Ok, I get it: Roy Williams Loves Kansas

HEY EVERYBODY, Roy Williams wants you to know something, he just loooooooooves KU, Lawrence and the Jayhawks Fans so much that he just happned to rock that ridiculous Kansas Jayhawks sticker/pin or whatever last night on National TV. Not that anybody was going to see it or anything. No way a “classy guy” like Roy would ever use the National title game to make another one of his spontaneous, homespun, hokey statements to try and improve his image.

Is there a less sincere cat in all of America than Roy Williams? Seriously, this guy is made for political office.

All that cat ass crying, lying about what jobs he’s going to take, who he cares about, and what he thinks. Remember when he didm’t give a “flip” about the University of North Carolina job riiiight before he ACCEPTED the University of North Carolina job?

I know Roy, you’ve got kids in the locker room, the same ones you’re about to abandon after saying that you’d never leave Kansas, that you love. Right. What about when he told that story about “mama” and how she used to scrub floors back when he “wuza boy” just so he could drink a Coca-Cola “soda pop.”

Riight, it’s because of “whut” your “mama” did for you that you keep a case of Coke strategically placed behind your desk during a commericial, not because of all that dough you’re stacking as a result of this ad campagin. Is this guy serious? Is anyone falling for this nonsense?

Look, standing in the fan section of a team that just broke the hearts of your “kids” and ruined your season is not evidence of your “giant heart,” it’s weak. It’s wack. It’s well, something that a phony snake oil salesmen from Ashville Norf Cuurlina would pull. The next time you do something that isn’t all about your image, your pocket book and your winning percentage will be the first time Roy. We’ve got you figured out buddy. You walk into recruits’ homes, wrap your arms around their mothers, have a good cry and pull hot players like a mufucka.. I’ll give him that. The boy can recruit! But can he coach? I’m not sold. After you get your face caved in by Kansas it isn’t time to go sit in their VIP section, strap on the Jayhawk sticker, which was strategically affixed to a plain black shirt by the way, and play “good ole Roy from Lawrence errrrr Chapel Hill errrr Ashville.” Whatever. This guy is as slippery as John Calipari. He just comes at you differently.

Roy, your team got embarrassed in a year where they were the prohibitive favorite to win it all. Do you think your fans in NC want to see yo’ candy ass on National TV with a Jayhawk sticker after they just dismantled your squad like that?

(Image from CarolinaSucks.com)

I know, I know, you have “great affection” for the Kansas “pro-grim,” it broke your heart to play that Final Four game, you’ll never do it again and it’s all because you’re just a class act. It shows. Phony.

– Lake

WTF? Now Taylor King is transferring?

Not that it’s a huge deal on the court, but why in the hell is Taylor King leaving Duke?

What, he’s too tall for our system or something? This makes no sense at all. What the fuck is going on in Durham? It seems like every single year a high profile player leaves. I know, I know, he must be too soft for this spotlight. Or here’s another, he’s too much of a prima donna. Seriously? If all these cats are bums with no work ethic and no heart who don’t fit into the Duke system, then why are we recruiting them in the first place?

Forget starting to be embarrassing, the state of Duke Basketball right now is NOT good and yes, some elements of it are downright terrible. Why can’t we land someone above 6-8? Why are players leaving the program every single year? Why are we losing in the first and second rounds of the NCAAs with a squad that features 8 McDonald’s All-Americans? Why do we recruit Jon Scheyer (and I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with Jon Scheyer) every single year. Honestly, there were 5 Jon Scheyer like players on our team to start this season, I’d prefer just one or maybe two. Not 5. Jesus.

(remember these guys?)

Fellas, PLEASE!  I implore you to add Grant Hill, Jason Williams or somebody with a fresh perspective to that coaching staff who can land competitive recruits that fit our system and want to be there competing at the highest level.  Things haven’t been right with our team since JJ and Shelden bounced. Things haven’t been dominant since Jason Williams, Duhon, Boozer, Battier and Dunleavy were balling. Let’s not kid ourselves, things are NOT ok with Duke Basketball right now.

Let’s stop fooling ourselves with talk about it just being a down time.  Look at our recruits and then look at Carolina’s recruits.  I feel like the USSR right before the fall of communism.  The handwriting is on the wall and it aint pretty.  Worst of all, a big part of the problem is that people don’t want admit that we do in fact have a problem.  It’s time to retool, change our ways and right the ship. This aint George W. Bush in Iraq, it’s Duke Basketball. We’re better than this.

