Archive for the ‘Busted’ Category

Busted: Photoshop is Performance Enhancing

July 31, 2008

We’ve had some photoshopping casualties out here. Most notably Usher’s horrible wife Tameka. But I aint ever seen anybody get exposed like this. Dammit.

I guess this babe is some star on Big Brother UK or something. Anyway, she’s got that thunder up top, but it comes at a price. Pretty bold of this babe to do this shoot at all if you ask me.

– Lake

Matt Jones: “We Snort the Coke, We Drink the Wine!!!!”

July 14, 2008

Matt Jones muthafuckas it’s party time!!!

We missed this from last week, but Matt Jones, Jags Wide Receiver and former “good guy” got busted for Coke by the fuzz.

Damn.  Anyway, the 6 foot 8 inch, former Arkansas Quarterback got picked up with two more of his boys while cutting up coke in a car with a credit card.

Genius!  I mean, what can be said?  If you get busted cutting up some coke in public place, we can rest assured that you have a drug problem.  And this just in, Matt Jones says that “it wasn’t him” or better yet, “it’s wasn’t his”..  Ha.  Right, because that defense works for anybody not named R. Kelly or Shaggy.  Hey Matt, unless you’ve sold 100 Million albums, you can’t use that one player.  Nah, that felony yeyo possession charge is gonna stick something serious my man.

Seriously, how wild do you think this cat is?  I mean, he’s big as all hell, cutting up some wild bolivian marching powder in a parking lot and has enough game to play NFL Wide Out.


– Lake

BUSTED: Joakim Noah Smokes The Dope

May 28, 2008

This really isn’t news so I’ll give it a few seconds of actual story time until I move on to more worthy pursuits.  But Joakim Noah, the back-to-back NCAA Basketball National Champion and Chicago Bull Forward, just got busted for possession the hippie lettuce and unauthorized public liquor sippin the ‘nother day in Florida.

I know, I know, the next thing I’ll tell you is that water is wet, R. Kelly enjoys pissing on teens and the Yankees Suck this year.  Believe me, Joakim Noah smoking tweed is about as much of a lock as you can possibly get in life. 

And while we’re at it, hell, why not, let’s just go ahead and roll back that ridiculous celebration dance homey pulled last year.

Hard to imagine that dude is on some banned substances, huh?  And even better, his pops doesn’t understand what all the fuss is about, hmmmm, I wonder why?

“In the newspapers, there’s a lot of talk about my son who is 23 and has a drink with his friends and who is caught with a joint in his pocket,” said Noah senior.

“He called me. He said: ‘Dad, I think I’ve blundered’. I said: ‘Yes, it’s a mistake but it’s not serious. Don’t change. Make me happy, don’t let it happen again’.”

Hey, it’s hard to fault pops for taking the smooth and easy approach when he can smoke the finest herbs over in Paris with an assortment of extra light skinned bunnies he seems to hold in his pockets like so many nickels and dimes (Godfather I reference).

Yannick is so pimp.  I’m sure Joakim needs some “home grown” to just get his mind off how much cooler his pops is than him.  Anyway, While I was looking up the particulars on this Joakim “blunder” I noticed something: Joakim’s sister Yelena Noah is pretty decent.

Whoops, that’s “Black” from Flavor of Love 3.. not sure how she got in there… Yelana?

Very nice.. now lean with it…

Ahhh, interesting, but only average.  Maybe she needs to be glammed up a bit:

Better, but still unimpressive.  Hey, mid post, I’ve reversed myself.  Not only is this babe not UvT quality, but now I finally know how Pac felt on “Hit Em Up” when he pronounced, “I don’t even know why I’m on this mufuckin track,” because this chick is scarcely post worthy.  To cleanse my palate let me lace up one of Yannick Noah’s ladies of yore, Heather Stewart Whyte, his second wife.

Now she was/is Euro-flow, Bolivian Marching Powder, celery for breakfast, lunch and dinner hot.  Sheeeeiit, she was even Maxim ugly American hot…

Hell, she’s even got some Not Safe For Work street cred right here.  I like it.  Sheeeeit, Heather saved my post.  Can’t have the “you’re ho game is weak” boo birds blowing up my celly like last week. 

– Lake

Hey Roger, we know you did it, just admit it

December 23, 2007

Ole Rog released a “personal” youtube denial today. It’s so “from the heart,” folksy and completely unscripted, peep it:

Don’t you love the edit job they did? And that wasn’t scripted or anything, sheyut, who am I kidding. The only thing missing from that joint was a teleprompter and an unemployed writer’s union vagabond feeding the Rocket Mayne his lines. This is so hilarious. “I’ll sit down with Mike Wallace and-“… Nilla, what are you talking about? Don’t talk about going on 60 minutes like that’s the gold standard for “coming clean” and being “transparent” about your bullshit. Your fellow Texan Dubyah has been on 60 Minutes numerous times and he’s probably the most insincere cat in the entire free world. Sitting down with Mike Wallace isn’t macho, it’s Bush league. It’s one step above Larry Shoulder Blades King’s dog and pony show. If you want to take this head-on, call a press conference and take all comers with all their questions.


