You’d think that at this point, we’d be getting tired of Kim Kardashian’s ass drapped into some new gear.
But you’d be very wrong. Dude, maybe it’s just me, but that hook never gets tired. I mean, in a dress, filling some jeans, up high in some short shorts or down low in some drawls. I’m sorry ladies, I know she’s a near guarandamnteed gel/silicone abuser. I know she’s got almost zero personality and I even know that her skills in the sack don’t begin to cash those checks that her ass has been writing.
But it still doesn’t matter. Angle three please.
I don’t know about that shot. I mean, really. Are yall seeing this? Unbelievable and I don’t know if it’s the best thing ever or the worst. But those rims look fresh to death. Anyway, I’m waiting like a mufucker for this season of Dancing With The Stars and it aint because of Warren Sapp, ok?
Well, that’s a lie. I do want to laugh at Warren, but Kim K in some “buck-ed naked” spandex, slimming down while that tail piece gets fitter, faster, strongerrrrrrrrrrr.
People want to hate on my message, but I know there’s a movement in this country. Yes, all over this nation, millions of women are saying, “Yes We Can,” but I’m not talking about Barack Obama, oh no ma’am. I’m talking about these thick white chicks that are showing themselves, day in and day out, like X-Men or something. It’s a true revolution and if you ask me, the future of my race:
My word. And them draws coming up out of ole girl’s jeans. Killer. This is that wild Melissa from Making the Band and the Pussy Cat Dolls show. Let me tell you, Puff should have taken her for real. She’s got waaaay better tools than Aubrey. Speaking of Aubrey, let’s roll some of her recent work.
Not bad. Do they provide coke on set?
Now I can’t lie. She does look good. That vacant, “I’m high and I just jumped off a mic check” always gets the job done. But didn’t Puff tell her to change that “ho-ish” image up?
Oh yeah. That’s extremely classy. And can anyone tell me how many ass cheeks and coochie cuts have been up and down that thing? Of course, I’m talking about her tongue! Dammit, I can’t lie. Topless, licking the pole, J’s sitting on dubbs, thank you lil brother (intern) may I have another?
Wow… Maybe the tide is turning on this chick. Though she hasn’t quite mad that evolutionary shift, she’s looking might right…I can’t even lie.
Lindsay Lohan was lovely and Lake was loving it just two days ago. Then we got hit with her skinny girlfriend Sam. Now there are marriage rumors, and we get this pic off the wire.
Look, I’m usually a fan of side boob, under boob, hell almost any kind of boob, but Lindsay needs to start strapping up if she wants to preserve what the goot lawd hath-a blessed her with. Maybe it is a bad angle, but that J is fighting against gravity with all it’s got right there. We’ll keep a close watch on continuing developments.
In other J news.
Dammit Jessica. You know better than that. Microphone just a nestled all up in there. Now I know why Tony Romo is always smiling.
I’m in no way advocating this chick. I don’t know her name, I don’t want to know. I do, however, want to say that she possesses something that dudes talk about and enjoy, that elusive “zero stomach.”
And please don’t confuse the zero stomach with the meaty stomach or the concave stomach. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good meaty stomach that still holds it’s integrity ala Brit Brit from back in the day:
Hey, every dude likes what they like. And I have plenty on my list. But that zero stomach is definitely a nice touch. Not a requirement by any stretch, but nice nonetheless. Now my female friends tell me that in order to achieve it, all the stars must be in line:
1. She must have the predisposed genetic make-up aka “gets it from her mama”
2. If she’s over the age of 16, “zero” probably requires some form of starvation
3. The monthly hormone gods must be on vacay
4. What little weight she does gain, must go to another area of the body lest she looks anorexic
But honestly, I don’t really care about any of that. All I care about is seeing it every now and again like a beautiful rare tropical bird. Even better when it’s paired with some decent thickness elsewhere. I was so pissed at the VMAs that I failed to mention that Rihanna was showing a nice set of zero-esque abs that night.
Very nice indeed. And yes, this is the kind of stuff dudes just sit around and talk about. Well, at least the dude I know. And fellas, if you haven’t broken it down like this, get better, more detail oriented friends. Life is far more fulfilling when you have all the pertinent information.
After that heart breaking post about those God awful VMAs, it touches my heart to show you all something I do like. Lindsay Lohan.
The all natural woman is unbeatable. And the best thing about the natural woman, you can dress her up in a bunch of different outfits and it’s like Christmas morning errytime.
Lindsay is great.
