Man(ny) Up Monday: The Sellers Remorse Edition

So much happened this week.  The Olympics are starting, John Edwards just got exposed for hitting on the side, but this is a very special edition of Man Up Monday…we’re going to cover sellers remorse.

First, as the baseball trade deadline approached, the Red Sox cut Manny Ramirez loose.  He was too much trouble.  He doesn’t run out flyballs in right field.  He makes calls from inside the green monster.  Apparently he didn’t have any more use for the Boston Red Sox.

Well, since the trade, Manny is hitting .600 with four knocks and 11 RBI’s.  I don’t even like baseball, but I think I want that guy around my team.

How do you feel about that performance Theo?

Do you think you should have kept him?

Easy fella, don’t cry.  You got Jason Bay.  I’m sure he’ll be a real stud.  I’m sure all the fans in Boston really appreciate it.  You better hope Manny cools off, or those fans in Beantown are going to start tracking you down in the streets.  Hey, even Manny doesn’t know why you did it.

Don’t worry, this isn’t all about you.  There is another team setting up to catch a major case of sellers remorse.  In fact it might be the biggest case in history.

Brett Favre is a Jet?  Wow, what the hell is that about?  I know the Packers were in a bad spot, but I guess a fourth round draft pick looks good when you were willing to pay $25 million just to make the dude stay away.  At least you got something for it.

Packers, you’re next.  If Brett makes the Jets winners, you will all look like assholes.  Oh, and tell Aaron Rogers to keep the chinstrap on tight.  He’s gonna be taking hits everyday of the week.  Not just on Sundays.

Never Look Back.  Man Up!

-Brock

Who in the hell is Jason Bay?

That’s just an open question for any of you sports fans out there.  And yes, this shit is so wild to me that I had to go ahead and post TWICE on it.

And once you answer that question, tell me if you’d rather have him or ME, Lakey the Player, out in left field for the Sawks?  Wait, let me get this straight, the Sox traded arguably the best hitter in the American League for THIS DUDE?

Unless this mufucka can swim with the pigeons or fly with the fishes, I want nothing to do with him.  Seriously, I’m rethinking my affiliation with this team.  Cats win a couple world titles and then start to lose their minds.  Who do they think was swinging that damn bat, THEO?

Somebody get Barry Bonds on the phone.  UNACCEPTABLE!!!!!!

– Pissed

Red Sox Need to Wake Up: I’m with Manny…

A report came out today that Boston Red Sox owner John Henry was “offended” by Manny Ramirez’s comments about his contract situation for the coming season.

Offended? John Henry should be happy Manny even takes his calls. Manny is the commodity, not John Henry. Let’s see what Manny said:

I want no more [expletive] where they tell you one thing and behind your back they do another thing. I think I’ve earned that respect, for a team to sit down with me and tell me this is what we want, this is what we want to do.

And here is John Henry’s reaction:

I find remarks that we have been anything other than completely straightforward to be personally offensive. Manny has been a crucial part of two world championships. I do not believe we would have won either without him. He has never played a more important role than he has thus far this year.

Yeah, you’re damn right you wouldn’t have won EITHER Championship without Manny.

And don’t you forget it. Hey, Manny may be Manny.

He may be loose and child-like, happy go lucky and easy ed, but don’t get it twisted, YOU OWE MANNY RESPECT, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

Manny is the first round Hall of Famer. Manny is the dude who you can pencil in each year to either lead or be close to the leading theleague in RBIs, homers, runs and points up to Jesus Cristos, ok? If Manny says that he doesn’t know where he stands with the organization, then that means you have failed to provide him, your star player, with the requisite amount of comfort and/or communication to make him comfortable.

Do you job rather than talking about how “offended” you are. Offended? This is a man’s game and a man’s business. Talk to Manny. Make him comfortable and watch the wins pile up. And keep Manny’s name out your mouth there unless you’ve got praise for the man. The mere fact that Manny had to say anything is the front office’s fault to begin with.

You need him more than he needs you. He’s delivered while you sat up in the seats eating $8 hotdogs and performing awkward ass high fives. Meanwhile, Manny is at yet another All-Star game making your look good. Get the deal done. It’s just that simple.

