Archive for August, 2008

Get Ready…

August 30, 2008

It’s coming.

Barack Did It

August 29, 2008

Shout out to Barack Obama for accepting the Democratic Nomination last night.

This is a moment in history that most people didn’t think America was ready for.  Barack seized the moment and delivered eveything anyone could have possibly asked for.  He acknowledged the history, he addressed the issues, he set the prime moments of his agenda, he drew a stark difference between himself and McCain.  And yes, I will be watching the Republican convention next week to see what they have to say.  I fully expect to see more of this.

Fuck Fox News.

-Brock

David Duchovny is a Sex Addict

August 29, 2008

David Duchovny just checked into rehab for sex addiction. Sex addiction?  Hey, I understand how addictions work.  Drugs get a hold of you and condition your body to react to a certain chemical.  You are hooked and your body reacts violently when it isn’t there.  Same thing with drinking.  Alcoholics have to be in that place to feel right.  Or their tolerance is so high they always fly past “buzzing” to “passing out shitty drunk” before they even know what is going on.  When you go to rehab for those things, the lock you down, you don’t have access to your drug of choice, they get you help and teach you how to live life some other way.  Sex addiction, what the hell is the rehab for this?  No more fuckin?

I agree with D-Double here.  Perish the thought.  You know sex addiction is bullshit, right?  Okay, maybe it is real, but let me tell you something.  Every single man out there between the ages of 15 and 75 is a sex addict.

It’s programmed right in there at birth.  I promise.

Here’s the thing about sex addiction.  First of all, what is the cure?  What is rehab like?  Do they just make sure you stop having sex?  You can’t exactly go cold turkey on that one.  If you like to drink, you can fight to never have another drink.  Sex addicts?  They shall fuck again.  It’s like food.  Everyone is a food addict.  I have to eat several times a day.  I always need more.  I can’t ever get enough.  Even if I get some in the morning I might need more at least twice that day.  Are fat people just food addicts that really hit it hard?  No.  That’s why there isn’t rehab for food addiction.  Gotta eat.  It’s the same thing for sex addiction.

Let’s think of the sex addicts we know.  David Duchovny and Eric Benet.  Hmmmmmmm.  Famous guys.  That means they have plenty of access to sex.  Like I said, most guys are sex addicts, we want it all the time.  But these guys can get it all the time.  New sex.  Random sex.  Women who think they love you before they meet you sex.  Stalker sex.  Chicks who keep you on their “cheat list” sex.  They can get it.  If you have to have sex all the time and you don’t have a wiling partner…you aren’t a sex addict, you are a rapist.  Ok?  That is not what we’re talking about here.  You know what the key factor is?  Honestly?  They’re married. There has never been a so called sex addict in the world who isn’t.  I guarantee it.  Because if you aren’t married, it doesn’t matter.  Wilt the stilt?  10,000 women…not a sex addict.  Gene Simmons?  Not a sex addict.  These guys aren’t checking in with a problem.  This isn’t a social epidemic.  They’re just out there having a good ol time.  Sex addiction isn’t an addiction to sex.  It is the fact that you can’t stop sleeping with someone other than your wife.  That’s what you’re addicted to…new pussy.

You know how this conversation goes right.  Guy likes to have sex more than his wife (true probably 90% of the time).  Wife doesn’t want it as much.  Guy gets frustrated.  Guy goes to fulfill his needs elsewhere.  Guy gets caught.  Who’s fault is it?  Her fault.  They work it out, maybe wifey even starts giving it up a little more.  Doesn’t matter.  He cheats again…and again.   His fault yet?  Nope.  He’s an addict.  He has a problem.  He needs to go to rehab for his sex addiction.

Rihanna ain’t buying it.

Get it?  David Duchovny was freaking Fox Mulder.

He had one of the top shows on TV for damn near a decade.  Sure his movie flopped a few weeks ago, but there is still an entire generation of freaky, semi sci-fi slightly nerdy chicks that will throw the draws at Davy D everyday.  I feel like sex addiction like getting prescribed medical marijuana.  You just need to find the right doctor and you’re home free.

My name is Brock Hardon, and I’m a sex addict.

-Brock

Michael Jackson Without Plastic Surgery

August 29, 2008

Here is a computer projection of what Michael Jackson would look like without the plastic surgery.

Why the need for all the technology.  All you have to do is pull up a picture of Tito aka the only Jackson not to get the Jackson family nose job.

The funny think about this picture is that it also proves you also need to give Mike the Jackson family curl in the picture above.  You know he’d have that.  Hey, that picture might be the best argument ever made for Mike going with the surgery.  Actually, this is the best argument ever.

