Archive for the ‘Cockfighting’ Category

Brokeback star Heath Ledger is dead at 28

January 22, 2008

Damn, though I’ll still never forgive him for that infamous line from Brokeback Mountain, “I wish I knew how to quit you,” I’m still sad for the family of actor Heath Ledger.

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It’s tough, but it looks like another young and talented man fell pray to either the Coca or H. Or maybe he took the matter into his own hands and made good on a Owen Wilson like death wish. Who know. It’s all no good though…hmm, I wonder if he ever finished up Batman?

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That Joker character he pulled together looked pretty damn crazy.

– Lake

——————UPDATE————————
So far it looks like Heath was clean. He may have taken a deadly mix of prescription drugs but fortunately no illegal drugs were found. It is going to be crazy watching him as the Joker now though.
-Brock

It’s official: Lindsay Lohan loves sex

January 2, 2008

UPDATE:  Check out the Nude shot of Lindsay right HERE!!! 

And sex loves her…

Like an ungrateful boyfriend who doesn’t tell his lady how much he cares for her, doesn’t open the door or even comment on how good that Christmas goose tasted, I must apologize to a lady that means a lot to me….Lindsay Lohan. I freaking love this chick! End of the day, she’s just a hype babe visually.

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Yeah, I know, she’s not that hot, right? Think again. You need only look at Lindsay next to a regular chick, like say, Rumer Willis below and then you see that she’s got special talent in the looks area.

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Then you just gotta ask yourself, who did more for Cocaine in 2007 than Linds?

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I mean babe checked into rehab about four times, she had that hot mug shot where she’s clearly blasted out of her fucking mind, and she’s even got those bathroom pics where she’s tooting the Bolivian Marching Powder with a fellow space cadet.

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Hey, anyone who has spent as much time in nightclubs as I have understands the integral place scandalous hoes like Lindsay play in that scene. I think we should salute her and the White Horse all together for their many contributions to the party scene both personally and with the example they set for our young, supple over 21 years of age youth about America at large.

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Anyway, now comes word that Lindsay not only looks the part, oh and thank you for the nipple slips (NSFW) and baby maker (NSFW) exposure, but she’s the real article. Indeed, when she’s not nipple slipping HERE or word is out that Linds is a certified FREAK!!! I guess she had some 2 week long “boyfriend” in rehab named Riley Giles and homey gave the goods on Lin-Lo:

Lindsay’s definitely a nymphomaniac. She’s wild in bed. We’d have sex a couple of times in the day and then go to it through the night. We once did it four times in a row straight. That was crazy. Lindsay was insatiable. She’d demand sex again and again. We’d go at it for hours. She’d have worn out most guys.

The first time we had sex I couldn’t believe I was looking down at Lindsay Lohan naked. We’d barely gotten through the door when we just ripped each other’s clothes off. Lindsay is so hot. She has a great body. Her backside is fantastic, perfect, all plump and round. She has great curves but her belly is nice and flat and toned.

When you orgasm, your endorphins shoot up and it becomes a massive natural high. If you have an addictive personality like Lindsay you need that to replace the highs you got from taking drugs all the time. Sex became a key part of her recovery.”

What a great read. I could have done without that absurd, fanciful and shameless personal “dack” riding he tried to pull off with that “any other man couldn’t have satisfied”—-AHHHHNT, Nilla Pleez. You aren’t hype. If you were, you wouldn’t be giving the goods on ole girl right before you slithered your punk ass back into whatever sewer you came out of. Oh and nice mug shot.

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And in case you didn’t take that story as true or if you didn’t necessarily believe that story constituted certified Noelia “that’s the way I like it” status, then peep this new report that Linds banged out 3 Italian dudes in under 24 hours. Haa haaa, reminds me of a female version of Lake from back in my younger years… Only, look at the mugs on the slugs she allegedly got cut up by, slump busting Linds?

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Yeah meng, I own know about Lindsay’s choice in dudes. Then again, that’s even better for the rest of the men out there who haven’t hit Lindsay off yet. Now basically any cat who isn’t terrible has a chance to meet this chick in Vegas one weekend, hook up the booger sugar and then rock out with his cock out in the hotel suite with a certified B-Lister. Hmmmm JFK to Vegas for this weekend on JetBlue is a clean $438. I could do it.

– Lake

Britney Jr. is Preggers, of course she is!!!

