Archive for the ‘Hilarious’ Category

UvT Defined: Priest Had Enough

September 18, 2008

It’s very rare that I see something that is so bugged out that I can completely identify with it.  This is one of those times.  This video just screams out Us Versus Them. I mean, this priest just saw and heard enough of the nonsense and had to take action.  Kinda like how I feel about this absurd Palin character and this McCain campaign that’s predicated on pure lies.

Anyway, just like in that situation, this cat just felt like something had to be done and he did it.

LOL.  Hilarious. The last time I felt this way was when Puff spit that little soliloquy at the beginning of (and really throughout) “Hate Me Now” by Nas.  Go on Father.  Just because you roll high and holy doesn’t mean you gotta take mess from chumps.

– Lake

Kat DeLuna And Other Horrible National Athems

September 18, 2008

Listen, if you’re destined to be an R&B star, an actress or even just a solid citizen, just go ahead and be proud of who you are, but don’t fuck with the Star Spangled Banner.  First of all, it’s not really an easy song to sing.  It starts low, goes high and just has a veritable minefield of dynamics and notes that are challenging for even the most advanced singers.  Still, not surprisingly, plenty of cats want to sing it and can’t.  I especially don’t appreciate a cat who tries to put all kinds of personal freaks on the song.   You know, when they add in that extra soul sauce so they can really nail the joint.  I think that’s where Kat DeLuna aka Tina Marie Jr. Jr. went wrong:

Jeez… Can you be a “Pop Sensation” and have a speech impediment?  A few pitch problems maybe?  Lol  Yooo, that “Land of the Free” was CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean, even Simon was speechless after that joint.

And by the way, who in the hell is Kat DeLuna?

Damn, thick in the thigh, light in the eye and jeez, the FIRST and ONLY chick I’ve seen that actually sold those high waist shawt shorts, respek.  But why do that when you can always freak the original shorts?

Damn, I need another angle on this:

Wow, that’s a lot of hip for a young girl.  Interesting.  Let’s just hope she steers clear of the enhanced breast plate.  Anyway, I like that first name, Kat.  Ha.  Aint nothing wrong with that, but is she talented enough, well, musically?

Anyway, Kat’s cat ass performance got my thinking, what’s the worst rendition of the Star Spangled Banner I’ve ever heard, oh yes, Carl Lewis’ for sure:

Hilarious.  And while we’re in the jabbing mood, look how this cat murdered the Anthem words:

My goodness.  Haaaaaaaaa  And all those “Middle Amuricans” were just hating my man killing that song.  Come on people, please get those words right, ok?  And if you get into pitch problems on “Rocket’s Red Glare” pull a Carl Lewis and take that “Land of the Free” an octave down, ok?  Oh fuck it, here’s one more.  This cat just tried to power through it.

Ha, terrible.  Thanks for nothing.  USA, USA, USA….

– Lake

I hate to do this, but: “It’s So Cold In the D”

September 17, 2008

Dude, I really thought long and hard about not putting up this video, but I just couldn’t lay off that heat.  Now, I know we have a number of readers who live in or hail from the Greater Detroit area.  But I bet all of you didn’t know you had an anthem bouncing around the internet.  So I give you, “It’s So Cold In The D”:

…ummm… well..now..errr.  Who’s more shocked about this video, me, Shaq

Or Kwame Kilpatrick.

Yikes.  I know, I know, “It’s so cold at UvT, gonna get Lake in his sleep… wake him with my 9.”  I know. lol

– Lake

Sponge Broad Square Arse: Angel Lola Luv!

September 16, 2008

Albany, NY is the State Capital of New York and a hotbed for progressive ideas around education.  So it was no wonder that the fine public servants in that district choose a true role model to kick off their “Back to School Extravaganza” last week.  Peep the highly motivational speaker, Angel Lola Love at the school assembly.

Haaa, and no, I’m not kidding!  This really is the outfit ole girl rocked at the school as she spoke to our nation’s youth. What possible message could this chick have for the kids?  “If you aren’t smart, don’t have a great personality and lack the proper fatness of the ass to excel in the objectification bidness, maybe you can sell your soul to the local ass gel bootlegger.”

