Archive for the ‘Cougars’ Category

The Gold Diggers Strike Back – Tricia Walsh Smith

April 18, 2008

Now you can tell from those crazy ass eyes that this is going to be good…

This is the craziest, greatest, most delusional, then just plain crazy again video I’ve seen in a long, long time. Now this is waaaaay longer than any video I’d actually ask you to watch in it’s entirety. It is six minutes long but there are so many gems in here that it is hard to skip around. I had to take notes just to keep up with this crazy chick.

Oh god, where do I start?

Let’s start with Tricia and her husband Phil. I think visually we all know what is going on here. Phil went on ahead and flipped his $60 Million into a relatively young and apparently semi-famous UK actress/tenderoni.

That tells us that this transaction…errrrrrr…marriage was about loot from the start. Tricia likes to keep it comfortable.

Second, let’s talk about the production value on this thing, full on title card, the camera crew had lighting (that they couldn’t keep out of the frame) and the subtitles are great “Tricia Walsh-Smith Actress/Writer/Good Egg” just let’s you know that this is a high-lo situation from the start. High in that you have an editor…lo in that someone actually thinks that describing yourself as a “good egg” is the best way to convey that Trish here is in the right. That must be some British shit right there.

I love the way people in New York call their fully-owned, multi-million dollar, nine room homes “apartments”. The rest of America calls those “condos”, an apartment is something you rent and it is counted by the number of bedrooms you get. But I digress.

Let’s talk about the strength of the prenup.

Whoo-weeeee, talk about contracting straight to the point. Phil had a “get the fuck out right now” clause built into his prenuptual agreement. Thirty days notice. You can’t even get out of a cell phone contract that fast. No holdover, no transition, all he needs is a reason for divorce. Dinner with another man? Get the fuck out. Personal Trainer “spotting” you for your lunges? Get the fuck out. Accidentally deposit my money into the “wrong” account? Get the fuck out. Post all of my business on YouTube? Get…the…fuck…out.

Well Trish knows the clauses of the contract pretty tight. She gets a “pension” of half a milly a year for the rest of her life and the Florida “Apartment”, which from the looks of the NY “apartment” is probably a four story, beachfront mansion with panoramic views. It actually looks like the whole fight was over whether or not the Park Avenue apartment also kicks over into her pocket when the guy dies. OK, so she said she doesn’t understand Phillip’s (sounds like Flip’s when she says it) grounds for divorce? Let me tell you, If my wife, who I’ve already contractually promises 500k a year and a paid for home in Florida if I kick the bucket comes up to me and starts talking about other shit she might want when I die? I might divorce her ass too. First of all, let’s stop talking about when I die young whipper-snapper. Second of all, if you refer to Section 12, Paragraph C…that’s my shit. Mmmmmk?

By the way, if the woman you want to marry refers to the Tarot as “my cards”, run the other way. (Much respect to my N.O. peoples and the Hatians…but Phil shoulda taken one look into those crazy eyes and that pack of tarot cards and gone elsewhere. Also, why the hell do you marry a younger chick if you aren’t going to have sex with her. Get yourself a old lady that can provide companionship, not some young crazy golddigging ex-actress.

So then old girl goes for the crazy call that wasn’t all that crazy. This whole thing is starting to look staged to me. Sure, anyone can call my secretary and talk about my porn, my viagra and my condoms, but who really cares? You best believe Brock’s secretary wouldn’t be interrupting my conference call to ask me where to put my condoms and porn. The answer would just be “in my nightstand next to my videotapes of you butt naked and your vibrator.

The subtitles on the picture are absolutely priceless, the “nasty evil stepdaughter”.

Tricia then spends the last two minutes talking about the plays that she’s written and her flagging acting career. That is why this whole thing looks like B.S. to me. It plays out just like a bad writer put it together and it is being acted out by a bad actress.

If I was Phil I wouldn’t have let myself become a “drama in real life”, but hey, it looks like ol’ girl needs to find new ways to earn money so she can stop trying to kill me off.

