Archive for the ‘Coco’ Category

Thick Never Goes Out Of Style

September 3, 2008

With all this political banter, I figured I needed to offer a bit of levity in the form of irrefutable thickness.  As such, here are those thick thighs of Ashanti, something we know for sure is good for America:

“Oh-oh say can you see”

“Ah-Ashanti’s thick thighs, what so proudly he nails.”

“And Oh Damn, she leaned back again.”

Ok, there you go.  Thickness that America can get behind.  And while we’re at it, we saw this today.

I’m not sure that’s something I could, well, get behind, but it’s definitely all American, gel ass and all.

– Lake

Are You Gellin’? The Kardashian Arse Debate Rages On

June 12, 2008

If you’re a loyal reader of UvT you know there has been a crazy debate about Kim K’s ass in the comments section.

A self described and admitted ass geller (lol) “Zsa Zsa Cookie” told us that she knows Kardashian’s ass is not real. She further alleges that Kardashian’s dumper is filled up with the same substance, ass-a-licious love gel, that she put into her very own ass to give herself that synthetic thunder.

I shit you not. And then, she commanded me to google that “Hydrogel Butt Injections” to prove her point. Well, sheeeit, as a committed life long learner, you know her will I did obey and what I learnt astonished me. WOW.. There really is some wild chick flying around the country, selling bagged up ass to the highest bidder! What is this, some kind of bastardized Robin Hood, rob from the lab, give to the needy stripper? And it appears that dat ass is selling like HOE CAKES!!! Dude, I’m like my boy Will from the comments, if the ass gel is so good and so effective in the fight against negative arse-ness, why doesn’t everyone have it? Or do they?

Right and that’s when you start to feel those walls closing in on you. I mean, could you have been hittin gel for all these years and not even know it? If you were running your hands through Barbaro Mane for the better part of your adult life, why not?

Just as an aside, don’t you love how they make the broad so miserable in the “before” pic? I mean, she aint got no lip chap, is in desperate need of Proactiv and from the looks of it just got popped for trying to lift condoms from her local 7-11. I mean, basically they give you a mug shot, right? Then it’s weave time and everything changes. Suddenly our convicted felon has the custom fit and feel of Aubrey from Making the Band. And yes, I’ll resist expounding on Aubrey….this time.

Yo, I’m here to say that I can’t tell you if Kimmy K’s ass is gellin’ like magellean, ok? Lola Luv’s neither.

What I can tell you is that they’re both banging like a benzy and just like Mario Winans, I don’t wanna know. I mean, if you’re gellin, keep it on the lo.

Dude, let’s just try to put that crazy Angel Lola Luv arse into perspective.

I mean, it’s just hilarious to actually think for a microsecond that such an ass could even possibly be “real”. I mean, come on. Has ANYONE seen a body like that? Fine, I’ve seen asses that big, but they’re attached to a regulation sized lower back, a skrong thigh and study calf. I mean, could her shit be any more out of proportion?

I just don’t have that kind of expertise, but the ladies in the comments sections, some that have first ass errr hand knowledge of today’s technology, swear up and down that her ass (and Kimmy K’s) is as phony as a $3 bill.

Man, I hate this shit. It’s like when I first learned that chicks had weaves. Dude, literally, I really didn’t know and I aint been right since! I mean, you can’t trust anything these days. Double D breass-tah-sis have to be looked upon with suspicion, sub prime mortgage backed securities got my 401k actin’ a bitch, Jello allegedly has swine hoof in it (that’s why it’s so good?), and Petro costs $5 a gallon!!! I can’t trust long silky hair without a background check and two witnesses from the hairdressers. 1 in 4 mufuckas in NYC have herpes and now ass aint even ass! Seriously, this is what you call Lake Arlington hell. Forget the culture wars, can a nilla get a honest and wholesome table dance?

Oh yes, it’s all fucked up.

– Lake

Boston is the Best Sports Town Part Deux

June 6, 2008

Damn, one night and just so much happened in this Boston sports market that it’s hard to keep up. WEEI is going to be off the chain with phone calls tomorrow, that’s for sure. Let’s start with those C’s, I can’t lie, they started out about as shady as Tyler Perry at the church’s All Men’s Choir practice.  I mean, shit didn’t look or feel right. Then bad went to worse when Pauly P. hit the floor and clutched that knee piece. I was actually ok with that until they started muting out his words (read curses) as he writhed in pain on the floor.

Then they carried the cat away like he was about to make an unexpected stop at the local glue factory or something:

And when they carted him off in that wheelchair like a little bitch, it just took everything in me to NOT send that “game, set, season” text message I had cued up in my phone to the local peoples. Good thing I didn’t, because dude came back down the ramp looking like Willis Reed meets skip to my lou.

And he was all amped up. I mean, high fiving and heart punching… I must say, given his state just 3 minutes prior, it was pretty fucking terrible and I’m rooting for the Celtics. I can only imagine how awful it looked to the C’s haterz out there. How can you go down like someone shot you, start cursing like your career is suddenly over as you grip tight on that knee piece and literally get carted off like a beeyatch, only to come out hopping around like Peter Cotton Tail, with an extra young headband, on Easter Sunday?

Then you check into the game and play magnificently to the soundtrack of Jim Jones “We Fly High (Ballin)” en route to 22 pts and a C’s win?

I mean, what happened to the knee? Why were you laid out on the ground, crying and all? Something seems fishy… Could it all have been for show?

Then on the same night, the Red Sox turn around and make me remember why they’re my favorite team right about now (the Mets are a mess). Coco Crisp (still not sure how I feel about that name) ran into an infielder in retaliation behind a block of the plate yesterday.

