Archive for the ‘Political’ Category

Palin and the Bush Doctrine…Wait. What is the Bush Doctrine?

September 12, 2008

I guess Charlie Gibson agreed to treat Sarah Palin with deference and respect prior to the interview because Palin finally agreed to come off script and tell us what she really thinks as opposed to what the scriptwriters think.

Man.  Charlie knew he had her immediately too.  When she says “In what respect Charlie” she really means, “What the hell are you talking about Charlie?”.  You can literally see the moment when she hears that voice inside that all of us hear sometimes saying “fuuuuuuuuuck”.

I half expected her to say “Charlie…I personally believe that US Americans believe that…such as…in the Iraq and the President Bush and the, Bush Doctrine and everything such as”.  In fact she might want to get in touch with Miss Teen South Carolina for some tips on how to work the interview answers off the cuff.

Oh man.  That never gets old.

Seriously though.  This is literally why politicians work the national stage for a little while.  That is why the 18 months on the campaign trail matter.  It’s okay if some reporter in Nebraska asks you about your views on the Bush Doctrine with a little tape recorder in his hand in March of 2007 when no one is paying attention.  You can say, “What is the Bush Doctrine?” and it is all good.  You can’t do it when you are 55 days away from the general election and locked in to be a 50/50 chance and a heartbeat away from the most powerful job in the world.

Like Matt Damon said, “she’s gonna have the nuclear codes”.


I Can’t Take It

September 4, 2008

I’m watching the RNC and John McCain right now because I really want to hear and see all sides and all opinions heading into the Presidential Elections this year.  So I’m watching as they scan the crowd and see this sign describing McCain.

“The Mavrick”

See, how am I supposed to trust that guy?  Honestly.  I don’t want to be stereotypical, I know that there is a core to the Republican set of values that has a real basis of support, but I can’t deny the plain fact that they also leverage appeal to the simple and uneducated to give their party more power.  Between that and “drill baby drill” this thing has looked like the damn WWE as much as anything.

That kinda scares me.


For Some Reason There is More Than One Republican Analyst Named Tucker

September 4, 2008

So I’m flipping through the channels last night and hit CNN for a quick update on the RNC.  I see Campbell Brown going at it with a McCain spokesman.  I don’t really recognize the dude, but he is the typical talking head.  Campbell caught him with a wild question on Sarah Palin’s big executive decisions as President of the PTA, Scout Leader of Brownie Troop 523, Mayor of Saytheweezybaybee, Alaska or whatever she’s been doing when Campbell says, “Tucker, answer the question”.  That gets my interest, so I look up.

Daaaaaaamn.  When did Tucker Carlson become a McCain spokesperson?  I knew Tucker Carlson lost the bow tie a while ago, but the haircut really tightened him up.  He actually looks like a respectable human being now.  He lost the shaggy, high school haircut and actually looks like a grown ass man.

Then I went looking for him today, and that’s not Tucker Carlson.  It’s some dude named Tucker Bounds.  Unfortunately, Tucker Carlson still looks like this.

Damn, I guess I gave you too much credit Tuck.  Here is a free piece of advice though.  Take the picture above, print it out, take it to your barber and say “give me this”.  You are 39 years old, and it is time to start looking like it.  You still look like a real life Richie Rich to me.

The Tuckers really do look alike though don’t they?  That dude is like Tucker 2.0.  Either that or all white dudes look alike to me.  One or the other, I can’t tell which one it is yet.


Barack Did It

August 29, 2008

Shout out to Barack Obama for accepting the Democratic Nomination last night.

This is a moment in history that most people didn’t think America was ready for.  Barack seized the moment and delivered eveything anyone could have possibly asked for.  He acknowledged the history, he addressed the issues, he set the prime moments of his agenda, he drew a stark difference between himself and McCain.  And yes, I will be watching the Republican convention next week to see what they have to say.  I fully expect to see more of this.

Fuck Fox News.


John Edwards: In the Case of That Baby Mama is Damn Ugly, John YOU _____ the Father!

August 8, 2008

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaail no!  First a tranny on “I want Diddy” (ha) and now this.  This has been a fucked up week!

Come on John.  Even she can’t believe you blazed that.  Look at her, she’s disgusted!  Don’t tell me you hit that raw dog.  I mean, anyone could have a bad night (I guess) but with this babe you need a condom, liquid drain-o, an assault rifle and a urologist waiting outside the room standing on call.  I mean, I read the story and immediately called the Orkin man just on general principle.

