Archive for the ‘The Taser’ Category

Breaking News: First Taser Cam Video!

July 14, 2008

Oh damn.  This is the moment I’ve been waiting for.  The UvT faithful knows I love the taser.   Back when the taser cam was announced I saw nothing but unbridled opportunity.  Here it is, the first taser cam video.  Fox ATTACK!

First of all, is this a real life video game or something?  That little MF’r looked vicious.  Where and when in the hell to cops get attacked by foxes?  What’s next, are they going to get attacked by Medusa heads like in Castlevania?  I’m glad the taser cam was in full effect, otherwise we’d never see anything.  We need to tighten the visuals up with HD or something and this might become the best source of video footage ever.  Like a gangster ass version of Blair Witch.

Speaking of Blair Witch.  Lake has this tape he calls “The Lake Bitch Project”…but that’s a different story for a different time.


Video Taser: Best. Invention. Ever.

June 19, 2008

Police officers have a new weapon in the fight against crime.  Now you know Us Versus Them loves the taser…and the only thing we love more than the taser is the taser video.  Let’s get one in right quick.

Man, that just never gets old.  Even added a little “To Catch a Predator” in on that one too.  Great.  Up until now the worst thing about hearing about a taser incident is not having a video of said tasing.  Until now.

The newest version of the X26 Taser has a built in video camera.  That’s right.  When the taser is armed the camera starts rolling.  That means that every taser incident will be accompanied with a full on taser video.  This is like Kim Kardashian walking around with a camera on her belt.  You will always get the footage you want.

The only better thing would be for these things to upload directly to youtube.  Can’t wait to see the first couple of videos coming out of this. Can you imagine the “don’t tase me bro” video from the tasers perspective?


2 Idiots + 2 Tasers=1 Act of Idiocy

May 20, 2008

You know we love tasers here at UvT. But this one takes the cake. Two guys were fighting over a parking spot in Colorado and both were strapped with tasers and unloaded on each other. I’ve been spoiled by the youtube era because I want video of this immediately. Don’t you just assume that when you hear a story like this there will at least be a shaky camera phone account of the incident. I’d pay to see this one. These guys could have really been in trouble. Doesn’t electric shock make your muscles tense up? They could have been stuck in an endless loop of stupidity.

Well, since I don’t have actual video of the incident, I’ll just run some random videos of people being tasered. Always great.

That was good, but not as good as “cop tasers himself”.

Is the action of using a taser on someone to tase?  or taser?  Is a taser an object that tases?  “Don’t tase me bro” implies that there is a verb “tase”.  Is it a brand name like “google” that has just been turned into a verb and we are really talking about an electro muscular disruption technology?  I can see I’ve overanalyzed this.  I just looked up tase in the dictionary, it’s not there.  Bye-bye five minutes of life…I’ll miss you.


Somebody’s Gonna Catch an Ass Whoopin!

May 8, 2008

Damn. Have you ever been whooping somebody’s ass, and thought…”I could really be whooping so much more ass right now?” Well, we’ve got the product for you.

Pepper Knuckles?!?!?!? With the tagline, “To Protect and Hurt”? Daaaaaaaaaaamn. Let’s see. Pepper spray is designed to immobilize your attacker so you can get away. A little element of surprise, a little searing pain and you can go on your merry little way. I’ve even seen pepper spray with dye in it so the green faced asshole can be found later.

But with Pepper Knuckles, after your assailant is rolling on the ground clutching his eyes you can administer a vicious beatdown so that they never do that shit again. If you are being attacked and are safe to get away, but go back to whoop some ass…is that still assault? I’m thinking probably.

What’s next? The Chainsaw gun from Gears of War?

So you can shoot a cat then saw off their leg?

How about a Taser baseball bat combo?

Don’t tase me bro! bzzzzzt…ieeeeeeeeeaaaah, aaaaaaaaaahhhh Now, don’t beat me bro!

Damn, I don’t want to run into one of these in a dark alley.


Tasers. They’re Always Shocking.

November 8, 2007

As we’ve already covered in a previous post, tasers are always fertile ground for commentary here at UvT. The Don’t Tase Me Bro dude got off, but not before he was immortalized in t-shirt, game, and MC Hammer Remix video form.

So we did a little research and there is plenty of fun with tasers out there on the web. Let’s start here.

Who knew that a electric shock made your face go all Popeye? How did those cats find a chick to go Jackass with them? I mean that babe stuck her nipple in a taser. Who does that?

Here’s another good one.

Not only does this cat pull a hot backflip when he gets hit with the taser, but that big female cop rocking the white socks takes a hell of a face plant on her approach.

Yeah, tasers sound like a great idea. I’m sure they make a great self defense mechanism if you catch a cat off guard and break out immediately after. Well here is how they do cats in my hometown of Atlanta.

Player. Taser instructions are as follows. 1. Tase. 2. Run. How are you still around to get shot five times homey? First of all you can’t tase a cat once he is already up in your ride. You’ve missed your window at that point. It’s like those chicks that “renew their virginity”…there’s nothing you can do, you’re already fucked. Second, where the hell are you gonna go? He’s already got your car at that point.

Next time, don’t bring a knife to a gunfight homey. Get yourself one of these:


Don’t tase me bro!!! LOL

September 19, 2007

Look, this is just hilarious. I know it’s all over the internet, but I enjoyed every minute, every camera angle (there are multiple videos of this). This fool at the University of Florida learned first hand about the cost of our freedom and the cost of his civil disobedience.

This dude has all the hot lines. “What are you doing man.. whoa whoa whoa, is anybody watching this? (uh, yes and it’s fucking hilarious) Ahhhh, Ahhhhh, they’re arresting meeeee! Get away from me!! Get away from me maaan… What did I dooo?” Then the campus cops are basically telling this cat to chill the fuck out, stop resisting arrest, which he doesn’t comply with… and then that money shot. “Don’t TASE ME BRO!” Which might as well have been, “Tase me Bro, fucking Tase me maaaan”… LOL


I love my nillas. I guess he was heckling John Kerry and had to pay the price. I mean, the best part is the pitch in this cat’s voice, straight Spicoli from Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Great. We need more of this kind of entertainment and yes, videos of cats getting tased are officially on the list of things that will always be welcome at UvT.

– Lake


Yo, this is the extended, reverse wu tang angle, “taser only” version of this incident, replete with the ouuch ouuuch, police brutality… whad did I doooo?” HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Well, for starters, you had that book in your hand lookin like a demon deacon/sinister minister only in a bullshit Old Navy get up, then, you resisted arrest. It’s quite simple. That’s what you did. You were too stupid to know that once the Po Po’s put their hands on you, you chill the fuck out or feel the wrath of the taser… Let me tell you, if there was a “Go ahead and Tase me Bro” pay-per-view starring this cat, I’d be all over it. There’s nothing I’d like more than to see him catch yet another taser about his chest, breast and arse section of his body ..haaaa

“Help. aaaaaaaaaawwww-uch…aaaaaaah, what did I doo?” haaaa

Is there any question that the lawsuit will soon follow? Great. Oh and here’s the “Don’t Taze Me Remix”.

Yo, seriously, is there anything better, other than the classic “dont taze me bro”, than this cat actually calling out for “help”? Dude, THE COPS ARE FUCKING YOU UP and you’re FIGHTING THEM. They are the help. HAAAAA Classic.


The aftermath of this whole thing is hilarious.  After being tased, this cat still was talking hella shit.

Listen to this cat’s rhetoric.  “They are going to try to kill me, I’m not going to go anywhere.  Can you take these handcuffs off me, can I sit?’  Hilarious.