Archive for September, 2007

Ridiculous Throwback Video

September 30, 2007

Hey, I’m not trying to have the “Throwback Video of the Day” like every other site. But I just happened upon this old classic, Knocking the Boots, by H-Town.

I mean, the song is just so terrible that it ends up being great in so many different ways. Here are a few observations that just came to mind:

  • Uncle Luke‘s stated definition of “knocking the boots”: “Knockin da bootz iz when two bootz come together making tasteful lust, hence, ergo, etc. etc. also known azz makin’ goo- love”
  • The pre-historic video hizzo lighting up the candles (remember when you used to do that, lol) with a damn blow torch
  • The stomp girate, stomp girate dance moves in the back by those Devante/Mr. Davin wanna bees
  • The high top fade/high top slope (which incidentally was out of style by the time of this song came out)
  • The non-fitted backwards hat piece, just hangin on for dear life on that fool’s dome piece as he speaks out his corny prologue

I mean, the list goes on and on… It’s all just so classic. I don’t especially remember actually knocking bootz to this song as it was probably a bubble song on my freakdown mega mixtape, but I’m sure it didn’t hurt. Who am I kidding? I musta hit to this song at least once. Ok, nostalgia over..

– Lake

Oh and don’t forget that this song was made into “Knockin da boots for Christmas”…literally. That will make our “worst Christmas songs ever” list come December. Stay tuned.

Decent Kanye spoof

September 30, 2007

This starts out slow, but it’s a decent little Kanye spoof on SNL.

Ok, that was kind of funny and pretty cool.. but it pales in comparison to this hilarious, REAL clip of ‘Ye wilin out like he aint got an ounce of good sense or home training.

Or this little gem with Kanye sporting a clean 15 pounds of extra hair, chin and face chubb.

Dude looks like he just got out the woods or something. Lookin real crazy. But I gotta admit, he saw the future, because right now, he arguably is that best. And I’m not looking all that forward to that Jay Z, American Gangster album either. Look, homey is literally pushing 40, it’s officially time to STOP rapping ‘fam’…

-Lake

iGallop: Is this for real?

September 30, 2007

So I came across this one surfing the internets this weekend.

Okay fine, let’s just say we went with the premise that riding a horse was an aerobic workout.  Do you really expect us to take the product seriously, when the strippers trainers are wearing cowboy hats in the demo?  And what’s up with the ass ridin’ close-up followed by the “flashing butt” graphic.  Necessary?  I think not.  Did that girl just whip out the guns?  Should I be impressed she’s riding with no hands? (Because I am.)

So you know your boy Brock had to follow up with some additional research.

Ol’ girl on the left gets the hang of it really quickly.  Is this in Sharper Image, Brookstone?  Is this some kind of new back massager?  You know…one of those back massagers.

Ride on ladies…ride on.  And if you are a man who has ever ridden one of these machines…seriously?  Seriously.

-Brock

Catfight: Finally a reason to pay attention to Women’s World Cup Soccer

September 28, 2007

The United States Women’s National Soccer Team (WNT) is one of the most successful teams (women’s or men’s) in history.

chastain.jpg

(Remember this? That wasn’t contrived or anything)

They’ve dominated women’s soccer for years with all kinds of Olympic, World Cup and other international tournament wins. Of course, none of that matters and it never really did. I mean, let’s face it, I can go to any High School in the nation, grab their Boys Varsity Soccer team and they’d MURDER any team in the Women’s World Cup (No, it’s IS true).

At any rate, none of that proud history seemed to matter after Coach Greg Ryan decided to bench regular goalkeeper, Hope Solo, in favor of veteran goalkeeper Briana Scurry, heading into the semifinal match against Brazil in the Women’s World Cup in China. The WNT subsequently lost to Brazil 0-4 and Greg Ryan received considerable criticism for the sudden lineup change, most notably from benched goalie, Hope Solo. Peep her act after the game:

“U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A!!!! Wow! Have you ever heard ANYONE in ANY sport go after one of their own like that?!?!

