Posts Tagged ‘plastic surgery’

J Game Done Changed: Fake or Real?

September 15, 2008

It’s the classic Us vs. Them topic.  The breast, that wonderful gift from the lawd that can provide joy, amusement or even a nutritious snack, depending on your point of view.  Anyway, we’ve officially come out against Fake Js many times.  Of course, like Sarah Palin’s bridge, we were for them before we were against them.

They’re bad for women because they’re unsafe.  They’re bad for dudes because they feel like shit, are often more nasty than sexy and somehow, even the hype ones, cheapen the chick

…and we can’t have that.  So we here at UvT headquarters want to separate the real from the fake, the high from the lo.

So we ask you.  Is she dead nice or fuckin with knifes?  Are they bad ass tits or better meant for the skrip? Did she get it from her mama or should we treat them like Osama?  You decide America (incidentally, aren’t you sick of people on those bullshit reality tv shows addressing “America” when it’s time for a vote?  Hey half talents, “America” can’t be addressed.  America isn’t a person, it’s a place.  Stop appealing to “America” with your bullshit, thx).  Yall let me know, were they made for Lake or stuck on with puddy and tape?

Our first contestant is Tanned up Fake JLo aka Dania Ramirez from Heroes.

Damn.  I’ll tell you this.  While it may be her natural skin color, I do believe this chick has the best tan I’ve ever seen in my entire life.  I mean, she’s just sun kissed and so are those tittay!  What say you?  Real Deal Holyfield or Fake for the Cake, burn them at the stake?  I know, I know, you need angle 2, don’t we all?

Whoooo wee.  That aerial view is a beast.  Let me tell you.  They may very well be fake, but this chick has MASTERED the art of accentuating the angle.  I mean, her internal side boob game was TIGHT on picture one.  Then she showed versatility when she put them J’s on dubbs!  I guess stuntin really is a habit.  I mean, them bamas are sittin on HIGH, waiting to be seen.  And I gotta say, from the neck to the collar bone, down to the heat, I’m a believer.  She’s really showing me something, fake titities or not!  Wide angle please.

Now, uhhhh, that’s an interesting outfit.  Hmmm, honey touched skin, office pants, red cummerbund strapped up with the full on J’s out.  I mean, really mixing that working woman with that working woman!!!! If you know what I mean. Anyway, it’s a close call.  At least for me.  I try not to think about it too much when we’re under triple D’s.  So we gotta put it to the people.  Fake or Real?

– Lake

==============Update==============

I went on a hunt to see if Dania Ramirez reached that fineness quoitent that apparently requires thickness for membership.  And quite frankly, it was hard.  I mean, it’s a chicken or egg situation.  Is it her gear that prevents thickness explooration or are those garments basically the proverbial haystack for that neddle that really just aint there.  Who knows, all I know is that I went with the “Lil Jon” approach to reporting and this is what I got.

“Bend ova to the flo’ touch your toes”

“garble-garble, garble garble, it’s low”

“Awwww, somethin, somethin, somethin, you scared, you scared”

“Now, back back back it up, YEAH, back back back it up”

“now stop, OH, and wiggie with it, AHNT, stop OH and wiggie wit it”

Now see, that’s some bullshit.  But that’s all you really get with this chick.  Let me just show everybody what we should be looking at to keep everything clean and above board.

Dammit, was I the only one who heard “BIA BIAAAAAAAA, why you actin’ like a, like a” when you saw that?  No?  Aww, F yall.  You best come on in and get with these here musical analogies.  Anyway, this is all she’s offering.

Only song I can think of is, what, the Sounds of Silence – Simon and Garfunkel, don’t hate.

Anyway, the Verdict Is In.

Resoundingly FAKE.

Very fake.  Thanks for playing, though.

We need a congressional hearing on butt implants

January 28, 2008

Forget steroids, what we really need to find out is are these asses really what they proclaim to be. Like many of us, I’ve heard the stories about the butt pads the haters say Kim K rocks. But now this controversy is really heating up. I can’t lie, you really have to wonder how asses are getting so fat while stomachs and getting smoother and smoother. On the real, if it looks too good to be real, it probably isn’t real and now cats are actually coming for these video chick’s asses, literally. Peep Angel Lola Luv’s posterior game…

8.png

Unbelievable right? Yeah, but is it really unbelievable? Airbrush aside, you don’t go from Weaver’s chicken strip thighs, to an abrupt bowling ball tail like that. I mean, seriously, have you ever seen ANYTHING like that in nature? Me neither. And maybe here’s why:

angellolaluv51.jpg

I can’t lie, something really doesn’t look right. That little under ripple looks more like the ends of my air mattress than something the good lawd brought to us. Who knows, maybe the enhanced tail piece will be as common and accepted as the enhanced J. I mean, I just assume Lola’s breasts are fake, but I really don’t care. Don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely not a fan of the fake J for personal use, but what do I care if it’s in a picture?

13.png

I don’t. Anyway, we’ve officially put Lola and Coco on fake ass watch. With Coco the evidence seems pretty strong, though you can never really know in the photoshop era. Still here’s the before:

coco-before-ass.jpg

Let’s get another angle.

coco-pre-ass-pics.jpg

And clearly here’s the after:

coco_nicoleaustin_icet2.jpg

Here transformation makes Barry Bonds’ look like a junior high growth spurt. I just want these chicks to show up to congress, pull a Raffy Palmeiro and say:

“I have never, pulled back the skin on my ass and laid another coat of thickness down over top my tail feather. I don’t know how to say it more plainly than that. Never. The reference to my enhanced back on Mr. Arlington’s blog is completely false. ”

Uh huh.. To be continued….

– Lake