Top Ten Hollywood Breasts List…YES!

Hey, I didn’t come up with this list but I’m happy to discuss it. You know, as I look down at this InTouch Weekly “Best Hollywood Tits” list, I’m actually kind of embarrassed that I know all these broads. Ahh, who am I kidding, let’s get going on this here list. Now remember, this is the list according to InTouch Weekly.. Not us. But we have plenty to say.

1. Jessica Simpson

Yep, the top titty goes to Jessica Simpson. Wouldn’t have been my choice, but I can live with it.

After all, even her pops said that her ridiculous J’s were top notch.

Now you know you’ve got some serious tittay when pops is peeping them on the slide.

2. Tyra Banks

Say what? Now I know Tyra’s got giant J’s, but does she really belong inside the top three of ALL the breast tah sis in Hollywood?

Sure, her fundamentals are sound and she used to have the rest of the body to go with it. But this is a current J list, not a historical retrospective. The classic Janet song “What Have You Done For Me Lately” seems to come to mind. Answer?

Not enough. Not even close.

3. Scarlett Johansson

Ummmm, HELL YES!!! I’m not sure how it’s possible, but I think this chick is underrated across the board. Maybe it’s the lack of a nude photo shoot and sex tape. Hopefully someone can remedy that. But on the boobs front, she’s LOVELY.

Gotta run that one more gin.

4. Carmen Electra

Huh? Is she even in show business anymore? Why not Pamela Anderson? Hell, Loni Anderson.

And maybe it’s just me, but shouldn’t there be a reasonable expectation that the boobs are actually real if you’re going to call them the 4th best set in all of Hollywood? At least pic a chick with a debate, like Kimmy K…. With Carmen, she’ll tell you her joints are fake. Nah, I can’t support that.

5. Lindsay Lohan

Again, anyone who knows this blog understands my affection for Lindsay Lohan.

She’s one of my favorite celebs and yes, those ridiculous J’s have something to do with it.

On the J front, Lindsay has it all and we’ve seen it all.

You can’t hate, not on this discussion. Definitely underrated and waaaaay under appreciated. Her breasts I mean…lol.

6. Katherine Heigl

I recognize that this near no talent chick would be nothing without the superior boobs, but I just don’t like this broad.

That’s right, I don’t like her, can’t stand that character “Izzy” or whatever it is on Grey’s Anatomy and just can’t get past all the bullshit, yes, even for a pair of advanced J’s like those.

She doesn’t even make my list. Terrible. Though she does look reaaaaaally good in this next pic.

Mercy!

7. Audrina Patridge

Whaaat? You don’t mean to tell me we all feel for that completely transparent “I did some nudes back in the day and now they will be released the day before my show so please make me a star” treatment?

You bet we did. And please note how much she has truly stepped up that belly game. Wow. This babe is everywhere right now. If she had a shred of talent she’d really have something too. Though, I must say, having the nude pictures of her to refer back to whenever I see her looking right in a magazine or online is a nice luxury.

8. Jennifer Aniston

Come on now. Jennifer aint been hot since Ross was hittin’. Again, just too old, too romantic comedy. It’s just not right. Sure she’s got some J’s (NSFW), she wouldn’t be in the business if she didn’t.

But come on. She does not have some of the best tits in all of Hollywood. But these NSFW of Aniston are worth a peep. Half the time she doesn’t even have the best tits in her own relationship. She’s literally not in the same conversation with these other babes. Horrible.

9. Megan Fox

Ah, I don’t buy it. This seems very political. I do like that she stands for the fact that a chick doesn’t have to have monster boobs for them to be sexy, but this chick is not a top flight titty talent.

I mean, come on. She doesn’t have the chops and never will until she orders that full upgrade. Right? She’s got average J’s just for a regular girl, but in Hollywood, she’s squarely below average. Hell, most of the regular women walk around with better ones than that. Not even close.

