Archive for January, 2008

Chris Berman meltdown

January 31, 2008

Dude, people are never completely what they seem and I guess that’s just a fact of life, but Chris Berman got AGGRESSIVE with his production people over at ESPN.

Damn, tell em why you mad son.. Tell em why you mad. lol. I still like “Boom”, in fact, I think I like him even more now.

– Lake

Classic Material: Revenge of the Nerds

January 31, 2008

No need to set this one up. This is just a great movie.

Dude, whoever came up with the sorority name “Omega Moos” is an evil genius. So good. Damn, please note the 80’s use of the blatant stereotyping. Of course, that’s what makes the movie so funny, but it’s still pretty terrible, especially how ill they were to Asians back then. Anybody remember “Long Duck Dong” from Sixteen Candles?


I mean, they used to diss Asians without any hesitation whatsoever. Ugly. Maybe I’ll post that cat up later. Anyway, if you’re going to go Nerds, you’ve got to show their show with LaMar on the ahm…..(pause and gulp) mic. That hurt me.

The 80’s man…so terrible, but in a good way.

– Lake

Michael Beasley is a BEAST

January 31, 2008

It takes a lot of balls to be a freshmen from K-State and make a prediction that you’re going to sweep your rival Kansas, especially when you haven’t beaten them on your OWN home floor since 1984 (literally!). But that’s what Michael Beasley did. Homey said that his Kansas State squad would sweep KU this year and you know what, they’re half way there.


Credit where credit is due because Mike scored a game high 25 en route to a relatively smooth 84-75 win over the #2 ranked Kansas Jayhawks. Now let me tell you and I know this because I watch College Basketball, Kansas is DEAD NICE this year. I mean, they’re stacked with athletes and ballers from the rooter to the tooter in that line-up and really should not lose to K-State, period. Yes I know that K State has Bill Walker and Mike Beasley, but Kansas has Brandon Rush, Mario Chalmers, Sherron Collins, Darrell Arthur and Sasha Kaun, just to name a few!! I don’t know man, Bill Self is a good coach and he gets guys to come to his school, but at some point homey is going to have to be held to a higher standard.


Let’s be clear, homey’s teams have choked like a mother, catching TWO first round losses and losing to random Big 12 teams like it aint no thang. I know this was their first loss and all, but you guys got to shake that “waiting for an upset” reputation and it aint gonna get done by letting a freshmen call you out and then embarrass you in a rivalry game.


Gut check time fellas..

– Lake

Now I’ve Heard of Method Acting…

January 31, 2008

But who is Jamie Foxx trying to channel here?




Or Tyrone Biggums?



Is Hillary Gonna Get Up With D ‘n Dem?

January 31, 2008

That begs the question….D Who?

Deez Nuts! Damn I haven’t done that since ’96 and I had probably held on too long then. Check this out though:


Now you know that’s not right. Why does she have to be a nutcracker? And with her legs no less. I know Bill doesn’t want to be caught in the vice grip.

LOST is back

January 30, 2008

And no, I’m not talking about Rudy Giuliani’s campaign strategy… The show.


Last season started with the huge reveal of the “Others” chilling in a manicured neighborhood while Jack and Crew lived in tents on the beach. What will happen tonight? Flashback? Flash-forward? I know, I know, I’m the only guy who watches…bring on Flavor of Love. Damn that, I’m hype.



Nah homes, I went ahead and peeped that run-back of the two hour Finale from last year with that crazy fake beard they had Jack up in.


I couldn’t tell if the Jack character was really that fucked up on the Purple Drank or if the actor was just really pissed off that they had him in that same beard that I rocked in my 7th grade production of Man of La Mancha. At any rate, smoothed out Kate was a nice site and hopefully we’ll hear from Walt, his low ass pops and smooth Asian chick Sun Kwon who was as quietly decent as she was quietly banging out multiple dudes who weren’t her husband.


Oh, and I know the “hater in the Bean” will say that she only cheated once.  Well, I happen to think that the baby in her belly might be Michael’s anyway… Jin knew what was up (that’s why he tried to kill him at first) and recall, that cat couldn’t make no babies.


