Posts Tagged ‘Shaq’

Shaq Shot the Sheriff…and He No Longer is a Deputy…

June 25, 2008

Whooooo Hoooooo whooooooooo!

Oh, this story keeps getting better.  Like Lake said, Shaq is just about on of the corniest cats out there.  Part of that?  The fact that Shaq has frequently and publicly stated that he hopes to be a cop once he retires for basketball.  He’s gone as far as to actually go through training and get deputized.

First of all, where did they find the 7’1″, 300 plus pound version of a cop uniform?  Second of all, can you imagine this dude running up on you after you committ a crime?

Well, after Shaq called Kobe a “ni**a” and asked he “how his ass tastes”, I guess the fake police department that issued him that bullshit paper badge decided that Shaq’s performace was unbecoming to the department…so they stripped him of his badge.

Hey Shaq, who has the taste of ass in their mouth now?  You’ve lost the fake job you didn’t need.  How ya like that?

Meanwhile, Vanessa Bryant just realized that if Kobe knows how Shaq’s ass tastes, she probably does too…

Now he’s really in trouble.

-Brock

Shaunie ‘$30 Mil’ O’Neal to the World: “Big Stacks, my pockets on Creatine”

November 23, 2007

The soon to be Mrs. O’Neal has plenty to be thankful for this year.

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Shaunie O’Neal’s purported assets were revealed as a result of a court filing on Wednesday. And what did little mama claim she had? After merely five years of marriage and seemingly 5-18 kids she says she’s got:

  • $450,000 in cash and stocks as assets.
  • The couple’s $25 million Star Island home in Miami Beach
  • An L.A. Condo
  • A $3.95 million home in Orlando An additional Condo in Miami
  • Several businesses valued at $250,000
  • Liberty Grill, a Los Angeles eatery valued at $250,000

For the rest of this post, just envision Kanye’s “Gold Digger” playing. Ahem, anyway, she’s supposed to have $30 million in total assets.

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I know big fella, I know. I guess there is a reason to allow a real life sasquatch to bang you out and endure the birth of pound infants for the better part of 7 years (they had a few before they got married). Forget the $30 mil, Shaunie deserves a Purple Heart for letting this dude murk.

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Scary.

Oh but she got hers and that’s before the divorce goes through. Now I read that Shaq had an airtight prenuptial agreement per Eddie Murphy and Kanye West’s advice.

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If that’s so, how in the hell could Shaunie claim that $25 million crib on Star Island as her own? That can’t be right. At best she gets half of that joint, which is still a good pay day for a baby maker who is allegedly getting her body “back in shape” by getting hammered by her Cuban trainer. How many pesos does $30 make? How many times did she use that other Miami condo, the one Shaq reportedly didn’t know about, to get her “Livin La Vida Loca” on with ole Telemundo?

Men, don’t let your women go out to dance that Salsa alone and if you’ve got Shaq stacks, just go ahead and put a private investigator on your wife at all times.

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I would say Shaq is getting screwed, but when you consider how Strahan took it up the arse, got his shit sold out in front of his mansion and then was accused of being gay by his wife, $30 million is getting off easy for the Big Aristotle…

– Lake