Big Brother 10 is winding down. As always, it always seems more interesting at the beginning than it does at the end, and the most interesting people get kicked out first. We needed Ollie and April to keep bucking it on out on camera [NSFW] just to keep it interesting, but alas they are getting their freak on in the sequester house now. Where if they were getting loose while they were on camera, you know they are getting completely wild now.
So here’s where it is. Dan, Memphis and Jerry are the only ones left in the house. Jerry, the token old guy has no chance in hell.
That dude ain’t winning. Not at all.
Who else is there? Memphis?
Yeah, the professional “mixologist” will probably end up being the dude sitting next to Dan, but Dan has been using Memphis to look like the bad dude for the last few weeks. He’s also played Memphis to make him look like a bad player. Also, this dude wears deeper v neck shirts than any of the women in the house. That is completely unacceptable.
Speaking of the ladies, the last woman standing was Keesha.
No she’s not worried. She always makes that face for some reason. She was supposed to be one of the hot girls, but you know what, she’s really not. She’s missing a tooth over there on the right side. That’s not hot.
You know who is about to win though? Dan.
This dude as been running some high level game on everyone for the entire game and the crazy thing is everything he’s done has worked. He threw challenges when he needed to, then he turned it on and dominated every challenge when he needed to. And he called his shots to the cameras the whole time. He might be the best player since Dr. Will. Look, he’s not running any Chill Town level smack, but he’s working for the fans in there.
The only thing that could go down is Memphis winning the final challenge and snaking Dan to keep Jerry in the house for the loot. I don’t think Memphis has got it in him though. Dan wins. He might sweep this thing if he plays his cards right.
Preacher man. What did you think I was going to say?
For those who aren’t up on Big Brother 10 (and why not? This is solid summer programming) Let me tell you about Ollie (real name Bryan Ollie). This brother is the son of a preacher, has never had a sip of the devils nectar (he doesn’t drink), doesn’t curse, doesn’t smoke, played Football on full scholarship at Iowa State. His father’s church is the real deal. I’m talking faith healing, speaking in tongues, the whole nine. I mean he really sounds like a good wholesome dude.
Oh and another thing? Ollie is banging out April, the blonde haired white girl in the house like the next time might be his last time.
I’m talking about in broad daylight under a blanket. I’m talking about in night vision. Not to mention the fact that there is a straight up 24 hour a day live webcam feed going on in the house. That means that everytime they get busy, that joint is being beamed all over the world live.
Now I haven’t been to church in a long time, but who cares if you don’t drink when you will cut on the internet live? I doesn’t seem that impressive if you flaunt your principles and you are having sex every which-a-way. Aren’t we picking our sins here?
I’m sure Ollie has the “I LV GSUS” licence plate. I’m sure he doesn’t eat pork because he does not “partake in the cloven hoof”. He is probably firm in his belief that all Jews and Muslims are going straight to hell because they have not accepted Jesus as their lord and savior. Unprotected, premarital sex? Hey, everyone needs one vice, right?
Look, normally I wouldn’t point this out, but Ollie ain’t making love here. Once April won some privacy up in the HOH room, Ollie started fuckin. I mean gettin it. Don’t believe me? Peep this. (NSFW, don’t turn up the volume either)
Look, when I saw that Ollie was that classic, comfortable with everyone football player, but I didn’t know he could run game like that. I mean is it part of what they cover in practice?
That’s not Ollie, but you can tell they we’re trained in the game at the same school. Look at this cat. Got six chicks throwing the shocker.
Ollie. You have one of the strongest games I’ve ever seen on Big Brother. In fact, you might be the US Reality pimp of all time. Sure your lady let an old dude grab her j’s on national tv as soon as she walked into the house, but she’s still a catch. Oh, and she caught you giving Janelle a little too much love the other night. Blonde girls are your kryptonite, huh?
BIg Brother 10 is still rolling and it is finally getting to the point where it is actually interesting. All the chicks who were unacceptable ugly three weeks ago are now curiously interesting. Ollie is still rocking a hat. Libra is still turrible. Keesha is still a white girl with a black name, and Jerry is still confused confusing.
This dude is the first one to turn being an “ornery, angry ol coot” into a strategy. I’m sure he’ll try to say yelling at everyone in the house was part of his strategy, but in reality he’s sticking around because there is no way in hell he can win. He’ll float to the end unless someone needs an easy “I don’t want to offend anyone” week.
By the way. Was there anyone more excited than Ollie when April won HOH? I mean these cats have been cutting in full on lights and public, Ollie has got to be straight beating it up now that they have the HOH room and a locked door.
And when I say beating it up, I’m not talking about jabs and uppercuts. I feel sorry for the next HOH. I feel even worse for the staffer that has to roll up in there and change those sheets.
That brings us to “more than just a body” Jesse.
First of all, this cat doesn’t speak in full sentences. Miss South Carolina thinks he’s incoherent. Second, that going away speech he gave to Steven was completely off key. “I hope I can be an inspiration to you. Now you know your body and have seen what I have been able to accomplish, so I wish you good luck in your training.”