– Lake
—————–UPDATE——————-
The interns have been working all morning to bring the “hard evidence” the people demand on Lindsay. Lindsay has tried a lot of things, posing nude, allegedly appearing in a sex tape, rehab, and now she’s one of them girls who likes them girls.
Here’s my question. When you cross it over, why do you go for the chick who looks like a dude? I never understand that. You know my position on vegetarians eating soy hot dogs, this seems like the same thing. And by the same thing I mean it ain’t right. Look, I’m all for it, in fact the Lindsay Lohan lesbian sex tape might be an all time best seller. I thing her lady is down for it. She even checks her out like a dude.
First she checks the thickness…
Then she peeps the J game…
At least Samantha Ronson appreciates the same things we appreciate and isn’t talking about Lindsay’s “inner spirit” and “willingness to share herself”. I don’t need that.
You know what? I’m glad. I don’t care what Lindsay’s motivation is, as long as she never goes back to looking like this:
That wasn’t good for anyone. Oh, and as far as that hard evidence is concerned, Lake doesn’t have the sex tape (yet). But here is the best we can do.
I have to be honest though. That is not going to stop Lake. In fact, I think we just made him worse. Now instead of just thinking he can pull Lindsay, he now thinks the threesome is a full on possibility.
Back in the day I wasn’t really a Kate Moss dude. The skinny chick didn’t do it for me. In the mid-90’s vintage Anna Nicole was more my speed when it came to in vogue white models of the time. (I’m talking Guess Jeans ad “Texas thick” Anna Nicole, not sloppy “Texas Rich” Anna Nicole.)
So Kate Moss has been made into the largest gold sculpture since sculptures in ancient Egypt. It is called “Siren”. Quite an honor.
The artist Mark Quinn said he wanted to capture the quintessential beauty of the moment. Once again, I’m not really sure Kate Moss is that babe, but we’ll roll with it for the sake of argument. Look at the close up. Looks like a classy affair, right? Wrong.
Is this dude serious? He’s got Kate Moss in the reverse Hucklebuck like this some sort of porn show. My bad, my bad, this is a “yoga position”. Sure thing. By the way, the camera man that chose this angle just earned a few perv points as well. There hasn’t been anything this wild since the Britney Spears pregnant doggy style sculpture.
You know the messed up thing? 400 years from now, when all the hard drives have failed, all the disks are scratched, and all the data is long lost, this huge piece of gold will probably be the only evidence of today’s society. We’ll all be skinny, expressionless practicers of the kama sutra. That and the history of the Bush White House. That legendary performance will be passed from generation to generation like a fable. Great.
You know we try to keep an eye out for unexpected arse and thickness. I mean, sometimes it just jumps up out of nowhere. Remember the Badu sightings of ’07?
Ahhh, yes, it’s like where were you on 9/11. Discovery of dat ass was truly a defining moment for me and I remember it well. Honestly, just for context, look at what that clown mirror ass looks like from the side, found below, and just ask yourself what the composition of that tail must be like up close and personal.
Seriously, ponder that. HARD STOP.
Moving on. What about that thing that jumped up and attached itself to Angela Simmons?
That was so crazy that the only supporting evidence we could find to verify its legitimacy was the fact that Bow Wow was supposedly hitting. Well, here’s another one. Peep Tila Tequila’s act:
Say what? What the farg am I looking at? Oh wait now, I’mma need me an angle two on that!
Daaaaaayum. Tila is thicker than a mug! Had I known this I wouldn’t have stood still while she hooked up that “I kissed a girl and I liked it, taste of her cherry chap stick” special on her show. Sheeeit, I like this. Let’s go ahead and just make this an “All Tila’s Undiscovered Ass” kinda day:
Saaaaay whuuuuud?! Damn, what three inches of rotation can do! Blasted cameramen! Curse-ed Lycra! Now see. Let that be a lesson to you budding Assologists out there. My grandpappy warned me of fools tail like this. He said, “Boy, believe half of what you see and this chick here!!!” Or something like that. Stuck with me to this day. Oh well, at least we’ll always have those Tila NSFW pics. Peace.
Boy, I was just chillin out, reading up on my UvT when I saw Brock’s post on that wild Amanda Cicchini. Ohhh wee, that chick is tight. I don’t know about yall, but this is the one that got me:
Yessir, I must finally be feeling that hippie vibe, because this shot makes a mufucka wanna go green, ya dig? Then one of our readers put me onto some more pics that I just had to share. Like to here they go:
Yeah, first you gotta start with that solid soccer pic. You know that one that really shows you were all that thick came from. All that cutting, change of direction and running around. Sheeit, it’s true what they say, what doesn’t thicken you up, will make you stronger. Soccer is good on the thigh. Goes together like peas and carrots.