Fellas, do you want to know a foolproof way to avoid this situation? Stay aways from chicks with crazy eyes. You see Tricia Walsh Smith up top. Here’s the crazy ass Runaway Bride.

Shoulda known.

Not that you need to be told, but stay away from Hottie from Flavor Of Love too.

Damn, her crazy eye went crazy eye. Yikes.


Leatherface vs. Butterhead

March 31, 2008

What the hell is Aubrey O’Day doing?


What the fuck is this? Didn’t Diddy tell this chick that he was worried about her image after she put her tittays on dubbs and deep fried her grill?


Now Danity Kane is out trying to promote their new album and she’s coming off yet another successful Making the Band series and she tops it all off by hanging out with a washed up porn star hizzoe like Jenna Jamison?


What kind of logic is that? I know, I know, you can’t help it that people take pictures of you and your “friends.” Right, your friends. Let me tell you, Jenna Jamison doesn’t have any friends, just seedy hangers-on and people she hasn’t had sex with yet.


Aubrey, wake up. You’re supposed to be an artist with real talent. At least wait for the end of your career to be seen with washed up has beens from the dregs of the entertainment world. And before one of you come on here talking about how I’m being mean to Aubrey, being mean to Jenna, how they’re both “beautiful,” just cut the shit, ok? I’ve seen Jenna Jamison in person at a restaurant in NY and the name Leatherface is kind! She looked awful. Forget Leatherface, she looked more like Pleatherface and the way Aubrey is going, she aint too far behind.


It’s a bit of a stretch to call Aubrey a Butterhead because her body is fairly unconfirmed (the definition of Butterhead is “everything looks good but her head”), but I kind of like this hoe’d out shot.

Thank goodness Diddy forced her to cut that damn weave off her dome or else she’d be looking even more like some lowly porn extra Jenna took a liking to during some “hot” girl on girl scene than she already does.


Seriously? That’s how you promote your new album? What’s that new single, Damaged? You aint lied yet. Get it together Ma, you’re 15 minutes are almost up. When people said to go out with a bang, this aint what they had in mind.

– Lake

Freaks, skeezers and Hoes: It’s Big Brother 9 time

February 19, 2008

Ha, I know some of you loved that old school “Skeezer’ blast I just laid on you. Oh, there’s more where that came from. Originally, this post was called, Racism (Ryan), Drama (Amanda and Joshuah) and Hoes: It’s Big Brother Time, but it just got too long. Hey, hoes take time, attention and commitment. So here I give you a fully dedicated post about the Hoes of Big Brother 9. What’s crazy is that it’s literally impossible to get all the crazy pics of these chicks into one post. I mean, Big Brother Casting did a phenomenal job this time. Take a bow people.


Dude, where do I begin? Are yall watching this season of Big Brother? I know it was designed more as a stop gap to offset against the writer’s strike, but this is just top shelf on the melodrama scale. Let’s see what we’ve learned thus far:

1. Sluts rule

A. Ho Number 1 – Natalie


In my first post on this season I talked about how hyped I was on this chick Natalie. She gives a whole new meaning to the term Jesus Freak.


I loved how she invoked Jesus’ name immediately, while flaunting her ample enhancements for all to see.


Turns out, the chick has a bunch of nice pics for us to look at, in fact, I’ll need to give her a separate post. In the meantime though, check her out hooking up the freaky massage to her Big Brother appointed “soulmate” Matt.


Anyway, it’s hard to top the blatant and very appreciated hypocrisy she’s brought to the table, that was, until she gave her partner and Handjob and Blowjob within 2 days of knowing him and before the second episode was aired! Peep how she got started (actually this is the long version with everything).

Vodpod videos no longer available.Now see how she ahem finished him off (if you want to cut to the uhh chase, here’s the ending).

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Aww what the hell, here is another reverse angle complete with slurping and gargling (I’m not kidding):

Dude, she did it right too. She woke homey up, got him all revved up and then really finished the thing as evidenced by his expression when it was over.


