Archive for the ‘Senator Larry Craig’ Category

Trent Lott: “I am a Gay American….sike(?)”

December 6, 2007

Whoa nelly. This joint is almost too good to be true. I mean, how hilarious would it be for Trent Lott, United States Senator from Mississippi to be a closeted gay dude messing with gay male escorts on Sunday and then passing anti-gay laws on Monday.

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Well, that’s exactly what the anti-Lott and anti-GOP hypocrite crowd is saying he’s done. They also say that this scandal is the real reason for Trent’s abrupt retirement on Monday and not because of some timing issue associated with his lobbying carrer. Who knows, but supposedly this Benjamin Nicholas, the man he’s been linked to, is some kind of gay prostitute to the stars. He also writes a blog about his encounters and even gives advice to aspiring male hoes (nice). Despite this ridiculous tomfoolery, I guess dude is known for his discretion and “professionalism” (what?) as a male hizzoe.. haa Like homey wrote a stinging rebuke to that gay prostitute that outed the sinister minister Ted Haggard.

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He said girlfriend violated the “uncomfortably buff gay male prostitute fucking with a hypocritical lying piece of chit” code of ethics. Hmm, I wonder if they’ve got a handbook. When Goldie was telling us about the virtues of a good hoe up in that planetarium, somehow I don’t think he had ole rubber neck up there on his mind.

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Anyway, Larry Flynt and a few other sources say Lott does like to swing from the other side of the plate and supposedly they’ve got phone and email records to prove that he DID meet up with Ms. Nicholas. Now Benjamin, the self-proclaimed honest hoe, has said that even if he did bang out Trent he wouldn’t tell. He added that:

“Trent is going through his fair share of scrutiny right now and I don’t want to add to it.”

Then he said:

“As I said before, Lott has quite a bit on his plate right now and I don’t really want to add fuel to the embers.”

What? I don’t know about yall, but homeboy sounds very comfortable with Trent’s name, the man himself and “what he’s going through”… A little too comfortable.  Well, we know Trent is boys with Larry Craig, he was a cheerleader in college and he’s up in that barbershop quartet..

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(the three Amigos, in that way)

All very suspect.

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Damn man, sunofabitch. Now I really dislike Trent Lott, but when I think of my racist, bigoted, backwards assed politician that I despise, I at very least want him , as Harold Ford, Jr. put it, to like women and football (in that order). I don’t need my segregationist out there on the farm helping the boys over the fence and I certainly don’t want to see him hoisting up the banner with the fellas.

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Damn, it’s all a little bit too Pulp Fiction rape scene for me, by the way, that scene in Pulp Fiction that “get some” scene..worst scene in cinematic history.. Just hands down. American Me was tough too. Ugly. Trent, I never thought I’d have to say this to you and honestly, I’ve got some mixed feelings about it, but:

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Haaa, I never get tired of doing that. Good riddance…asshole. And Larry, when you get that extra information on this cat, “shout me a holla dun.”

– Lake

Larry Craig: I’m not a gay, I just crush (men) a lot

December 3, 2007

This is the story that just won’t die.

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Infinitely fabulous Senator Larry Craig gay Republican from Idaho has managed to open yet another chapter in his gay sex scandal. This time, he’s got his gay ex-boyfriends ahem panties all in a bunch over his assertion “I’m not gay and I have never been gay.

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Oh really? I believe you dude, I really do. That is if you consider hitting on and having sex with multiple gay men over a 40 year period, “not gay.” I know, I know, if you utter “no homo” after you bang some dude out, it’s not really gay. I know.

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Anyway, 4 more men have come forward to say they’ve had sex with Larry Craig. Another gay Republican said L dot Craig hit on him at some Republican convention. Damn, homey’s gaydar must be ahem “tight”….damn. Of course, Larry came right out and said that all 5 of these gay dudes are liars. All of them. Hilarious. You know what’s crazy though? The same dude, Mike Jones (who?), who had sex with that phony “Evangelical,” sinister minister, Ted Haggard, is now saying he had sex with Larry Craig, too! Damn, what is this guy, prostitute to the hypocritical, lying, scumbag, gay stars? How do you get expertise in that area? I mean, how does one male ho just find all kinds of politicians and religious freaks to sex him for money?

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Hey, I don’t know and I don’t want to know.

– Lake

Damn, that cat gets around.

