Archive for the ‘Michael Vick’ Category

Broke as a Joke: Vick Files for Bankruptcy

July 8, 2008

Damn, Mike Vick just filed for bankruptcy today.  Aint that a bitch.  Now that he’s in jail, tucked away tight for giving his boys a dog fighting business, don’t you feel safe?

jeez.  Look, I’m a dog lover.  I’ve got a dog.  I don’t want my dog to be abused, but dude, this cat didn’t deserve to have his life taken away, along with his freedom and all his damn money behind some dogs.  I know, I know, it’s a law and order society.  Then why isn’t the Worst President Ever in jail?

Terrible.  Mike, get up Mike.

Someone hand this cat a helmet.

– Lake


Now see, this just makes Vick reporting to jail early even worse.  Didn’t he know he needed to line someone up to open his mail and pay his bills?  What is Marcus doing these days?  Actually, he probably just found out it is time for him to move.  This is a damn shame, where’s the entourage?  I’m sure his boys were lined up to be “Driver”, “Weed…errrrrrr…water bottle holder”, and “Wingman” aka “second chair hoe gatherer”, but no one wanted to sign up as “bill payer” aka “make sure my shit is still here when I get back-er”.  That’s fucked up.

Damn I miss my dogs.


Mike Vick Turns Himself In

November 20, 2007

Michael Vick turned himself in today to start his jail term ahead of his sentencing date of December 10th. I guess he finally figured out that actually doing something responsible may actually cause the judge and the public to avoid throwing the entire book at the dude. I just don’t know about turning myself in early. Go read to some kids, volunteer at an old folks home, plant some flowers. You don’t want to just turn yourself in to Adebisi and Schillinger before you have to.


There are going to be more than dogs trying to get his ass in jail.

Is Vick going to roll with the Black Muslims or the Mexican Gangsters? Does a big ol’ swole cat try to roll up on him for his biscuit in the mess hall?


Phone Check Fool!

Does he get put in a cell with Maurice Clarett? Is he going to get fat like Shawn Kemp Maurice Clarett?

What if he pulls a Lindsay Lohan and is only sentenced for 84 minutes? Then he’d be in jail for no reason. Let me tell you something. If I’m on my way to jail, you’re gonna have to come get me. I’ll be fighting harder that the Don’t Tase Me Bro kid.

On the real, I hope Mike pulls through it in good shape and makes it back into the league. He should get one more shot.


Vick ‘Em

October 9, 2007

The fall for my man Vick continues.


So I guess the geniuses at Texas Tech thought it was funny to hang the Texas A&M mascot on a T-Shirt. I mean this likeness of Vick is even worse that Lake’s favorite chew toy. Has it gotten this bad for a brother? Is this just a running joke now? Honestly, it just lets you know how stupid the whole situation is.

So the school shut down sale of the shirt, and suspended the fraternity that sold it.

What’s next? Vick Animal Control? Vick’s neutering service? DMX vs. Vick celebrity boxing?

Not only that, but an arbiter said that the Falcons can get their $19 Million signing bonus back from him. Kick a man while he’s down why don’t ya? Does the IRS give their half back too? Hmmmm, I doubt it.

Keep ya head up Mike, make sure you take lots of prison photos crouched down with a carton of cigarettes in one hand and money in the other. It is the only reason to go to jail and the ultimate souvenir.


Mike Vick: Up in Smoke

September 27, 2007


So let me get this right.  At the end of the 2006-2007 season, Michael Vick is a franchise QB in Atlanta.  Living the good life.  Huge bonuses, endorsements, his own shoes.  Producing magical moments that have not been seen in football ever before, like this:

The run when he made two professional players run into each other because they hit nothing but air because Vick is just so fast.  He may have never been a Hall of Famer, but he would have put up numbers in certain categories that may never be touched.

