Archive for the ‘MLB’ Category

Who in the hell is Jason Bay?

July 31, 2008

That’s just an open question for any of you sports fans out there.  And yes, this shit is so wild to me that I had to go ahead and post TWICE on it.

And once you answer that question, tell me if you’d rather have him or ME, Lakey the Player, out in left field for the Sawks?  Wait, let me get this straight, the Sox traded arguably the best hitter in the American League for THIS DUDE?

Unless this mufucka can swim with the pigeons or fly with the fishes, I want nothing to do with him.  Seriously, I’m rethinking my affiliation with this team.  Cats win a couple world titles and then start to lose their minds.  Who do they think was swinging that damn bat, THEO?

Somebody get Barry Bonds on the phone.  UNACCEPTABLE!!!!!!

– Pissed

Stupidity Defined: The Boston Red Sox Trade Manny?!?!?!

July 31, 2008

WTF are these assholes in Boston doing?!

How in the hell can you trade the one indispensable piece in the entire organization for (drumroll) JASON BAY?!!!!

Are you fucking kidding me?  Who in the hell is Jason Bay?  I’ll have more on this later, but I do not get this at all.

Theo Epstein aint that smart, but Manny is errr was that good.  Why not go ahead and trade Big Papi, Beckett and Pappelbon for PacMan Jones, a brick of yayo and a bowl of Manhattan Clam Chowder while you’re at it?  I know, why not structure the entire team around “good guys” who give Peter Gammons the most interviews.  Idiots!!!!!

– Lake

Red Sox Need to Wake Up: I’m with Manny…

July 18, 2008

A report came out today that Boston Red Sox owner John Henry was “offended” by Manny Ramirez’s comments about his contract situation for the coming season.

Offended? John Henry should be happy Manny even takes his calls. Manny is the commodity, not John Henry. Let’s see what Manny said:

I want no more [expletive] where they tell you one thing and behind your back they do another thing. I think I’ve earned that respect, for a team to sit down with me and tell me this is what we want, this is what we want to do.

And here is John Henry’s reaction:

I find remarks that we have been anything other than completely straightforward to be personally offensive. Manny has been a crucial part of two world championships. I do not believe we would have won either without him. He has never played a more important role than he has thus far this year.

Yeah, you’re damn right you wouldn’t have won EITHER Championship without Manny.

And don’t you forget it. Hey, Manny may be Manny.

He may be loose and child-like, happy go lucky and easy ed, but don’t get it twisted, YOU OWE MANNY RESPECT, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

Manny is the first round Hall of Famer. Manny is the dude who you can pencil in each year to either lead or be close to the leading theleague in RBIs, homers, runs and points up to Jesus Cristos, ok? If Manny says that he doesn’t know where he stands with the organization, then that means you have failed to provide him, your star player, with the requisite amount of comfort and/or communication to make him comfortable.

Do you job rather than talking about how “offended” you are. Offended? This is a man’s game and a man’s business. Talk to Manny. Make him comfortable and watch the wins pile up. And keep Manny’s name out your mouth there unless you’ve got praise for the man. The mere fact that Manny had to say anything is the front office’s fault to begin with.

You need him more than he needs you. He’s delivered while you sat up in the seats eating $8 hotdogs and performing awkward ass high fives. Meanwhile, Manny is at yet another All-Star game making your look good. Get the deal done. It’s just that simple.

– Lake

Chien “Manye (?)” GONE!!!

June 17, 2008

Hey man. I’ve pretty much left these Yankees alone this year. I mean, I know they’ve righted that ship a little bit. I mean, kinda, right? They are above .500 and while they’re literally 5.5 games out of first as I type, they seemed like they were making a little comeback. Don’t worry that they already have the worst pitching staff in the American League East AND the highest payroll in the history of Baseball. Anyway, I decided to just leave the thing be, at least, until the end of the playoffs. Right. That was until the one bright spot on that shaky pitching staff, Chien-Ming Wang busted up his foot running the bases in an inter league game.