– Lake

Boston Sports: Celtics Win, Manny Being Manny….501 Times Over

Yo, I’ve been out of pocket over the last couple of days. I know, it’s because I was tending to my ailing Auntie, right? Uhh, nah. The only thing that was being tended to were those plentiful bottles of Grecian Geese I was imbibing by the liter full.

And just so you know, that Grey Goose Gimlet is the perfect weapon for that weekend long bender. Anyway, it’s just a great time to be living in Beantown because this sports culture out here is just fire! Things are happening so fast that I can’t even catch up.

I mean, no sooner than Manny Ramirez jacks out that 500th homer, thereby securing his place in the Baseball Hall of Fame and Red Sox lore forever, he runs off and hits one again. Dude, Manny is a MONSTER at the plate. And while he hasn’t passed my favorite all time baseball player Pedro Martinez yet, homey is truly knocking at that door.

At this point, the only way a cat can keep Manny in the ball park is to go ahead and pitch him a Mariah Carey-Cannon special:

HA! That was terrible. I mean, first off, who does she think she is with that gear? Is this chick a fast ass, facebook happy 17 year old teenie bopper or a 38 year old cougar with a substandard pre nup game? Put some damn clothes on, take them stripper heels off and put some damn umph behind that first pitch. Then again, I guess you’d have a hard time getting that ball all the way over home plate too if your diet consisted of yeyo, Cannon balls and celery sticks. I mean, just imagine how skinny she’d look if she didn’t have 8 pounds of silicone sittin’ on high to fill out that extra medium pink top.

Anyway, moving on.. big up to the Celtics for putting away those Pistons, too!

You gotta be happy for Paul Pierce because that fool has struggled in Boston. Sheeyut, I knew the C’s were gonna win after game 5 when I saw Bill Belicheat sitting in those floor seats with that wild woman.

Lol… Dude, I know some cats are breast man, but Bill is taking the thing a bit too far. So much for the perception that all these guys do is work. Clearly Bill’s been working all right….working them J’s. Damn. You know Belichick had a microphone in the Piston’s locker room, bought off a ref or three and put that stone-faced hoody hex on Chaucey’s ahem groin.

Anyway, though I’m not a fan of all the teams, the Sox, Celts and Patriots do make for year ’round sports bliss in the Bean. Out.

– Lake

Yousa Fun-Ni Matta Fakka Hideki

Hideki Matsui is one funny dude.

See, he even laughs at his own jokes. Here’s how it went down. When playing with the fellas in Spring training, Matsui made a bet with Derek Jeter and Bobby Abreu on who would get married first. He then flew out the next day to get married. Nice, like me, you never make a bet you don’t already know you are going to win. So after he stacks some cash (gotta be long money right? Jeter’s not making any $20 bets like Lake’s cheap ass.)

So the New York media is all over my man to see what wifey looks like. I’m sure Hideki saw what happened to A Rod and Spitzer when you let the NY press get a hold of your personal life. So he hits ’em with this.

Niiiiiice. I wonder if he drew it himself. He took it so seriously too. That is the equivalent of flicking off the media as far as I’m concerned. At least we know he is keeping it real with the Asian babe.

Hey, bad news ladies, I just got married too. Want to meet wifey?

Drew it myself.

-Brock

Andy Pettitte is a stankin’ cheater

Hey, what’s up with these idiots in the NY media acting like Andy Pettitte was courageous for admitting to his HGH use?

First off, in the past he always lied about his illegal HGH use. Then he lied about how many times he used it. The only reason why he copped to what he did was because McNamme fingered him. And how do we know that he didn’t use other drugs? He lied before, why not lie again? Come on.

This idiot Tom Friend buried Barry Bonds, but now he’s saying he doesn’t consider Pettitte a cheater? Oh, I get it.

I can’t tell what’s wilder about this pic, the fact that Mrs. C. HGH’d up and got rock hard or the way she’s griping up on that ‘Roided up dack.  lol.

Now I get how these media types work, if you like the guy and can identify with him, he’s not a cheater, even when he admitted to illegal drug use. If you think the dude isn’t a nice guy and you can’t identify with him, then he’s a liar and a cheater. I love the Sports Media. A bunch of hypocritical hacks who couldn’t make it in the legitimate news biz but now allow their own personal biases and prejudices completely taint all semblance of integrity in their reporting.

