Archive for the ‘Flavor Flav’ Category

VH1’s I Love Money, Season Premiere

July 10, 2008

Here we go again… From the makers of Flavors of Love 1, 2 and 3, I Love New York 1 and 2, Charm School (clearly we only needed one of those), Rock of Love 1 and 2 (the only show in the bunch I didn’t watch) and A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila 1 and 2 we now have I Love Money.

Look, we all know the deal with these shows. It’s a bunch of Hollywood rejects willing to subject themselves to almost any level of humiliation for a chance at some face time and hopefully their own show. so that they can ultimately get spit out the bottom of the porn industry

errrr flip their newfound success into real showbiz careers.

And we all know that aint gonna happen. So what did they do? Of course, they just kept it real and copied those completely played and similarly sad, though less comical, Real World/Road Rules spin-offs.. You know the Gauntlet, Crucible, Inferno (whatever, though quietly, that new Real World/Road Rules Survivor rip off looks like it has potential) and made the show strictly about money.

Fair enough. So then it’s just a matter of who was on the show. Well you know it wouldn’t be a show without some eye candy. So they brought in Hoopz, which I respect.

And please peep those Hoopz NSFW HERE at your leisure.

And that chick from Beauty and the Geek/Rock of Love Fame:

Don’t know her name and clearly I don’t care. But I’d be lying if I told you she didn’t have that white girl thunder. Incidentally, here are her NSFW (I’m seeing a trend here) Playboy shots. Actually, this chick’s body is what only Brooke Hogan can see when she looks at herself in the mirror. The rest of us see a version of this:

Ha… I know, I know, I just talked Jim Carrey the ‘nother day. Keeping it simple. Sadly, that’s the only real eye candy on the show. And even the skanks lost their limited skank appeal. Sheeeeit, Pumkin looks like she done set out to actually become her namesake.

I mean, homegirl is plump. Anyway, at least they came back with the Stallionaires…which is still one of the worst and best rap group names in all of history. Haaa.

Oh yeah, Chance and Real are back and yes, their album is still “about to come out.”

“Yuckmouth, cuz he don’t brush..” Then you had the usual suspects. Mr. Boston’s unfunny ass. Whiteboy, who should get an Emmy for that ridiculous “based on an untrue story” role he’s playing as a down ass white dude. I know, I know.. ha

Anyway, after that you’ve got an assortment of douchebags (and please don’t take that characterization lightly, I RARELY use that term, but it’s oh so true for this show), trashy hoes and general misfits like that broke ass Bushwick Bill lookin cat Midget Mack, who incidentally got checked the fuck off the show the first night.

Nice. I spoke to Brock about Episode 1 and all in all, it left us a bit underwhelmed. But it’s got potential. I’m just waiting for 12 Pack and his little sidekick there 5 Pack aka Heat (lol) to get up on some gay shit so that we can really set the party off.

I’m also looking for that damn Nibblz to bang some dude out, seeing as she’s a full-time dominatrix (her exact words) and all. Dominatrix? Don’t you mean ho? Oh yes, I’ll be glued to my tv, a least for one more episode.

Oh and it just wouldn’t be right if I didn’t mention all those folks that are missing from the cast. First off, where’s Buckeey.

You gotta have her, especially after that great sex tape I never saw. Also, where is that Gentleman Punk? I thought he was busy trying to show positive images on gutter reality tv….

One spiked strand of moused out hair at a time.

And why couldn’t we get some Buddah back on set. We definitely needed some more of his antics.

Maybe he would have whooped some more ass, something I always appreciate. Oh well, I guess you can’t have it all. Hell, maybe some of these fools actually got their lives together and have moved on to better things….nah. ha

Stallionaires baby…book it.

– Lake

I Love Money: Hell Yeah

July 7, 2008

Seriously, this has potential to be the greatest show of all time.

That picture says it all.  It’s got my boy Chance and the always sexy Hoopz.  Plus all the other crazy chicks from Flavor of Love and the wildest cats from I Love New York.  Just for kicks, they added in the fake J’d out chicks from Rock of Love.

Fine, this is nothing but a copy of the Real World/Road Rules challenge, but there’s a kicker.  At least on the Real World, they try to find half respectable people.  Sure, they all have major personal and psychological problems, but at least they are partially legit.  These cats from Flavor of Love, I Love NY and Rock of Love don’t even have the semblance of legitimacy.  They are all straight clowns and fools.  Caricatures of real people, making no qualms about the fact that they are just out there trying to get famous.

How do you take that dude seriously?  Because he is a Stallionaire?  Why is he wearing slippers?

This cat Midget Mac was just asked how he would spend the money.  His response was “I’d probably give 200 to my momma…and my daddy.  Then the other fifty, I’d probably spend on strippers.  I’m just being real wit’chall.

We’ll Midget Mac wouldn’t have to go far to spend his money.  Half the chicks on this show have got to be in the business.  If they weren’t before, they are now.

You know Toasteee is down.  She looks like a real porn star.  You know.  Cute, but not actually cute.  Looks like she’s seen a few things.  Knows how to slide down a pole upside down, can do he splits and shake one ass cheek on command.  Actually, that was in her audition tape, they showed it about 5 times during the show.

Look, Hoopz seems to be the most legit chick on the show and even she breaks it down like this.

I’ll be watching.  This is more than just a trainwreck.  This is a pile of toy trains wrecking inside of a traincar about to be hit by a wrecking ball that is suspended between two bullet trains heading toward each other at 200 miles per hour.  That means I’ll be tuning in erry single week.