Here we are in week 4 of the 2008 season and this guy is looking at a year or more of Federal Jail Prison time for dogfighting.  The NFL is going to suspend him for at least a year.  The Falcons want their bonus back (and probably Matt Schaub who is set to torch them in Atlanta this Sunday with his 2-1 Texans against the 0-3 Falcons).  With all that, Ron Mexico thinks it is a good idea to break out the purp with his brother Marcus and blaze a few?  What was he doing, watching Half Baked and thought “My life is all f*cked up, but I wonder what my f*cked up life would be like….on weed”.

Damn Homey, your situation is so bad, I asked Maurice Clarett what he thought, and this is all he had to say:


It’s a damn shame, really.  You had an uphill battle before but you can guaran-damn-tee that NFL Commissioner Goodell is going to make sure your chances of stepping back on the field are about as good as Notre Dame making a bowl game this year.

I had your back through all of this, I thought the charges were BS, I thought they hit you too hard, I wanted to see you back in the league.  But you are bringing it on yourself at this point.  You are really telling people you can’t stop, you can’t control yourself, you don’t know right from wrong.  I guess we know what that “dark particulate” was in the water bottle with the hidden compartment where you kept your jewelry weed.


I’m like a biiiiiird, why don’t you fly awaaaaayayaaayyyyyaaah.




Mike Vick has disappeared.  He has assumed an alternate identity as Billy Ocean. 


Caribbean Queen, now we’re sharing the saaaame Dreaaaaams!


Who fell off more?

September 11, 2007


On the real tip, the meteoric fall of Britney Spears (by the way, she’s running around with no draws again) and Mike Vick has been crazy this year. How did this happen? With Brit, it’s just that combination of loot, drugs, that terrible ass K-Fed and the classic too much too soon syndrome.

With Vick, well, his homies just let him down.


(again, and maybe this is just me, but this “chew toy” strikes me as racist. How are you going to have a “chew toy” that looks nothing like Vick, except that barely recognizable 7 etched on his shirt? And no, it’s not ok to have dogs chewing the ass out of a “black man doll” just because you gave up red meat for 8 months back in ’96. Suspect)

I’m not saying he wasn’t wrong, but his boy was being investigated for drugs, which led the cops to his crib.  THEN his boys, people he had been carrying for the better part of 6 years, turned on him. Tough… Mike must be a hard cat to get along with also known as a dick to have those cats do him like that. So who fell harder, Brit or Vick?

– Lake

Mike Vick sets stage for NFL return?

August 27, 2007

Michael Vick stood tall today and officially plead guilty to the Federal Dogfighting charges against him.


Then he went to face the media. Mike was very contrite and seemed to be looking toward his future. He even dropped a little reference to Jesus. Nice work. At any rate, he said he needs to “grow up” and “I will be redeemed”. Let’s hope so. Oh, he also acknowledged lying to Commissioner Roger Goodell. Tough.


Clearly a lot of people will complain about his characterization of his transgressions as “immaturity” after all, he’s a grown arse man. Anyway, anybody with half a mind will tell you everyone deserves a second chance. I suspect Vick will earn his after he’s paid his debt, established some random foundation and made the interview circuit. See ya in 2009 Mike.

Go Bills.


Curses!…Will Madden Strike Again?

August 27, 2007


Madden 2008 launched last week as fanboys struggled to figure out why they spent another $50-$60 on the same game that came out last year. Sure, the rosters are updated, but with your system connected to the internet, you can get the same thing. They’ve taken Tiki off of the Giants, Reggie Bush won’t be hamstrung with rookie stats. Fine, you get “special attributes” for your players, Payton is smart, Larry Johnson will bowl your ass over, and Ray Lewis will read your play if you run the same thing over and over again…great.

The only thing Madden is good for these days is predicting who is going to get faded during the football season. This year’s lucky victim?


None other than Vince Young. Vince, have you looked at history? Let’s work backwards…

2007 Shawn Alexander – Broken Foot, missed 6 starts and never did much for the rest of the season.

2006 Donovan McNabb – Sports Hernia during the ’06 season, and a blown knee in ’07.

2005 Ray Lewis – This is a back to the future curse, I don’t know how this cat made the cover after the murder case, but he did. Actually, Ray is the only argument in recent history that the curse isn’t real.