The War on Terror-ible: Rule No. 1 Violation

November 27, 2007

Look, if there is one group of cats I don’t fuck with, it’s terrorists/insurgents (yes, I acknowledge they aren’t the same, but just let me be simplistic here) . I mean, let’s face it, pound for pound, those cats are the hardest, wildest and scariest dudes on the planet. Politics aside, I don’t want any trouble with those cats and generally, I just assume that they’re macho cats with an appetite for a little celestially mandated blood letting. So I say this with the utmost um respect, I guess (better put, I don’t want no trouble), but what in the hell is going on with this cat?!

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On Monday, the Department of Defense released a story and pictures about a disguised group of insurgents. Soldiers manning a checkpoint near Baghdad stopped a wedding convoy to find that the purported bride and groom were wanted terror suspects, an Iraqi Defense Ministry official said Monday. As soldiers searched the wedding cars, they found the veiled bride was actually a stubbly-faced man.

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(The flowers were a nice touch though)

Damn. I thought these radical Jihadists didn’t go for that funny shit. I mean, they don’t have a don’t ask don’t tell over there. It’s a don’t ask or I’ll kill. Don’t tell or you’re dead.

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(Even their nerds get gangsta with it)

Still, you just know they got some gay radical cats over there. What can you do? Let’s face it, there are gays in every walk of life.  So you gotta wonder which dude volunteers to rock the dress in a super conservative culture. Hmmm. Maybe Rudy Giuliani can answer that one.

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At any rate, this is pretty terrible and a clear violation of Rule No. 1.

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Damn son, get up off the ground and stop looking at me like that. Terrible.

Upon hearing the news of the man dressed as a woman, Senator Larry Craig, Republican from Idaho, immediately boarded a plane to Iraq to “investigate” the situation.

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Word on the street is that he wants to “liberate” this young “bride” with a one-on-one interrogation, preferably next to a urinal.

– Lake

Senator Larry Craig (R) Idaho is still gay…

October 26, 2007

And now his past is coming after him. Meet gay man and half (black bear) about Washington, DC, David Phillips, he’s decided to ahem ‘come out’ and say what he knows about Larry Craig and his underground sexual trysts with men. Only this time it’s not foot positions, drifting fingers, and toe tappitties…nah, this time it’s personal.

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Still no word of denial from Sen. Craig, though you just know it’s coming. Did any of you check out that guy’s act on Matt Lauer’s show?

If you can go on air and try to sell us that bill of goods, you’re capable of anything. And don’t you just love how he tries to laugh off the whole, “you may have had some paper on your foot, whoa ho ho hoooooo”.. LOL.. Nilla please. You’re gay. We know it. You’re a liar. We know that.

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You know what I particularly enjoyed about that interview? His lying wife. You can just look on her face while he’s proffering those asinine explanations and realize A. even she doesn’t believe this fool and B. Notwithstanding that fact, she’ll still lie to the end of time because she realizes that her well-being is inextricably linked to his well-being.

Normally I’d say ‘just go away’, but in this case, I’ll say ‘stick around’. After all, you and all those brazen lies may just have the effect of opening the eyes of some of these voters out here in 2008. I can see it now, “my opponent isn’t being straight with you, he’s a Larry Craig Republican”… Then they flash this picture up on the screen.

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Classic.

– Lake

Disgraced toe tapping Senator decides to retir—STOP, IT’S THE MUTHAF#CKIN REMIX!!!!

September 6, 2007

“uhhhhhh!!!!!! Yeah, Craig is back, who in the world got a problem with that?!?!?!”

(All these so called “values Republicans”, that’s who!)

Wow, excuse the irony of my statement but can you all believe the BALLS on this f#ckin guy (Brooklyn accent)?

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(Dog, watch out now, we don’t know what this dude is capable of)

Embattled gay Republican Senator Larry Craig of Idaho is now talking about NOT retiring from the United States Senate on a random ass technicality. This cat is a piece of work man.

He left that wild voice message on the machine of a cat he erroneously thought was his lawyer (umm, how does a guy who has made it to THIS level make that kind of mistake at this juncture?) saying that he was going to say “it was his intent to resign on September 30th”, ostensibly leaving the door open with some possible lawyering of the word “intent” and then turn around and refuse to resign once he’s cleared of those lesser charges he already plead guilty to.

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(Evil genius or just evil?)