Muthafucka you’re a weightlifter, not a damn Shaolin monk. Nobody is trying to snatch the pebble out of your dumbass hand. Finally, what is up with this dude’s “If I’m in trouble I’ll just REALLY piss people off” strategy? I don’t think he’ll go tomorrow, but he’s working on it.
Final thought. Julie Chen is the worst host on any reality show, other than maybe that I Love Money guy. But every once in a while she wears something that jumps out at a brother like she might be packing some thunder somewhere. It is all camera trickery, but it sneaks up on a brother.
I got my eye on you Julie Chen. You don’t end up marrying the head of your network by mistake. I know you’ve got some tricks up your sleeve. By the way, since you know the man up top, can you convince CBS to give you some better technology for talking to the house. That bama ass remote control corded white thing you carry every Thursday is just awkward. Surely they can control that from the booth.
I don’t know what it is, but some cats just need that hat for everything to lay in there just right. Of course we’ve got LL, that dude ALWAYS rocks a lid.
Incidentally, is it just me or does LL’s jaw and head combo piece look like a cross between Rumer Willis, Barry Bonds and the bow of a wild battleship?
Then you’ve got Ollie from Big Brother 10:
It’s clear that Ollie from Big Brother 10 keeps that lid on super tizzight at all times.
Incidentally, has anyone ever gotten more ass than Ollie is getting in the Big Brother house? Don’t believe me, just peep it. He’s murdering April. Good shit. That still doesn’t explain why he continues to rock those hats though. Could it be because of that forced baldy striking again? What’s a force baldy you ask? It’s when a dude rocks the bald hair style, not because it looks good on him but out of pure necessity. Hence, the forced baldy which puts him right back in the game since a number of dudes actually opt for baldy hairstyle by choice. Anyway, the problem with the forced baldy for some dudes is that they don’t have the head to carry it. Which brings us to the aforementioned “never seen without a hat” cats Ollie and LL. I suspect they’ve got that forced baldy gone bad issue and if you want to see that up close, peep Ne-Yo.
Not right. Which is why you always see him like this:
It’s tough. If a cat doesn’t have the dome to rock that full baldy once the hairline retreats for the hills, then I guess you just gotta always go with the lid piece.
Yeah, I appreciate the effort, but this cat might want to keep that head piece strapped up.
Forgive me for doing these Big Brother reports, I’m quite sure they won’t last for each and every episode, particularly given the fact that the show comes on three times a week, but tonight was a pretty decent show.
For those of your that watch the show, read on. The rest of you..well, do what you gotta. But anyway, last night was like a text book example of what not to do during the first week of the show. I mean, look at the smug look on this cat, topped off with that “I’m a pure dick” hat piece.
Brian, an arrogant and fairly stupid prick, thought he was the puppet master because he was pulling the strings of an old man who probably has no business on the show to begin with.
But homey thought he had it all figured out like he was just going to come into Big Brother and run the table without ever having to show a little discretion or use any subtle strategy. Like he was just going to power through the whole deal and nobody would know any better. Now look at him, perfectly casted as the BB10 Douche Bag Extraordinaire.
Bottom line in Big Brother is that early on, you just sit back and let things happen and play the cards you’re dealt. Brian is out here trying to make power moves with little to no leverage and a house full of people who’ve watched the game like anyone else. And true to form, that sell out Libra WORKED her yatch magic and got Ollie to betray his alliance. Dog, was it just me or was that chick standing about 6’9″ and weighing in at 228, because she was literally looking down on Ollie when she was spitting her game.
By the way, can someone explain to me what’s up with the back of that alleged hair she has? Say what you like, but it looks extremely suspect to me. And if you believe that a mother of 5 month old twins shouldn’t be on a 3 month long game show, then you’ll really think a mother of young twins shouldn’t be on a 3 month long game show rocking a damn bikini… Jesus.
Why does she even own a bikini? Sorry, but this show is about eye candy and that does not include chicks who just happen to look like gummy bears, ya dig? I mean, wild Renny saw that gut hanging out of them big draws and was besides herself.
And yes, I would do anything to get this picture of her crazy ass into this post. ha.
Moving on, what about this cat Ollie and the game he’s played thus far? One thing I will say about Ollie, he’s got a talent for survival and while he was diffusing that little mini meltdown Libra and April were putting on him, he quietly wrapped up what is arguably the baddest chick in the house.
Not all that impressed you say? Ok, but wait until you hear her little talk about her all natural USDA, kid tested, mother approved J game. In this era of juicing and gelling, you gotta respect an honest pair, right?
And if Ollie is doing this on Monday:
This cat will be righteously (after all he is a preacher’s son) banging out come Friday. But nothing he does in the house can justify that god awful hat he rocked on the first day.
Horrible. But he cleaned it up…a little. I think my man has LL Cool J syndrome, meaning he knows that he looks roughly 87.5% better with a hat than he does without one.