Rog, I’m going to hip you to a little secret, WE ALL KNOW YOU DID ‘ROIDS. Everyone has always known it. First, look at the size of your dome. Sure you played for the Evil Empire, but that doesn’t mean you need to look like Lord Helmet from Spaceballs, ok?


And unless you’ve got a time machine that none of us know about, we all can safely assume that the aging process hasn’t up and decided to run in reverse for you and you alone. You’re the only pitcher who actually got Better, Bigger, Fasterrr, Strongerrrrrrrrrr as you aged AND your boy Andy P. admitted that he juiced. We know you did it, just admit it. Hell, even Curt Schilling expressed doubt about whether you did it…well, Curt is almost as much as an asshole as you are, so I’ll actually put that in the “one for Roger” column, because anything that cat says can’t be taken too seriously, after all, he did hit his own sock with that ketchup back in ’04.


It will be alright if you just admit it. I mean, come on, this is such a joke.


Rocket maaaaaaaan, just come clean. Relax, you’ll still get into the Hall. You’re a white folk hero right along side Brett Favre, Larry Bird, Ronald Reagan and Elvis. None of you guys can do any wrong in the eyes of most of these slugs out here. Just admit it, move on and it will be all good. Doing what you’re doing now, you’re just making it worse for yourself. Hey Rog, I must ax you do you still:


Now that you came out with this definitive denial, you’re just going to give the story legs. Now you’ll have cats out there, both credible and suspect, looking for a piece of you for a little fame. And truth be told, even a bullshit corroboration of what everyone already believes would fry your ‘Roid ragin, spazzin’ ass. Why are you doing this? Why don’t you ask Mike Piazza if he thinks you were on the Juice when you threw that bat at him.


– Lake

BUSTED: Denise the Shady Lunch Lady

December 18, 2007

After watching a few episodes of Survivor China, I knew there was something about Denise that just wasn’t right.


It all started when she was all too happy to snake James, her supposed ally and friend, when they voted him off with the two immunity idols. Not only was that dirty, but it was stupid for her. She clearly was on the outside with Amanda, Todd and Lil Evil. Then she stretched credulity with that whole “I’m a Karate Instructor, I own a dojo and I’m a second degree blackbelt” but yet when she showed the Shaolin monks her stuff, she moved with the grace and precision of a has-been circus elephant with it’s trunk up it’s ass. Let me tell you a thing or two, a Karate woman looks like this:




And this:



Not like this:


Ya feel me? A Karate chick is fit, determined, and clean. She’s not the arbiter between Chicken Fricassee and Mystery Meat Tacos (incidentally, school tacos weren’t all that bad). She’s thinking about her energy, the universe, being one with her inner chi and all kinds of shit like dat. She aint thinking about whether she’s gonna shape her mullet up into a rat tail or just leave it wild to hang trailer park free. You are no more of a Black Belt in Karate than C3pO was a Jedi Knight.


(I’m actually not sure how this fits, but I’m a bulldog guy, so F it)

Then the chick refused to reciprocate Peih-Gee’s reward generosity talking about “I don’t want her to get strength”…. Biatch, she’s waxing you on all kinds of challenges AND it’s 4 against 1. If you had any “honor” as you kept on hitting Amanda with right before she iced your ass, then why didn’t you show Peih-Gee any love? Then she started quiting all kinds of challenges, wouldn’t eat the damn chicken embryo — she was just a mess. All that “of the people” foolishness was just a farce, or so it seemed at the time….. Well, now we have confirmation.

If you watched the finale, you saw Denise give this contrived sob story about how she lost her job because of the show..roll the tape intern.

LOL, it’s pretty ugly when you consider that she played Probst to set it all up too. Ha. This is off topic, but what’s up with that guy, Probst, by the way? Why is he so self-righteous? He’s like the Survivor version of Alex Tribec. He talks down to everyone on the show like he’s some kind of Survivor Genius, meanwhile, his ass stays out of the game, well fed and fully clothed as bangs out (but doesn’t marry) one of the tighter contestants they ever had and probably a native of 6 in each “exotic destination” for good measure. “Why didn’t you try to get them out of that alliance?” Yeah, easy for you to say, you aren’t out there playing the damn game, son. What they need to do is put Jeff out there on this new Survivor Vets v. Newbies joint next season. Then things would get interesting and quickly.

Anyway, long story short, Denise got BUSTED!


