Archive for the ‘White Chocolate’ Category

Kim Kardashian’s Ass(terisk?)

June 9, 2008

Now I’ve been firmly (heh) in the Kim Kardashian’s ass is real camp. Particularly since I saw…ummmm heard…about the way it tucked itself in from the top in that awful sex tape with Ray J. But now I’m shook.

Is that real? Is it fake? I’m about to call in the greatest assologists from all over the world and call an emergency session to make a final ruling based on new evidence. I can’t slap the asterisk on it myself, Lake, can you call it?


Man Up Monday: The Morehouse Man

May 19, 2008

Or is that the Man of Morehouse?  You all know that Morehouse is the pinnacle of the Black college experience.  They are a proud, proud bunch of men.

You’ve got every kind of brother here.  Bowtie Brother.  Proud sweatshirt Brother.  Dreadlock brother.  Successful business brother…and if I wear this suit I’ll look like a successful business brother.  I think when you get there you are a Man of Morehouse, and when you leave you are a Morehouse Man.  Or maybe it is the other way around.  The funny thing is it works both ways…that shit doesn’t make sense.

Well either way there are some brothers at Morehouse who are not happy this morning.  Here is the 2008 valedictorian, Joshua Packwood.

Awwwwwww damn.  Is nothing sacred?  The white boy came in and dropped a 4.0 on Morehouse.  Morehouse man, man of Morehouse.  Nobody wanted to step up and box this dude out?  You know, make him pledge Que or something so his grades would get jacked up for a semester.

You know the proud sisters of Spelman also thought they had found the ultimate white boy who appreciated Black culture.  You know ol’ Josh had his killer crossover game tight.  Even the most bohemian, poetry slamming, natural hair wearing sister gave Josh some play.

So this is to the men of Morehouse.  You can’t let this happen again. Dude was probably an African-American studies major.  You cats need to Man Up on this one.  Make some study groups.  Let the power of Black Pride make you wake up in the morning.  You can’t just let a white boy roll up in the spot and establish himself as an authority on Black Culture.  You can’t let him legitimize himself as the best of what Black institutions have to offer.  First, you let a white boy do that, then next thing you know they are trying to take over the world.  Is nothing sacred?  Wait a minute.  I just realized…I’ve got to go have a talk with Lake…dammit!



How did I miss the fact that this dude’s last name is “Packwood”?  Is there anything more pimpin’ than that?  With a name like that he was definitely up on the sisters.  Is there a better white boy trying to pick up a sister name than that? 

Spelman Sister: I don’t know.  I’ve never dated a white boy before.  I don’t know what that’s like.

JP:  My last name is Packwood, baby.  Pack.  Wood.  Know what I’m sayin’?  I think I might have something you’ll like.

In fact, the interns were able to pull a pic of Playa Packwood and his girlfriend off the internets.

Josh is rocking the full on shadow and the bad girlfriend who I’ve got on good authority would fall into the “Us” category of body type.  Nice work Josh!

By the way, Lake and I were discussing why a white dude as valedictorian of Morehouse hasn’t happened before.  We realized that most white boys who bring the kind of academic heat to be valedictorian at a major academic institution probably isn’t electing to go get that “cultural experience” over at Morehouse.  They are either down the street at Georgia Tech or they took that ride to Athens to chill between the hedges at Georgia.


Why Do Old People Always Wear These Shoes?

April 20, 2008

I love sneakers, I’m a Nike man myself, but I definitely appreciate all brands. You can find almost anything on the internet these days but I’ve never figured out how all old people find these joints.

All white, no logo, crisp as hell. I guess those joints are okay, but damn put a little flavor on it. I’m not saying you’ve got to rock Obama Air Force Ones, but put some steel blue on that joint, a red stripe in the back. The best is when they throw some velcro on it.

Oh yes, the Herman Munster special right there.

Well if those are the rules, I guess I’ve got to follow them.  When I turn 72, I’m rocking these:

Oh yes, Brock keeps it pimpin’.


Eliot “Money Pay” Spitzer Hit This

March 19, 2008

Dammit, is it just me or is this chick getting better looking with each released photo? I said it. Incidentally, click this link right HERE for the musical accompaniment to this post, Youz A Ho, Ludacris.


Unless that fool in the back is hiding a G in his Jamz he needs to back up off the merchandise.


Realistically, what would it have cost him to hit that night. You know she won’t whore in any old dump, so let’s say $350 for the highest end Jersey Shore Hotel. Then you add $200 the hotel would later add to his tab for those stolen minibar snacks and mini liquor bottles. I know, I know, a scrub like this wouldn’t even have a credit card to to put on hold for incidentals, I know, just humor him err me. You know that she’d mark up that cab ride, normally $10, to $50 and then $1,000 for the deed itself. Oh don’t worry, lubrication and condoms are included….What, you thought they wouldn’t be? Come on, she’s a professional.

So let’s summarize:

$ 350
$ 200
$ 50
$1,600 Subtotal
$ 320 20% Standard Gratuity for Ho Activities

$1,920 Grand total

So there you have it. That’s what it would have taken for this clown to get some tail out of Kristin Ashley Rae Maika Alexandra Youmans Dupree DiPietro that night. Damn, you know a babe is shady when she’s got that many names. Meanwhile, I’ll put any amount of money on this chick having some D list boyfriend before summer starts. Publicity stunt no doubt, but it will make for some decent blogging. My guess right now is Steve-O from Jackass.


Why not, right? Nobody cares what he does as is, it’s good for headlines and you know she knows how to satisfy…. Go get it brother.

– Lake

Kraft Recalls White Chocolate

October 6, 2007

Lake, your people need you back.


My bad, you still my nilla though.

Hilarious how White people who play like brothers immediately get the “White Chocolate” pseudonym.

There’s Jason (not shotgun, not “smiles like he’s smelling sh*t” Jay) Williams:


White Strippers built like this:


And this phone by Verizon Wireless:


They do need to recall Lake though. He’s been out of control lately. A lady has got to bust out a sex tape to even hit his radar these days. I think if there was an Allison Stokke sex tape he might just completely lose his mind.