Wow. I guess this cat is digging in those toe tapping heels in anticipation of the forthcoming ethics investigation in the Senate. Is this cat serious? First he comes with this CRAZY audio tape of him bargaining with the cop who he tried to get or give some damn head to, now he’s trying to get his damn conviction withdrawn in some wild attempt to actually remain in office?!?! Peep this cat’s rhetoric from the original incident.

Dude, this cat Craig said, “you solicited me”!!! Not sure how folks do thangs in cosmopolitan Idaho, but ’round where I’m from that means that he’s acknowledging that he was looking for sex with a DUDE IN A DAMN MEN’S BATHROOM AT THE AIRPORT!!! I love how the cop hits old Larry with that crazy rhetoric, “so, do you get lucky in that bathroom a lot?” and then when Craig says “No, I don’t do those type of things”, which is absurd because supposedly that bathroom is notorious among the low gay sex cruising crowd for a toe tapping, hand rubbing good time, the cop hits him with: “Now see, this is disappointing, you’re lying to a police officer (as if they don’t lie, lol), this is embarrassing, people vote for you” WOW.. I mean, he really stuck the landing on that dig. And Craig with his low protestations… haaa I know, I know, you just wanted to catch that plane. Let me remind you of something right quick Senator, we all know you love to do this:

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Hence this:

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And this:

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Closely followed by THIS:

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And never this:

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Which of course leads young Lake Arlington inevitably to this:

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Followed of course, by this:

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In other words, peace the f*ck out homey!!! Actually, let me go ahead and reverse myself because I want you to stick around. The American people really need you to stay in office so they can understand how hypocritical the Republican Party is, especially these politicians who trade on “values” issues. I actually love the presence of Larry Craig, Ted Haggard, Mark Foley, David Vitter and his hypocrite wife Wendy Vitter… I mean, I love them all. And please Senator, stop saying that you’re not gay. Everyone knows that YOU ARE GAY homeboy. Yes you have children, ADOPTED children that were fathered by another dude. We know nothing of your affinity for women except what you tell us and everyone knows YOU ARE A LIAR!!! There have been whispers that you were gay since the 60’s, dude, we know what you are and what you do. I happen to love it, so carry on and please stay in office. I figure I can write about your candy ass clean through the end of 2008.

-Lake

Senator Larry Craig about to come out?

August 29, 2007

Of the Senate that is… Fellow hypocrites and moralizers within the Republican party are calling for his resignation.

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He just stepped down from his committee assignments amid controversy surrounding his solicitation of a sex act from an undercover officer in a Minneapolis Airport bathrooom and word has it from our UvT Miami bureau that he’s currently walking down Know Your Role Boulevard, will soon be taking a Left at Jabroni Drive where he’ll see and promptly check his candy ass di-rect-itally into the SMACKDOWN HOTEL!!!! Good riddance.

And please, stop saying you aren’t gay, because everyone knows better.  Come on dude, we know you did it, just admit it. Besides, I’ love to hear another one of those “Gay American” speeches like the one Gov. Jim McGreevey gave. That was hot!

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I’m like Jay Z…”Bring em out, bring em out, it’s hard to promulgate anti-gay legislation with a dizzick in your mouth”.

And den what?

-Lake

More than a courtesy flush: GOP Senator Larry Craig propositions an undercover cop

August 28, 2007

Wow… Here we go again.

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Tell me if you’ve heard this story before. Dude is a freak and loves to get his homo erotic freak on. Dude is intelligent and charismatic. At some point, dude recognizes that his freakiness isn’t appreciated, but his charisma is and so he rails against what he loves most (getting his public and private homosexual freak on) to manipulate the naive and the idiotic alike and improve his station in life. I mean, that’s like the story of life, right? I mean, I’m an educated man and while I haven’t brushed up on my Hawthorne in a while, if my memory serves me that was the basic premise behind The Scarlet Letter with the town hizzo getting ostracized under the leadership of the right reverend — meanwhile, he’s the cat who had been hitting it all along and the one who ultimately fathered her baby out of wedlock. It’s classic.

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(“Senator, I’d be remiss if I didn’t say, you lookin mighty cute in them jeans”)

Same goes for this clown Republican Senator Larry Craig from the cosmopolitan, forward-thinking state of Idaho (I wonder why he had to lie about being gay in Idaho). Right, this cat has been against every gay bill you can find; including bills concerning gay marriage, but also bills against hate crimes perpetrated against gays because they are gay. Interestingly, dude was for “Don’t ask, don’t tell”… hmmm, I wonder why.