And we wonder why kids are completely fucked in the head.

“Beetle Juice, Beetle Juice, Beetle Juice.”

Goddamn.  Where’s the Gap when you need it?  Anyway, back to discussion at hand.  Can any of you explain to me:

1.  Why Albany Public Schools would EVER invite an ass gelling, breast “through some E’s on that b*tch” enhancing, neck tatting, booty shaking, chick like this to talk to children?

2.  How the ass in question actually became SQUARED the fuck out?

I mean, that shit is just bizarre!  Look at the way the tail gives up high.  It’s creepy.  And I guess I already know the answer, but I still gotta ask, Angel Lola Love’s Ass. Real or FAKE?

Lol…  I tend to agree.  Hey Albany Superintendent of Schools.

YOU’RE FIRED!!!!

– Lake

Kanye West Assault Video is Hilarious

September 12, 2008

Hilarious.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Ye got arrested behind that? Haaaaa Hood up, backpack attached, with that cat telling people he took it while everything is on tape. Haa And when Kanye moves, is it just me or does he just look like a little kid.

Cat ass photog: POLICE POLICE…

Kanye Yes Man: Aint no Po-lice man, go on somewhere.

Fucking hilarious. ha

More later.

– lake

Once You Go Barack…

September 12, 2008

You never go back.

Don’t know when this was, but that is hilarious.  Bill was slacking on his pimping for real.

Gary Coleman Keeps it Gangsta

September 11, 2008

UPDATED:  UvT is getting so strong, the comments are as good as the original post.  Check out the Ladies of UvT getting loose below.

Sure, he might be wearing denim on denim, he might have on green crocs, he might be 4’8″, but if you mess with him he will straight whoop that ass.

Here’s the story.  Gary Coleman was bowling in Utah…wait, let’s stop there for a second.  Why the hell was Gary Coleman bowling in Utah?  That is about the most random thing I’ve ever heard.  Ross Perot was paddleboating in Montana.  Warren Moon was playing Uno in Caracas.  It’s fun, try a few yourself.  Anyway.  So Gary was getting his bowl on with his wife, chillin and shit, when come dude rolls up on him with a camera phone to take some pics.  Gary asked him not to, and Gary’s bodyguard tried to keep him away.  OK.  Second WTF moment.  Gary thought he needed a bodyguard to go bowling in Utah?

The victim said that Gary rolled up on him, threw a few punches, jumped into his truck and tried to run the dude over. Third WTF moment…if Gary Coleman’s croc wearing ass rolls up throwing punches on your boy, I’d be the famous dude who whooped Gary Coleman’s ass.  My CNN story would be titled “Whydchu knockemout Willis?”  Emmanuel Lewis, Little kids, the Chinese Olympic gymnastics team, and Wee Man from Jackass wouldn’t wanth to come near me.  I’d be dangerous, son, dangerous.

My bad, Gary.  My bad.

You better watch out for Gary though.  He might flip on you any second.

Gary, you need a new hobby, and you need to chill the hell out.  You should be happy people still want to take your picture.  Just ask Todd Bridges.

-Brock

——————————————–

KIR in NV:

Let’s break this down: how’d his bitty ass get all the way up into SLC undetected? Last I knew, the only colored folk permitted within the city limits had the surname Malone.

And he had to wear that cowboy hat just to keep a low profile.

This does explain the need for the bodyguard though. I’m not sure it’s even legal to be a “brunette” in the Beehive state. It was the late 70s before the revelation was handed down that the extra tanned were not marked by the curse of God.  Or as they call it, the “good ol days”.

Second, of course he’s bowling. If you aren’t on your Family Home Teaching or churning up the butter for tomorrow’s breakfast for 12, that’s what you do. Unless it’s after 8:30PM and then you’re screwed.

And yeah, if Arnold whoop my ass, I take that beating quietly, change my name and slide into that Bitch Ass Protection Program. For real.

—————————————

Rosy F:

@Kir on point as usual. The revelation took too long. I like my drank and the streets too much. And if ashy virginal croc wearing arnold manage to land more than one punch on me I’d be in BAPP.