Don’t ask me why, the most uninteresting thing about Baseball (and lord knows with Baseball there is plenty of ‘uninterestingness’ if you will) is this so called “unwritten code.” Look, I don’t know why he did it and I don’t care. All I know is that Coco got thrown at by the pitcher and boy, he wasn’t taking that shit lying down!

Seriously, someone cue up that “neva scared” music, because that’s exactly what happened here and I know that pitcher was scared when he swung wildly and got absolutely nothing but cool Boston air. Peep the fight. First the tight angle.

Then the whole thing.

Sheeeeit, Coco looked like he knew how to throw them thangs, too. He side stepped that punch and juuuuuust missed with a nice right hook. Haaa I love it. Coco is a hard mufucka! I mean, the cat can’t go much more than 170 lbs, right? I guess with a name like Coco, you gotta be hard.

Then Manny and Kevin Youkilis got into it, which I’m fine with.

But someone better tell Kevin Youkilis that he’s Kevin Youakilis. I don’t care what Manny said, he’s Manny and you’re not. Don’t fuck with greatness.

Meanwhile, Manny hit yet another home run and the Red Sox cruised to victory and right into 1.5 game first place lead in the AL East. Good to be in Beantown, for now. Out.

– Lake

We need a congressional hearing on butt implants

January 28, 2008

Forget steroids, what we really need to find out is are these asses really what they proclaim to be. Like many of us, I’ve heard the stories about the butt pads the haters say Kim K rocks. But now this controversy is really heating up. I can’t lie, you really have to wonder how asses are getting so fat while stomachs and getting smoother and smoother. On the real, if it looks too good to be real, it probably isn’t real and now cats are actually coming for these video chick’s asses, literally. Peep Angel Lola Luv’s posterior game…

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Unbelievable right? Yeah, but is it really unbelievable? Airbrush aside, you don’t go from Weaver’s chicken strip thighs, to an abrupt bowling ball tail like that. I mean, seriously, have you ever seen ANYTHING like that in nature? Me neither. And maybe here’s why:

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I can’t lie, something really doesn’t look right. That little under ripple looks more like the ends of my air mattress than something the good lawd brought to us. Who knows, maybe the enhanced tail piece will be as common and accepted as the enhanced J. I mean, I just assume Lola’s breasts are fake, but I really don’t care. Don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely not a fan of the fake J for personal use, but what do I care if it’s in a picture?

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I don’t. Anyway, we’ve officially put Lola and Coco on fake ass watch. With Coco the evidence seems pretty strong, though you can never really know in the photoshop era. Still here’s the before:

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Let’s get another angle.

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And clearly here’s the after:

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Here transformation makes Barry Bonds’ look like a junior high growth spurt. I just want these chicks to show up to congress, pull a Raffy Palmeiro and say:

“I have never, pulled back the skin on my ass and laid another coat of thickness down over top my tail feather. I don’t know how to say it more plainly than that. Never. The reference to my enhanced back on Mr. Arlington’s blog is completely false. ”

Uh huh.. To be continued….

– Lake

Assymetically thick yes, but is it all hers?

December 18, 2007

When I first saw the Asymmetrically thick Angel Lola Luv, I just figured it was a Coco T special. And in all fairness, we’ll give you one “airbrush free”:

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And one, “airbrush please”:

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Wow. Dude, looking at this, it just makes me want to shut the post down right here. I mean, are you serious? Still I must push on.

I mean, who among us doesn’t 1. Know that’s Coco’s boobs are fake –
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and 2. Think that ass is fake –

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Alright, that’s fine. Call it cultural bias, but I always just assumed that Lola Luv’s ass was so crazy that it just had to be real. I mean, even if you could build that ass, you probably wouldn’t. You wouldn’t go with that low hanger, you’d raise it up a little, right? I mean, you can’t complain as a dude, but if you had to build it from scratch, I think most people would set it a bit higher while maintaining the thunder, punch and overall mass.

But what about those breast-tah-sises? I mean, I just figure when you’re killing it to the south, you just give the north a free pass. I’ll be honest, I figure whatever you have it’s better than the silicone enhancements, but once you’re into entertainment, all bets are off. Like I’m quite sure Melyssa Ford is not all natural.

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I saw her in person and it looked like two torpedoes were coming for me (not that I was complaining or anything).

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Anyway, I’m getting way off track. The point of all this is that I was bumping around the internet today, just doing what I do, and I saw this video of ole girl doing her photo shoot for XXL Mag. Now maybe it’s just me, but I’m beginning to believe that this chick Lola Luv is completely au natural. Judge for yourselves.
Vodpod videos no longer available. from www.worldstarhiphop. posted with vodpod

Dude, wasn’t that wild? Did you see the way everything just laid in there? I really think the chick is all natural. It’s all hers. Next thing you’ll tell me that wig piece is hers too. I know, I know, she’s got Ethiopian in her… believe me, I already know the arguments for it being her real hair. Only, almost nobody rolls weave free these days. I mean, Beyonce rocks a new weave every single day! Which I hate by the way. Out.

– Lake

Thick white woman alert: Mrs. Coco T

July 13, 2007

Um, there’s just something about this picture that makes you feel a little bit uncomfortable with yourself.

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First, I can’t tell if Coco looks great, better than great or terrible. I think in the streets, they call that “Good n Terrible”. No question, this bikini shot certifies that she indeed beyonds in that U v. T Thick White Woman category…and she will remain safely ensconced accordingly. But I’m not sure I love the way that thong is hittin her tail piece.. And Ice.. damn man.. All I can say is, I’m sorry, but my journalistic integrity forced me into it. One question, implants or no? And you know I’m not talking about those breasts homey.

At least Ice T didn’t go out like Fat Joe did earlier this year….

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“We from the Bronx, NY Shit Happens” – Fat Joe, Lean Back

You aint lied. Dammit that just aint right!

– Lake