2004 Mike Vick – Well damn. Does it get worse? Anyway, he actually broke his leg this season too. He apparently also drowned a pitbull while he was rehabbing.

2003 Marshall Faulk – missed five games with an ankle injury.

2002 Daunte Culpepper – hurt for the season in week 11, when he injured his back.

2001 Eddie George had his worst season ever.

Do I need more? In fact, perennial fantasy first pick LaDainian Tomlinson is said to have turned down the cover just to avoid the curse. Good luck Vince!


Let’s make a deal: Vick set to plead guilty

August 20, 2007

Well, for all you Vick/Falcons lovers out there, your boy finally got jacked up today.


Oh yes, if it wasn’t that damn Vick chew toy that got in Michael’s ass, now it’s likely going to be jail time for real. The UvT geechie bureau has just reported that Michael Vick will in fact take the Feds’ deal and plead guilty to federal dogfighting conspiracy charges. WOW.


I wonder what the reaction will be? First, you know the same group of “sports fans” that are outraged by Mike Tyson/Barry Bonds/OJ Simpson/Allen Iverson/Terrell Owens/Randy Moss/Ron Artest/Pacman Jones, you know, the old pasty dough boys who love to sit back and think about the good ole days when American Sports were “pure” (like the days of segregated ball with Babe Ruth and Joe DiMaggio).


(you should see these guys when they’re pissed)

Yeah, those guys, they’re ecstatic. As they should be. Anytime a top flight, non-teeth showing, cornrow rocking cat who makes millions of bucks, no matter how much he is bad mouthed for being a “thug”, is still able to get kids from both the ‘burbs and the city to rock his jersey, you know he needs to be shut down! (AI, you’re next) It should be interesting to hear the sanctimony that is sure to emanate from Bad Ole Days haters like Bob Ryan and Mike Lupica, or their funnier reincarnated counterparts, Skip Bayless/Sports Guy from Believe me, they are LOVING THIS!

And then you’ve got the people who HATE it.


(when axed about this development, Lil Bit, pictured above, said, “maaayne, this is some bullshit”)

You know, it’s the same crowd that either went to or thought seriously about going to the NBA All-Star Weekend in Vegas last season. They love the Stop Snitchin’ campaign, DMX, Biggie, Rasheed Wallace, Ron Artest, and absolutely HATE Donovan McNabb, but that’s another story entirely.

Anyway, I’ll take a page out of thick Jameka’s (Big Brother 8 ) book and just chalk this up to “God being so gangsta”. Indeed, there is no question that this was the work of the almighty and he’s punishing who? Oh yeah, the entire city of Atlanta, as he should!


After all, you knew there would be repercussions for the city that brought you such abominations as the man perm, terms like “Crunk”, Creflo Dollar, Hammer Pants, MC Hammer ‘hisself’, homo-thugs in pink wife beaters, an assortment of ridiculous jigs (starting with the dirty Bird, ending no time soon), the Atlanta Braves Mascot, pimp juice challises, the term “real talk”, the debate between a Man of Morehouse vs. a Morehouse Man, all that damn traffic, Lil Jon’s “what, ye-aaaah, and ooo-kaay”, the proliferation of grillz (or was that Miami, who knows, it’s still ATL’s fault) and finally the Atlanta Hawks (with the only quality contribution being OutKast).


It’s about time yall got what was coming to ya. So now Vick will be disciplined. The football team will suck. Nobody will go to your games (they already weren’t really going anyway) and you’ll have to hear the closeted racist gloat for another 10 years or so. Believe me, they’ve been waiting for this moment since OJ was acquitted. Oh yeah, they’re gonna have fun with this one. Enjoy. And Mike, I just hope you say the right things and do the right things so we can see you back on that Buffalo Bills errrr NFL sideline some day. Out.

– Lake

PS- R. Kelly, you’re next!