And now they’re saying homey probably won’t be back until September. Ugly. Lucky for ole Hank Steinbrenner there’s no salary cap in Baseball, because this little accident is going to cost the Yanks in the open market. Let’s face it, their pitching already sucked. They’ve already been out classed by the Sawks, Rays (huh?) and the rest of the AL East is breathing down their necks.

These fools best go ahead and give Jason Giambi’s steroids errrr gold thong (incidentally, which would you rather be accused of, ‘Roids or Gold thonging it?) for some good MLB karma.

But no matter what you suckas do, you’ve got absolutely no answer for the Red Sox’s still incomplete pitching staff or my main mang, Manny.

Consider the power shifted my friends. You’ve got no answer for Manny, Papi, Lowell, Pedroia, Youk, Ellsbury, and the fellas, ok? And you definitely don’t want none of Dice K, Becks, Wakefield and wild Papels. Nah. See those names I just listed, they’re stars. Yall just sitting ’round, looking like some biatches.

Now you’re gonna have to learn to deal with it.

– Lake

Boston is the Best Sports Town Part Deux

June 6, 2008

Damn, one night and just so much happened in this Boston sports market that it’s hard to keep up. WEEI is going to be off the chain with phone calls tomorrow, that’s for sure. Let’s start with those C’s, I can’t lie, they started out about as shady as Tyler Perry at the church’s All Men’s Choir practice.  I mean, shit didn’t look or feel right. Then bad went to worse when Pauly P. hit the floor and clutched that knee piece. I was actually ok with that until they started muting out his words (read curses) as he writhed in pain on the floor.

Then they carried the cat away like he was about to make an unexpected stop at the local glue factory or something:

And when they carted him off in that wheelchair like a little bitch, it just took everything in me to NOT send that “game, set, season” text message I had cued up in my phone to the local peoples. Good thing I didn’t, because dude came back down the ramp looking like Willis Reed meets skip to my lou.

And he was all amped up. I mean, high fiving and heart punching… I must say, given his state just 3 minutes prior, it was pretty fucking terrible and I’m rooting for the Celtics. I can only imagine how awful it looked to the C’s haterz out there. How can you go down like someone shot you, start cursing like your career is suddenly over as you grip tight on that knee piece and literally get carted off like a beeyatch, only to come out hopping around like Peter Cotton Tail, with an extra young headband, on Easter Sunday?

Then you check into the game and play magnificently to the soundtrack of Jim Jones “We Fly High (Ballin)” en route to 22 pts and a C’s win?

I mean, what happened to the knee? Why were you laid out on the ground, crying and all? Something seems fishy… Could it all have been for show?

Then on the same night, the Red Sox turn around and make me remember why they’re my favorite team right about now (the Mets are a mess). Coco Crisp (still not sure how I feel about that name) ran into an infielder in retaliation behind a block of the plate yesterday.

Don’t ask me why, the most uninteresting thing about Baseball (and lord knows with Baseball there is plenty of ‘uninterestingness’ if you will) is this so called “unwritten code.” Look, I don’t know why he did it and I don’t care. All I know is that Coco got thrown at by the pitcher and boy, he wasn’t taking that shit lying down!

Seriously, someone cue up that “neva scared” music, because that’s exactly what happened here and I know that pitcher was scared when he swung wildly and got absolutely nothing but cool Boston air. Peep the fight. First the tight angle.

Then the whole thing.

Sheeeeit, Coco looked like he knew how to throw them thangs, too. He side stepped that punch and juuuuuust missed with a nice right hook. Haaa I love it. Coco is a hard mufucka! I mean, the cat can’t go much more than 170 lbs, right? I guess with a name like Coco, you gotta be hard.

Then Manny and Kevin Youkilis got into it, which I’m fine with.

But someone better tell Kevin Youkilis that he’s Kevin Youakilis. I don’t care what Manny said, he’s Manny and you’re not. Don’t fuck with greatness.