I especially appreciate how Matt turned his head away when she tried to kiss him. HA.. Full on pimp. By my count, that makes 3 mic checks and it hasn’t even been a full week in the house! I love this girl and boy does she love to take pictures of her half-naked body.


Seriously, THIS CHICK IS AWESOME. Just look at her! LOL. I mean, buck ass naked in yet another picture and believe, there are literally hundreds where that came from. I’m still interested in this Jesus angle, though. I mean, what congregation does this broad belong to, Church of the Righteous Cutlery?


Ok, I admit it, I just wanted to post a picture of God touching her boob.. You got me. I think I’m in love.

B. Ho Number 2 – Sheila

Not only did this chick do Penthouse and fuck with all kinds of D list celebs including Chachi from Happy Days, she also did soft core porn.


This shot is classic!!! Oh yes, she is a dead up porn star in the filthy skin rag and on what I assume was the little screen.


I can’t decide if this is terrible or awesome. I can’t lie thought, “ma” was attractive back in the day. Is there any doubt that she’d be hooking up righteous cut sessions and microphone checkers if she wasn’t paired with THIS dude?


Ha, if these not safe for work pics (found HERE) are accurate..ha…and clearly they are, I think we can all safely assume that we know the answer to that question. Damn, I can’t lie, Sheila was sexy back in the day, DAMN!

C. Ho Number 3 – Jen

Well, it’s not totally fair to call Jen a ho. She’s more annoying than anything else. The bottom line, however, is that she really sucks at this game. The chick entered into the house with a major advantage, the fact that she had her boyfriend, Ryan, right there with her.


Sure, the twist made everything harder, but only because they couldn’t keep it together. Jen should have stayed cool and kept her relationship a secret when the TMZ paparazzo, Parker, wanted to vote Ryan off.


Then they’d still be in the running for the half mil rather getting what I assume will be the collar tonight. Whatever problems they had as a result of Allison’s crazy ass and I agree, she is pretty unstable and crazy, were self-induced.


No matter how you slice it, Jen is a classic butter face with a flair for the dramatic. I can’t lie, her body is on-point right now, so I’ll give her some respect for that. But baby girl really needs to work on that personality. I mean, self-promotion, flat-stomach and sex drive aside, what do you have with that chick?


Oh and Ryan, watch out for that girl. She doesn’t strike me as the faithful type. After all, she did dime you out for being a racist. Now why would Ryan be a racist, oh, that’s right, he banged his girl for all of 90 seconds and you allegedly have a problem with some black boyfriend she used to have that to quote one of my favorite readers in Nevada was “laying the pipe”…


No wonder you don’t like interracial relationships, if my lady had been hittin off brothers and I couldn’t fuck, I wouldn’t like them either. But it’s got to make you wonder, what is it about Parker they thought she’d like… think long and hard on that one player…

Anyway, I think Jen was actually ready to tell the whole house that she and Ryan were together because they wanted to get their open cut on. And cut they did, Peep it.

That “Just bend me over (said TWICE)” was pretty aggressive. I like it.

D. Ho Number 4, Amanda

I actually like Amanda a lot. Not because of her personality or anything, but she’s got a hot body.


She’s also sporting the New Day white woman ass.


Not the best angle, but trust me, it’s there. I also appreicated how the other chicks in the house were hating on her for rocking the booty shorts all the time. I can’t lie, they were literally up past her ass piece, showing full cheek. Nice. Big Brother casting really got this one right this time. She’s hella annoying, but I like her for that solid new day tail piece. And boy, does she ever show it too. If the blogs have it right, she’s crazy with some wild disorder and is trying to sex up Parker.


Pimpulate my player…

Hey, I’ve got a lot more to write on the Hoes of Big Brother 9, but I just can’t do it anymore. I mean, for real, there actually might be too much sexual eye candy and tension in this household. It’s so obviously coming, but I just can’t wait for the “Big twist” which allows people to swap soulmates, so these hoes can get their freak on with other cats…Should be good.


