I Don’t Know Why I Love Stuff Like This

I’m really a sucker for people who take a popular song and do something like this to it.

You’ve got to at least let my man get to “those birthday cakes, they stole the show”.

I still hate T-Pain.

-Brock

Who The Hell is Flo-Rida?

I’ll be straight out with you. When I saw him launch his first single with T-Pain, I knew two things. First, I didn’t trust him. Second, no matter what I think, the song is going to be ridiculously popular.

“Low” is one of those songs that get’s stuck in your head all day. “Shawty had those Apple Bottom Jeeeeanns, and dem boots wit da furrrrrrr.” DAMN YOU T-PAIN. I wish I could quit you! The song is hot, those damn “Step Up 2 Da Streets” clips in that video are completely off key and unnecessary by the way. By the way, how many times are they going to make that movie? Step Up, Honey, You’ve Been Served, Stomp the Yard, hell even Drumline. Lake said it best, we know how all these movies go. A hot headed dancer from “da skreets” shows up with his “mad skillz”, but needs to understand “real/old school/classic” in order to take his “Ill Crizzew” to a “Whole nudda level”. Of course the climax of the movie is some sort of “throwdown crew battle dance/step/play your instrument while looking mad”-off. Seriously, that shit ain’t hard, you aren’t a gangster…you’re still a dancer.

Back to Flo-Rida. I was ready to write him off as a one-hit wonder until I heard this:

I mean my goodness. Listen to that joint with some good speakers too. Timbaland laid some naaaaasty bass underneath that thing. Timbo’s wild “ficky-ficky errr-errr-errr” hasn’t sounded that hot over a beat since Aaliyah’s second album. He flipped Rihanna’s Umbrella-ella-ella into an Ella-Ella-Elevator, but I’m not mad at him for that.

Look, Flo Rida is never going to be in the discussion for “Top 5, Dead or Alive” with lyrics like these:

“Hey
My first flo stopped on a gold digging woman
Money cash flow all big faced hundreds
Frontin’ on the pole got them d-boys running
Shorty got both broke can’t see what’s comin’
Wear them apple bottoms, wear them apple bottoms honey
Dolce and Gabbana and she get it from her mommy
Louie, Von D ,Gucci, Fendi and Armani
See the carrots on her wrist now she pimps bugs bunny
Used to date Kanye now she want me
While I got my juice wanna take my OJ
It ain’t her birthday with her name on a cake
If I ever pay for pu**y, grade A”

Bottom line. It bumps in the truck. Check it out.

-Brock

===============Update=============

Damn, I didn’t know T-Pain was on “Low”… I thought for sure that was Nelly on the hook. Terrible. But like all things T-Pain, it’s literally good and terrible all at once. Let me tell you when you hear that “Apple bottom Jeaaaaan, boots with da fuuuuur” things get poppin in the club. Perfect club banger.  And what about that Travis Barker remix?

I hate to admit it, but T-Pain is a hit maker…dead up.

– Lake

If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all…

(crickets)

Hot Video: Snoop Dogg “Sensual Seduction”

Snoop has been in the game for a long time, he’s got his ninth album coming out next year. There was original young Snoop ripping it on the original Deep Cover track (creep with me, as I crawl through the hood). Death Row Snoop, No Limit Snoop, and now he’s done it again.

When I first heard it, it was a little tired of hearing rappers singing on their tracks. (It made Andre 3000 disappear for a good three years, but he’s started killing remixes about a year ago, and is back with a vengeance on Art of Storytelling Pt. 4) But this video from Snoop really puts it over the top.

Snoop brought back everything.

The “talk box” made famous by Roger Troutman and now being abused by T-Pain.

The old school Keytar:

No matter how hard you try to look, you still play keyboard.

The feathered hair.

Is that a perm, a curl, or both?

Lake said how ridiculous R&B stars look when they try to be gangster in pictures, but it was even more ridiculous in the 80’s. But Snoop also brought back the old school keep it real posse picture.

Cameo did it best, but you can’t look hard with that gear and that hair. Oh man, that’s great, one more.

Keep it gangsta fellas. Morris Day is killing it in the leopard jacket.

Snoop keeps himself relevant 15 years later, still making music I want to hear.

LL, you should take notes.

-Brock

I Hate T-Pain

But I can’t stop listening to his music.

It all started with that damn “I’m in love with a stripper”. Is there a b#tchier title than that? You can’t fall in love with a stripper! I mean your player card will get taken immediately upon a violation of that magnitude. I’d turn the radio station every damn time it came on. Then they got me when they put Twista and aRa Kelly on the remix and I couldn’t resist. “Plus we got a lot in common, she’s a stripper, I’m a freak” might be R. Kelly’s best line of the last four or five years…right behind “I order one bottle, then I F*ck with one model, then I order more bottles, now I got more models“. But I digress. Then there was that damn “I’m Sprung”, same damn thing. There is just something terrible about that cat’s perspective on life. I think it starts with that cat-azz look in dude’s eyes.

His album is called Rappa Ternt Sanga…for real. Spelled just like that.  I’m not making that up.

But now the guy is back and every damn where. “I’m a Flirt”, The “Same Girl” Remix, “Outta My System”, “Know What I’m Doing”, and “Buy You a Drank”. Then there is Bartender. I can’t stop listening to this damn song.

“She made us drinks, to drink…we drunk em, got drunk. And now I know she thinks I’m cooooooool”. Well damn that makes sense.

OK, here’s my problem. Has anyone ever heard this dude’s real speaking voice? Does he always sound like he is hooked up to the plastic tube of a synth machine like a low budget Roger and Zapp? What the hell does he do in concert?

Fine, I’ve got two problems. It goes back to that “ain’t right” look in his eyes. How do I put this? OK, if there was a song that didn’t need any more people invited to the swordfight, it was “Same Girl” with R. Kelly and Usher. The song is about two dudes messing with the same chick, did T-Pain really think it was a good idea to jump into that bedroom? Even worse, when the Ray-J and Kim Kardashian Sex Tape dropped, T-Pain comes out with a quote about it. Is it about how Kimmy K’s booty cheek tucks on the top as well as the bottom?

Noooooo. T-Pain is talking about how Ray-J must really be “swangin”. And I quote:

“Not too many guys can go after Ray J. The man got a huge meat, ok. He’s short, the man is packing. He’s got length on him. I got the width. Shit is wide. He got a foot on him. Man have a foot on him. Much respect to Ray. Man to man. No homo. Ya’ll seen that shit. Ya’ll know the man’s swanging.”

WTF is that?

I can’t take it. Oh and by the way, you can’t say “no homo” when you say something blantantly gay. It is properly used when you merely say something slightly ironically gay, like “Let me get a Big Mac. No homo”. Not “the man got huge meat”, it just doesn’t work.

Mike Hart, what do you think about that?

I really can’t take it.

-Brock