And now so do the rest of us. Wow.. didn’t know she could bring that kind of heat, but I definitely have to give her a solid 大声で選手のときに私が、路上のひよこを参照してください。which loosely translates to “holla at a playa when you see me on the streets ‘chick’, yeeeeaah” <—– thank you google language options.

– 湖/Lake

When keeping it real goes wrong

January 30, 2008

I hate to so blatantly steal Dave Chappelle’s line but I literally couldn’t think of another caption for this wild wedding picture below.


Now before you think you know why this picture is so crazy. Take a bit of a longer look and then read my comments below to see how many of your observations fit with mine.

1. The Feet

Peep the damn flower girl, who should be no older than 8 years of age, standing at 5-11 with those Fischer Price “my first heels” sandals with the stockings…Meanwhile the other chicks have clear stripper heels on, except the one who just said “fuck it” and strapped on some house schools for the occasion.

2. The Mens

Then you’ve got homey on the ground looking like a cut rate Smally Biggs rocking the “smoove airbrush/jailhouse sexy” pose in front of the entire posse and that’s what this is, a posse, followed by the muscle in the back holding the big heat. Now maybe it’s just me, but since 1992 I’ve noticed that whenever cats are openly brandishing semi automatic assault rifles, I see large asses within a 8 foot radius of the tool in question.

3. Chillin with my women friends

Damn, I just have to go back to ole girl standing next to my man with big thangs poppin. I mean, what was she really thinking in the 8 seconds that immediately preceded this photograph:

“Ohw-key, turn sidewayz, ohhh, dats jus- ryte.. yep, dat should show off my backshots fur reel…yep, got it.” AHNT!

LOL sorry, I had to go ahead and buzz that. You know you’re low level when you put that right foot forward, left foot at an exact 90 angle stage right, arch the back and let it fly thinking this is the best thing you have to offer this timeless photograph.

4. What’s missing

My only complaint is that there are no visible tats. I’m not sure if that makes this better or worse… Now I say visible because I’d be willing to bet $11.99, which coincidentally is the same price the flower girl paid for those kicks, that at least one person, man or woman, has a tatoo that says “P-Ta Mon’s” on them.

Jeezus, take the wheel for real… What is the bride thinking during all of this?

– Lake

Rudy Giuliani – Now You Know You Done Fucked Up, Right?

January 29, 2008

Oh Rudy. You thought you were going to out thinkerate the system with a little trickeration, huh? Well it looks like the joke is on you. I don’t know what political genius lined up your strategy to skip the entire first month of voting, effectively making you disappear from the national scene, but whoever it is deserves a crisp asswhoopin’ tonight.


You’re gonna need a big hug tonight when the headline reads “Now entering the race, Rudy Giuliani, now leaving the race Rudy Giuliani”. I mean you came and left the race faster than a cat who logs into IM and sees someone they don’t want to talk to. (Accompanied by that classic door swinging open then immediately slamming shut sound)

After seeing a Rudy that is this big of a loser, I need a Rudy who is a winner to cheer me up. Interns, cue my clip!

More later once this debacle is final.



Damn, Rudy just dropped out of the race and endorsed McCain.  Thanks for coming homey, you spent just about as much time campaigning as Lake did.  I know your entire White House bid was based on the assumption that you’d keep America safe from terrorists.  Only, I didn’t feel so safe knowing that my “savior” was willing to wear a damn dress.


Sorry, that was just a bad move all around.  Not even Hillary looks this bitchy in pink.  Then you went ahead and endorsed McCain?  On what grounds?  I know Mitt won’t like that.  Still posturing for that Vice President position I guess.  Hey, you never know.. NY is a big state and you’ve got traction in “the city”.  I wonder when Huck will drop out, you know it’s coming.  President McCain, nah….doesn’t sound right.


Definitely don’t look right.

Making the Band 4, Season 2 Premiere

January 29, 2008

UPDATE:  Check out the Premiere of Season 3, The Tour, of Making the Band 4 HERE

UPDATE: Check out how Diddy hit Robert with that “Bitchassness” label in episode 2 HERE.

