Archive for the ‘Penthouse’ Category

John Edwards: In the Case of That Baby Mama is Damn Ugly, John YOU _____ the Father!

August 8, 2008

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaail no!  First a tranny on “I want Diddy” (ha) and now this.  This has been a fucked up week!

Come on John.  Even she can’t believe you blazed that.  Look at her, she’s disgusted!  Don’t tell me you hit that raw dog.  I mean, anyone could have a bad night (I guess) but with this babe you need a condom, liquid drain-o, an assault rifle and a urologist waiting outside the room standing on call.  I mean, I read the story and immediately called the Orkin man just on general principle.

And yes I stepped on Brock’s post.  And you know what, like Smokey, I.Don’t.Give.A.Fuccccck.  Ya dig?

– Weekend Lake, ready to git after it like Ollie v. April

Freaks, skeezers and Hoes: It’s Big Brother 9 time

February 19, 2008

Ha, I know some of you loved that old school “Skeezer’ blast I just laid on you. Oh, there’s more where that came from. Originally, this post was called, Racism (Ryan), Drama (Amanda and Joshuah) and Hoes: It’s Big Brother Time, but it just got too long. Hey, hoes take time, attention and commitment. So here I give you a fully dedicated post about the Hoes of Big Brother 9. What’s crazy is that it’s literally impossible to get all the crazy pics of these chicks into one post. I mean, Big Brother Casting did a phenomenal job this time. Take a bow people.


Dude, where do I begin? Are yall watching this season of Big Brother? I know it was designed more as a stop gap to offset against the writer’s strike, but this is just top shelf on the melodrama scale. Let’s see what we’ve learned thus far:

1. Sluts rule

A. Ho Number 1 – Natalie


In my first post on this season I talked about how hyped I was on this chick Natalie. She gives a whole new meaning to the term Jesus Freak.


I loved how she invoked Jesus’ name immediately, while flaunting her ample enhancements for all to see.


Turns out, the chick has a bunch of nice pics for us to look at, in fact, I’ll need to give her a separate post. In the meantime though, check her out hooking up the freaky massage to her Big Brother appointed “soulmate” Matt.


Anyway, it’s hard to top the blatant and very appreciated hypocrisy she’s brought to the table, that was, until she gave her partner and Handjob and Blowjob within 2 days of knowing him and before the second episode was aired! Peep how she got started (actually this is the long version with everything).

Vodpod videos no longer available.Now see how she ahem finished him off (if you want to cut to the uhh chase, here’s the ending).

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Aww what the hell, here is another reverse angle complete with slurping and gargling (I’m not kidding):

Dude, she did it right too. She woke homey up, got him all revved up and then really finished the thing as evidenced by his expression when it was over.


I especially appreciate how Matt turned his head away when she tried to kiss him. HA.. Full on pimp. By my count, that makes 3 mic checks and it hasn’t even been a full week in the house! I love this girl and boy does she love to take pictures of her half-naked body.


Seriously, THIS CHICK IS AWESOME. Just look at her! LOL. I mean, buck ass naked in yet another picture and believe, there are literally hundreds where that came from. I’m still interested in this Jesus angle, though. I mean, what congregation does this broad belong to, Church of the Righteous Cutlery?


Ok, I admit it, I just wanted to post a picture of God touching her boob.. You got me. I think I’m in love.

B. Ho Number 2 – Sheila

Not only did this chick do Penthouse and fuck with all kinds of D list celebs including Chachi from Happy Days, she also did soft core porn.


This shot is classic!!! Oh yes, she is a dead up porn star in the filthy skin rag and on what I assume was the little screen.


I can’t decide if this is terrible or awesome. I can’t lie thought, “ma” was attractive back in the day. Is there any doubt that she’d be hooking up righteous cut sessions and microphone checkers if she wasn’t paired with THIS dude?


Ha, if these not safe for work pics (found HERE) are accurate..ha…and clearly they are, I think we can all safely assume that we know the answer to that question. Damn, I can’t lie, Sheila was sexy back in the day, DAMN!

C. Ho Number 3 – Jen

Well, it’s not totally fair to call Jen a ho. She’s more annoying than anything else. The bottom line, however, is that she really sucks at this game. The chick entered into the house with a major advantage, the fact that she had her boyfriend, Ryan, right there with her.


Sure, the twist made everything harder, but only because they couldn’t keep it together. Jen should have stayed cool and kept her relationship a secret when the TMZ paparazzo, Parker, wanted to vote Ryan off.


Then they’d still be in the running for the half mil rather getting what I assume will be the collar tonight. Whatever problems they had as a result of Allison’s crazy ass and I agree, she is pretty unstable and crazy, were self-induced.


No matter how you slice it, Jen is a classic butter face with a flair for the dramatic. I can’t lie, her body is on-point right now, so I’ll give her some respect for that. But baby girl really needs to work on that personality. I mean, self-promotion, flat-stomach and sex drive aside, what do you have with that chick?


Oh and Ryan, watch out for that girl. She doesn’t strike me as the faithful type. After all, she did dime you out for being a racist. Now why would Ryan be a racist, oh, that’s right, he banged his girl for all of 90 seconds and you allegedly have a problem with some black boyfriend she used to have that to quote one of my favorite readers in Nevada was “laying the pipe”…


No wonder you don’t like interracial relationships, if my lady had been hittin off brothers and I couldn’t fuck, I wouldn’t like them either. But it’s got to make you wonder, what is it about Parker they thought she’d like… think long and hard on that one player…

Anyway, I think Jen was actually ready to tell the whole house that she and Ryan were together because they wanted to get their open cut on. And cut they did, Peep it.

That “Just bend me over (said TWICE)” was pretty aggressive. I like it.