10. Beyonce

Huh? Did I miss something? I don’t know, maybe B’s tittays wrote the lyrics to “Upgrade”…wait no, that was Jay Z. Curses. I hate to do this because I like Beyonce a lot. But she has no damn business on this list.

I think she’s beautiful, but if you forced me to diss her, right after I spoke on that assortment of unacceptable weaves, I’d go right to the breasts. I mean, she’s keeping it real and natural as she should and she looks damn good chest and all.

So there you have it. Are you satisfied? I’m not. I mean, where was Kim Kardashian, Halle Berry, JESSICA BIEL, hell, Mel B., Gisele….I mean, the list goes on and on. Sorry, I can’t endorse this list period. Let me give you my list.

1. Lindsay Lohan

2. Scarlett Johansson

3. Jessica Simpson

4. Kim Kardashian

5. Salma Hayek

6. Jessica Biel

7. Katherine Heigl (what can I say, that pic is still in my head)

8. Halle Berry

9. Mel B.

10. Audrina Patridge (hey, she’s already been mentioned, what could I do?)

Honorable mention: Serena Williams (don’t sleep)

Then I have to add a section for best fake boobs in the business. Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears, Tila Tequila, Pam Anderson and Heidi Montage.

Damn, after all that, even I’ve grown tired of tittays. I must be getting really old.

– Lake

Quick Rewind: Beautiful Liar

I had to come up with a new title.  This isn’t old enough to be “Classic Material”, but it isn’t new either.  I know, I know, on 106 and Park when they are about to hit you with that “old school joint” they hit you with that “Disco Inferno” off of 50 Cent’s second album.  2005 ain’t classic…assholes.  Anyway, I know why this didn’t get more run when it first came out.  Let’s peep this “Beautiful Liar” by Beyonce and Shakira.

The song is actually decent, but let’s go straight to the visuals on this one.  Can we talk about the hip roll and shake at 2:45.  Can we address the grinding buck up against the wall at 3:08…then they have the nerve to reverse it at 3:14?  Seriously?  I haven’t seen grinding like that since the “slow down last song” in high school when Brock would be giving it to the ladies.  I did my best work to “Freak Me” by Silk.  In fact, I’m going to reset that joint as Classic material.  I mean I put in work to that joint.  The break down at the end?  Sheeeeeeiiiiit.

I digress.

Look, when you mix this:

With This:

How can you go wrong?  That’s a whole lotta sexy.

Whole lotta ass too.

-Brock

You ready B?

I’m not much of a crotch shot guy. You won’t see the south of Paris or Britney’s open-faced roast beef sandwhich or even Lindsay’s fire starter on this blog. It’s just not where it’s at. It’s not who we are. With that said, if she wants to keep her naked ass off this blog, Beyonce is going to have to learn to keep her damn clothes on (not that I’m complaining).

Big girls gone good. This is an aside, but we all know that big chick with the cute face and the solid core body frame that just needs to lose a clean 25-38 pounds to live gloriously. Well, B is that chick. She’s done it. Look at that perfect melding of the strong, fit core with the thick laid over the top perfectly. Pretty impressive. Back to what I was saying, young B has had a rash of illicit body part sightings. First it was the NSFW, ‘ready when you are B’, dip it low, pick it up slow, baby maker faux pas. Now this:

My bad, I meant, this:

Hey, you gotta respect the au natural J game, but why can’t we apply those same principles to that wig piece? She’s gotta have enough under there to just kick it on vacay, no? What about this joint?

I own, know, whoever that little rug rat is Jay seems to be enjoying his company thoroughly (more even than the company of that exposed nipple-breast combo he’s got to his immediate right), but B doesn’t seem to share his enthusiasm. If I had to put my money down, I’d say we’re looking at the back of Joseph Camel Jr. Jr.?

Probably. Much respect to the first family of hip hop though. Now hurry up and get that marriage done so my man Brock can run the over-under numbers on the divorce date.

– Hatin’ Lake (why must I hate on these two?)

Jay Z is trying a little too hard

Ok, I get it, so you’re a fashion icon.