Thank you CBS…thank you.

– Lake

Big Brother 9: ‘Til Death Do You Part

February 13, 2008

Update: Check out my latest post on the women of Big Brother 9 

So I tuned into the new Big Brother last night. It was standard fare. First off, you had to figure out that this season, the game is being played by couples instead of individually. I guess they did some personality test to try and match people up based on compatibility. Fair enough, there’s always a twist of some kind and if you have people who have to play for each other, that’s just double the melodrama. So they start in by introducing the cast and immediately you see that the show is fairly high on eye candy.


Whatever, her name isn’t important. Ok, it’s Natalie. What did matter to me was that 1. She worked at a coffee shop where she had to rock a bikini, 2. that after 30 seconds into the show, I could see a approximately 70% of her enhanced cans and 3. that despite making a living by being objectified and showing off all her earthly assets, she immediately dropped some random God/Jesus reference….Irony, I love it.


I wonder if Jesus would be for or against large fake boobs that are constantly exposed…hmm. Moving on.

Then I noticed that they peppered in some current boyfriends/girlfriends who weren’t matched up with each other and of course, some ex’s that hated each other that had to be forcibly reunited. Pretty typical stuff of the Dick and Danielle Donato variety. Oh and they have bizzaro world Jon Scheyer in the house too.. Go Duke…I think.


But the best thing of the night came from the lone Cougar in the house, Sheila, aged 46 from Cali.


First off, the woman’s stated profession is “ex model.” Which made me a bit suspicious, so of course I had to go back into my Lakey PI mode to figure out that she’s not really an ex model, more like an ex skin rag hizzo — who for a period of time was fucking the big boss man over at Penthouse Magazine, Bob Guccione. Never heard of him huh, me neither. Right, she didn’t get at Heff, missed out on Larry Flynt, but was able to gravy train the creator of Penthouse for his loot cakes. No wonder she has such an inflated sense of self worth. Have you ever stopped to wonder what these video hoes will do once their good looks run out? I know, I know, first to the skrip club, then the Bunny Ranch, followed by “The Point” or “the Track” in Atlantic city…. What about the ex gold digger, what does she do for retirement? Well now we know. This is that chick in the flesh and blood, perfectly placed outside of her prime. Look at her on the cover of Penthouse back in 1983:


I can’t lie, she actually looks pretty sexy and semi thick through the KFC thigh region. Luckily I was able to link up the EVERY ANGLE completely Nude Sheila Kennedy NSFW Penthouse pics right HERE. Reverse angle pleez.


I think the comedian Eddie Griffin said it best, “no ass at home.” Anyway, in both these pictures her face looks fresh, almost that innocence mixed with just the right amount of “fucking for tracks errrrr stacks” feel to it, ya know? But 15 years and a 16 year old son later, the attitude is still the same. I mean, in her mind, she still should be in the mansion living the high life, not in Big Brother house eating slop. Yeah, that false sense of self-worth is anchored by the unrealistic belief that she’s still hot… fuckable, maybe for a dirty, slump busting cat, but hot? Let me refer you to Clay Davis for that one: Shheeeeeeeeeeeit!


Anyway, they went ahead and paired the old hag with this dude.


Ha! This dude does look like a wild cat. I must admit. I mean, what’s up with those crazy ass eyes? Just popping out of his headpiece.. Hilarious. Anyway, she wasn’t feeling this cat AT ALL and as soon as they hooked them up, telling her that they were most compatible, the ex skin rag diva from the 80’s went OFF!!!

“Where did someone get that this was my soulmate? Oh my God!!! I told them I’m attracted to tall, dark and handsome, I mean, I’m sorry, but is this what they think I meant?”

And she was saying all of this as if homey wasn’t standing right there. I also liked how he was calling her “Ma” in the way that black dudes often call women “Mami”… It’s not a diss. Only in this case, this terrible has been errr never was took it as “Ma” as in “Mom”…. which was so gratifying for a white cat with crazy urban game like myself.. Again, the irony was oozing out of this relationship.


