Archive for the ‘Elliot Spitzer’ Category

OH MY WORD: Ashley Dupre Sex Tape

July 15, 2008

Dude, usually I’ll tell you that I don’t see these things, but some rat bastard hit me with a “look at this” link and I just went there, foolishly, and this is what I found:

Homey, all I can say is that Eliot Spitzer knew EXACTLY what he was doing when he got a 7 diamond, 8 star, 6 out of 6 turned around baseball cap level whore.

Dog, I feel like I just saw a ghost.  All I can say about this chick is that if you took a vial of pure sex and somehow morphed it into a fleshy form with enough brain to dance around and hit, that’d be THIS chick.  Link is definitely NSFW and it’s definitely right here.

There’s that sideways hat again. lol  Maaaaaaayne, I think Eliot should run for reelection in NY.  After cats see this joint, they won’t be able to fault the man.

I mean, lord help us, what do yall expect the cat to do, NOT hit that?

Wow.

– Lake

Spitzer’s Hizzie on the Beach

June 10, 2008

I guess you can’t expect this babe to keep her clothes on, right? Ashley Alexandra Dupree was sunning it up over the weekend on the prestigious Jersey Shore.

Damn, I wonder what that tattoo says, “I fucked a Gobner and the entire State of New York!!”?

Now I’m not sure what a “Buss it Baby” is, but she’s got to be one, right? I can’t lie though, nobody ever called this chick ugly.

I wonder who “Unidentified Hoe Numba two” is there with her? I know, I know, she’s not necessarily a hoe, she could just be a friend. Right, she could be a friend…a friend who is a hoe. Let me tell you something. In my experience, hoes tend to run together. That’s why dudes often say, “look at them hoes over there.” And when was the last time you had a really good girl who ran with some straight hoes? Nah, heos are like mice. If you see one, there are far more where that came from and if you see two, they’re definitely part of the same crew. They’re hard as hell to get rid of and even when you kill a couple, they’ve just got about 4 or 5 more stepping up to take their place.

Hmmm, let’s see. Relatively thin, Amy Winehouse beak and hollywood cocaine skinny…Sure, I’d bet she’s about a 6 diamond level hoe and definitely hittable by Eliot’s standards.

Of course, Ashley is a full on 7 diamond, but we can’t all be a high priced hooker, ya dig? I’ll take my Ashley Alexandra Dupree sex tape any time now, thanks.

– Lake

—————-UPDATE—————-

Raafman in the comments says that the second chick on the grassy knoll is none other than Ashley Dupree’s moms!  That changes the standard altogether.  She is a 4 Diamond jump off if she is 21, but at an age of at least 45 (okay, let’s be real…Ashley is 23, Mom’s with a body like that is potentially 38 ) Mom’s has to be running through the “mature escort” game.  I mean she stays in the gym, and the gene pool is strong.  I mean talk about born and bred for the streets…

-Brock

Silda Spitzer knew about the hoes

April 11, 2008

Of course she did.

It doesn’t excuse it, but clearly Silda knew 1. That Easy E liked to get his freak on and 2. That he was knocking down something other than her for years.

That’s the new word according to sources close to Eliot and Silda Spitzer. I’m not shocked at all. I know that for some of your naive folks out there, it’s as shocking as seeing Kaiser Sose walk straight. Wake up folks. This is what people do…Luke from Accounting is banging out Suzy from Human Resources, who is smoking tweeds on her lunch break with Zach from IT. Just because you can’t see people getting their Client 9 on, riding the white horse or f*cking for snacks, doesn’t mean it doesn’t go on. Always has, always will. But Eliot embarrassed Silda, so even must agree that it’s off with his head.

Never go against the family…Tough.

– Lake

Say It Aint So: Did Eliot Hit This?

March 28, 2008

We all know Eliot Spitzer hit a panoply of hoes over the past couple of decades, but now the Feds are linking him to yet another prostitution ring and some are even saying her got personal service from the organization’s ring leader, Kristin “Billie” Davis.

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And no, that is not some photoshopped, frosted out picture.  That’s really what this chick looks like.  I don’t get it. How do you go from smooth Ashley Dupre to this plastic looking she-he thing?