But can’t just just roll out the hotel in some regular gear? Do you have to pair the sagging slacks, zipper up, and sport coat with that extra long and wide scarf? Somebody get this cat something new to rap about. I mean, what’s he got on his person in this picture of him in Paris, 5 bars?

This cat looks like Jeevs on his off day, yes I’m hatin, but why rock this get up? Paparazzi searching?

I rather enjoy when Jay rhymes about his new gear, expensive liquor and late model cars. I’m with it. I just can’t figure out why this dude who is 38 years old and a multimillionaire, alleged fashion icon, minority owner in a franchise, restaurateurs, and overall media mogul is still rapping about the drugs his boys will tell you he scarcely sold.

I guess dude is right, he really is more Frank Lucas than Ludacris. Meaning an old, self-centered, one dimensional cat who would rather to continue to lay the ball up with his right hand (rap about bullshit) than learn to lay it up with his left (evolve and actually do some good with his messages). I’m not impressed. Love the music, but I’m not impressed with the content. I must say though, Beyonce’ is just an upper level chick at this point.

She may be Houston basic, but she just gives you everything you want and somehow cleans up very nicely too. She’s damn near flawless above. Gotta love it.

– Lake

Is Beyonce Knowles UvT Quality?

Lake ran down a list of bad chicks last week and Beyonce caused a little controversy. Is she tight all the time? Is she one Popeye’s two piece away? We’ve seen her momma, so we know what the future holds as soon as Beyonce stops dancing all the time. She clearly knows what gear works for her and knows her best angles, so you can’t hate on the girl too much. You gotta work what you’ve got. Let’s take a look.

Let’s start with old school, young Beyonce.

This is the slimmed out version, before she was really rocking those thighs. Man this was back when I didn’t even know if Beyonce was the baddest chick in the group. I didn’t want to give her too much credit for being the light skinned chick. I was a Latoya Luckett man myself.

Beyonce must have known something was up too, because she kicked those chicks up out the group and replaced her with Michelle, who looks like someone’s moms if you catch her at the wrong angle. She kicked Farrah out after just a few weeks too. She must have seen thiscoming. Beyonce cemented her status as the “cute one” with that move.

She then went solo and started hitting cats with this:

She knows shes got the thickness covered, and rocking the semi-see through top really killed it. The back arch always adds a few points too.

She even figured out a way to keep it tight from the front. I know the stomach isn’t that tight, but she greased it down and propped up the j’s. Her thighs are always killer so they are a given.

Once she went solo, she really started killing em. Beyonce figured out that she needed to go Tina Turner on em. Here is the money shot.

Man, when you can see the tail piece from the front, you really know you are working with something. Kelly Rowland can pop it from any angle she wants and never achieve these results. She is really giving it you cats with her eyes too. Jay-Z knows what he’s doing. From classy to nasty, I think Beyonce has it down. I just feel bad for her little sister.

It’s gotta suck always being the Ron Harper to Beyonce’s Michael Jordan.

-Brock

=============================

Yung Brock, great blog entry. To me, this kind of hard-hitting reporting is exactly why I got into this business. Yo, I’ve pondered this question many times myself. Not so much in the form of “Is Beyonce’ UvT quality?” (she is), but more like “Is she really thick?” or a just a slimmed down big girl with a dietitian, chef, personal Billy Blanks and Balco (or it’s equivalent) frequent shopper card in her pocket. I’m still not totally sure. It all started with that “Crazy in Love” video with the “ut oh, ut oh, ut oh” rump shaker dance she rocked and the outfit she had with it. In fact, let’s go ahead and rock that now.

(Is it me or are youtube videos getting worse and worse on quality?)