Anyway, the chick is a complete beeyatch and she kept on with the total disregard for his feelings and presence.

“I mean, look at him. I’m sorry, maybe I’m shallow but I have a type. I like guys that work out.”

Awwww, that hurt and no, Adam definitely didn’t get like or get it. Any of it.


Then she got so worked up that she had to get a quaalude errr Alka-Seltzer to calm herself down.


Real picture from her myspace page. Pretty crazy.

How are you going to just ice a cat down based solely on his looks when you’re the oldest person in the damn house?! Sure Big Brother set you up, but that’s what they do!!! Understand, he’s the ugly dude who is probably rich but semi annoying, YOU’RE the washed up Penthouse HO who still thinks she belongs poolside sucking on a ahem Mai Tai while you make passes at the pool boy. Please “Ma,” get over yourself, you two rejects are made for each other!

Decent introductory episode. I’ll take it.

– Lake

Super Cougar Amy Fisher has a video

November 1, 2007

Wow, I was bumping around online and I saw this link about Amy Fisher’s sex tape that’s coming out soon.


I really had no interest, but I clicked on it or the “Long Island Lolita,” but I figured what the heck. It was a trailer for the real video (NSFW) and surprising, Amy Fisher actually looks pretty decent. Here are a few of the “clean” semi-SFW pics.


(Is it me or does she have on stockings in this pic?)

I mean, she must hold the title “Queen of all Cougars” or something, right? She’s perfect for the role though.


She cheated with someone’s husband, then tried to kill the wife as if she was the one fucking up. Then she did a small amount of jail time, got out and profited from her infamy.


(I like her better in these pics)

Now she’s laying down for a errrrr has this unfortunate release of her most intimate moments with the man she loves. I know, I know, her ex-husband, Lou Bellera, released this movie against her will. I know. And they don’t look at all staged or extra airbrushed or anything either. Whatever.

I guess she wants to boost her career and you know what, if the actual substance of the tape is as decent as the trailer (it can’t be) then she may have a chance. I can see her with a talk show or something.. You know, a sluttier Springer. Nice.


The Bachelor episode 4 roundup, Blondie loses it

October 23, 2007

Hey, I like the Bachelor because they just keep it so basic and good with the hard bodies and solid superficiality. As a dude you just get to look at babes, who are in the best shape of their lives, run around in sexy dresses and bikinis en route to that fantasy suite, so what’s the problem? At any rate, the show has finally whittled the babes down to a workable number for some analysis. Like to here it go:


I must say, I like Brad. He runs a bunch of bars with his brothers. What’s not to love about that? Moreover, you can see that he has dealt with some hot babes in his day because unlike other Bachelors on the shows, he’s been willing to cut sexy chicks who don’t have the best personalities, where I think before cats were literally just trying to get the hottest tail into that fantasy suite so they could close that deal. So he’s a legit cat within this bullshit context we call reality tv, so I can’t really hate on the dude (a Lake A. first). Nevertheless, his quest to find true love with 12 ‘hotties’ of different personal worth is always comical. But that’s why I love this show because the casting directors just keep it so very real with the stereotypes of actresses errrr ladies they select and it works well for a low reality consumer like me. Let me run a few of the interesting babes (along with their stereotypical profile) for you:

1. Bettina (sounds like an around the way girl’s name, right?)- The seasoned veteran woman who knows what she wants


Let me go ahead and translate what I mean by “seasoned.” In a reality tv context and really any kind of dating context past the age of 23, “seasoned” might as well be a euphemism for hoe.


Under no circumstances is any man ever to marry this kind of chick, but their strength is in making fools believe that up is down, black is white and cold is hot. They are skilled at making their target think it was just the other guys who didn’t treat her right and not that she was selfish, unfit for wifedom and more likely than not, a scandalous, conniving hizzoe. In other words, she’s got crazy game where it counts.