Now Ollie, I know you’re an Ex D1 defensive back, so you probably don’t need any pimp lessons. But when you’ve got a big fish like this on the line, don’t try to reel that sucker in too fast. Be patient my man. Lake Rule Number 22 “Make ‘Em Wait”…at least until Saturday morning.
– Lake
—————UPDATE——————-
Honestly, the best part of this show is the “show behind the show” if you will. The stuff that goes down in the house that doesn’t fit into the pre-packaged CBS storylines. The the fact that Steven, the gay cowboy, called Libra “the colored girl” as soon as the ‘Big Brother After Dark’ Cameras went off.
That’s right, ol Brokeback cliche’ here is throwing around the racial insults on the third day. Nice. The worst part, my first thought was that the race obsessed “one white child and one black child” Libra probably deserved it since she can’t stop talking about her white husband, her interacial marriage, her interracial children (which I haven’t gotten a really clean look at the “white” one, but I’m sure doesn’t look all that white. Maybe white enough to pass, but black enough so Black people know the kid is one of us. Like that Bob Barr out of Georgia…I see you…and that nose…and those lips.) The hilarious thing, when I heard there was a gay cowboy in the house as well as a dude named ‘Memphis’ in the house, I was sure they were one and the same. The funny thing? They are two different dudes. By the way, there is no way in hell I’m entering the words “gay cowboy” into Google merely for the sake of entertaining you people. I’ve got a pretty good feel for what should and should not be entered into search engines thank you very much.
Well well well…if it aint one of my favorite reality tv shows back on the air, BIG BROTHER. Man, I’ve often told Brock, if there is one reality tv game I’d do, it’d be Big Brother. I mean, just breaking cats down mentally, tricking them into icing down their friends and playing politics based purely on my powers of persuasion…that’s me. Survivor is great, but without gel to smooth my hair down, I’d already be at half strength from jump. And while Lake despises the metro-sexual, which is really a nice way of calling a cat gay, I keep shit too pretty to have bugs, rats and dirty hippies crawling on my while I’m catching a Z or three.
Nah, if I did a reality show, I’d definitely be doing Big Brother and I’d certainly be following the Chill-Town model with ala Will and to a lesser extent, Mike Boogie. I still love those guys.
So I peeped this first episode and mostly I was underwhelmed.
But that’s ok, because I felt the same way about Big Brother 9 and that shit ended up being INSANE. So I’m sure it will be fine. The short of the first show is that they went ahead and picked the Head of Household on looks alone. Naturally, the old dude, Jerry, won given that generally speaking, everyone else in the house looked exactly the same. And the old dude was asked to verify, which he happily did, whether some J’s were fake or real….I liked that about him. No quit.
Hey, who knows, maybe there is hope for John McCain after all. Anyway, the old dude rolls up into the HOH room and we see the obligatory pic of him in his Korean War get up, then some young buck comes in and basically tricks him into picking his two nominations, a crazy broad from New Orleans that everyone thinks is annoying and a wild professional body builder. Hey, we’ll see. It’s basic Big Brother, antics. Do you get rid of the annoying chick who scarily slid on a wig/head band combo?
Yuck… Or do you out the potentially threatening meathead? I say off the meathead while you’ve got a shot, plus annoying chicks who ruffle people’s feathers are always good for everyone else in the house. Keeps the eyes off them. Oh and we had the sell out sister on display and that’s always a good thing.
And by good thing I mean terrible. Fine, you’re with a white dude, but you don’t have to be completely defined by it. I mean, just play it cool. This chick gets in the house five minutes and suddenly is babbling about her “fair skinned” daughter and the fact that she’s got twins, one a blue eyed “white baby” and the other a “black baby, that looks like (her)”.
AND? I got a dog that looks like the Men in Black pooch only different, so the fuck what? Look, nobody cares about your sold lifestyle, your extra light skinned 2 out of 3 children or the fact that your kids have different skin colors from any of the versions of Michael Jackson.
You know who cares about shit like that? Chicks who have MAJOR issues with the fact that they’re sold. And I know what you’re thinking, “Lake, why so harsh, maybe she just said it in passing”… nah, I went over to the broad’s profile and she’s got it in there too. Meanwhile, her twins are only 5 months old and she’s running off to play a Reality TV game? Perfect. Why’d you wait so long? You should have been on Big Brother 9, taken the spike from both Crazy James and Parker and then you’d really have something to talk about when you first meet people.
What kind of parent, let alone a mother, leaves her extra light skinned blue eyed baby and “looks just like her” black child all alone to deal with their first months of life? I mean, what are they going to drink in lieu of breast milk, Gatorade G2? “It’s good because my mama like it and if my mama like it, I like it…” AHNT haa That’s a horrible commerical by the way, D Wage.. Just awful. And with their mother gone, whose going to pass along those all so important color issues to the next generation of sellouts and self haters?
Anyway, I’m pretty amp’d for Big Brother. My tivo was looking pretty dry and anemic, so this should definitely give it a boot along with Generation Kill, From G’s to Gents (lol) and I Love Money. If yall think of any other shows I need to add to my list, please shout me a holler.
Us Versus Them 