———————————

Be On It:

Rule #1: Never fight short people.

They have years of built up aggression waiting to be poured out on any fool that dare try them.

Rule #2: If fighting short people, use your knees. A groin shot on a regular person is a chin check for the midgies. Just saying.

Rule #3: If you get your @ss whooped by a short person, please turn in your cool card and proceed to the BAPP.

Rule #4: Never get in an altercation with a short person known to kick ass and take names. Did this fool not hear that Gary was stomping his wife? Isn’t she like 8x bigger than him? I mean, I ain’t never scared, but I pick my battles.

Starting mess with LaKeisha Thomas, the girl who took out a senior linebacker twice her size? No sir!

It’s College Football (Rant) Season Again

September 4, 2008

Watching Michigan getting punked in their own house by a team full of Levi Johnston looking cats from Utah, it just reminded me of the best part of College Football…the rants of course.  Listen to my very favorite dude, Dan Hawkins going from 0 to 80 miles per hour in about 3 seconds.

That “It aint intramurals” followed by “go play intramurals brother” is awesome.  Somebody needs to tell the Sarah Palin apologists that it’s big time American Party Politics…. It’s the Republican National Convention…  It aint intramurals.  Ok, let’s keep this about football.  So here’s another one, but it’s not nearly as good.

Here’s another, John L. Smith from Michigan State:

Dude, is there anything better than the line “that’s a damn coaching mistake”.  HAAAA  Yes it was, so much so that you were promptly fired at season’s end.  Next.

– Lake

Fox News Turns on the Republican Party!

September 2, 2008

Remember this piece of analysis critical to defending the American people against a massive conspiracy?

Well, they’ve finally turned their brand of sharp analysis on the Republican Party to reveal this bombshell about McCain and Palin.

Shocking.

Damn.  Are the interns drunk down there?  We need to sharpen up the UvT Photoshop department.  Then we really could be like Fox News.

-Brock

Republican Family Values: John Mac Chooses Ice Milf With Issues

September 2, 2008

Who knew so much could happen over such a short period of time. I’m a bit behind given my 5 day weekend and you’d essentially have to be living under a damn rock to have missed this, but to counter Barack Obama’s 38 Million Viewers on Thursday night, John McCain announced Sarah Palin as his running mate.

Jeez.  Where do I start?  When I heard they picked the Governor from Alaska, I was pretty much shocked, then confused, then honestly, I just laughed. One thing I really appreciate about the Republicans is how disrespectful they are to those whom they claim to actually represent.  It’s not that they think Americans are stupid, they KNOW we are and continue to act like it.  In some weird way, I like that about them.  But even most of my Republican friends admitted to me that they didn’t see this Harriet Myers special 2.0 coming.  Sarah Palin?  The chick hasn’t been in the Governor’s mansion for more than 20 months and already she’s under investigation for trying to fire her sister’s ex hubby, but she’s “Ready To Lead Amurica with integrity”?  Puulease…  I mean, who’s running that campaign over there, the Tranny from I Want To Work For Diddy?

First, Barack Obama starts whipping your ass in the polls, so McCain and company put their thinking caps on and come up with the concept that he’s “too popular to lead.”

Perfect.  That makes sense.  A cat who is trying to gain in popularity so he can win an election is now getting criticized for being popular.  I completely get that.  Next they cook up this tasty VP choice which is one part Republican Family Values play, one part Hillary Femi-Nazi pandering.

Right, because those pro Hillary women aren’t going to get that Palin basically stands in stark opposition to each and every position Hillary Clinton holds.  Nah, they just care that she’s rolling with breasts and a vagina….Come on now, she’s Pro Igloo, Anti Abortion Rights, Anti Sex Education (even though her daughter takes more Nordic Dack than a female Moose in heat), Pro Winter, Anti Seal and Pro Gun!  How’s that going to motivate Hillary Democrats?  Oh no, I know, they think that men are suddenly going to forget that they’re sexist and vote for her because she’s got such solid Milf appeal, right?