Meanwhile, Manny hit yet another home run and the Red Sox cruised to victory and right into 1.5 game first place lead in the AL East. Good to be in Beantown, for now. Out.

– Lake

Boston Sports: Celtics Win, Manny Being Manny….501 Times Over

June 2, 2008

Yo, I’ve been out of pocket over the last couple of days. I know, it’s because I was tending to my ailing Auntie, right? Uhh, nah. The only thing that was being tended to were those plentiful bottles of Grecian Geese I was imbibing by the liter full.

And just so you know, that Grey Goose Gimlet is the perfect weapon for that weekend long bender. Anyway, it’s just a great time to be living in Beantown because this sports culture out here is just fire! Things are happening so fast that I can’t even catch up.

I mean, no sooner than Manny Ramirez jacks out that 500th homer, thereby securing his place in the Baseball Hall of Fame and Red Sox lore forever, he runs off and hits one again. Dude, Manny is a MONSTER at the plate. And while he hasn’t passed my favorite all time baseball player Pedro Martinez yet, homey is truly knocking at that door.

At this point, the only way a cat can keep Manny in the ball park is to go ahead and pitch him a Mariah Carey-Cannon special:

HA! That was terrible. I mean, first off, who does she think she is with that gear? Is this chick a fast ass, facebook happy 17 year old teenie bopper or a 38 year old cougar with a substandard pre nup game? Put some damn clothes on, take them stripper heels off and put some damn umph behind that first pitch. Then again, I guess you’d have a hard time getting that ball all the way over home plate too if your diet consisted of yeyo, Cannon balls and celery sticks. I mean, just imagine how skinny she’d look if she didn’t have 8 pounds of silicone sittin’ on high to fill out that extra medium pink top.

Anyway, moving on.. big up to the Celtics for putting away those Pistons, too!

You gotta be happy for Paul Pierce because that fool has struggled in Boston. Sheeyut, I knew the C’s were gonna win after game 5 when I saw Bill Belicheat sitting in those floor seats with that wild woman.

Lol… Dude, I know some cats are breast man, but Bill is taking the thing a bit too far. So much for the perception that all these guys do is work. Clearly Bill’s been working all right….working them J’s. Damn. You know Belichick had a microphone in the Piston’s locker room, bought off a ref or three and put that stone-faced hoody hex on Chaucey’s ahem groin.

Anyway, though I’m not a fan of all the teams, the Sox, Celts and Patriots do make for year ’round sports bliss in the Bean. Out.

– Lake

Andy Pettitte is a stankin’ cheater

February 21, 2008

Hey, what’s up with these idiots in the NY media acting like Andy Pettitte was courageous for admitting to his HGH use?


First off, in the past he always lied about his illegal HGH use. Then he lied about how many times he used it. The only reason why he copped to what he did was because McNamme fingered him. And how do we know that he didn’t use other drugs? He lied before, why not lie again? Come on.


This idiot Tom Friend buried Barry Bonds, but now he’s saying he doesn’t consider Pettitte a cheater? Oh, I get it.


I can’t tell what’s wilder about this pic, the fact that Mrs. C. HGH’d up and got rock hard or the way she’s griping up on that ‘Roided up dack.  lol.


Now I get how these media types work, if you like the guy and can identify with him, he’s not a cheater, even when he admitted to illegal drug use. If you think the dude isn’t a nice guy and you can’t identify with him, then he’s a liar and a cheater. I love the Sports Media. A bunch of hypocritical hacks who couldn’t make it in the legitimate news biz but now allow their own personal biases and prejudices completely taint all semblance of integrity in their reporting.


I know, I know, you’re paid to have an opinion and just are doing your job. I know. Ridiculous.

– Lake

Mac says Clemens’ wife was on the juice too!