New blood, fresh ideas and a new approach must be sought to make the necessary improvements. Coach K’s image is in the shatter. Homey, start doing national interviews. Start doing sideline interviews. This corporate model aint getting it done. We should be IN the final four THIS year with a freshly loaded handgun waiting at home. Elliot Williams is nice, but you can’t stop there. It should be a class full of players including Greg Monroe, Elliot and a pure point guard. Finally, isn’t it time for those assistants to get out there and make it on their own anyway. I can answer that. YES IT IS. Help. (Rant over)

– Lake

Man Up Monday: Duke Blue Devils

Oh hell no. You all know I didn’t want to do this, but this weeks man up Monday goes out to the Duke Blue Devils. I was watching the game on Saturday as our lead slipped away, then I looked up with about 4 minutes to go and we had 49 points…49 POINTS. I guess the three ball wasn’t falling huh fellas?

I know, I know I feel the same way. Hey Coach K, this summer I’m gonna need you to work on something. I want you to hit the recruiting trail, I need you to take a tape measure with you. When you walk into a young man’s home, I want you to extend the tape measure out to 6 feet 10 inches. Hold it up, if the young man is not taller than that tape measure, turn around, and walk out of that house. Repeat until you have success at least two times.

What happened to this dude?

Well, another Duke season over. I feel bad because I actually had Duke losing to West Virginia in my bracket (you gotta clip ’em early before the emotion runs away from you). At least Georgetown lost too to soften the blow and avoid making us the only top team to get clipped. Here’s the real problem, with all the basketball I watched, no one rolls with a more melanin deficient squad than the Duke Blue Devils. I hear playing old school basketball, but not that old school. In fact, in a UvT exclusive, I’ve got a picture of our 2008 recruiting class.

Terrible.

Duke Blue Devils. Get a big man. Recruit some brothers. Get in the weight room this summer and…Man UP!

-Brock

Belmont Fans & Duke Haters Almost Had One

Oh yeah, all those cats I like to call “Dook Fans,” meaning people who claim to “hate Dook” but actually know more about Duke Basketball than they do their own teams, really thought they had something. Can’t you just imagine watching them as Belmont took the lead? I mean, pure joy and ecstasy had to be coursing through their veins.

Then reality set in and G did that damn thing.

Which left yall realizing that just like so many times before:

Look, the almost Duke loss is all I’m hearing all over sports talk radio and all over ESPN. Yes, if Duke had lost, that would have been the biggest debacle in the Program’s history. But yall gotta understand one thing: Duke didn’t lose. It was in fact “the other way” as Marlo learned that clown security guard that dared test him.

Now to be fair, Duke has played lackluster ball since the first Carolina game. Why I don’t know. But let’s just understand one thing, our lackluster ball is still better than yall haters’ best 95% of the time. Go ask the Murrland Terps whether it was a down year for “Dook”… Yeah, I quickly tuned in to see if what’s there name and them got at Maryland’s Basketball team tonight too… Since NOBODY gives a rat’s ass about the NIT or Terps Hoops, you might ax “who”…

Dasrite (Shouts to Larry Dutchinson), while Duke struggled to WIN in the NCAA Tournament, those oh so talented Maryland Terps LOST to hapless Syracuse in the NIT. Very nice. Now, what hurt more, Maryland losing to SU and the taste of those salty nizzuts or Duke winning at the end?

Don’t lie. Yall know you HATED to see Duke pull that out. In fact, you hate Duke more than you like Murrland, UNC, UK, and all the rest of those other “Dook” schools. Hilarious.

Go Duke…no seriously, Duke, go and do something about this terrible play.

There, at least I did my part.

– Lake

Can You Say Bubble Burst? Maryland’s Season is OVA!!!!

Hilarious. Break out the co-eds and chicken waaangs, Murrland is coming home.

I told you Murrland fans that you didn’t have the players, coaching and nizzuts for this here season.

And all the smack talking haters on this blog just had so much to say early on. Slowly but surely, we stopped hearing from them though. “TerpFan” was running smack early on in the year. First it was before Duke Game No. 1. Then, Duke spanked them in their own house.

Then “TerpGrad” started in about how Maryland was a better academic institution than Duke. That was laughable, but I had to direct him to US News and World Reports Rankings and then that rhetoric ceased. Then Duke spanked that candy ass in Game 2 and I heard even less.

Oh wait, do you hear that? Yep, it’s the sound of silence. Boston College just took that old dog named Maryland Basketball out back shot it. You will not pass go, will not go to the NCAA and you will not collect any more recruits. Now go to sleep bitches!!! Game, set, match, season, done!

Let the riots in College Park begin….

That’s your season going up in flames.. Enjoy that first round exit from the NIT.

Go Duke.

– Lake

This Just In: NIT Bound Terps Still Suck

To all my loyal Terp fan readers, I’m sorry this post took me four days to complete.

It’s not that I wanted to neglect you, it’s just that every time I tried to write it, I ended up laughing so hysterically that I couldn’t complete it.