Right, predictably, her boss was watching the finale (go figure), took offense, dimed her out for being a lying cheat who was just trying to mooch some lootchy off her “fame” and now she’s out here apologizing. Check the video of that HERE.


Yeah, I guess the fact that she asked to be and was promoted to janitor from Lunch Lady, rather than fired just happened to escape her during the finale show. Oh and the fact that she’s been in this new job for months already also somehow got changed around. Ha… I know this chick aint the biggest genius in the world, but didn’t she know that people were going to figure this out?


Did she actually think all those administrators were just going to let her conjure up some story about how they unfairly canned her without getting their say so in? I mean, I know she’s an ex-Lunch Lady, but hasn’t she heard of the internet? Shit like that doesn’t go unexposed. I guess Courtney was right after all; you really do just “suck at life“…. Nice try, enjoy the $50 stacks you stole from Mark Burnett. I hope your reputation and all the shit your kids will take as a result of this was well worth it.


“Denise, I’m sorry, Lake has spoken. Now get yo’ shit, fix yo’ wig and beat it”..

– Lake

They Busted the Rocket Maaaaaaaaaan!

December 13, 2007


And I think it’s gonna be a long long time
Till touch down brings me round again to find
I’m not the man they think I am at home
Oh no no no, I’m a rocket man (ROCKET MAAAAAAAYNE)
Burning out his fuse up here alone

What a fitting song. “Oh, no, no, no – I’m da Rocket maa-aan.” That Rocket Maaaaaaaan is exactly what the Doctor errr Dentist ordered for this whole Steroids scandal. It’s always been a Barry Bonds witch hunt, but now we finally have some collateral damage. Hey, I’m just glad we can finally and officially account for all wild glare young Andrew Pettitte used to come with back in the day.


You kind of have to respect that controlled Roid Rage… Let me ask yall a question, how hot do these guys look right about now.


Care to comment Manny?


No doubt, just how I see.. All is well in the Bean.


Nice team. Chock full of vitamin c, juice and ethics.


– Lake


Shocker, ole ‘Roid Rocket Rog is now saying he’s “innocent.”  Right, just like you didn’t mean to throw that broken bat at Mike Piazza either, right?  I know, I know, you thought it was the ball and that’s why you tried to HIT HIM with it.  Sure thing.  Who’s this guy’s lawyer, the incomparable Shaggy?


Trainer shot me up near the showers, Waddent me 
I never thought he’d roll over, it Waddent me
Took HGH by the staircase, Waddent me
My Legacy fucked ova!

Roger:  Ok, Lake, you got me.. you got me

Lake:  Oh I didn’t get you yet, should I git him?  haaaa

We’ll leave that for the coming weeks…  Love it.

Marion, we know you did it, just admit it

October 5, 2007

Awww, I didn’t know until you told me!!!


Word on the street is that Marion Jones has admitted to using steroids, specifically a drug called THG or “the clear,” and plans to plead guilty to two counts of lying to federal agents on Friday. Goooooooo Tar Hells!!!


Hey, I know this is the gotcha moment, but is anyone really shocked that Jones was on the juice? BOTH her love interests, that bootleg Mark Henry looking CJ Hunter and Tim Montgomery are notorious juicers. You are who you hang with. Then Marion stepped on the track looking more like Marion Barber than she did Marion Jones.


Sheyut, at this point, would anybody be shocked if she grew a pair? I always wondered how things went down with her and lil Tim Montgomery. He never did look all that ahem masculine to me. I for some odd reason, I just never felt like Tim was hittin it right.


(Something in this dude’s smile aint right)

Also, SHE RUNS TRACK and THEY ALL JUICE. Come on. You can just look at those fools and see that they all juice. What are you going to tell me next, the WWE athletes juice? You going to tell me NFL guys are all ‘roided up? No, you’re going to shock me and tell me that every single cyclist, including Lance Armstrong, is a juicer? They all juice. It’s just the nature of the beast at this point. You can’t tell me anyone with a shred of common sense looked at a 6’, 2″ chick, with zero 0% body fat and saber tooth tiger chompers and tell me you didn’t know she was on some funny shit.


(Look at that chick’s stomach)

I mean, look at the broad. We all knew she did it, we just were waiting for her to admit it. Dude, if she was using ‘roids since 2000, how did that affect the baby she had with Tim Montgomery back in back in 2003?


That little cat already has freaky race horse blood in him via Tim’s and Marion’s mutant DNA, plus that double cocktail of juice on both sides of the family, sheyut, he’s probably looking like this by about now.


Marion, do you think you’ll ever be respected as an elite athlete again?


Yeah, I don’t think so either. You best bust a phone call to the WNBA once you get out of the pen. The game needs you and believe me, you’ll be needed them soon.

– Lake