Belicheat to NFL: I’m so hood…

If any of you saw last night’s game you know what this post is about. I was watching the game last night and as the Patriots were making that last drive all I can think of is how Bill Belichick needs to make his own version of one of the hottest songs out now, I’m so Hood Remix. Yall know the intro where T Pain hypes up the song with all the ways he’s hood. Funny, I always that he was more prison bitch hood if anything, but who knows. I guess he laid the song down flat and the joint is hot so I shouldn’t hate too much. Anyway, this is Bill’s intro to the very same song and as always, you must listen to the song, linked below, first in order to get the joke:

I’m so Hood (Remix) by Billy the Cheat aka Bill Belichick feat. Tom Brady, Randy Moss, some dude’s wife/Bill’s new girl and a high definition video camera

I’m soooo Hood (Listen)

I wear these wrinkled khakis up on my waist

I got this ice grille all on my face

cuz yall reporterz is planning to hate (I rock a HOOD)

And I got yo wife up at my house

Akinyele blaring out,

you know what I’m talking about (I bout dis HOOD-OD)

And and all my Pats fans won’t ya stand up (my Pats iz Hood-od)

my hood assistance pick that footage up

I don’t care what yall be talkin’ bout,

if you aint feelin Billy go home n pout it -ou-ou-out

16-0 iz bout dis-HOOD!!!!

The Pats just barely edged by the Baltimore Ravens last night as a result of a series of timeouts, penalties, suspect calls and timely plays made by Tom Brady and the New England receivers. The game was kind of crazy. You’re sitting there watching it saying to yourself, “huh, the Ravens are actually in this game” to “man, the Ravens have a chance” to “wow, the Ravens are about to really beat these cats” to “muthafucka, the Hood master himself, Billy Beli-Cheat done gotten over on the league again, I can’t wait to hear his evasive mumbling and grumbling answers in the presser.”

You know what’s hilarious? You often have to look for “bad” pictures of cats to make your point, but in the case of B-Cheat, ALL his pics look like this.

True to form, Bill was a m*therfucker after the game, being the exact asshole that we thought he was.

Shoot, even Tom Brady was a bit of a jerk at the end of the game. He didn’t take too kindly to the notion that they “got all the calls at the end,” a question one of the reporters asked him. I’ve never heard Tom ice down a reporter like that though. I mean, he really fired back at him “you tell me if we got them, I get fined if I talk about.. yeah and earlier in the game, we didn’t get the calls dickhead”. Ok, the “dickhead” was added in by me, but that’s what he meant.

I guess having a baby out of wedlock and getting busted for cheating will make a dude get a lil prickly. Hey, I still like Tom though. He’s a good cat and he’s dead nice at throwing the pill. When he ran for that first down on 4th and 6, after missing it twice before, that was ballsy. Homey has the heart of a lion, will of a champion…oh and he’s got Gisele so you can only hate so much.

Anyway, the story remains the same.

Just when you think hated front-runners are gonna finally get what’s coming to them, Belichick gets over on the league and does it in true asshole fashion. I can’t lie… I wanted B-more to win, but you just got to root for Evil on some level, too.

One thing is for sure, Bill Belichick aka The Hoody aka Beli-cheat is so damn hood. And speaking of being so damn hood, is DJ Khaled that damn hood that it’s suddenly ok for him to be running around yelling the N-word like he’s on set of the Chris Rock Show or something?

(You better be hood fool)

I mean, he didn’t just say it a little bit, he really went at it. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t see nary a trace of Sub Saharan African in that cat… I’m sure his boys are good with it, but he best watch his back. You best be that hood before some civilized suited up corporate black man sets you straight about the rules for who can and cannot say what to who.

Damn, sorry, now THAT was hood. Late.

– Lake

Monday Night Football roundup: Wildness

Chad Johnson got loose last night during his game against the Baltimore Ravens. He put on this wild Hall of Fame jacket after he scored his TD in the first half which was reasonably funny. You gotta give it up for the over size joint to account for the pads.

(what was really crazy was how one of his assistant coaches helped him put it on)

Anyway, Chad and the Cincinnati Bangles had a good night and as a consequence, so too did Lake’s fantasy football team. Unfortunately for a young man we all know and love, let’s just call him “Hock Bardon”, fantasy bliss for the Lake All-Stars meant fantasy ass-tappitties for the ATL Michael Vick Hard-ons.. LOL. It’s been a tough year for Brock man. Oh well, Us Versus Them Bowl I goes to Lakey the Don. We’ll can keep the trophy at my house, but really, it’s like it’s both of ours.. haa

It’s lovely and I love it.

I caught up with Monday Night Football just at the perfect moment. Right in time to see Chad Johnson’s ridiculous touchdown celebration. In case you missed it, here it is:

What was terrible about this thing was how long it took him to get to the celebration. Equally low was Tony Kornheiser’s over excitement (Vivaaaaaa Viagra!) about the celebration. Honestly, can’t ESPN find someone else to do Monday Night Football?

(clown)

Seriously, Howard Cosell must be rolling over in his grave right now. Jaws is cool and Mike Tirico is a pro’s pro, but I can barely stand Tony on PTI, so his act on MNF is just WHAT I DON’T WANT.

That is, until I heard the JV squad for the second game.

Then, I wanted Tony back!!! Seriously, Mike Golic, Mike Greenberg and Mike Ditka sound like bad junior college journalism students trying to cover an intramural volleyball final on the intra-campus University station. They are AWFUL calling the game. For real, it’s like watching the game at your uncle’s house with 2 and a half dudes who don’t really know football, but still refuse to stop running their traps, referencing players who went to their colleges (please stop doing this) or letting anyone of the other two get a word in edgewise. These cats suck, period. The worst cat of the three is clearly Mike Greenberg who calls the game as if he’s still on his morning talk show.

It’s like, dude, you’re doing PLAY-BY-PLAY, not some old hackneyed shtick you stole from Jerry Seinfeld (like most all of your material for your morning show). Call the damn game!!! This cat jut watches the play like he’s sitting at home or something, it’s really crazy. In the first half, this fool mistook a popsicle wrapper for a PENALTY flag..

Dude, I honestly hate your show on the radio. Golic has been carrying you for years as you predictably play the straight laced cat while he plays the oaf.

But you’ve got to raise your game up, actually use that journalism degree and learn how to do your job!!! AWFUL!

ESPN, this is beneath you… Please, give me Chris Berman, Trey Wingo, Pedro Gomez de ESPN Deportes, hell, Stat Boy (by the way, how is this cat employed), somebody, anybody other than these clowns. These cats make Dennis Miller look like Peter Jennings. Make that change.

-Lake