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Better but still not right. I don’t get the fasination some dudes have with plastic broads. I hate the fake J, hate the bottled blond hair and definitely can’t stand the Mt. Rushmore grill piece with the 4 layers of polyurethane shellacked up on top of a gallon of liquid foundation.

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Yeah, yeah, if you catch those breasts at the right angle you might think they’re tight. I get that but that face is just terrible at any angle. Her nose is Hungry Man skrong and that extra edged and etched Jaw piece is a Rumer Willis special.

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Hey, I know Eliot has shown some horrible judgement, but you don’t go from hitting this:

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Damn, let’s get another Ashley Dupre shot in there.

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Last one:

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Damn.. I can’t lie, this chick is fine. Ok, now I’ve sufficiently cleansed my palate for that horrible tranny (sorry Roxy Rose) looking babe.

– Lake

Playgirl Magazine Wants Eliot Spitzer

March 21, 2008

LOL… Jeez. This is just so sad for my home state Gobner. Like seriously, I can’t take it anymore. According to Playgirl.com, they’d like to do an All Nude Eliot Spitzer spread with all the fixins. But I know a way to save them the trouble.

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Satisfied ladies? OK, now I’m embarrassed. Meanwhile, the legend of Ashley Alexandra Dupre grows. Supposedly she was so wild during her Girls Gone Wild shoot that the camera crew dumped her.

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You know you’re really whoring it up when those cats think you took shit too far. Poor Silda. Jeesh.

– Lake

Spitzer’s Pro Shows Some Shake

March 20, 2008

I didn’t put this up before because of the terrible background commentary and because I was really waiting on the clean video to drop. But the people have spoken and they want to see what ole Ashley Dupree is working with. Well, plenty…

Damn, ya think ole girl would be good at what she does? I’m not certain, but after that I think we can all safely say that we understand what Sisqo (by the way, who names themselves after a bootleg, terrible ass liquor?) meant when he said “I like it when the booty go dada dada” in the Thong Song. Lordy.

Larry Flynt take the wheel…. And yes, I know that Joe Francis, owner of Girls Gone Wild, offered her a cool $1 Million for a nude expose before he realized that he had the chick in his ho archives. Ohhh, so close.

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Look, if the babe wants to make money, I’ve got the perfect idea. Hire a Eliot Spitzer look-a-like who can’t act a lick. Do a full on re-enactment of the whole ordeal, I mean from the wire transfers to the reservations to the phone calls and train rides to the sex acts. Do the whole thing up.. And then just market that bitch like a mufucka with Ashley and Fake Spitz as the stars. Don’t tell me EVERYONE won’t watch that. Sheeeit, if they do it right, every degenerate porn addict will have it permanently enshrined in their voluminous collection. But you have to give it a cool title like, “Swallow then Spitz.” Ha, ok, that title is terrible, but you get my drift. But the full-on porno re-enactment is coming. Just wait. Once she squeezes every single dime out of the “legitimate” money making options like her memoir (can a ho have a memoir?) and talk show appearances, then she’ll get back to what she does best.

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Exploiting her body and whoring the place up for a cheap buck. I can’t lie, the babe is pretty good looking. We’ll link up that porno when it comes out because we all know it will. And when it does, I want my cut for the idea.. On second thought, yall can keep that money. Even a certified arse like me has his limitations. Keep that ho money.

– Lake

Eliot “Money Pay” Spitzer Hit This

March 19, 2008

Dammit, is it just me or is this chick getting better looking with each released photo? I said it. Incidentally, click this link right HERE for the musical accompaniment to this post, Youz A Ho, Ludacris.

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Unless that fool in the back is hiding a G in his Jamz he needs to back up off the merchandise.

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Realistically, what would it have cost him to hit that night. You know she won’t whore in any old dump, so let’s say $350 for the highest end Jersey Shore Hotel. Then you add $200 the hotel would later add to his tab for those stolen minibar snacks and mini liquor bottles. I know, I know, a scrub like this wouldn’t even have a credit card to to put on hold for incidentals, I know, just humor him err me. You know that she’d mark up that cab ride, normally $10, to $50 and then $1,000 for the deed itself. Oh don’t worry, lubrication and condoms are included….What, you thought they wouldn’t be? Come on, she’s a professional.