(Maybe it’s just me, but something aint right about this chick in the eyes)

And hell no I’m not impressed that she was the second runner up in the “Miss Alaska Beauty Pageant” back in the 80’s.  She’s decent looking, no question, but did yall see who actually won the crown that year?

Let’s face it, it’s Alaska.  The standard aint that high.  Borat had tighter hoes back home than Carlos Boozer ever saw before he went to college.  Plus, the babes have to stay inside half the damn year.  Trust me, they aint just burning whale blubber and eating baby seal to keep warm, either.  Shoot, I knew a chick from Alaska in college and all she wanted to go is get freaky.  Shit, sex is more popular in Alaska than hockey pucks, ice fishing and meth all combined.  That’s why Palin has 4 errr 5 kids and her daughter has 2 errrr 1 errrr a baby on the way.

That’s right, her 17 year old daughter, Bristol Palin, you know the one who is benefiting from all those advanced “prayer based” forms of contraception, has allowed Jesus, with the help of her boyfriend “Twig,” to place an original sin inspired brick of Chunky Monkey in her belly piece and if you believe the blogs out here, this aint the first time either.

That Belly bump on the far right is no joke. Hey Bristol, just a little advice, when you live in Alaska where there is 24 hours of darkness for 4 months straight, “girl Imma make luv to you to the break of dawn” might not be such a good motif to go by.

And now they’re on that, “she’s in the process of marrying her boyfriend”..   Oh course she is.  After all, nothing says “conservative values” like doubling down on an already fucked up situation by marrying the pimpled-faced, Igloo Eagle Scout who knocked you up in the first place.

Ha, supposedly this is the dude right here.  Oh yeah, he’s definitely got that “I’m about to marry that 17 year old chick I don’t really like because her mom needs me to in order to justify her ‘do as I say, not as I do’ political agenda.”  It’s all in the eyes, he’s ready to do his duty for Amurica.  AHNT

I know, I know, this Palin choice was “fully vetted” and you GOP types were there when ole Twig was laying that Alaskan lumber to young Bristol.  You knew all along that because of her mom’s political views, she’d be forced into the international spotlight as the very personification of your hypocritical and ineffective policy positions.  Yep, she too is ready to take that bullet for Amurica…riiiight.  haaaa

Even Cindy thinks you fuked this one up buddy.

All I can say is that I know for damn sure the Republicans are lucky Hurricane Gustav hit the Gulf Coast today and provided a little cover.  Shiiiiit, that gave them the time they needed to get their stories straight.  Did you see how quickly they canceled all their shit?  Kind of reminded me how quick I was back in my school days to let someone else present first when I knew good and well I hadn’t done shit for that science project.  Oh they’ll tell you they knew about this all along, but saying you knew a 17 year old was preggers is just a bold faced lie.

One thing that’s for sure, this guarandamntees that I’ll be watching Gov. Palin’s speech this week.  Let me guess what she’ll say, this is “a family matter” and her family “needs time to deal with this, blah, blah blah, prayer, this isn’t political, but MY DAUGHTER IS KEEPING THE BABY because we respect life!!!!” haaaaaaa   I love it.

You know what the Republicans should do?  Keep Palin, dump McCain and nominate R. Kelly for President of the United States.

Now hold on, just think about it.   It’d be all pandering, all the time.  After all, is there a more religious man than R?  Shoot, Jesus stays up in his songs, so the religious right will be happy.  Then you’d be able to run him to black folks like he’s that viable alternative to Barack…right?  That ought to make this historic run even more classy….  Then, and this is the kicker, we know he likes them young girls, so he’s literally be able to bang out Palin’s daughter “til the break of dawn,” six months of darkness or not!  And that’s before he offered to keep her warm while “piss on you” played in the background, right?  What, no go?  ha

– Lake

——————-UPDATE————————

Are her kids really named Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper, and Trig?  Jeez.  Those sound like Paint colors…or wood finishes.  What were Saddle, Rumpus, Vault, Rudder and Twist already taken?  Are these kids or Transformers?  This is great.  The only better thing would be if the pregnant one was Piper.  No, not because Piper is 7.  Because a pregnant teen named Piper is funnier.  You know nominal presidposition to actually getting “piped”.  My Bad.

-Brock