Now, unlike others, I love to be the one to say, “I told you so.” So let me go ahead and say it, I TOLD YOU SO! LOL. Contrary to the rhetoric so many of you hit me with this entire season, clearly your team wasn’t all that good and obviously you were a completely inferior squad when compared to those Duke Blue Devils.

Just look at you, you’ve got ONE win against a top 50 team when you stole that game from UNC. Otherwise, you haven’t done shit to deserve an at large bid. I know, I know, you guys can still win the ACC Tournament. Sure and I can still play striker for AC Milan. You guys are lucky ESPN is still calling you a bubble team. In all truth, you cats aren’t on the bubble, you’re under the bubble only that bubble is deez nuts!

Anyway, I’ll certainly be tuned in Thursday night when Boston College puts that final bullet in your coffin. And it don’t look much better for next year either. How are you guys going to have any better chance of making the Tournament in 2009? You’ll lose Osby and Gist and replace them with two Junior College players, a post grad guy and one decent 4 star recruit. Sure, Vasquez is solid, but he’s just that, solid. He’s not a guy who can kill anyone by himself and Hayes is barely an ACC level talent. Just face it Maryland fans, your coach can’t and doesn’t want to recruit.

I enjoyed watching you guys blow a 20 point second half lead to Clemson the other day, the looks on the faces of your fans were priceless.

“To riot or not to riot, that is the question.”

And then that swift and stiff ass kicking you took from bottom feeding UVa on the road, how very Terp of you to not show up when you needed to most. Anyway, enjoy that first round tap out in the NIT. It’s not like I didn’t tell you fools that you’d be there. Now if I can only get you clowns to discontinue any and all discussion about the “competitive academics” at Murrland. Maryland is a fine school, but when I was applying to Colleges, my list included Stanford, Brown, Princeton and Penn, not Virginia Tech, Florida State and Murrland, ya dig? There is no comparison, kind of like basketball this year. Now you guys just sit there and deal with it. LOL Oh and get ready to hear me run my mouth allllll summer and allllll next year too. Haaaaaa Terps suck.

– Lake

Moonshine & Muskrat Soup All Around: UNC beats Duke

Not enough sack at the end of the game and poor execution sent the Blue Devils packing against the boyz in Baby Blue from down the road in NC. You best believe those hicks on Franklin street were having a humdinger good hootin’ time once that final buzzer sounded.

Oh yes, it was moonshine, tabaccy chew and musrat soup for erryone over there at Safety School University and I must admit, it was well earned. Now on to the ACC Tourney were hopefully the Good Guys can right the ship and take the tie-breaker en route to an ACC Championship. But before we move on to that, I must ax this one question again:

What exactly do you think this chick “wants” from Gerald Henderson again?

Exactly.

– Lake (Still givin’ em what they want from Hinton James to BW3 stockrooms)

Hoops: Blue Devils Flatten UVa, 86-70

Dude, I haven’t seen an ass whoopin like that since the JJ Redick era.

Before the game UVa’s players looked like this.

Then the fellas stepped forward with some of this:

A little bit of that:

Which ultimately lead to this:

Did Duke have to do it to those Wahoos like that? I mean, get off the canvas UVa.. Get up! Jeez. Player of the game for Duke had to be my main man (finger snap) Greg Paulus, but it was really a complete team win.

Duke Blue Devils
STARTERS	MIN	FGM-A	FTM-A	OFF	REB	AST	PF	PTS
K. Singler, F	32	8-21	0-0	3	8	0	3	18
L. Thomas, F	16	0-1	1-2	0	2	1	1	1
G. Paulus, G	33	5-10	0-0	0	2	3	3	14
G. Henderson, G-F	28	8-13	2-2	3	7	4	1	19
D. Nelson, G	29	6-10	2-5	1	4	4	2	16
BENCH	MIN	FGM-A	FTM-A	OFF	REB	AST	PF	PTS
N. Smith, G	11	2-2	0-0	0	1	0	1	6
D. McClure, F	5	0-0	0-0	0	1	0	1	0
T. King, F	4	0-1	0-0	0	0	0	0	0
J. Scheyer, G	29	3-6	3-3	2	2	4	0	10
B. Zoubek, C	13	1-1	0-2	1	4	1	3	2
TOTALS		FGM-A	FTM-A	OFF	REB	AST	PF	PTS
		33-65	8-14	10	31	17	15	86
		50.8%	57.1%

Still, Greg was just throwing it in the ocean from three. I really think that broke their spirit early and then Duke never looked back thanks to Greg’s play. And there’s nothing worse for an opponent than a confident, shat talking Paulie.