(Look how smooth she looks with that wine, even though the other babe is flaunting that rose. You can tell Bettina is playing that long game. She’s not trying to win the battles, she’s trying to win the war, steal a man like she’s done before. She’s a shark…cold as ice, you gotta respect it)

Like some chicks have game to get a dude to buy them a nice dinner or an anklet and others have a plan to take some rich dude for half his bankroll by the end of the decade. Bettina is the latter type of chick, which is why she’s 27 (yeah right) and already divorced. Cold as ice, sexy and tricky….watch her Brad, watch her. She even said so herself on this episode, “I want to kiss (read have sex with) Brad, but I was raised (by her gold digging mother no doubt) that you should play hard to get (read, that you should lie and deceive to get what you really want).

Now that bad side to this class of chick is that she’s shady as hell, superficial and untrustworthy. The good side is that her sex game is always tight. That’s how she got where she is today; by knowing her man and being steadfastly committed to do whatever it takes to get out there and perform on Sunday (not to mention any other day of the week until she gets to the alter and stops completely). Basically their entire life is centered around this cleaned up hoe flow and boy oh boy does it work. A chick like this will be married no less than 3 times in her life and have either no kids (they never want them because it would mess up their figure, but sometimes you have to pop one kid out so that they can keep those checks in case there is a tight prenuptial, take notes ladies).


True to form, Bettina is not 27 years young (with the mind of a 55 year old), divorced, Heather Locklear-esque, with only mild symptoms of cougar’s disease… She’s clearly more calculated, intelligent and shady than the others. She’s playing this reverse game on Brad as she tries to turn her divorce into an asset with all this “you’re starting to make me feel comfortable so I can open up” nonsense, which is great on her part. Why act like you want him when everyone else already is giving it all up for free? Bettina’s no fool, seasoned vets can’t afford to be. LOL, she did slip up however, when she got pissed that the other babe got the diamond earrings. I aint saying she’s a gold digger, but, she aint fucking with a broke nilla.

I loved this last episode, because Brad asked her if she had dated since she got divorced. She went with the pregnant pause, which is great because you know during that 2 seconds she so graciously gave herself with that feigned contemplation, some form of fellatio (the true answer to his question) ran through her head, followed closely by a quick cost-benefit analysis concerning whether she should lie (yes, she did), to what extent (just enough but not too much because she will have to show the freaky side to seal the deal and let’s not forget, people at home know she’s a hoe and she’s probably still “with” the dude she was cheating on her husband with). I did like how she tried to turn that slight cost-benefit panic session into a sympathetic moment for herself though. That “it’s a tough world for a divorcee looking for love” bill of goods she was selling was hilarious, meanwhile, her ex-husband who caught her taking it doggy style from Pepe the gardener is throwing shit at the tv.

2. Hillary, the naive freak who just wants a good fuck guy

This babe right here let’s you know that Brad is used to getting premium tail. No question, in any other context Hillary is probably a visual a dime piece. She looked right in that bikini at the pool party tonight, too. Alas, she’s afflicted with what we call in pig latin, azy-cray disease. Come to think about it, you can kinda see the stalker tendencies in this picture.


She’s got the body, the look and attitude of a 23 year old with a girl’s gone wild mentality (though I must even early on it seemed like she may be trying a little too hard). She seems like she’s fun to be around and she openly talked about how she wanted Brad to rip her clothes off, hit it from the back, spank her and then turn her over to finish her off (she seriously said this on the show, LOL). That should have been a red flag actually, because while she may have wanted that from Brad, you can’t actually say that on tv. I think Monique said it best on her show Charm School, that’s slutacious. Still, society always needs good attractive hoes (I know that’s hard for some of you to understand, but it’s kind of like good vs. bad cholesterol).