February 11, 2008

Now see, Roger Clemens probably should have slowed his roll when he tricked Brian MacNamee with that tape recording, only to play it at a press conference. You might not want to fuck with a cat like that when he’s got dirt on you AND your wife, Debbie Clemens, who MacNamee claims he shot up in the ass with HGH before this Sports Illustrated photoshoot.


Come on. I mean, is anyone shocked that the Rocket and his wife are both juicers? Hey, at least now we understand what that dropped call was really about.


“Hey honey, pick me up a loaf of Sourdough, some feminine wash and a couple cc’s of Brian’s best HGH, I’ve got a butt naked Sports Illustrated shoot and I must look my best.”


Look, I don’t care what anybody says, a grown ass woman of 42 with 4 monster sons ranging in age from 13 to 20 should not have abs like Chyna from the WWE.


Hell, even Chyna shouldn’t have abs like Chyna. WTF? Does anyone have a doubt that this is all true? It’s not like this guy is telling this stuff to a few or the fellas over some hippie lettuce in a back room, he’s telling this to United State Congressmen!!!!


Hmm, fake hair color, check, fake tan, check, fake boobs, chizzeck, fake ass husband, check, hey, why not just fake it all. FAKE BODY DUE TO MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF ROIDS AND HGH….CHECK! Like Chris Rock said, everything about you is a lie. Hilarious stuff, I can’t wait for Wednesday for that public hearing….talk about Tivo worthy…Jeez.


Damn, now see, this is getting ugly. Forget the gloves coming off, these cats are at each other with knives and we aren’t even close to a conclusion. What more could go wrong for ole Rocket? Nobody believes him as is.. I mean, what’s next? Is Andy Pettitte going to produce that Rocket and Debbie Clemens sex tape with Mariano Rivera ahem, coming in for relief? Argh.. sordid man. I feel dirty.

Go Sox

– Lake

More smoke and mirrors from Roger Clemens

January 29, 2008

You have to hand it to ole Rog. He has learned from the Bonds and McGwire criticisms that they didn’t confront their accusers on these steroids allegations.


The gotcha, gotcha though is that people still don’t believe Roger so it really doesn’t matter. See, that’s something that Bonds knew from jump. Why try to convince people of something they already have made up in their own minds. It’s not going to stop the papers from printing it and it keeps the story alive.


Rog, I appreciate your efforts to cloud the issue, but you’re not W Bush tricking these simpletons to vote against their own interests. You’re a cat who we always knew cheated who just got rated by your own boy. Own it homey, because no matter what you do or say, we don’t believe you anyway. All the rest of this charade is only good for shits and giggles.


You aren’t proving anything and believe me, you aren’t changing any minds.

– Lake

The Rocket Man goes on 60 Minutes

January 6, 2008

After I watched Vince and the boys go out the back door against the Chargers the Lady and I took in Roger “Rocket Man” Clemens’ act on 60 Minutes with Mike Wallace.


Is it just me or does Roger look like he’s about to rip his own face off and go V, the finally reckoning in this picture. I mean, look at dude’s left eye piece….HGH is a hell of a drug.

At any rate, Rog came out and hit us with the righteous indignation, but I wasn’t feeling it. In fact, I thought it was a put on. It kind of reminded me of that fake thug explosion we got from Kellen Winslow, Jr. back in the day about “this U”.

Boy, that joint will never grow old. So as we were watching ole Rocket get all pissed off talking about how he gets no benefit of the doubt, my lady asked me an interesting question, “what if he actually is telling the truth, could you imagine?” I gotta say, I thought about that possibility myself, but it’s just like I told her in my response that only took .5 seconds to get out, “But he IS lying, though.”


Oh well. Bottom line is that the plot has now thickened in this piece.


Congress is getting ready to put Roger under a microscope which will inevitably bring about that hot 5th Amendment maneuver or some sort of silly Mark McGwire “I’m not here to talk about the past” trick.


And all just because a few assholes didn’t like Barry Bonds and that alleged barcalounger he had in front of his locker.

– Lake