So let’s summarize:

$ 350
$ 200
$ 50
$1000
____________
$1,600 Subtotal
$ 320 20% Standard Gratuity for Ho Activities

$1,920 Grand total

So there you have it. That’s what it would have taken for this clown to get some tail out of Kristin Ashley Rae Maika Alexandra Youmans Dupree DiPietro that night. Damn, you know a babe is shady when she’s got that many names. Meanwhile, I’ll put any amount of money on this chick having some D list boyfriend before summer starts. Publicity stunt no doubt, but it will make for some decent blogging. My guess right now is Steve-O from Jackass.

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Why not, right? Nobody cares what he does as is, it’s good for headlines and you know she knows how to satisfy…. Go get it brother.

– Lake

Spitzer’s Hooker Is About To Be Famous!!!

March 13, 2008

Meet rebellious runaway, turned aspiring R&B singer, turned Elliot Spitzer’s last hoe Ashley Youmans aka Ashley Rae Maika DiPierto aka Ashley Alexandra Dupre aka Kristen from the Emperor’s Club VIP.

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And yes, that is an interesting shirt she has on with that right J game creeping out, fighting for respectability….but we’ll get to that later.

Anyway, this babe right here is a piece of work. You KNOW you’re dealing with a scandalous, low arse, bottom feeding hizzoe when approximately two days after a sex scandal rocks the state of New York and not even 24 hours after the Chief Executive of one of the most influential governmental bodies in the world resigns, this chick’s name and pictures are suddenly plastered all over the internet. Can you say Cha-Ching?

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And come to find out, this chick is an aspiring R&B singer. You know what they say, no publicity is bad publicity, especially if you’ve been turning tricks to pay your rent since you were 17 years old. So after she got done fucking the Governor, getting paid, getting caught and testifying, I’m sure ole Ashley was like, “hey, this is my big break!!!” And she’s probably right. Wasn’t it Confucius that said “one man’s ruined political career, life and family is another 22-year old hoes’ shot of a lifetime?” That Confucius, always right about stuff like this.

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Well, one thing I must say, I’m glad to finally know what a $5,000 piece of ass looks like. Check ole Ashley getting her extended hoe game on in St. Tropez:

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I can’t lie. She appears to have everything you want in a high-priced hooker.

1. Concave stomach piece, check

2. Beautiful breast-tah-sis, check

3. Mediterranean/Sorta Rican tan piece, check

4. Fairly revealing swim wear, check

5. Presence in a foreign country that she has no business visiting but for the fact that she’s charging men exorbitant amounts of jack so that she can do coke, drink cristal, fuck and still have a few pennies to put away for her “singing career,” CHECK

And what about that singing career. Let me tell you, it’s real bad. Check her song “What We Want.” <——The Irony of it all.

Look, let’s just say that she wouldn’t be going to Hollywood on American Idol unless she was blowing Simon during the commercial breaks, which given what this chick is all about, is fairly likely.

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My thing about this babe is that she almost looks like a shape changer. I mean, at one point she’s got the full-on, now you see me, now you don’t Tucan Sam schnauzer-beak piece going:

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Then the next thing you know she’s rocking the smoothed out strawberry blond look with the even skin and non-offensive proboscis:

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Damn, the home wrecker looks kind of good here, I must admit. What’s the difference, besides Cocaine nose on the first one and Dr. 90210 nose on the second. Still, baby girl is a chameleon, but I guess the ability to change up one’s look is a valuable commodity in the hoe game. Anyway, peep what she had to say on her myspace page about her life below:

“When I was 17, I left home. It was my decision and I’ve never looked back. Left my hometown. Left a broken family. Left abuse. Left an older brother who had already split. Left and learned what it was like to have everything, and lose it, again and again. Learned what it was like to wake up one day and have the people you care about most gone. I have been alone. I have abused drugs. I have been broke and homeless. But, I survived, on my own. I am here, in NY because of my music.”

Right, your music. Talk about “fucking for tracks.” Jeez. And where does she get this enlightened grip on the real world, why from Mom of course…Yes, her Mom, Carolyn Capalbo has weighed in on this matter.

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Peep her act:

“She is a very bright girl who can handle someone like the governor (huh?) But she also is a 22-year-old, not a 32-year-old or a 42-year-old, and she obviously got involved in something much larger than her.”