You can see the bend in the back, but then it doesn’t necessarily continue to explode through the tailpiece like you want it to. Make no mistake, a killer body will do both (see Melyssa Ford who has the back hook and the crazy arse). At any rate, I pretty much came to the conclusion that “B” was essentially that hard body chick with the extra layer of thick laid up on top given that she’s a natural big girl who really should, no check that WOULD, be carrying another 35 pounds if she wasn’t in entertainment. That was until I saw that “ass so fat you can see it from the front” (this is probably the ONLY time you’ll ever see my quote Mos Def) picture Brock just posted. To me, that’s irrefutable evidence that there is gold in them hills. I can’t lie. “B” is a dope chick and yes, Solonge is the Roger Clinton to her Bill. It’s bizzaro Kanye cuz they made that girl “Softer, lower, slower, weakeeeeer”. Is it me or does that chick have permanent braces in her grille piece? I don’t know, it’s just the way those lips lay. It aint right.

– Lake

The Ladies: Since we’ve been gone

Look, Lake the Don has been busy handling a lil bitniz, but I figured I’d let yall understand a few things about the world we live in because the more things change, the more they stay the same. First off, Kim Kardashian is still smoking hot and she still has plenty of ass for the rest of black Hollywood and NYC to get at.

Enjoy fellas . Beyonce continues to impress.

“Damn, rest in peace Apollo Creed, she’s a monster, everyday is Halloween.”

Wow, if she could just get a believable and consistent wig game, I’d be really ready to certify her as a UvT level babe. I mean, I know most of the star’s hair is fake, but B just takes it all to a whole different level. Speaking of different level, I just never get tired of posting up these Jessica Biel pictures.

(does it get any better?)

Nice. Oh and we found out Britney was f*cking when she was 14… I know ones of people are shocked at that. Come on now, she was cutting in the trailer of her first video shoot. She’s a freak and though yall may not like to admit it, freak doesn’t know any age.. Come on, the first single was called “Hit me baby one more time.” That was no accident. Hell, even her promotional “innocent” shots were freakum joints.

Clearly Brit was ahem “all in” during this era. What are you going to tell me next, that she got breast implants?

Remember that first video, she just came in kicking and wilin out in that little school girl outfit?

I know, I know, she was empowering young women. It was just an extension of girl power… It was a statement. Right. Well, yall are kinda right, she was powerful.

Finally, I’ll post this up because I know plenty of you degenerates out there don’t care if a babe is virtual or in you warm embrace. Lake, he likes the real thing. That’s why I don’t get with these digitized hotties, but I know plenty of you have a jones for this Naked E-Angelina Jolie, so here you go.

I hope you enjoy. That aint here though. Uncensored joints which I can’t really say are NSFW are HERE.

– Lake

The fall of Beyoncé

You know I hated adding that BS accent on at the end of her name right?  Your name is not Michellé

(allegedly pronounced Michelle-lay) it is Michelle.  But whatever, that is not what I’m here for.  I’m here for this:

Beyonce’ takes a header don’t a flight of stairs in Orlando and keeps it rolling.  The man took down the Kelly Rowland link within hours, and I expect them to do the same here.  So enjoy it while it lasts.

 You know what is messed up though?  This clip of Michelle taking a dive has been up on the net for years.  Who is protecting her.  The way Beyonce’ looks at her and keeps it moving is priceless:

-Brock

Message to Jay-Z, retire…again, please!

Sorry homey, there is no question that you are one of the best rappers of all times. No lie, we have rocked to your shit now for a clean 10 years and I appreciate it. But all these pictures of you on foreign sands playing the role of a slow old man with a young thang, it’s just too much to bear.

(can I get a hell yes for this angle and facial expression yung B is giving us right now?)

It’s crazy, because you rapped about on Encore you came back wearing that No. 45 like Jordan. Indeed, you are rocking that four-five throwback right now homey and it aint pretty. You are truly beginning to look your age. I mean, first we have these shirtless, bare breasted joints.

Awwww, I can’t take it.

Then we go with Jigga man does the waltz…

AHNT!!!!! Sorry dawg, cornball just doesn’t look good on you. Either thug it back out or stop rapping, but you can’t do all this sh*t and keep any shape or form of street credibility and I’m not even a street cred cat, but this shit is absurd. Just stop.