Yeah, if my dad looked like that I might be tempted to change nature too.

-Brock

Oh No, Not Rihanna in Mom Jeans!!!!

August 28, 2008

Dammit!!!!!  The year was 2000 and young Lake made a run to the lovely country of Brazil.  When he got there, all he saw were lovely young women rocking low slung, hip hugger jeans.

He couldn’t believe what he saw and immediately wondered when American women would get with the program and adopt the South American jean concept (along with a few other things).

And if you haven’t been, yes, even the mannequins got ass in Bra-zee.  Anyway, it’s no shock how happy I was when I started seeing all the mothers, sisters, and oh yes, DAUGHTERS break that fashion glass ceiling and put their arses into these superior jeans like the founders intended!

You gotta love it and while it wasn’t without the occasional complication:

The shit was mostly all to the good.  And I tell you, it enhanced EVERYBODY.  I don’t know what it is, but that low hip looks right on all body types.

Or at least all the ones I looked at.

Well now it seems that chicks are really trying to fuck my game up.  That high hip may be in fashion, but damn fashion, I gotta live in this world!  Take Rihanna’s non dancing ass for instance.  Sure, she’s been looking damn good lately, but she’s setting up some shit that aint good for me and quite honestly, aint good for America.

Hey Ri Ri…my 7th grade class called and they want their jeans back (and dat azz while you’re at it, thx).

Even Barack took a moment away from his message of change and asked Ri Ri to quit the shit when I sent him the pic of Rihanna with the mom jeans.

And Hillary, she didn’t get it at all.

I mean, why would Rihanna do this to our country?  I know she’s from Turks and Cake Cos, Aruba, Cuba, somethin’, but still, she stays kicking it the US of A.  She owes it to us all to set the proper example and keep the rise low!  I know, I know, it’s not big deal, it’s just what’s “in” right now.  Sure, that’s what they said about the do rag:

The curl:

And dammit, the cornrow.

By the way, just between you and me, what’s worse?  The White Dude Corn Row or the White Dude Dreadlock?

All can be seen, not now, but RIGHT NOW, in every city in America.  But it will be far worse with the high jeans, hell, it’s already terrible.

I mean, what is that?  This is a very attractive woman, but she just looks crazy in this pic.  The ripped up stomach doesn’t even lay right in those pants.  It’s just all wrong.

If stars look this bad to lackluster in these pants, how do you think Sally Sue American is gonna look?  It’s a debacle.  I just don’t get it. But I’d be lying if I said it was all bad.

Because Ri Ri’s tizzail is liking right right in those jeans.  Dammit.  By the time this style goes away, all the babes I know will literally be looking like this.

There’s no hope.

– Lake

Barack to Hillary: YES I DID!!!!

August 28, 2008

Not sure if any of you remember the scene from Friday where Smokey’s mom punks Craig for slamming her screen door hard, gives him that evil eye and then gets back on the phone and laughs her ass off talking about “HAAAAAAA, YES I DID”… LOL.  Dude, it’s fucking hilarious.  Well, when I saw this picture of Barack looking at Hilly C. give her pro-Barack so I can run in 4 to 8 years speech, I immediately thought about his saying that:

Haaaaaa, the expression on his face is priceless.  Nuff respek by the way to Hillary for her classy speech, now if she can get her nation of non leg and under arm shaving Hilla-Nazis to moveon.org and vote for Obama because guess what, YOU AINT GOT NO ONE ELSE TO VOTE FOR!

Yes He Can, but don’t fool yourselves into thinking it’s gonna be easy.  I had a few people tell me today that “he’s too this and too that” and “oh by the way his church this and his wife that.”  Let me give you all a translation for 80% of the Barack criticism:

“Barack is black and thus I will not vote for him, thanks.”

If you don’t realize that this is a major factor in this race, you’re an idiot. Let’s hope for all our sake he can overcome it.  And no that’s NOT me holding that sign.  I love Middle Amurica…”U.S.A.  U.S.A.”  ahnt

– Lake

American Idol Has A New Host. Uh Oh.

August 27, 2008

I have to admit.  I didn’t get with the last season of American Idol.  It is really all beginning to run together to me.  Especially since they don’t seem to be star makers anymore.  There aren’t any Kelly Clarksons or Carrie Underwoods out there.  Daughtry did his thing, but he wasn’t even a finalist.  I’ll say it, you can’t let the American People actually choose a star.  They aren’t smart enough to know what they actually want.  Honestly, the truth of the matter is I don’t actually believe they let the American people choose the winners anyway.  Anyway, they just announced that AI will be rocking a fourth judge this year.  Kara DioGuardi.