-Brock

I’ll Admit It: I Kinda Like Buckeey

April 3, 2008

Update: Check out our post on the Buckeey Sex Tape

It’s not right, but it’s ok. I know it’s totally off topic and I’ll probably lose some cool points, but for some reason I’ve always liked(ed) Buckeey of Flavor of Love 2 fame.

trina-bucky-bootz.jpg

How terrible is Bootz by the way? I mean, just horrible. Those Js are sittin on dubbs, but it’s like terrible plastic dubbs, nothing like what you want. And that medium grey-beige face paint is just incorrect and repugnant. Reminds me of a corpse laid up in the pine box where everyone gathers around talking about “how good” so and so looks. Meanwhile, 90% of the time they look bad and 70% of the time they look completely unrecognizable. Damn, that was a MAJOR digression. Back to Buckeey.

I can’t completely justify why I like her, but I just do. I don’t know, maybe she appears to have a shred of common sense….or maybe it’s just dat ass.

buckeey_4.jpg

Yeah, dat azz has plenty to do with it. Clearly she’s got a superior body, but there’s something more. I think it’s the way she stands honestly. I’ve always liked the pitbull in a skirt stance, ya know? See dudes who have dealt with a thick, athletic chick will know what I’m talking about. Sometimes you just need a sturdy woman.

buckeey_2.jpg

Don’t get me wrong folks, I fully recognize that this chick is mostly terrible. Like 83% of what she’s done is certified awful. That damn Flavor of Love 2, Charm school was a debacle (why did Mo’nique do that foolishness?). I mean, she was at her best when the rumor came out that she was dating Andre 3 stacks and then that was a lie… Anyway, I can’t put my finger on it, but I like it. Maybe a little too much.

– Lake

Flavor of Love 3 is here! Predictions Anyone?

January 28, 2008

Ready or not, the Flavor of Love 3 premier is coming to VH1 on February 11, 2008:

flava.jpg

I know a lot of you hate this show, but I enjoy it. As such, I’m going to give you my completely superficial rundown of the Flavor of Love 3 girls based solely on their glamor shots and whatever other pics I could dig up.

flavor-of-love-3-girls.jpg

There are a bunch of chicks, so I’ll break them up and do a few each day. So let’s just start right now and find out who’s really there “for Flav” and who is “just there for tv”.

Chicken 1. “Shy” or as i like to call her “Fake New York”

shy.jpg

Well, VH1 has done the impossible. They’ve found someone who actually makes New York look good. Jeez. I’m not sure, but I’m guessing that this is what New York looks like before they spray on her face. I’d like to say baby just caught a bad angle, but we checked the other angles too.

fake-new-york.jpg

They’re all bad, but that is the classic NY mouth after she’s smoked a pack of heaters and downed 2 or 6 Smirnoff Twists.

Prediction: Her name is “Shy” but with a face like that she’s got to be used to being told that she’s ugly; a fact I’m quite sure she’s conveniently characterized as jealousy and hate. There appears to be a slight J game and something more than a negativity ass, so somewhere, somebody has been trying to hit. That means Flav would be willing to hit as well. Undoubtedly, this has contributed to her false confidence and belief that she’s actually going to be one of the “pretty girls” vying for Flav’s heart just like her look alike Tiffany Pollard did. Alas, it will not be so. After a late night romp in the hotub replete with a Flavor Mic Check, she’ll start taking plenty from the other girls for being a “broke ass New York” which quite possibly will result in her horrible weave getting pulled loose in a scuffle with another ragga-muffin. Then baby girl will be eliminated for fighting once Flav hooks up the old “I can’t have no drama in my house Shy, I love you baby, but you’re time is up girl” and off she’ll go direct-it-tally to The Valley to shoot part two of that fake Tiffany Pollard/White Boy (from I Love NY) Sex Tape (NSFW FOUND HERE) we posted a few weeks back. Book it.

Chicken 2. “Peechee” – The big girl who has no chance and knows it
peechee2.jpg

Now we all know this babe. It’s the same story, new skin color. To understand her role you need only look to that equally horrible chick “Like Dat”.

fol2e5_4.jpg

Prediction: She’ll survive the first elimination just on GP because Flav will love “how real she keeps it” but we’ll all know the ax awaits. I’m sure she’ll be full of personality, very funny and genuinely nice. That’s why she’s horrible for the show and why I will personally hate her. That’s also why I won’t spend another inch of cyber space on her insignificant ass. Next.

Chicken 3. “Shor-tee” – the babe who probably should be with Flav for real

shore-tee.jpg

Look, I can tell by the way this chick is holding here body that she’s got something up behind that wild animal print. Clearly she’s packing thunder. Now I’ll take that to offset her somewhat attractive, though odd, alien dome piece. Add to it the tats up on the chest piece and you basically have the chick Flavor Flav probably should be able to pull in real life, but not too high level such that she really wouldn’t even f*ck with him (see Hoopz). That’s this chick. Then I saw this pic which I’m told is affiliated with a myspace page:

shor-tee-flavor-of-love.jpg

See, if that’s your intro pic to your myspace page, that means you have some more provocative joints you’re sitting on for the future, which means you’re probably a stripper or full-time freak. Either way, it fits nicely within my assumptions based solely on her appearance.

Prediction: Babe goes relatively far based on her unconfirmed but probable tailpiece (can see it from the front) and fair complexion (sorry, we’re talking Flav now). Stripper attitude and report with Flav makes her somewhat of a house threat/target.

That’s it for now. Tomorrow I’ll post up another three or so chicks and then we’ll have them all. The show airs on February 11, 2008. Should be decent.

– Lake

Come get your clock yo: Flavor of Love 3

January 7, 2008

I just got word that Flav gets to re up with some more hizzoes in Flavor of Love 3.

flav_3_casting2.jpg

Say what you want, but the show is entertaining and clearly my Tivo will be locked and loaded for the next hoasis of foolishness, tomfoolery and nonsense.

flavor1.jpg

Come get your clock yo.

– Lake