Disgrace: Michael Vick’s boys turn on him

August 14, 2007


Man, look, I don’t know much, but I know loyalty. The news that all of Vick people, co-defendants Purnell Peace, Quanis Phillips, and Tony Taylor are going to rat out their boy Michael Vick is disgusting.


It’s got nothing to do with the underlining charge of dogfighting, it’s an issue of basic human values. First off, these are cats in Michael Vick’s inner-circle, dudes who undoubtedly have been riding the Mike Vick gravy train since he broke into the league back in 2001. If you believe the indictment, Vick has been supporting the dog breeding and fighting operation since that time which means not only was he supporting the business, but also these dudes personally.


Add to it that these dudes, meaning all these cats out there who have been riding on the nizzuts of Mike Vick, really enjoying that “Michael Vick Experience”, collectively are the ones who ignantly exposed this entire dog fighting operation and you can see how this whole thing stinks to high hell.


(Rat No. 1 Tony Taylor is said to have some beef with Vick, “It was all good just a week ago.” -Jay-Z”)

As federal offenses go, Dogfighting is a small fish… These guys weren’t going to do major time even if they were found guilty without turning state’s evidence on their boy. So why would you betray your friend, someone who for years has been financing your lifestyle, just so you can get out of doing maybe 6 months of time? I mean, even if you had priors which would compound your time, that means you are a career criminal involved in a criminal enterprise and thus, should be ready to do the bid.


I hope selling out your boy over some bullsh*t, not ever being able to show your face back home and having your name ring out synonymously with the word “RAT” is worth it fellas. And before some clown comes on here trying a equate what I’m writing with some absurd “stop snitching” campaign, save it. These cats are coping a deal because they were involved in a criminal enterprise. They are not innocent citizens caught up in a culture that is distrustful of the police. They are self-interested thugs/rats, trying to jump ship and shat on their boy in the process, if necessary. Even Ronald Mexico doesn’t deserve that kind of treatment.

Memo to Messrs. Peace, Phillips and Taylor, with friends like you guys, who needs backbiting, dack riding, c*cksuckers who tuck tail and run at the first sign of trouble.

More trouble for Vick

August 9, 2007


It’s bad enough that Mike Vick has the feds on his ass for being a dog fighting kingpin. That he can’t play “the game he loves” thanks for that quote Brady, or that he’s still waiting on modern medicine to get him off his permanent/irreversible Ron Mexico status.. Tough.. Now, the famous line that came out of Friday when Craig was told to go get a job has actually come to life. If you recall, Craig didn’t want to work with his pops as a Dog Catcher. This was pops response:

“Soon enough, you won’t have to worry about catching a dog….you’ll have to worry about a dog… catchin’ yo’ ass!!!”

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Well, that’s what Mike is dealing with now since some evil genius (can’t believe I didn’t think of this) just came out with the Mike Vick dog chew toy.


Haaa Man, I’m not sure Mike is getting the fairest of shakes, but dude, this sh*t is just funny. Poor Mike, he’s literally gonna have dogs on his ass all year long.


This just in, they’ve even got a bootleg Mike Dog chew toy.. HAAAA


Haaa, this is terrible. Looks like a bootleg Blair Underwood holding an over sized lemon. I also like how cats can create a toy that’s just a black dude, holding a football, looking NOTHING like the actual cat with some bullshit uniform and a number 7 on his chest piece and make money off it. Sheeyut, this cat looks like every third brother you see. Not sure you’ll find too many black folks feeding their dog this Brock Hardon eeeerrr every black man look-a-like toy anytime soon.

I can see it now, “hey Curtis, why is Fluffy eating the ass off your cousin DeRon?” Then he’ll reply, “Nah, dog, that’s Mike Vick, see, it’s funny”.

…naaaah, these cats gotta do better than this, they’re worse than the cops (medium build, short crop hair).


Now Lake, you know that doesn’t look like me.  That cat does look like he has been smoking that dark particulate with those extra dark lips.  Plus, you know I stay in the luxury Ferragamo loafers, not those corrective boots.  Ha!