“It was the wrong decision, and I think anybody that knows anything about the game knows that. There’s no doubt in my mind I would have made those saves.”

Is this chick serious? First of all, the first goal was an own goal, her own player headed into their net, there was literally nothing Scurry could have done to stop that.

scurry.jpg

(With that said, it’s hard to defend a chick who rocks a curl (and no it doesn’t matter that it’s a dry curl now). Hey, Bri, channel Fif Dog and understand the credo – if you can’t extend it then you might as well suspend it, if you can’t braid it, best thing to do is fade it.)

Second, every single goal was scored inside the 18 yard box. That’s not the goalie’s fault, that’s a porous defense that can’t stop the beautiful, silky smooth, more passionate and more intelligent Braziliant offensive flurry lead by Marta, my new favorite Brazilian woman.

(That goal was CRAZY, I love me some Marta!)

But even if what Hope said were true, which at best was a biased and completely speculative judgment call, what does it matter? The game is over and you just don’t do that. Ohhh, I get it. It’s Hope Solo’s turn to hook up an inappropriate and very public CATFIGHT! YES!

2858-cat_fight-serious_cat_fight__red.jpg

Hilarious!!! Dude, even if all this stuff were true, nobody in team sports, especially on the international level, is supposed to blow up their coach and teammate like that!!! Damn lil mama, you must be hard core.

hope-solo-bitch-please.jpg

Come to think of it, after I saw what the coaches reaction was to Hope’s comments, I can see why she punked him and everyone around that team. Dude is a complete p*ssy!

“Obviously there’s always opportunities for reconciliation,” Ryan said Friday. “This has only just happened. We’ll work to try to get past this hurdle.”

Try to get past this hurdle? What? Can you imagine a coach in any other walk of professional sports life saying something like this? No wonder she’s kicking him in the nuts in the press, he doesn’t even own a pair. Man up, dude. This is what Ryan should have said:

Privately: “Fuck a Hope So low and the horse she road in here on. She’ll never play another fucking game as long as I’m affiliated with this team, she’s finished!”

bauer.gif

Publicly: “I’m the head coach, I make the decisions, not the players. Scurry has won games for us, she’s our vet. If Hope Solo doesn’t like it, she can catch the next thing smoking back to the States, oh yeah, and she’s SUSPENDED for the duration of the tournament!”

running8od8ug.gif

(Run her down, make sure she never Fs with you again!)

I know, I know, he doesn’t want to lose his job and Hope Solo is a future in the net. Is she? In four games she gave up two goals, that aint dominant. And even if she is, so what. If he has no respect from the team and allows the players to push him around, he’s going to lose his job anyway!

greg-ryan-is-soft.jpg

This cat is trying to patch things up? This coach is a complete beeeyatch!!! Perfect reason to Fire this dude. How can you be a leader of men eeer women when you can’t even handle a whinny little brat like Solo? No wonder she played you like that, you’re more of a woman than any chick on that field (though by the looks of some of those “chicks,” that’s not saying much). HA, And what about the balls on Hope?!

hope-solo-bitch.jpg

(LOL.. throw up them thangs up girl! Incidentally, I can’t decide if Hope is attractive or not. I mean, when I look at her, I’m both excited and a bit scared. On the one hand, she’s got those cool eyes… Makes her look like a cat woman or something, which you just got to love. Still, something about her screams drag queen, sturdy chin special.) I can’t decide. See, that’s why women’s soccer needs to go for the sex appeal. The Brazilians know how to present some female athletes and so they win. Check it.

brazil3.jpgbrazil2.jpgbrazil4.jpgbrazil5.jpg

Sheeyut, it’s no wonder we can’t compete!!!

The closest thing we have to that was that silly sports bra nonsense or I guess this chick:

heathermittsussoccer.jpg

(WNT defender Heather Mitts, ok, I can’t hate on ya)

And then I guess there are a few more. There’s that tatted up chick too, Natasha Kai from those ESPN commercials.