So like any true MTB4 fan, I went ahead and tuned into that Making the Band 4, Season two premiere last night.


And even though it sounds cliche at this point, I gotta just say it, Diddy has done it again. I know some of you have tried to get on young Lake for giving Diddy too much credit, but really who else deserves the credit, Aubrey? Medium Mike? Nah, you’ve gotta have that slack jawed, part time curl, always sun glass covered, “got something for your face f*ck Pro-active” exterior in order to do this thing and the boy is an entertainment genius.


One thing that did surprise me was how basic Diddy looked in that first scene. I mean, did this cat just come in from a morning jog or something? Take the sunglasses off this cat right here and you aren’t working with much. And what’s with that patch of unblended hair up above his left temple piece? What, homey doesn’t have access to a club brush? I need a bit better for the Premiere bro. Moving on. I love the show concept now that I’ve seen it in action. I mean, who wants to see 1 and 1/2 juicy cats (Willie and sometimes Q) and a bunch of “nice guys” make their album and then go on tour? That’s what was wrong with Da Band and their show, not enough charisma.


Yeah, they were crazy as all hell, but they lacked that star quality. So what do you do? You bring back Danity Kane (still don’t quite get that name), Donnie and the rest of the fellas for an “album off”. It’s perfect. You get the subplots of the intra-band conflict, inter-band conflict and the omni present who’s gay, who’s not, and which dude is going to bang out which DK chick and under what circumstances? I love it.


Speaking of the DK babes, let’s just talk about them some. First off, what the fuck is up with Aubrey? Man, the last time we saw ole girl she was young and flirtatious with a thing for every man that walked in the room. We all swore up in down that 1. Diddy was gonna hit (which he may have) and 2. that if given the chance, any of us reading the blog could probably hit too. That’s what was so good about her. Then she just started getting all arrogant and acting a damn fool.

And no I don’t want to hear about your “friends” and how the paparazzi doesn’t print anything about your “two charities”. Two charities? Chick, you’re one bad single away from being a damn charity case yourself, what now you’ve got a foundation or something? What’s the cause, to help underprivileged trailer girls who have to make ends meet by selling their hair for your next weave? We all know how the game goes. You aint got no real money yet, nobody does based on their first album. Pleez. You think that Making the Band money is going to last your into the 2010’s and beyond? You’re just another thin blond chick with a decent face piece, some upgraded body parts and you should be happy to play any position MTV, Lake, Bad Boy, Diddy and yes, even the paparazzi give you.


(Is that a pout or is that just her new surgically enhanced mug?)

I’m glad Puff set her straight with that little sitdown, but what the hell is with that highly suspect picture behind Aubrey’s right shoulder? Looks like two grown men, one of which may or may not be a homo thug, leaning up with a lil too much glee. Anyway, I also liked how Puff said, “baby gurl, if you change your eye color and it affects the group, I gotta problem with that”… haaaa, translation, “before you put those tittays on dubbs and injected that collagen into your new set of Angelina Joiles, you should have consulted me.” And of course he’s right. Diddy probably wants babes who give off the young, fresh and natural vibe like Aundrea, not that desperate cougar with too much make-up, too much weave and more work than a LA low-rider look Aubrey is going for. Baby girl, tone it down. You aren’t that hype.


(I must say she looks good here though)

All that rhetoric in the limo about “do yall know who you’re riding with” and “we’re Danity muthafuckin Kane” was just awful. Stay in your lane baby and everything will be cool. Get out of pocket and you’ll be with the rest of the skanks at the Buffalo Jills dance team tryouts inside of 8 months. Moving on.

I liked what I saw from D. Woods. I must say, I haven’t been all that impressed by her in the past. I mean, sure she can sing and that’s important, but just didn’t get how she could make it in videos and on magazine covers. That is, until I saw this shot.


