That’s why we pray: Mitt takes Michigan

Mitt won’t tell you he had to have Michigan, but quietly, homey needed that win really bad.

Look, I have no idea what people in Michigan are thinking beyond name recognition, after all, Mitt’s pops was the Governor there back when he was running around with Joseph Smith and Brigham Young ‘n dem.

Because as I understand it, Michigan is all about economic turnaround. So you pick Mitt to hook it up? Why, because he was a venture capitalist? How did that help people in Massachusetts? Anyway, nice win and let’s see how you do against Huckabee in South Carolina. Not sure how a plastic, bottle tanned Ken Doll will go over down there… Not sure how Big Love goes over either.  Well, at least not formally.  More later…

– Lake

Huckabee fo’ Pres-o-dent!!!

I haven’t spoke to Brock about it, but I’m about to put my support for the GOP Presidential nomination behind my main man (finger snap) Mike Huckabee….It’s not because I believe in anything he stands for, no. It’s because of this hot ad I just saw on Youtube. It’s pretty hot.

Doesn’t that just say it all? The Republican platform is simple, no gay shit (Giuliani is out), no none “evangelical” (whatever that means) cult-ish religions started in Upstate New York (Romney, kindly hit the bricks), no real credentials or legitimate bravery (McCain’s gotta go) no intelligence or thoughtfulness (Obama, peace out), no women who are smarter than them (Hillary, put yo apron on) and no non-white immigrants (Adios non blancos amigos)… Yep, that’s the GOP I know.

God Bless Amurica…

– Lake

The South comes to their senses as Huckabee rises

Yes indeedy, finally realizing that they don’t trust Mormons.

That they hate gays.

And love guns.

The Southern Republicans are finally saying what I’ve said for months, that they need yet another white dude, who talks about Jesus, hunting, low taxes and governing (in that order) for their Presidential candidate.

I mean, isn’t it obvious that Mitt was pro gay, pro abortion, hell, pro Democrat, back when he needed to be? And now he’s trying to change up?

Nah, I don’t think so. Similarly, Rudy was IN DRAG, pro gay, anti gun and pro abortion his entire career and now he’s suddenly some kind of solid social conservative?

Nah, you can’t fool the Southern Republican! Where’s the intolerance? Where’s the simplicity? Sure, they’re both pandering, but it’s not insincere enough. I mean, you gotta really get in there and appeal to their most basic stupidity like ole Dubyah, a dude who really grew up in Connecticut, did back in 2000.

I know one thing, they better hurry up, because a slow talkin’, southern drawlin’, ice tea sippin’, Reverend, Brother, Deacon, Dr. Gobner named My-ike Huckabee is sneaking up on them and he speaks their language.

He’s keeping it real.

I kind of like it actually. Go ‘head Ma-Eye-Ike. At least we know where you’re from and what you’re about. See, they understand My-ike and My-ike understands them.

He jus- lie one-a dem. Sure he’s a little soft on his racism, but he can improve on that. He’s surging in the polls I tell you. I like it, I started to think America had lost it’s mind. Good to see I can rely on the backwards, non progressive and ignorant Southerner GOP types that I’ve grown so accustomed to.

I can tell you this, if you’re a illegal errrr non-citizen, immigrant to the United States and you don’t have your damn paperwork contemplated, filled out, signed, sealed and delivered, you might as well book your flight back home early, because this coming year is going to be a bitch for yall. Well, that is unless you’re a white Cuban or from Europe… My GOP friends tell me that you can stay. 😉

God Bless Amurica,

-Lake W.