028_chn_usa_wej.jpg277652.jpg

She’s decent in a grimy kind of way. But let’s face it, when can’t win a chick karma battle with the Brazilians. Too many flavors. Too many bad chicks. Too much care for how they look, they’re even more looks conscious that we are as a culture. It’s the perfect storm.

1734-angels.jpg

And it shows.

At any rate, we’ll see how Ryan handles the team’s next game in the consolation round. If he plays Solo, he might as well just unpack all his shit and stay over there in China.. He won’t have to worry about a thing, because he sure as hell won’t have a job when he gets back to the states.. Sheyut, they need Coach Lake Arlington over there in China, then you’d see some results….Whippin h*oes into shape, trying to bang out a US defender pictured above, hollerin at the Braziliant opponents for my own Carnival con capirihnas back in the hotel room and gettin my authentic Kung Pao-General Tso combo po po platter with “rye” on…. Sounds like a perfect recipe for VICTORY. Yall got my number.

– 中國湖泊

One more Brazee pic for good measure:

brazil6.jpg

I likeded that shit!

Mike Tyson: Crazy Throughout the Years…

September 28, 2007

You know Mike Tyson is one of my personal favorite dudes.  He was a killer in his prime and I still think Tyson – Holyfield right before Tyson went to jail would have been one of the greatest fights of all time.  In honor of him being one the verge of going back to jail, this time as a perfectly-round, superheavyweight, we need to look back at his body of work. 

 fattyson.jpg

(and as you can see, his body of work has gotten…uh, bigger over time)

Yeah, he’s unstable, abusive, crazy, and probably drugged at all times other than two weeks before and about 10 minutes after any of his fights.  This body of work for sheer craziness is great.  He really works himself up like Kellen Winslow in the famous “All Praise to Allah!” Rant.

Wow.  That “I’m a semi-good husband take is still a classic too.”

I’ll tell you who else I miss, a true showman, with knockout power at Featherweight.  Prince Naseem Hamed.  If you ever saw this cat talk with Larry Merchant after a fight, you know that those may be some of the best moments ever on HBO.  I it em, Larray.  An ee went down like timbaaaaaah.

The way he stops the entourage to shake it out at about 40 seconds is classic.

-Brock

Baseball Sucks: The ‘Is Marc Ecko Famous?’ Edition

September 28, 2007

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate baseball. I just feel utterly and completely meh about it. I could take it or leave it, I can’t watch a whole game on television, I can’t watch SportsCenter when it is only Baseball season. That’s just how I feel. Part of what I hate about baseball is that twisted sense of history, those terrible inane stats. You know, slugging percentage against left-handed pitchers in the month of July with runners on first and third. Thaaat’s a BS stat if I’ve ever seen one. You couple that with the fact that the best players get the job done at the plate by getting hits a third of the time and the fact that you would be a baseball GOD if you can get that number up to 40%…I just don’t get it.

But here’s the thing Marc Ecko Milecofski of “Ecko Unlimited” fame bought the Barry Bonds record breaking home run ball for 752K in order to put a survey up online to “let the people” decide what happens to it.

ecko.jpg

The choices were to put it into the Hall of Fame as is, put an asterisk brand on it then put it in the Hall of Fame, or…get this…launch it into space. (Can you hear the laughter? Funny right? Nah, not so much) So the “people” decide to brand the ball with an asterisk and put it into the hall of fame.

This is the most stupid thing I’ve ever heard. Bonds has never been caught breaking the rules. Baseball had their head up their azz when the Sosa, Bonds, Big Mac show was saving baseball. Now, before Bonds is affirmatively convicted of anything other than putting on 50 something pounds and having a big ass head, his piece of history is going to be defaced by Marc freaking Ecko?

bonds.jpg

How much money does this guy have that he can waste money on this? Does he actually like baseball? What the hell is he getting out of this? Publicity? Sure, I’m talking about him, but I’m here to make fun of people who do stupid s#it. He got plenty of publicity when he released that turrible “getting up” video game. (and Marc, I hear you have actually argued with bloggers in the past about the game not being a complete piece of crap…but I saw that joint for sale in Best Buy for $5 yesterday. Right next to Barbie Horse Adventures, and Nicktoons Movin‘, and Army Men. So yeah, it sucks)

Seriously, who does this guy think he is? From this picture, he looks like he is on that Lake Arlington program.
I hope the people who voted for this weren’t actually baseball fans. I may hate the sport, but you’ve got to respect your history and your athletes. Marc Ecko will be a joke in a few years just like Todd McFarlane who bought Mark McGuire’s record breaking ball for almost $3 Million…that only stayed a record breaking ball for one season.