(someone call up Gnarls Barkley, cuz this chick is craaaaazay! That look on her face aint right man)

Anyway, upon further research and review, after I saw the previews for her crazy exit from the show, it was revealed through my UvT Philly sources that supposedly she’s really some low grade hick town chick with a 4 year old kid and all types of ho games on her resume. Maybe that’s why Brad peaced her out and why she acted like she hadn’t ever been anywhere before. Sheeyut, she probably saw Brad as her and her kid’s way out of the hood life. The babe may look country club, but she’s trailer park with the hot meltdown drama to boot.

3. Sheena – Young girl, old face

I’m not sure if it’s too much sun tanning, too many smokes or just some hard ass living, but this babe does not look 23 years old.


Yeah, Sheena seems like a sweet chick, but you cannot be looking like you’re about to compete in the cougar all star challenge at the tender (and supple) age of 23. If you told me this chick was 32, I’d believe you. It’s too bad and she needs some product for that wig piece too.


Come on people. This is like the ALCS, you gotta come to win. All this frizz, leather face, and titties falling out like that one chick had on the first episode, it’s just not good enough. I’m a bit surprised that Brad kept this chick around.

4. DeAnna – hot exotic chick (and when I say exotic, I mean anything Latin, Greek or dark eye-talian)

While DeAnna is that exotic looking babe with the advanced body and very attractive look, she’s unfortunately a babe with major issues.


Anytime a chick just can’t get along with other women, it’s an issue. Again, major red flag that this chick is always into some shit. You want a babe to smooth you out, not get you into beef with chicks and/or dudes. All the tools, but crazy…sad but true story line for far too many of you chicks out there.

5. Jenni – Cute all American brunette who stays in the gym


This babe is a no brainer. She’s the classic Bachelor contestant, in fact, they must just go around to all the professional sports teams to recruit these chicks. Jenni is a Pheonix Suns dancer, so you know she’s on KFC thigh alert (something they showed off in the previews for next week’s show).


She’s got the reasonably cute face, cool personality, willingness to get down and dirty and rocking body. What more can you ask for in a purely superficial relationship that lasts for two weeks. She’s a front runner along with DeAnna. To me, Jenni is the safest play in the group. Everybody else has blatant issues, namely snake in the grass (Bettina), leather face credentials/future cougar hall of famer (Sheena), or too hot to handle, semi crazy with some extra attitude habanero pepper sauce on top (DeAnna).

I do like that Brad is kissing and getting into the heads of all the chicks. Definitely pimp status with that extra tender touch to keep them all satisfied with his multiple spit swapping. Can’t wait for the haters to come out at the reunion show, but Brad is as smooth as they come, sort of like his brother from another, Lake.

– Lake

Southwest Airlines policy on travel attire: “Clothes before hoes”

September 8, 2007

UPDATE: Kyla decided to pose nude in Playboy. Click HERE for our update STORY!

Meet 23 year old Kyla Ebbert, a chick who got kicked off a Southwest Airlines flight en route to Tuscon Arizona from San Diego because she was dressed too provocatively… Indeed, the “college student” and Hooters girl got the “heave ho!” from a SWA employee named “Keith” who took one look at her and said:

“I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to take a later flight. You’re dressed inappropriately. This is a family airline. You’re dressed too provocative to fly on this flight. ”


(she’s second from the right, yeah, the orange one)

This chick? Nah, can’t be. I can’t imagine that she’d ever wear something inappropriate or revealing in public. She looks so shy and virtuous. Peep her replica throwback outfit she rocked on the “Today” show with Matt Lauer in order to catch the eye of Playboy errrr tell her story so that other young women who are comfortable with their bodies don’t have to be unfairly objectified, belittled and humiliated by Corporate America ever again. Peep the gear:


(look, it’s not hard to imagine how a different shirt underneath that green thing would look significantly more whorish than this breast and stomach covering number she decided to rock for the show, nice try)

First thing I noticed…there have been some ahem enhancements added to her upper chest region. Not so shocking for a bottle blond with orange skin. The second thing I noticed, she doesn’t have on the black tank top she had on the day she got kicked off, which of course changes the whole look of the outfit. Hmmm, I wonder why she didn’t rock the exact same gear on the “Today” show. I smell a rat. I love it.


