Survivor China – Ashley taps out

Check Out our UPDATE of the Survivor: China Finale HERE. 

It is still to early to tell who will be the winner of Survivor China, but there are definitely some real losers out there.

Let’s start with the “leader” Dave. Once again, I don’t want to keep setting this dude up as the measuring stick for all that is bitchy, but if you are so tired a cat named “Frosti” comes to push you out of the way so your team can man up…you’ve got problems. Dave was really trying to visibly tap out so that either someone would step up and save him, or his team would believe he was putting forth his best efforts and not want to vote him out for being less than manly. Of course, CBS lists him as a “former model”, which actually raises a lot of questions. First of all, that is not actually a job. If your job title contains the word “former”, it is no longer your profession, and your new job is “unemployed”.

Damn Sherea…I see you.

Let’s talk about the first challenge. Do chicks really not know when their titties are out? That babe Amanda was flying free for at least the last two minutes of that challenge. Let me tell you, if my junk falls out in the middle of the jungle, I’m pretty sure I’m not going to miss that. First of all people would be tripping left and right and all the ladies would be dumbstruck, so it would be hard not to notice…I’m just saying.

Is there no clear water in China? This is the first season where every damn challenge hasn’t been a swim out to build a boat, or hold your breath to unhook a clip, or drop into the water through a ring. They just keep building mud pits for these people to run through. Also what is up with busting your wad on the 6 v. 6 challenge when one team has 7 players and the other has 8? Huh? You couldn’t wait another week for that one?

By the way is the Mullet (Denise) really on the show?

I think she’s only been shown twice. The first is when her hairstyle of choice was prominently displayed. The second was when I noticed that she has legs like a damn defensive lineman. Yeech. Aww, she’s a school lunch lady. I guess that will be useful in the jungle in case they come across a stash of Dharma Initiative Corn and frozen Pizza like they did on Lost. Otherwise I’m not sure her training translates well.

I guess a bunch of you are think that someone on Survivor: China gets nude, buck naked, artistically unclothed. Well, you probably aren’t looking for Denise, so I narrowed it down a bit. Oh yeah, maybe some more Ashley Massaro Pics?

She was in fact in Playboy (twice!), and can be found here.

-Brock

I know I need to go ahead and make a prediction for the winner of Survivor: China. Not ready just yet…next week. Right now, I’ll say I think it will be a woman.

Survivor: China – Chicken gets Fried

Survivor is back for the 15th time with Survivor: China.  After a few years of diversity that casted more minorities on the show and actually gave them a shot at forming an alliance and winning, resulting in wins for brotherman Earl Cole in Fiji, and Yul Kwan(not to be confused with Yuuuuueee!, which makes you crank that Soulja boy), we’re right back to the standard formula of two black people and two or three “others” with a gang of adventurous white people.

I guess they went with social diversity this time with “Chicken”, “Frosti”, a wrassler, a grave digger (the brother, who is built like he digs by hand.  Who is his grandfather?  John Henry?  Seriously, he already had a hot line like he is a pro boxer or a pro wrestler, “I bury people all day”.  Great.), a pro poker player (who may be only slightly “pro” like Nick on Big Brother was a pro football player), and a “sneaky” male flight attendant.

They pulled the old, “you can only take what you have on right now” trick.  And sent the women into the woods wearing dresses and heels.  On the real, how many times is this trick going to work?  If I went on Survivor, starting at the second interview, you best believe I’d have on two pairs of draws, a bathing suit, a pair of those shorts where the legs can come off and turn into shorts, a wife beater undera moisture-wicking t-shirt under a long sleeve t under a sweater under a wind breaker under a XXXXL White-T that looks like a nightgown undera hoodie with a lighter in the pocket, with a baseball cap under one of those helmets that hold drinks on the side, with a pair of sneakers with Nike Air in them with a pair of flip flops taped to the soles just in case I want to remove them and chill at the camp with my toes out sometimes.  Sure, everyone would laugh at first, and I’d be one sweaty muuuhfu*kah.  But when Jeff said, you can only keep what you have on, I bet everyone would look at me like “gosh, that guy was smart, I wonder if I can borrow his white T?”  I’d accomodate the ladies…for favors…but only for the first day or two before everyone started smelling all funky from being outside all the time.

Back to the show.  Always remember the rule of the first episode of Survivor.  The person going home is either old, weird, sick, or bossy.  This season it was old.  Chicken got pieced out for being crotchety for all I can tell.  But someone has to go.  They teased WWE Diva Ashley like she was going to be out for being sick, but the rest of the tribe must have figured out that there are always a lot of water challenges so her airbags may come in handy.

Plus, does this look like someone who gets sent home right away?

Yeah, didn’t think so.  Not my type, but I’ll still watch.  By the way, I’m told she’s appeared nude in Playboy…and although I’ve never sought out those types of pictures, there are people who do, and they say you might find what you are looking for here (you know that’s NSFW, right?).

Some parting questions:

When they design the challenges, do they sit around and say…”This would be better if we could make the entire course covered in 3 inches of mud”?

How long before Vince McMahon runs a “Survivor” angle with someone getting voted out of the WWE?

How do you get the nickname Frosti?  By making this face?

Was that an official Mullet?

Did Jaime say “she didn’t bring a bra”, does that mean at all, or just that day?  From this picture, she doesn’t look like the type of girl who doesn’t need one. 

Are any of these women fine?  I can’t tell?  One usually sneaks up on me long about episode 3…in a water challenge…i’m just saying, Jaime, it might be you.  Come back every week for more!

-Brock