Ya think? Anyway, I would say that this babe has had her 15 minutes of shameful fame and now she’s done, but I know better. People Magazine, 60 Minutes, Larry King and maybe even Good Morning America will be knocking in no time. And you know that “memoir” is already into production. I know, I know, you already had been writing a memoir about your life in the hoe game…

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Believe me, you didn’t have to tell me, because I already knew.

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You know your post is over when the hizzie throws you the double “peace out” sign. Kristen errr Ashley, can’t wait to see ya on 60 Minutes girl. I wonder if she’ll make any cracks about Easy E’s “love making” or those “dangerous requests” to hit this broad raw dog.

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Elliot, please homey, wrap it up, especially with the hoes…..thx.

-Lake

Standing Tall: Much Respect to Silda Wall Spitzer

March 12, 2008

Now that Elliot is done, it’s interesting to look at some of the satellite issues surrounding this scandal. One I’d like to raise is how strong Silda Spitzer has been throughout this. Supposedly Mrs. Spitzer got word of this debacle on Friday. That means that she had the weekend to slap Elliot around, think about whatever she did or didn’t do that allowed this to occur (believe me, this ran through her mind) and get her mind right about what she was going to do. When the dust settled, there she was, right next to her man.

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And if reports are true about her advice for Elliot, she was the one who told him not to be hasty in stepping down from his post. After all, she doesn’t want him to fold up like a damn beeyatch, not after all the work they’ve done building her and Elliot’s career.

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I don’t know about yall, but I gotta giver her my highest respeck for doing that.

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Sure, you hear some of these silly women and a few men with their skirts in a bunch on tv and radio talking about “Why doesn’t she just leave him.” As if it’s just that simple.

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She aint leaving him because that’s her man and they have a life together. That’s why! Because you don’t just turn your back on your family and maybe, just maybe homeboy needs his lady right now to keep him strong.

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That’s independent of what he’s done to her. There’s time for that, but these clucking chickens talking about “MEN!! Why do they do this?”

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I’ll tell you why:

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And this:

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And definitely this:

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Quite simply because they want to. And some would argue that they are just wired to. That there is nothing you can do about a man looking to hit what evolution has deemed to be fertile ass.

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Now Elliot got busted and he’s got to make this right. No question and he deserves all the blame. But Silda has been strong. Silda has stood in there and taken the blows (no ho ho) and Silda is still standing tall. Gotta love a strong woman. Someone who does what she’s got to do rather than just pop off at the mouth and roll the neck at the first sign of trouble.

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And on top of that, for a 51 year old woman with three teenage daughters, this Harvard Law School grad has it going on.

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Much Respeck for Silda for standing tall to protect what’s her’s. And for those of you who would rather she just reflexively kick Easy E to the curb, tell me when you wake up from fantasy land. I don’t ask my dog to shit where he eats and you shouldn’t ask Silda to either. She knows what she’s doing and if you had a man worth standing up for, rather than a Match.com account and a closet full of skirts you can no longer fit into, you would to.

– Lake

Photos of Elliot Spitzer’s Alleged ‘Tutes

March 12, 2008

These are a few shots of the babes Easy E allegedly banged out for upwards of 5 stacks!!! Yo, I still can’t get over that. Anyway, you tell me how much these hoes are worth.

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Normally I’d say that with hoes, it’s like strippers, it’s just all about the body, but if you’re dropping 5 stacks, she better be tight from head to pink toe. Sorry, but this chick doesn’t quite make the grade. If I’m Elliot I’d hit her with a couple Arby’s gift certificates and a Baby Phat sweat suit en route to the ass tappities. No dough.

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Hmmmm, I feel like Randy Jackson from last night’s Idol episode. This just isn’t doing it for me. I mean, I’m seeing absolutely nothing that screams “Make it Rain on this hoe”.. I know “Client 9” allegedly banged out an “attractive brunette” but I hope homey didn’t lose it all over this broad. Next.

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Damn, this babe is bangin like a Greg Paulus 3 pointer. I’m not a proponent of pay for play Elliot style, but if you’re gonna pay for it, do it right. And this babe aint a bad start. Those lips are great, hair looks real and the overall face is very decent. I fear that there’s limited to negative ass behind those jeans, but hey, that J to waist ratio is looking very right. All I can hope is that she dyed her hair or rocked a wig while Spitz shat away his career. I mean, if you’re going to lose it all over a hoe, might as well get your money’s worth. Do I lie?

– Lake