I know, I know, you’re paid to have an opinion and just are doing your job. I know. Ridiculous.

– Lake

Mac says Clemens’ wife was on the juice too!

Now see, Roger Clemens probably should have slowed his roll when he tricked Brian MacNamee with that tape recording, only to play it at a press conference. You might not want to fuck with a cat like that when he’s got dirt on you AND your wife, Debbie Clemens, who MacNamee claims he shot up in the ass with HGH before this Sports Illustrated photoshoot.

Come on. I mean, is anyone shocked that the Rocket and his wife are both juicers? Hey, at least now we understand what that dropped call was really about.

“Hey honey, pick me up a loaf of Sourdough, some feminine wash and a couple cc’s of Brian’s best HGH, I’ve got a butt naked Sports Illustrated shoot and I must look my best.”

Look, I don’t care what anybody says, a grown ass woman of 42 with 4 monster sons ranging in age from 13 to 20 should not have abs like Chyna from the WWE.

Hell, even Chyna shouldn’t have abs like Chyna. WTF? Does anyone have a doubt that this is all true? It’s not like this guy is telling this stuff to a few or the fellas over some hippie lettuce in a back room, he’s telling this to United State Congressmen!!!!

Hmm, fake hair color, check, fake tan, check, fake boobs, chizzeck, fake ass husband, check, hey, why not just fake it all. FAKE BODY DUE TO MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF ROIDS AND HGH….CHECK! Like Chris Rock said, everything about you is a lie. Hilarious stuff, I can’t wait for Wednesday for that public hearing….talk about Tivo worthy…Jeez.

Damn, now see, this is getting ugly. Forget the gloves coming off, these cats are at each other with knives and we aren’t even close to a conclusion. What more could go wrong for ole Rocket? Nobody believes him as is.. I mean, what’s next? Is Andy Pettitte going to produce that Rocket and Debbie Clemens sex tape with Mariano Rivera ahem, coming in for relief? Argh.. sordid man. I feel dirty.

Go Sox

– Lake

Marion Jones Gets Six Months

My word, I know rappers and entertainers are breathing easy these days. Forget the Hip-Hop cops, athletes are catching complete L’s over this Balco steroids situation. Marion Jones, former national treasure just got 6 months in the can for lying to Federal Authorities.

Honestly, that’s messed up.  The judge went on ahead and gave her the maximum sentence although she has two kids, with one still nursing.  Judge Kenneth Karas said that steroid use “affects the integrity of athletic competition”.  I’m sure federal judges have sound logic, but that isn’t really what we’re talking about here.  She wasn’t going away for steroids, she was being sentenced for lying about taking steroids to federal officials.  Here’s how it works.  If you get caught using steroids in athletic competition, you hand over whatever you won, and get suspended.

Ben Johnson whoops the field by three strides…gets caught and gives back the gold medal.  Football players lose four games without pay.  Baseball players catch a lengthy suspension.  You don’t go to jail for it.

Man, this federal gubment ain’t playing with these Balco folks.  The crazy thing is this entire fervor is over Barry Bonds.  If it weren’t for the big man breaking every meaningful hitting record in “America’s Game” there wouldn’t be congressional hearings, books on the “Game of Shadows”, federal fact finding commissions, no one would give a damn.  So when Marion is sitting in prison thinking about what went wrong, she has Barry to thank.  Who else was on that Balco list?  “Evan(der) (Holy)Fields” better watch his ass.  You know crazy ass Bill Romanowski was all clear and creamed up.

Damn from the look of it, his wife may have been on it too.

Mike Vick went down for lying too.  All it does is piss the Fed off.
Roger, are you paying attention?  I know your current plan is to go hard on these charges.  You still haven’t come out and called McNamee a full on liar in all of this.  You might just want to fess up come next week or run the risk of catching 6 months your damn self.  It ain’t worth it Roger.  We know ya did it, just admit it.  Tuck it on in, join Pete Rose and Mark Mcgwire on the “ain’t neva, eva, evaaaaaaa getting in the hall of fame” club, and fade into the background.