So what does everyone think.  Is she going to be niceCool?  Or mean?  Come on, there are only three prototype personalities on these shows.  OK, you can add crazy to the mix.  She’s got to be one.  I just hope she has her own opinion.  Paula doesn’t make up her own mind without Randy, that is why they never let her go first.  I guess this woman has handled the careers of several of the idols, so she knows what she’s looking for.  I’ll tell you this though…just looking at the pictures, she looks like a younger fresher version of Paula to me.

Maybe just younger.  Looks like more of what Paula is serving up here.  I actually can’t wait to see the first, no talent, fame baiting, can’t sing, crazy dressing, loser look Kara dead in the face and say “who the hell are you?”

Well Kara, you better watch your back.  If Paula ever mentions the fact that she couldn’t get her meds refilled while she was on the road…

She’ll cut your ass.  You can’t just jump on the gravy train once it’s rollin.  It sounds like about 33% too much commentary to me.  Let’s have 33% more losers looking for their 15 minutes of fame.  And bring back the real shit talking too, American Idol has gotten too soft.  Oh well, you’ve got to tweak it somehow.  This show jumped the shark when they let this dude win.

That was the beginning of the end right there.

-Brock

Rant: Parking Lots

August 27, 2008

I haven’t done a “what the hell is this” rant in a while.  I’ve got to hit this one though.

Who are the assholes that back into parking spots?  Why do you do it?  I think I honestly almost hit one of these people at least once a week.  Why?  Because they pull past the spot, passing it, before they get into the spot.  Either I’m assuming they are going to continue to keep it moving, or I’m about to take the spot they just passed.  Either way it pisses me off.  Another thing.  If these people back into every parking spot they come across, why can’t they drive well enough not to hang over the damn line into the next parking space?  If you are going to be all extra with it, at least do it right.  That’s like the cat on the golf course that can’t play but insists from playing from the damn pro tees.  Don’t do something you don’t have to do then suck at it.  Ok?  Thanks.

I’ve even seen people try to back into those angled spaces that are perfectly designed to drive right into.  You end up pointing the wrong way!  That is just idiotic.

Someone out there is a parking spot backer. Admit it and please tell me why you are doing what you’re doing.  Help me please.

-Brock

It’s Official: Angela Simmons Has Stepped Her Game Up

August 27, 2008

Some of us thought it was a fluke or maybe a nice camera angle.  Maybe, but Angela Simmons has DEFINITELY stepped that game up in the last few months.

Dude, a personal trainer can do wonders for the look on a girl.  The babe is just on point.  You gotta appreciate it.

And that angle two was no exception!  In fact, her pretty girl sister, Whatcha Name Simmons, is suddenly looking a little irrelevant.  Girl, if you want to be an actress, icon, something, you best change your game up.  Go blond, go red, date a YT named Laker errrr in the Rock Industry or at very least show us some more skin, side angles, something!

Ahhhh, I love the “look at my ass” lean back pose.  It shows me that Ms. A. Simmons is in tune with what the people want and expect from her.  And from the looks of it, maybe that previous picture wasn’t a fluke after all.

Yes indeedy.  And it’s all due to the work of one man.  Bow Wow.

He may be compared to the size of hand guns and get clowned for throwing up gang signs, but I like the dude.  He keeps a bad babe around him and isn’t that really what it’s all about?

– Lake

————UPDATE————–

I have to admit.  I’ve been firmly planted in the Vanessa Simmons camp until now.  OK, I’m still in the Vanessa camp, but Angela is finally making it look like the two of them are from the same gene pool.  She’s stepping her game up.  I agree with Kanye on that Put On track.  I need just at least one of Russell’s nieces too.

“Hip Hop Artist” Daddy Yankee Endorses John McCain?

August 26, 2008

I have one question about this story: Who in the fizzuck is Daddy Yankee?

OK, I’ll ask one more time, who in the hell is Daddy Yankee?

Ohhhhh, it’s the “Gasolina” dude.  HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!  Only in the Republican world would it matter if THIS dude endorsed John McCain.  First of all, I’m better known in “hip hop” than this clown.  And that Gasolina song was just code for “it’s now time to leave the dance floor and get myself another drank” back when it was popular.  Terrible.  That song wasn’t shit until Lil Jon added “skeet skeet skeet” to the damn remix. Fucking horrible.  I will say though, woman liked the song, so it had it’s purposes, so I can’t completely hate on it.  But can someone tell me what else this “hip hop” artist did?  And since when is Reggaeton considered hip hop?  Maybe it’s just me, but Raggaeton aint shit, which probably explains why this cat’s albums have all gone double wood on the billboard charts.

Ridiculous.

– Lake