Damn! That industry coca and champagne diet must really be doing it’s job. Or did she cop some HGH off Mary J and Timbo? Nah, if she did that then she’d look like this:


(Lordy, those thighs lookin juicer than a Popeye’s two piece)

Damn, I never really put that picture in the lab like I should have. Jeez. Yall think Robert can handle that? Incidentally, I’m glad to hear no news of that old shat talking girl from before, June, wasn’t it? Glad to see ole Rob took my advice on that one. I don’t know, all I know is baby girl is looking trim in the middle and I like it. I could almost let her get away with that sideways mullet she’s rocking, but the business on the left, party on the right wig piece (at least I hope that’s a wig) just doesn’t work for me. Plus, it lets everyone know that she’s rocking a fade up underneath anyway. I can’t respect a chick who aint got more hair of her own than Brock does. I mean, at least lie to me, like Dawn for instance.


Hmmm, now see. I like how Dawn came back. Beyonce weave, check… Make up done, check, a little extra effort on the tail piece, even if it’s just a back arch, check. I can’t lie, when she twirled around in tight white dress with the inappropriate white thong piece, I had to catch myself for a second.


This budding relationship between Dawn and Q may have legs yet. I also appreciate it because it could finally take Q off “you’re gay” watch, something I’m eager to do.

On the real, you can take all the hard yellow timbo boots with the beater and tats atop a baby grand all you want, but you gotta show me some things Q and I aint talking about in the booth youngin…knock it down and no I did not buy that “I wanna cut Lorrie Ann in that blue unitard” act you put on last season neither. That shit was terrible.


Anyway, it was good to see Big errr Medium Mike back at it. I can’t lie, Diddy did need to set ole boy straight in the studio that one time as Mike has a tendency to treat every moment like he’s back on his front porch with his dog, Butch, just a crackin pecans and playin’ on his harmonica. Let me ask yall a question though, is Big Mike gonna bag a lady this season? I don’t know, he looked a little too reserved with the ladies at the club that night. I mean, you don’t have to cut a fool Mike, but you should show a little swag my man. Get up on Aundrea…grab a lock of Shannon’s painted on red hair. She could use the boost in energy. I mean, make something happen.

Finally, I’m not so sure about my man Donnie and his chances at stardom. Ok, apparently chicks dig his look, which I appreciate. I mean, Aubrey was doing more than break her neck for him and that was with the cameras rolling.


You just know Donnie will or already has served Aubrey up a fresh plate of ass smackities. But I’m not so sure he’ll be hitting it right. All this shy guy foolishness, it’s just not working for me. Just like that high, but not quite right, Justin Timberlake impression he was doing in that booth wasn’t quite right.


The jury is still out on Donnie, but he better bring it home for his countrymen.


Lord knows they’ve got a lot riding on him. Enough for now.. If I didn’t mention this guy.


This guy:


Or that girl, there’s a reason for it. These people just need to step their game up or Diddy needs to do something to add spice. Still, the season looks very promising. I’m looking forward to it.

– Lake


Check out the UvT review of Episode 2 right HERE.

The Worst President Ever delivers last State of the Union address

January 29, 2008

As we officially go into the last year of the worst presidency in the short history of this nation, Americans can at least take some solace in the fact that we won’t have to hear this bumbling clown mangle the English language while he simultaneously mangles all relevant facts in this particular forum.


Dubyah, gave his last State of the Union address and all I can say is good riddance. The more things I can check off to usher his simple arse out the door, the better. Is it just me or does it still make you cringe to see that guy walk through the door when that old dude says “I present to you the President of the United States.” Jeez. It will be nice to have a shred of respect for the President again once this dude finally goes away. Like really, I don’t agree with Republicans generally, I think Mitt is plastic, Huck is crazy and McCain is sold, but at very least I can respect them on the most basic fundamental level.


If this thing were about aptitude and merit, Bush would be washing lettuce at Popeye’s Chicken in Downtown Waco, Texas right now. And you idiots elected him twice.


Take a bow.

– Lake


I know the Bush Presidency took place over the course of 8 years and everyone ages in office, but Bush looks like he caught an ass whoopin’ on top of everything.  Peep this:

Bush in 1999 after winning the Presidency:


Bush last week:


DAMN!  I see him starting to rock his “Democrat Blue” ties as he slides into lame duck territory too…