Archive for the ‘Bobby Brown’ Category

New Edition: A Career Retrospective

July 9, 2008

OK, not really.  But what I will do is overanalyze this picture as an indication of their careers individually and as a group.

Ralph Tresvant: Ralph is still holding on to that old thang.  He released his own solo album, he’s still a man with sensitivity, and so he still knows that he needs to break out the shades and the semi-shiny suit with the black suit like he is still a superstar.  At night, when he goes to sleep he still wonders why he became Nick Lachey instead of flipping his front man status into Michael Jackson.

Ronnie DeVoe: Ronnie also wore that suit to church last Sunday.  His gear just lets you know he’s not in the business anymore.  He is not an entertainer.  I’ve got better suits than that in my closet and I’m not going to the BET awards.  Awards shows are your opportunity to wile out and get that “only wear it once” outfit.  Ronnie is just trying to drum up real estate business in Atlanta.  Step yo game up Ronnie.

Michael Bivins: See he gets it.  He’s still on TV rolling with Diddy.  He has a deal with the NBA as a correspondent, hell, he’s probably still making that Boys II Men money.  Sure, he’s wearing a purple jacket with super-wide lapels with a pimptastic bow tie, but at least the man is trying.  Once a star, always a star…he’s still in the business because he gets the business.

Ricky Bell:  As always, Ricky is par for the course.  Ricky had the only real voice in Bell Biv Devoe, without Ralph Tresvant stealing his shine, he got to show his stuff.  That “Something in your Eyes” is still the jam right now.

Johnny Gill:  Johnny always thinks he is sexier than he really is.  That is why his shirt is unbuttoned down to his belly button.  And if the rumors are true, that might not be the only reason his shirt is open so far.  Johnny still isn’t an official member of New Edition as far as I’m concerned.  He replaced Bobby Brown and has always been the one on the outside.  You can tell Johnny believes he needs to make up ground and always knew he did.  He worked waaaaaay to hard in the “Rub You the Right Way” video.

I mean he’s dancing hard as hell.  Hilarious.

That brings us to Bobby Brown:  What the hell is Bobby doing back there?  First of all, when did he develop the mush mouth?  Why does he look like he just smelled some shit?  Is that suit Olive?  He looks like he needs a drink right now.  The King of R&B knows he needs to keep milking his fame before he ends up doing this:

Now all I need is a recent picture of Jodeci all together and I’d really go to town.


Crack Attack: Down Goes Bobby Brown!

October 13, 2007


I guess Bobby Brown was rushed to the hospital earlier this week for a mild heart attack regularly schedule checkup (according to him). Yeah, that doesn’t look like the face of a liar.


Uhhh, Bobby. In a regularly scheduled checkup they just run a few tests, listen to your heart and lungs, and hit your knee with that hammer thing. They don’t hook you up to I.V. fluid and heart monitors.

So, let’s see what else would just make Bobby collapse and need to be rushed to the hospital. Especially someone in such great shape?


Riiiiight, Bobby’s on that stuff. I almost forgot.

Oh the good old days of “Don’t Be Cruel”, “My Prerogative” and gumby slopes with lines cut in the side are long gone.


Don’t be cruel Bobby. Stop now before you end up looking like your ex-wife.


She cleaned herself up, you can too.

‘Cause I’m a crack-cr-cr-cr-crack crack crack head.