Anyway, bottom line, I like the level of play and overall determination going into this UNC game on Saturday and post season play in general. I also liked how K got minutes in for Big Zoub. It’s an understatement, but the boys in Blue need to sack up and run those hicks from UNC back to Chapel Hill on Saturday.

No mercy.

Go Duke.

– Lake

Mason “Ma$e” Plumlee commits to Duke

Everybody knows that Duke has the horses on the perimeter to challenge any team in the nation.

But to be honest, Duke fans were more than a little concerned when two years in a row our prime Big Man targets, Patrick Patterson and Greg Monroe, decided to play ball elsewhere.

It didn’t help either that our rival, Chapel Hill State School of North Cakalina, made a big splash when they landed 5 big man prospects in the span of like 2 weeks.

Anyway, with the cupboard bare for the class of 2008, Duke is looking to the class of 2009 to right the ship in the post. And I guess that project starts with Mason Plumlee.

Huh?

Better….

Ah Ha! There’s our guy (far right). There’s the Duke swagger and feel you need. At least, it’s much closer than that first picture. Maybe Ma$e just needs to be around the fellas to look right…

Hey, I’m not hating on Mason. After all, the very second anyone becomes a Duke player, they immediately go into the “Us” category while everybody else is relegated to “Them” status. So really, I’m not anti Ma$e. But when you look at the scouting report on the dude he’s more of a Mike Dunleavy, Christian Laetner or Danny Ferry type of cat who prefers to float around the perimeter more than bang in the post. So really, he’s not a big man at all, just a tall guard. Now when you’re 6-11 and don’t really like to take it into the paint, people are bound to make comparison’s to Josh McBoberts errrr call you soft.

I’m not saying he’s soft, I’m just saying homey needs to weigh more than 210 once he actually gets on campus. I don’t know. I just spoke to some stone cold Dukie bamas about Plumlee’s commitment and this was their reaction.

Just kidding, no this was really their reaction:

They didn’t quite get it. In response to criticism from the Duke faithful and haterz alike, Ma$on released this official statement early today:

Yo, check this out right
Plumlee on da rise
And you don’t want no problem with us guys, uh huh
M-A-dollar sign-E
And if you ever out tryin’ to find me
I think I should warn you
I get hard when I want to

Damn, let’s hope so..

– Lake

Super Ugly: Duke drops second straight

I know that it’s tough to win on the road in the ACC, but, Dammit, Duke shouldn’t be losing two straight to unranked teams. So I’m flipping through my tivo “To Do” list, looking for this Duke game against Miami tonight and I notice that it’s just not there. Aww hells no, is the Comcast questioning my Fanhood? So I hop in the whip and head over to Game On outside of Fenway to find a few other Duke fans checking out the game.

Immediately I saw more of the same foolishness that I saw against Wake Forest. First, they were hitting everything. They were banking it, slamming it, J’ing us from three, pulling it up, this cat McClinton was lacing the runner, I mean, you name it, they were doing it.

That was bad enough and we looked slugglish in the first half, but what about that patented Duke effort to start the second half? You know, that same courage and character that won the Carolina game and both Maryland games?

It just never came. Instead, we had the scarecrow, tin man and cowardly lion special going on as Miami just thrashed us. I mean, they pushed the lead out to 15 and I was pissed. Then they pushed it out to 20 and I was literally ordering IPA drafts, and I don’t drink beer!!!

It was ridiculous. Sure, if you look at the score, you’ll see that Duke came back and made a game of it and yes, I was encouraged by the heart they showed to do that, but believe me, this was NOT a close game. Miami whupped up on Duke from pillar to post. I mean, literally, in all phases of the game. I just don’t get it.

Even JJ couldn’t believe it. Sure, Miami came out and gave us trouble with their match up zone. But Duke looked like they had never seen a zone before. I mean, we were throwing up off balanced threes like there were 50 seconds left in the game and this was at the 15:00 minute mark in the second half!! Our team defense was deplorable.

Gerald Henderson was INVISIBLE. Yes, he sacked up and hit a big three down the stretch, but this guy just can’t be right physically. I don’t get it, he looks like an NBA first rounded for 2/3 of the season and next thing you know, he’s channeling Mike Chappelle out there.

Hey, G.. If you’re not good to play, then just don’t. I mean, heal up and come back when you’re ready. But I feel like Andre 3000 when he was writing Elevators, “this shit here must stop, like freeze.” My word. I mean, I’m just at a loss. The freshmen suddenly looked like Freshmen. Yes, Scheyer ended up playing well in the second half, but homey’s play for the first 35 minutes was relatively incongruous, off-key and out of sync.

Duke loses, 95-96 and suddenly that supposed locked up No. 1 seed and ACC regular season title looks about as guran-damn-teed as that Central Campus bus picking you up on-time. Lordy… IPA fueled rant over.

– Lake