And yes I stepped on Brock’s post.  And you know what, like Smokey, I.Don’t.Give.A.Fuccccck.  Ya dig?

– Weekend Lake, ready to git after it like Ollie v. April

New York Magazine cover

July 15, 2008

Satire?  Parody?  This is just fucked up.

Middle America is going to really understand the nuanced humor here.  Thanks for enlightening the masses New Yorker Magazine.  Let’s see, an “Obama is Muslim” jab, with a sprinkle of “He hates America”, all mixed up with a heavy pinch of “Don’t forget they are Black”.  They gave Michelle Obama an afro!

Why not just break out the blackface, the Mr. Bojangle’s gloves and the dynamite vest too?  There isn’t even much political news right now.  Nothing is really going to crank up until the conventions so this is dropping a bomb for no damn reason.  Assholes.


Obama draws a crowd

May 20, 2008

Hey Hillary. I haven’t heard much from you in the last week since John Edwards endorsed Barack Obama. That must have sucked for you. Well this isn’t going to help. Barack Obama almost had more people show up to a rally in Oregon than the margin of votes you won by in your “big win” in West Virginia.

Those are real people. They look pretty white from here and I’m sure they would consider themselves “hard working”. Hill, can you do me a favor and drop out after tomorrow? I know, I know you’re still waiting to shoot the punt in the basket for the win at the end of the third period. Right, you can still win this.



Raafman from the comments hit me with the wide angle.

Damn that’s a lot of people.

Man Up Monday: Hillary Clinton

May 12, 2008

HIllary.  Stop, please just stop.  Fine, you’re tough.  You are going hard.  I know, there isn’t a nominee yet, so the game isn’t over.  The problem is, you are just making yourself look crazy, desperate, and the people around you are starting to look like complete fools.  First, you were just going to steal the Super Delegates by cashing in all of Bill’s chips.  Then you want to count Michigan and Florida, one state where you were the only person on the ballot, and another state where people were told votes don’t count before the election.  First you were down with delegates, then the super delegates, then big states, then some imaginary delegate count that your people made up.  The funny thing is, whenever you make up a new standard, Barack ends up beating it. This weekend I heard you try to say how important West Virginia is in the election.  “No president has been elected since 1920 without winning West Virginia.”  Sure, that could mean that it is an important state, orrrrrrrrr, it could mean that WV goes which ever way the wind blows and doesn’t mater at all.

So HIllary, remember the last person who couldn’t drop out of the race?

Right.  Remember how stupid he looked?

The worst part is, now HIllary is just saying stupid shit.

On Friday, she said her base was “working, hard-working Americans, white Americans”.  What?  Hillary, let me tell you how the English language works.  When you speak in phrases like that, it means you are redefining the previous phrase.  So that means that “hard-working Americans” and “white Americans” are synonymous.  Which is to the exclusion of everyone else.  Which is also code for “You know Barack is Black, right”?  Even old school Clinton devotee Charlie Rangel had to say, “That is one of the dumbest things she could have said”.

HIllary, you are always talking about how tough you are.  You’ve wanted to show that you can play as hard as the guys.  You want to show you can fight and scrap with anyone from Chris Dodd to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.  Well it is time for you to Man Up!

That means to step down while you’ve still got some dignity.  It is like a UFC match, Barack has you in a tight arm lock.  You don’t need to get your arm broken to prove you are tough.  There is dignity in saying you’ve been beaten by the better competitor.

Man Up…and please do it soon.


Obama Stays out of the Turrible Gear Hall of Fame

May 9, 2008

The media went nuts today when Barack Obama rocked jeans for the first time even on the campaign trail.

I like how he busted out the Jet/Ebony male one leg up pose on it. So of course we had to make sure he stayed off of the ARod and MJ, Mom jeans program. After all, the leader of the free world can’t be caught slippin.

Nice, he keeps it respectable. Did you hear the screams in the video? I guess the Huffington Post has taken to calling the moment of ecstasy when a supporter erupts when in the presence of Barack the O-bama face. What does it look like?

and he makes the ladies go…

It looks like that. Brock…errrrrr…Barack drives the women crazy.


Guam Represent! Barack Wins!

May 3, 2008

My man Barack Obama just won Guam by a clean seven votes. Hell yeah to those seven people. You just saved us from Hillary extrapolating some ridiculous claim of superiority based on Guam. The worst part, those 4,500 votes in Guam count more than anything done in Michigan and Florida.

What do you call people from Guam, anyway? Guamanians? Guamish? Guamamammas? Guamericans?

Whatever, shout out to the Guelsh for holding it down.