-Brock

Duke Hoops gets a recruit

September 27, 2007

It was just announced that Duke got a side stone (as opposed to a crown jewel) for their 2008 recruiting class. Olek Czyz, a 6 foot, 7 inch senior power forward from Poland (now balling in Reno, NV) gave his commitment to Coach K and his staff of Wednesday of this week.

olek_czyz_-_article.JPG

Anybody who knows anything about Duke Basketball knows how crucial it is for Duke to land a hot class for the coming year so they can ran along side Scheyer, Henderson, Thomas, King, Nolan Smith, and Singler to make a run at a National Championship in two years. Olek Czyz, while having no real vowels in his name, might be a good complimentary player for that cause, but let’s be clear: WE NEED ELLIOT WILLIAMS & GREG MONROE!!!

elliot.jpg

Gotta like the look and feel of a young El in a Duke uniform.

greg-monroe.jpg

With that said, welcome young Olek!!! I trust you’ll do your Polish lineage proud. Word on the street is you’ve got crazy ups (40 inch vertical) and love to dunk it around the cup. I like that.

olek-czyz-duke.jpg

(O is looking kinda swole in this shot, I feel you player)

Not since the Polish Power, Ivan Putski came on the scene have I been more supportive of an Ex-Eastern Blocker like yourself.

ivan-putski.jpg

I’m sure that Polish connection you have with Michael K didn’t hurt either. At any rate, you are now a part of a movement and we’ll be loyal to you as we are all Duke Basketball players and alums. With that said, do me a favor, prime up homey.

breakout2.jpg

Please, PRIME UP!!!

OUT

– Lake doing this (or something similar):

jj_redick1.jpg

Mike Vick: Up in Smoke

September 27, 2007

michael-vick-this-is.jpg

So let me get this right.  At the end of the 2006-2007 season, Michael Vick is a franchise QB in Atlanta.  Living the good life.  Huge bonuses, endorsements, his own shoes.  Producing magical moments that have not been seen in football ever before, like this:

The run when he made two professional players run into each other because they hit nothing but air because Vick is just so fast.  He may have never been a Hall of Famer, but he would have put up numbers in certain categories that may never be touched.

Here we are in week 4 of the 2008 season and this guy is looking at a year or more of Federal Jail Prison time for dogfighting.  The NFL is going to suspend him for at least a year.  The Falcons want their bonus back (and probably Matt Schaub who is set to torch them in Atlanta this Sunday with his 2-1 Texans against the 0-3 Falcons).  With all that, Ron Mexico thinks it is a good idea to break out the purp with his brother Marcus and blaze a few?  What was he doing, watching Half Baked and thought “My life is all f*cked up, but I wonder what my f*cked up life would be like….on weed”.

Damn Homey, your situation is so bad, I asked Maurice Clarett what he thought, and this is all he had to say:

clarett.JPG 

It’s a damn shame, really.  You had an uphill battle before but you can guaran-damn-tee that NFL Commissioner Goodell is going to make sure your chances of stepping back on the field are about as good as Notre Dame making a bowl game this year.

I had your back through all of this, I thought the charges were BS, I thought they hit you too hard, I wanted to see you back in the league.  But you are bringing it on yourself at this point.  You are really telling people you can’t stop, you can’t control yourself, you don’t know right from wrong.  I guess we know what that “dark particulate” was in the water bottle with the hidden compartment where you kept your jewelry weed.

vick-fly3.jpg

I’m like a biiiiiird, why don’t you fly awaaaaayayaaayyyyyaaah.