Now see, I really like this shot. Reminds me of a fine wine. So many textures and perfectly complex, ya know. That bouquet is smooth and fulfilling, but that finish is fantabulous with hints of New Yawk City Sorta-Rican. Sheeit, Cheetara of Thundercats fame would be proud of that posterior. And the tight black pants? A gift from above. I’m not sure who introduced those to the broader public, but by my count it’s been a gift that’s been giving since about ’95. I appreciate it.
Damn, is this chick fit or not?! Wow, look at that waist piece. I know, I know, the tail went into hiding like a frightened turtle. Who knows, maybe she was going extra hard on the cardio, because this babe is clearly very intimate with the gym. But please note the omnipresent thigh piece. I mean, you sop them sumbitches up with some gravy, a biscuit and some slaw and you’re pretty much set for the night. And maybe it’s just me, but the cheesier the expression/hair, the more attractive this kind of chick is to me. I love that face she’s making, it just says “I’m ready for a classy evening of Madd Dogg 20/20 preceded by some Applebees.” Right?
Damn, it’s official. I just start from those terrible sandals and work my way up.
You know, I always feel bad for the other thick in these pics. Like how must it feel to know that a bunch of cats are looking at your girl and NOT looking at you, except when they want to make a side crack about how much you’re NOT like little Ms. Thickness rubbed up against you. I guess it’s just collateral damage, but still I thought I should just mention. Ah, one more:
Very nice. This babe just gives you what you want and need in the modern era of thick white chicks. I like her a lot and in honor of her and the great state of West Virginia, I’ll fire up “Country Roads, Take Me Home” in honor of them legs and that ass.
As promised Us Versus Them is here to keep you on the cutting edge of crazy bodies out there in college sports. We brought you Allison Stokke, we brought you Megan Ohai, and now we may have the baddest one yet. Amanda Cicchini.
The soccer field is delivering right now because Cicchini is playing out there in West Virginia. I know it is a small pic, nothing special, right? Let’s see what she’s talking about in those street clothes.
Cute Girl, good face, but it looks like she’s working too hard to poke the booty out on this one. Those thighs are setting up for greatness though.
PlaDOW. Good lawd. Look, she’s definitely putting a little extra twist on it, but she definitely knows exactly what she’s working with. That hook might be the most serious I’ve ever seen on one of Lake’s cousins. I mean from this angle you might be tricked into thinking that the ass in big because the back cheek is supplementing the front cheek. But here, the ass cheeks are both clearly defined.
Whaaaaaaa…and she’s a freak too?
I know I’m doing too much now, but I just can’t stop. She’s trying to tuck that waist in extra tight to prop that tail out. I’m not mad at her though.
Not the playboy bunny too. I need some more of these right here. That black dress is locked in tight. There is too much shadow going on here, but look at where that hand is and how much black dress there in on the right hand side of that joint. Man. Miss Cicchini, I expect great things from you. Don’t let me down.
Allison Stokke is a mainstay here at Us Versus Them. For those of you who don’t know, she is a pole vaulter who is now on the Cal track team doing her thing. The only problem is that she’s incredibly hard to catch up with. Seriously. She’s not listed on the team site for the Cal Bears. No bio, they took down the team poster, no candids or action shots of her on the site. We need to send out an intern to start watching Pac-10 track and field or we will never get any pics again. But you know we take good care of you here at UvT.
Man, it really starts at the thighs here. She can try to pull down those shawt shawts all she wants, it’s not going to help, you can still see that she’s working with something.
You can even bring it in close. She’s still tight too. Stomach great, shorts tight. Can we work the profile?
Is that the first clean Stokke profile ever? She’s got that Skrong booty. You can tell it is more training than genetics…not much though. I’d call it 60/40.
Angle 2 of the profile starts to make me question it. The thighs are still thick, the tail piece clearly sets up, but it isn’t phenomenal. Did Stokke lose a step?
My bad. Forget I ever said anything. Good Lawd. That is the triple tuck right there.
But Wait! A NEW CHALLENGER APPROACHES!
Who is this young, fresh challenger for the Stokke throne? She’s an athlete, and trust me there’s a LOT more where this came from. The assologist won’t let you down. More tomorrow…
Us Versus Them 
.jpg){kind=link}