This is the evidence that they are using to sack Barry.  A few side by side picture comparisons coupled with the fact that you got back 5 mph on your fast ball when you hit 38.  I will say this, the way black people are going down in the courts lately, Roger actually gives Barry a little buffer.  If they take Barry down hard, they’ve gotta give Clemens the same.  You just can’t picture Roger Clemens in jail can you?  Going from pinstripes to prison stripes is not gonna be hot.

-Brock

The Rocket Man goes on 60 Minutes

After I watched Vince and the boys go out the back door against the Chargers the Lady and I took in Roger “Rocket Man” Clemens’ act on 60 Minutes with Mike Wallace.

Is it just me or does Roger look like he’s about to rip his own face off and go V, the finally reckoning in this picture. I mean, look at dude’s left eye piece….HGH is a hell of a drug.

At any rate, Rog came out and hit us with the righteous indignation, but I wasn’t feeling it. In fact, I thought it was a put on. It kind of reminded me of that fake thug explosion we got from Kellen Winslow, Jr. back in the day about “this U”.

Boy, that joint will never grow old. So as we were watching ole Rocket get all pissed off talking about how he gets no benefit of the doubt, my lady asked me an interesting question, “what if he actually is telling the truth, could you imagine?” I gotta say, I thought about that possibility myself, but it’s just like I told her in my response that only took .5 seconds to get out, “But he IS lying, though.”

Oh well. Bottom line is that the plot has now thickened in this piece.

Congress is getting ready to put Roger under a microscope which will inevitably bring about that hot 5th Amendment maneuver or some sort of silly Mark McGwire “I’m not here to talk about the past” trick.

And all just because a few assholes didn’t like Barry Bonds and that alleged barcalounger he had in front of his locker.

– Lake

Clemens: He injected me, just not with ‘Roids

According to ESPN.com Roger Clemens hit “60 Minutes” with that same line Eddie Murphy the Prince hit Eddie Murphy the Barber with in Coming to America.

Barber: Well Goddamn boy, what kinda chemical you got in there?

Prince Akeem: I have used no chemicals, only juices and berries

Barber: Sheeyut, that aint nothing but a ultra-perm

No question, Roger is persisting with this “waddent me” defense of the claim that he used performance enhancing drugs to boost his career. Now he’s getting a little more specific saying that his trainer, Brian McNamme, the one who dimed him out under threat of criminal prosecution, injected him with Vitamin B-12 and Lidocaine, a local anesthetic used to treat skin inflammations and not the Juice.

Don’t you love this “Shaggy” defense, which is really another Eddie Murphy creation, of “Waddent me” that Roger is trying to sell us now? It’s so hot. Oh, I get it, you were injected by this dude, only he was hitting you with B-12 and Neosporin for that butt acne errrr sensitive skin men have on their asses (?)..LOL.

(Yall see Rocket’s lady? I think she may be on something too….5 kids and all ripped in the midriff?)

You gotta hand it to ole Rog, though. Through all of this he has remained himself. He’s just the quintessential asshole and always has been. I guess that’s what happens when the media gives you a pass for your transgressions during your entire career. Just like when he told us he threw that bat at Mike Piazza because he thought it was the ball. I know, I know, he had a flashback to KICKBALL when he could a fool out by hitting him with the ball while they run the bases.

I get it. HA. How does hitting a dude with an alleged baseball make sense Rog? You think on that one, then answer me this:

If you’re bent over and Brian McManne, a professional sports trainer, was injecting you with what you thought (wink, wink) was B-12 and Palmers Coco Butter, then how do you really know he didn’t swap out those CVS syringes for some of those Balco ones?  What are you saying, that you never knowingly took steriods?

I know, I know, as far as you know, that was B-12, Vitamin C and Jack Daniels coursing through your veins. Believe me, it happened to me too. I was just helping that UNC hick chick over the fence back in college when her pappy came out with the shotty…

How was I to know we’d get all tangled up like that?

Come on, we all know the Rocketman is a liar. Oh and I bet it felt good when McNamme’s lawyer promised to sue your candy ass if you lied in that 60 Minutes interview or the presser you’ve got scheduled for Monday. Watch yourself son…

– Tabaccy spittin Lake with a ten gallon hat on his head