Posts Tagged ‘gold diggers’

Don Cornelius’ Lady: “I Git Money, Money I Got”

July 17, 2008

Yo, one of our loyal readers, Jabber Jawz who recently relocated to DC, just hit me up with this pic:

Then we just chatted it up.  And since I can’t write anything more appropriate than the contents of the chat, I’ll just post it here for your review:

Me: see, i knew don c had yt,
his babe looks good too
i can’t lie
just a wild guess
she cheats
ha
Jabber Lo: she is clearly there for the loot
HAHA
right
Me: with a body like that
she’s taking that high heat
and it aint from young donald either
Jabber Lo: don looks like he’s in early onset alzheimer’s or something
Me: guarandamntee
Jabber Lo: he hasn’t had sex in years, clearly
Me: right
and she had it the day of this pic
twice
Jabber Lo: LOL, right!
Me: one before it was taken
Jabber Lo: in the hot herve legler
spending all the loot
Me: once after someone saw her in that dress
Sent at 2:43 PM on Thursday
Jabber Lo: LOL
Sent at 2:44 PM on Thursday

I think that pretty much said it all.  Donny C. had a good run on soul train though.  At this point, I can’t even see Viva Viagra saving Lil Don though.

– Lake

Shaunie ‘$30 Mil’ O’Neal to the World: “Big Stacks, my pockets on Creatine”

November 23, 2007

The soon to be Mrs. O’Neal has plenty to be thankful for this year.

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Shaunie O’Neal’s purported assets were revealed as a result of a court filing on Wednesday. And what did little mama claim she had? After merely five years of marriage and seemingly 5-18 kids she says she’s got:

  • $450,000 in cash and stocks as assets.
  • The couple’s $25 million Star Island home in Miami Beach
  • An L.A. Condo
  • A $3.95 million home in Orlando An additional Condo in Miami
  • Several businesses valued at $250,000
  • Liberty Grill, a Los Angeles eatery valued at $250,000

For the rest of this post, just envision Kanye’s “Gold Digger” playing. Ahem, anyway, she’s supposed to have $30 million in total assets.

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I know big fella, I know. I guess there is a reason to allow a real life sasquatch to bang you out and endure the birth of pound infants for the better part of 7 years (they had a few before they got married). Forget the $30 mil, Shaunie deserves a Purple Heart for letting this dude murk.

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Scary.

Oh but she got hers and that’s before the divorce goes through. Now I read that Shaq had an airtight prenuptial agreement per Eddie Murphy and Kanye West’s advice.

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If that’s so, how in the hell could Shaunie claim that $25 million crib on Star Island as her own? That can’t be right. At best she gets half of that joint, which is still a good pay day for a baby maker who is allegedly getting her body “back in shape” by getting hammered by her Cuban trainer. How many pesos does $30 make? How many times did she use that other Miami condo, the one Shaq reportedly didn’t know about, to get her “Livin La Vida Loca” on with ole Telemundo?

Men, don’t let your women go out to dance that Salsa alone and if you’ve got Shaq stacks, just go ahead and put a private investigator on your wife at all times.

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I would say Shaq is getting screwed, but when you consider how Strahan took it up the arse, got his shit sold out in front of his mansion and then was accused of being gay by his wife, $30 million is getting off easy for the Big Aristotle…

– Lake

Juanita Jordan: I get money, I get money, I get I get I get…

November 13, 2007

Wow. Big bad Juanita Jordan just got that divorce check, a reported $168 Million, from here “husband” of 17 years Mike.

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(By the way, that look on her face aint that “Nilla please,” but it does correspond with my favorite cereal)

Hmm, I wonder why this happy couple had to split?

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And in case you were wondering, no, there was no prenuptial agreement. Damn, I guess sitting back while your husband runs hoes from Tokyo to Tennessee has its advantages after all.

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And of course, this just in, Juanita has herself a 29 year old boyfriend. Of course she does. Taking notes from Shaunie O’Neal I see. I wonder if he was her “personal trainer” too? Lol. Hey, look at it this way Mike… It could have been worse. Juanita could have asked for her loot in Euros, like you used to. Overall, this is just embarrassing and really, hard for me to put into words. I’ve found that when I’ve had a rather large sum of my lootchy taken by a scornful woman, I try to express myself through song. So here it is, my ode to Michael and Juanita (Juanita?) Jordan Mixtape:

Side A – Juanita’s muse

  1. I Get Money, 50 Cent
  2. Wanted: Dead or Alive, Bon Jovi
  3. Money in the Bank, Lil Scrappy
  4. Gimme That, Chris Brown
  5. Must Be The Money, Deion Sanders
  6. How to Rob, 50 Cent
  7. It’s Beginning to Look a lot like Christmas, Perry Como
  8. Love Under New Management, Miki Howard
  9. Bitch Better Have My Money, AMG
  10. Dick in a Box, Justin Timberlake
  11. Hit Em Up, 2Pac
  12. The Takeover, Jay Z

Side B – Michael’s side

  1. Cheaper to Keep Her, Johnnie Taylor
  2. B*tches Aint Shit, Dr. Dre
  3. She’s Out of My Life (Happy Techno Mash up), Michael Jackson
  4. Since You’ve Been Gone, Kelly Clarkson
  5. Don’t Taze Me Bro Interlude, Idiot UF Student
  6. I Feel Like Dying, Lil Wayne
  7. When a Woman’s Fed up, R. Kelly
  8. “Tittay Tittay” Probate Step Out Song, Que Psi Phi Fraternity, Inc.
  9. Gold Digger, Kanye West
  10. Wasn’t Me, Shaggy
  11. Super Ugly, Jay Z
  12. What is Love, Baby Don’t hurt me, Haddaway

I’m not satisfied with my tape, but I’ll be changing it as the tunes come to me. One thing is for sure, Mike will be ok. Can somebody tell me why Mike put Juanita down to begin with? I’ve looked all over the web and this is the best picture of the chick I could find.

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Damn, I know casts used to really did that Appolonia/Sheila E tip, but damn… Seems like ole boy could have done a bit better, no? Damn, what’s going on in the NBA wives club? First Shaunie is living la vida loca, then Jason Kidd’s wife gets him for his loot cakes, now this.. AI, watch your back son, you’re next!

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“Did Tawanna tell you that?”

– Lake