of the bus, Geez)

Bottom line, tight is right. If you’re big, you need to keep the clothes as close to your body as possible, lest you end up looking like a mack truck walking up into the club. If you’re thin, you just look like you’re lost up in that outfit when you go high pants or baggy dress. Take it from Christina Milian:

Now that’s how you rock a dress. Love ya babe.

– Lake

Kelly R…fadeout stage left

I’ve always been a fan of the silky smooth legs of Kelly Rowland, AKA Beyonce Jr., but this is crazy.

I remember the good old days when you could do something embarrassing and people could just imagine it. Now, with all these camera phones, you get to see it all go down. I mean Kelly drops like she caught a UFC kick to the dome piece. “Dehydration” is a beast. Get yo weight up Kelly, literally.

-Brock

UPDATE—————————————–

Those bastards at Sony BMG took the damn video off youtube.  Copyright violation of a camera phone video with crappy audio?…I think not.  Not wanting your artist tapping out and falling over like a ragdoll to be seen by millions of people?   Much more likely.