Archive for the ‘Divorce’ Category

ARod’s Wife: I Gotta Quit You

July 7, 2008

Cynthia Rodriguez just filed for divorce in Miami, citing infidelity as the main cause.  Ya think?  What tipped you off CRod?  Is the the fact that 78% of all women would bang him out on site for a shot at that quarter billion dollar contract while asking “how many licks will it take ’till I get to shop“?  Or the fact that he cavorts with known strippers and Playboy Playmates?  Or is it the fact that Madonna has been kicking at his NY crib for the last week and a half?  This is not yet confirmed, but I think she also mailed him this shirt as part of her initial settlement offer.

She’s filing in Miami, so I’m assuming that the crib on Star Island is going to be high on the list of “shit I want to keep” along with as much of that $250 Million that 6 years of marriage and two kids can buy you.  I have to imagine that we’re going to hear that the three year old and the three month old are used to a very high quality of life, which for kids that young means that they have two tricycles and all the milk they can drink, which of course requires about $65,000 per month to maintain that kind of lifestyle.

Meanwhile, A Rod has already moved on.

A Rod has had the not quite confirmed for divorce Madonna coming in and out of his crib.  Both are still denying it, but hey…why not?  We already know that Madonna hooked up with a brother of another color a decade ago because he had the right “bone structure” for her future child.

Wow, look at that dude.  What?  Prince wasn’t available at the time?  I remember that Dennis Rodman was also on the short list, so maybe ARod shouldn’t be too honored to be on Madonna’s short list.

I’m sure A Rod will come out of this fine.  Like Chris Rock said, if you’ve got 200 Million and she take’s half, you can still eat…If you make $10,000 and she takes half, you might have to kill the chick.  A Rod won’t have to resort to murder, but he might want to kill the chick by time all of this is done.  Maybe Cynthia Rodriguez can hook up with Shaunie O’Neal and have a divorce party.

New Rule:  Any athlete in the modern era who is due to be on the 50 greatest players of all time list in their respective sport just shouldn’t get married.  It never works out.  Ever.  Why try?


The Gold Diggers Strike Back – Tricia Walsh Smith

April 18, 2008

Now you can tell from those crazy ass eyes that this is going to be good…

This is the craziest, greatest, most delusional, then just plain crazy again video I’ve seen in a long, long time. Now this is waaaaay longer than any video I’d actually ask you to watch in it’s entirety. It is six minutes long but there are so many gems in here that it is hard to skip around. I had to take notes just to keep up with this crazy chick.

Oh god, where do I start?

Let’s start with Tricia and her husband Phil. I think visually we all know what is going on here. Phil went on ahead and flipped his $60 Million into a relatively young and apparently semi-famous UK actress/tenderoni.

That tells us that this transaction…errrrrrr…marriage was about loot from the start. Tricia likes to keep it comfortable.

Second, let’s talk about the production value on this thing, full on title card, the camera crew had lighting (that they couldn’t keep out of the frame) and the subtitles are great “Tricia Walsh-Smith Actress/Writer/Good Egg” just let’s you know that this is a high-lo situation from the start. High in that you have an editor…lo in that someone actually thinks that describing yourself as a “good egg” is the best way to convey that Trish here is in the right. That must be some British shit right there.

I love the way people in New York call their fully-owned, multi-million dollar, nine room homes “apartments”. The rest of America calls those “condos”, an apartment is something you rent and it is counted by the number of bedrooms you get. But I digress.

Let’s talk about the strength of the prenup.

Whoo-weeeee, talk about contracting straight to the point. Phil had a “get the fuck out right now” clause built into his prenuptual agreement. Thirty days notice. You can’t even get out of a cell phone contract that fast. No holdover, no transition, all he needs is a reason for divorce. Dinner with another man? Get the fuck out. Personal Trainer “spotting” you for your lunges? Get the fuck out. Accidentally deposit my money into the “wrong” account? Get the fuck out. Post all of my business on YouTube? Get…the…fuck…out.

Well Trish knows the clauses of the contract pretty tight. She gets a “pension” of half a milly a year for the rest of her life and the Florida “Apartment”, which from the looks of the NY “apartment” is probably a four story, beachfront mansion with panoramic views. It actually looks like the whole fight was over whether or not the Park Avenue apartment also kicks over into her pocket when the guy dies. OK, so she said she doesn’t understand Phillip’s (sounds like Flip’s when she says it) grounds for divorce? Let me tell you, If my wife, who I’ve already contractually promises 500k a year and a paid for home in Florida if I kick the bucket comes up to me and starts talking about other shit she might want when I die? I might divorce her ass too. First of all, let’s stop talking about when I die young whipper-snapper. Second of all, if you refer to Section 12, Paragraph C…that’s my shit. Mmmmmk?

By the way, if the woman you want to marry refers to the Tarot as “my cards”, run the other way. (Much respect to my N.O. peoples and the Hatians…but Phil shoulda taken one look into those crazy eyes and that pack of tarot cards and gone elsewhere. Also, why the hell do you marry a younger chick if you aren’t going to have sex with her. Get yourself a old lady that can provide companionship, not some young crazy golddigging ex-actress.

So then old girl goes for the crazy call that wasn’t all that crazy. This whole thing is starting to look staged to me. Sure, anyone can call my secretary and talk about my porn, my viagra and my condoms, but who really cares? You best believe Brock’s secretary wouldn’t be interrupting my conference call to ask me where to put my condoms and porn. The answer would just be “in my nightstand next to my videotapes of you butt naked and your vibrator.

The subtitles on the picture are absolutely priceless, the “nasty evil stepdaughter”.

Tricia then spends the last two minutes talking about the plays that she’s written and her flagging acting career. That is why this whole thing looks like B.S. to me. It plays out just like a bad writer put it together and it is being acted out by a bad actress.

If I was Phil I wouldn’t have let myself become a “drama in real life”, but hey, it looks like ol’ girl needs to find new ways to earn money so she can stop trying to kill me off.

Fellas, do you want to know a foolproof way to avoid this situation? Stay aways from chicks with crazy eyes. You see Tricia Walsh Smith up top. Here’s the crazy ass Runaway Bride.

Shoulda known.

Not that you need to be told, but stay away from Hottie from Flavor Of Love too.

Damn, her crazy eye went crazy eye. Yikes.


Wrestlemania 25: Hulk Hogan Vs. The Million Dollar Woman

November 28, 2007

Daaaaaamn. Now this just ain’t right. Hulk Hogan’s wife rolled out to California a few weeks ago and drops divorce papers on the Hulkster from afar.


Is that like a steel chair attack? What else can Hogan take right now? He son is looking to be heading to jail for street racing that ended up in a manslaughter charge. His daughter dresses like this:


I don’t even need to put her in the UvT lab to analyze whether she is tight or not. That is just a big chick right there, no two ways about that. Unless they airbrush her up.

How is this divorce going to work out? She wants a share of their millions of dollars worth of property and child support for their son. Does Hulk get to have those terrible obviously fake J’s back?


I already know what’s going to happen at the trial. I’ve seen it a million times.

Hulkster walks into the court with his yellow tank top on. When the judge asks him for his opening statement, he just stands up and does this:


Hogan starts off strong. Throwing lefts and rights. Body slam here, atomic drop there. But Linda rallys back. Child support, the house in Miami, the car collection, the master tapes of Thunder in Paradise. Hogan looks like he’s done for. He snaps back up shakes his head and gives her the point.


That is when Linda is in trouble. We all know what comes next.

Big boot:


Leg drop:


Cue up “I am a real American”


Linda doesn’t have a chance.