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Anyway, off to the meat of the story. Back in October of 2006, a gay blogger was outing closeted gay congressmen who talked tough about gay issues as a moral imperative while quietly getting their gay freak on behind closed doors. At that time, Larry Craig was outed as one of those people. The blogger claimed to know of four men who admitted to having gay sex with Craig. Not too surprisingly, Mr. Craig immediately said that he wasn’t gay, calling the accusations “laughable” (who’s laughing now beeyatch). In addition, in the past there have been allegations that Craig has had inappropriate gay activity with congressional pages, an allegation he also flatly denied.

Now, look, he’s got all that background story and it comes out today that Craig was arrested and charged with various crimes associated with cruising for cack in a Minneapolis airport bathroom that just happened to be the focus of a sting investigation for public gay male sex. According to an undercover law enforcement officer Senator Craig was blocking his stall with a suit case, a sure sign in his experience, that he was up to something that he didn’t want to be seen from the front of the stall.

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(at least he took a classy mugshot)

According to the cop, Senator Craig entered the stall and started using some wild hand movements which I guess in the officer’s experience is the international signal cruising gays use to hook up in some bathrooms. The officer said that Larry Craig was running his hand under the stall AND tapping his foot into his stall area, as well as, looking at him “through the crack” and making gestures with his hands. When asked why he did that with his foot, Mr. Craig said he had a wide leg stance when using the bathroom which often landed his foot into the surrounding stalls. As for the gestures, he said that the officer just misunderstood him. Riiight, it’s that, it can’t just be the fact that:

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Now, look, I’m pretty much about as far as it goes toward not being gay, so maybe I don’t know. But in my world, when a man puts his hand under the stall or taps his foot over in my area of the stall, the next thing that happens is a stern “what the fu*ck are you doing?”, followed by some slow singing and flower bringing if the fool doesn’t knock it off. But maybe that’s just me. And though I haven’t seen everything, I’ve never found a need to reach my pristine hand up under some grimy, nasty, piss and shat infested bathroom stall for ANYTHING or tap my foot unless I was tip tappin’ my ass up out of that nasty hell hole as fast as I could.

Can I ask a question, what’s with the gay sex in public bathrooms? Remember it was that gay and racist Florida Republican, Bob Allen, trying to give some head to an undercover in a park bathroom, now this cat trying to get some cack in a Minneapolis airport bathroom?…. Excuse me for asking an obvious question, but is there any place on this earth nastier than a bathroom stall in the airport? How often do they clean those things, what like once a month? I just don’t get it. Oh and how good do all these gay bathroom sex revelations make you guys feel about when you have to take that public that leak at the urinal?

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It’s already about the last place you want to be pulling out your junk at, but now you really do have to wonder if that shady cat next to you is looking at your stuff, or worst yet, trying to pick up some Senator Craig inspired morris code foot tappities that say “let’s go in this piss and shat infested stall and get our durty freak on”!!!! Yuck! Of course Senator Craig called a press conference (tell tale sign you’re probably gay is when you have to call a press conference to say you’re not gay, save for Mike Piazza of course) to say 1. He’s not gay (yeah right) and 2. he should not have plead guilty to a lesser charge. Riiight, what you should have done instead is gone to trial so you could explain what all that wild foot tapping and hand signaling in a location known for random gay sex was for. That would have been easy to explain to the wife piece:

Senator Craig: Heeeey, I gotta go up to Minnesota on some ahem official bitniz, I’ll be back
Mrs. Craig: Are you flying into Minneapolis?
Senator Craig: Hell no b*tch, I mean, no honey, I’m paying in cash and riding a damn Amtrak so nobody can see my gay arse en route errr like a true American, I gotta stay in touch with the people
Mrs. Craig: But that’s not in your jurisdiction, you going up there to mess with those mens again?
Senator Craig: Noooooo, noooo, not me. I’ve never had sex with a man.. Oh no, freedom is on the march up there and I gotta just lay my moral hands on someone before they go ahem astray, PEACE

I’ve spent far too long on this post. I’m sorry, but these hypocrites with all the moralizing, it’s just a joke. I don’t believe nan one of them. Not nan.

-Lake