Damn.

-Brock

————UPDATE————-

Mike Vick has disappeared.  He has assumed an alternate identity as Billy Ocean. 

billy-vick.JPG

Caribbean Queen, now we’re sharing the saaaame Dreaaaaams!

-Brock

Halo 3 Midnight Madness: You’re Still Dorks

September 26, 2007

Halo 3 dropped for the XBox 360 last night. I saw yellow Best Buy bag packing fan boys strolling through the streets of New York city last night to rush home and fire up their XBox Live accounts and start slinging anonymous racist insults at each other. Grown men, teenagers, and college students shut it down today to run through solo mode and start the competition to become the biggest badass in multiplayer.

halobro.jpg

(Is it really that serious bruh?)

Let’s see, we are at 24 hours after launch, so there are a few hundred thousand stinking, non-shower taking Spartans learning how to pwnzor ur n00b a55. I’ll admit, after 24 hours there are people playing this game right now who are already better than I would ever be even if I took are year to practice. I’d whoop that ass in Mortal Kombat II though. I was unconscious in 1998. Plus, Halo inspires people to do this, so it can’t be all bad.

This is the game Microsoft is banking on to push those XBox 360’s over the edge. They are already running into problems with scratched disks, as well as the dreaded recall-worthy red ring of death (the XBox 360 version of the Windows Blue Screen of Death). If you don’t know, it means that every early XBox 360 will break eventually. Not some, not most, ALL OF THEM. That’s crazy. But Microsoft is manning up and paying for all of them to be fixed.

Bottom line, Halo is a billion dollar franchise. Prepare to see all the articles about how video games are where all the the movie and music dollars are going and how this would be the biggest movie launch ever…if…it…were…a…movie. At $60 a pop, that probably isn’t a fair comparison. That is a 6 to 1 advantage.

chiefnasdaq.jpg

Yeah, Master Chief makes that LOOT. But ringing the bell at the Nasdaq, that’s a little ridiculous.

Have fun fellas, this is the best game you’ll see for a loooong time. The well is a little dry after Gears, Bioshock and Halo.

Keep stacking that cash and keep your pimp game tight Bill Gates. Strike that pose.

bill-gates.jpg

-Brock

Milton Bradley Has Got to Feel Like an Idiot

September 26, 2007

We’ve already established that baseball is not one of the highly regarded sports here at Us Versus Them. In fact, I still regard the time between the final buzzer of the NBA Finals and the first whistle in NFL preseason as the “Great Sports Drought” when SportCenter is literally unwatchable. (Although, not as unwatchable as the Spring and Summer of 1994 when baseball was on strike.) Leading stories were women’s golf, strongman competitions (where is Magnus Ver Magnusson? Why was he always there?) and NASCAR before people other than country hicks and Cwere watching it.

I really can’t watch it. There are way too many semi-overweight “athletes” in the sport, and I can’t take it when the Top 10 on SportCenter consists of homeruns that all look the same with the occasional interesting catch at shortstop. Plus, there are the stupid “rules” of Baseball, the bench clearing brawl, the revenge pitch inside when one of your guys gets hit with a pitch, the coach rant when there is a bad call. But Milton Bradley has taken the cake.

First of all, there is a “you can’t touch the ump” rule in full effect, so restraining Milton probably isn’t that necessary, and neither are his ridiculous histrionics. Second, his coach couldn’t hold the dude back if he really wanted to get with that ref. If you are really mad, you come with a bat in your hand like Jose Offerman. Then his coach does him in by twisting him to the ground using the same move Pedro used on Don Zimmer back in the Red Sox Brawl. (Oh god that video is great). The funny thing is that Milton doesn’t even play it off like he is okay until his gets to the back. He punks right out immediately. No limp, no walk it out, just pure grab the knee and roll on the ground. He has to be thinking “this is some bulls#it Illardo”

Torn ACL, out for the rest of the season with his team in the wild card race. That sucks.

Milton, next time, leave the fighting to kicking dust and arguing from afar. It’s not that serious homey.

-Brock