D. Ho Number 4, Amanda

I actually like Amanda a lot. Not because of her personality or anything, but she’s got a hot body.


She’s also sporting the New Day white woman ass.


Not the best angle, but trust me, it’s there. I also appreicated how the other chicks in the house were hating on her for rocking the booty shorts all the time. I can’t lie, they were literally up past her ass piece, showing full cheek. Nice. Big Brother casting really got this one right this time. She’s hella annoying, but I like her for that solid new day tail piece. And boy, does she ever show it too. If the blogs have it right, she’s crazy with some wild disorder and is trying to sex up Parker.


Pimpulate my player…

Hey, I’ve got a lot more to write on the Hoes of Big Brother 9, but I just can’t do it anymore. I mean, for real, there actually might be too much sexual eye candy and tension in this household. It’s so obviously coming, but I just can’t wait for the “Big twist” which allows people to swap soulmates, so these hoes can get their freak on with other cats…Should be good.


Thank you CBS…thank you.

– Lake

Big Brother 9: ‘Til Death Do You Part

February 13, 2008

Update: Check out my latest post on the women of Big Brother 9 

So I tuned into the new Big Brother last night. It was standard fare. First off, you had to figure out that this season, the game is being played by couples instead of individually. I guess they did some personality test to try and match people up based on compatibility. Fair enough, there’s always a twist of some kind and if you have people who have to play for each other, that’s just double the melodrama. So they start in by introducing the cast and immediately you see that the show is fairly high on eye candy.


Whatever, her name isn’t important. Ok, it’s Natalie. What did matter to me was that 1. She worked at a coffee shop where she had to rock a bikini, 2. that after 30 seconds into the show, I could see a approximately 70% of her enhanced cans and 3. that despite making a living by being objectified and showing off all her earthly assets, she immediately dropped some random God/Jesus reference….Irony, I love it.


I wonder if Jesus would be for or against large fake boobs that are constantly exposed…hmm. Moving on.

Then I noticed that they peppered in some current boyfriends/girlfriends who weren’t matched up with each other and of course, some ex’s that hated each other that had to be forcibly reunited. Pretty typical stuff of the Dick and Danielle Donato variety. Oh and they have bizzaro world Jon Scheyer in the house too.. Go Duke…I think.


But the best thing of the night came from the lone Cougar in the house, Sheila, aged 46 from Cali.


First off, the woman’s stated profession is “ex model.” Which made me a bit suspicious, so of course I had to go back into my Lakey PI mode to figure out that she’s not really an ex model, more like an ex skin rag hizzo — who for a period of time was fucking the big boss man over at Penthouse Magazine, Bob Guccione. Never heard of him huh, me neither. Right, she didn’t get at Heff, missed out on Larry Flynt, but was able to gravy train the creator of Penthouse for his loot cakes. No wonder she has such an inflated sense of self worth. Have you ever stopped to wonder what these video hoes will do once their good looks run out? I know, I know, first to the skrip club, then the Bunny Ranch, followed by “The Point” or “the Track” in Atlantic city…. What about the ex gold digger, what does she do for retirement? Well now we know. This is that chick in the flesh and blood, perfectly placed outside of her prime. Look at her on the cover of Penthouse back in 1983:


I can’t lie, she actually looks pretty sexy and semi thick through the KFC thigh region. Luckily I was able to link up the EVERY ANGLE completely Nude Sheila Kennedy NSFW Penthouse pics right HERE. Reverse angle pleez.


I think the comedian Eddie Griffin said it best, “no ass at home.” Anyway, in both these pictures her face looks fresh, almost that innocence mixed with just the right amount of “fucking for tracks errrrr stacks” feel to it, ya know? But 15 years and a 16 year old son later, the attitude is still the same. I mean, in her mind, she still should be in the mansion living the high life, not in Big Brother house eating slop. Yeah, that false sense of self-worth is anchored by the unrealistic belief that she’s still hot… fuckable, maybe for a dirty, slump busting cat, but hot? Let me refer you to Clay Davis for that one: Shheeeeeeeeeeeit!


Anyway, they went ahead and paired the old hag with this dude.


Ha! This dude does look like a wild cat. I must admit. I mean, what’s up with those crazy ass eyes? Just popping out of his headpiece.. Hilarious. Anyway, she wasn’t feeling this cat AT ALL and as soon as they hooked them up, telling her that they were most compatible, the ex skin rag diva from the 80’s went OFF!!!

“Where did someone get that this was my soulmate? Oh my God!!! I told them I’m attracted to tall, dark and handsome, I mean, I’m sorry, but is this what they think I meant?”

And she was saying all of this as if homey wasn’t standing right there. I also liked how he was calling her “Ma” in the way that black dudes often call women “Mami”… It’s not a diss. Only in this case, this terrible has been errr never was took it as “Ma” as in “Mom”…. which was so gratifying for a white cat with crazy urban game like myself.. Again, the irony was oozing out of this relationship.


Anyway, the chick is a complete beeyatch and she kept on with the total disregard for his feelings and presence.

“I mean, look at him. I’m sorry, maybe I’m shallow but I have a type. I like guys that work out.”

Awwww, that hurt and no, Adam definitely didn’t get like or get it. Any of it.


Then she got so worked up that she had to get a quaalude errr Alka-Seltzer to calm herself down.


Real picture from her myspace page. Pretty crazy.

How are you going to just ice a cat down based solely on his looks when you’re the oldest person in the damn house?! Sure Big Brother set you up, but that’s what they do!!! Understand, he’s the ugly dude who is probably rich but semi annoying, YOU’RE the washed up Penthouse HO who still thinks she belongs poolside sucking on a ahem Mai Tai while you make passes at the pool boy. Please “Ma,” get over yourself, you two rejects are made for each other!

Decent introductory episode. I’ll take it.

– Lake