(bare footed and damn near naked, gotta love the free spirited white woman)

Look, I’m basically ok with Southwest Airlines having a no hoes policy on their airline. Now I’m not saying she’s a ho, but let’s face it, she had the hoe uniform on. And anyway, they reached a compromise on the matter. SWA let her get back on once she made “adjustments” to her gear to make it look more appropriate, so what’s she crying about?


What I’m more concerned about is this “doctor’s appointment” she needed to travel to Tuscon, Arizona for in the first place… Let me just tell you, if she’s trying to upgrade those cannons she calls breasts to something bigger, then she might as well just start chartering flights, because she’d be obscene in a Glad bag if those things got any bigger. If anything, she needs to tell whatever quack she’s going to see to do something about that sun ravaged catchers mitt she’s got stapled to her neck piece. I thought it was mama Ebbert when I first saw that grill.


(that is not the face of a 23 year old, looks more like a young Skeletor right before he turned evil)

She may have the body of a 23 year old, but she’s got the face of chick riding in the HOV lane to Cougar-ville!!! And you know she’ll be suing the airline soon enough for Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress. After all, she already said they humiliated her which I find hilarious. You’re a Hooters chick, you’ve proven if nothing else, you’re used to being humiliated.


Hell, I always thought there was a section on humiliation in your employee handbooks over there at Hooters. You entire job is predicated on a general lack of respect for yourself and the customer’s right to humiliate you over some beer, wings and some delicious blue cheese dressing. In short, you’re used to it. Even your mom knows what you’re about:

“My daughter is young, tall, blond and beautiful,” Michele Ebbert said, “and she is both envied and complimented on her appearance. She dresses provocatively, as do 99 percent of 23-year-old girls who can.”

Umm, no. 99% of chicks do not rock ho gear on flights. Let’s be clear about that fact. But I think it was the great southern philosopher Juvenile who summed this situation up best when he said, “where she get her class from, she get it from her mama”… Exactly.

– Lake aka the flying pelican (Scarface reference)

Is Noelia the Baddest Chick at UvT? YES!!!

August 31, 2007

Ok, there isn’t much going on in the news right now. So I’ll give my people what qualifies as news enough to me and that’s the fact that Puerto Rican pop sensation/sex tape super nova Noelia is still fine.


Truth be told, we need to give her some more shine on this site. So I’ll just go ahead and give you shots of Noelia in the Puerto Rican version of Maxim…


And if you haven’t peeped her aggressive sex tape, again, it can be found HERE… Me, I still haven’t watched it, of course. But rumor out here has it that even though he’s about to go to jail errr be on trial, after peeping it once aRa Kelly is trying to make that pee on you part three with Noelia starring as that main attraction.


Anyway, do yall remember when Smokey uttered that poignant observation to Craig about Nia Long?

“Ohhhhhh, her mama got ass too”

Well, I don’t know if her mama got ass (though from looking at N, she must) but her mom has to be the #1 cougar in all of Puerto Rico.. ¿No?


Hey, that’s a 57 year old woman right there chicos and let’s face it, most of these hot latinas got a shorter half life than an open box of Triscuits, so you know that was a fiiine woman… Come on now, don’t even act like you might not do it..Anyway, there’s no new news from Noelia. Nothing to report. She’s still fine and we still love her over here at UvT. Come on, is there a badder chick out there right now? I mean, for real, no matter who good they look, do they have tape to verify that the look in their eyes is real? Maaan, Jessica Simpson can’t hit…Nick already done told us their MTV show she wasn’t hittin it right, so all those sexy looks into the camera, please… Halle, she ruined everything with that damn Billy Bob Thorton nonsense, so now I don’t really think she can hit neither. With Noelia, you know when you see that look in her eye and then you see that arse that it’s an authentic look and an authentic arse and dammit, that used to mean something in America.


I’ll say it right now and I aint even consulted with my main mayne Brock Hardon, Noelia is officially the baddest chick at UvT, period.. book it!