December 19, 2007

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The blogs are blowing up about Jaime Lynn Spears being pregnant. Well, of course she’s pregnant, she’s Jaime Lynn Spears aka Britney Jr. Jr. which means two things, 1. She’s f*cking all the time and 2. She’s country stupid. Remember this?

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Brit was showing her the ropes back then and from the look of the expression on that face, she already had some ahem field study underway. Jaime Lynn is now the same age Britney was when she unleashed the freak back in her first recording days. It’s only natural that a 16 year old Jaime will endeavor to cut raw dog and get knocked up just like her sister did back then.

The questions is not “Is she Pregnant?”, if you’re a Spears girl and above the age of 15, you’re either preggers or fixin to be, the issue is whether she’ll be preggers for long! My guess is no.

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Come on now, yall know Brit was 5 months away from either “gonna be pregnant” or “used to be pregnant” in that shot. It’s just the way of the young and stupid freak.

Damn, I’m always surprised at how tight Britney used to look. Intern, run another Brit pic at me for old times sake.

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Oh yes, I remember it well. My goodness, it’s pretty crazy when you consider how far she’s fallen off.

– Lake

——–UPDATE———

Damn.  That is messed up. I was going to put ol’ Jamie-Lynn on the watch list for the second coming of Britney.  She had a shot once she filled out and got the Spears family boob job.  At least Britney got a few glory years in.  Now Brit Jr. is going to go straight from this:

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To this:

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By the way, the interns found this pic I had never seen before.

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She just propped right up in those boots, huh?  Damn…the thrill is gone.  The best part of the internet may just be the instantly accessible preservation of these memories.

-Brock

Homo Erect-us Part 2

December 12, 2007

Look, I hate to keep harping on this, but I only have one question for you R&B fans, which one is the man in this relationship.

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Kind of hard to figure out, right? Do you go with the smooth and confident cat on the left who in the absence of this clown to his right could actually be taken seriously in a civilized society or do you go with the “I likes it smooth, then rough” clown on the right who has that eerie hard/soft, “I hit the weights and the salon erryday,” too tight shirt that reveals the extra tight tricep cat? Tough decision right? Look, both of you cats look gay, but maybe that’s just me. Why not just go with the early 90’s matching sweater vests ala Boyz II Men.

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These cats definitely need a spoon full of my favorite nutritious breakfast treat.

Hey Omarion, You’ve got my mom’s scarf where your heart used to be and I don’t like it. Not one bit. It’s times like these that I actually appreciate 50 Cent. Lie to me. Act hard, something, anything to avoid this type of shit.

-Lake

Don’t tase me bro!!! LOL

September 19, 2007

Look, this is just hilarious. I know it’s all over the internet, but I enjoyed every minute, every camera angle (there are multiple videos of this). This fool at the University of Florida learned first hand about the cost of our freedom and the cost of his civil disobedience.

This dude has all the hot lines. “What are you doing man.. whoa whoa whoa, is anybody watching this? (uh, yes and it’s fucking hilarious) Ahhhh, Ahhhhh, they’re arresting meeeee! Get away from me!! Get away from me maaan… What did I dooo?” Then the campus cops are basically telling this cat to chill the fuck out, stop resisting arrest, which he doesn’t comply with… and then that money shot. “Don’t TASE ME BRO!” Which might as well have been, “Tase me Bro, fucking Tase me maaaan”… LOL

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I love my nillas. I guess he was heckling John Kerry and had to pay the price. I mean, the best part is the pitch in this cat’s voice, straight Spicoli from Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Great. We need more of this kind of entertainment and yes, videos of cats getting tased are officially on the list of things that will always be welcome at UvT.

– Lake

=================UPDATE===============

Yo, this is the extended, reverse wu tang angle, “taser only” version of this incident, replete with the ouuch ouuuch, police brutality… whad did I doooo?” HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Well, for starters, you had that book in your hand lookin like a demon deacon/sinister minister only in a bullshit Old Navy get up, then, you resisted arrest. It’s quite simple. That’s what you did. You were too stupid to know that once the Po Po’s put their hands on you, you chill the fuck out or feel the wrath of the taser… Let me tell you, if there was a “Go ahead and Tase me Bro” pay-per-view starring this cat, I’d be all over it. There’s nothing I’d like more than to see him catch yet another taser about his chest, breast and arse section of his body ..haaaa

“Help. aaaaaaaaaawwww-uch…aaaaaaah, what did I doo?” haaaa

Is there any question that the lawsuit will soon follow? Great. Oh and here’s the “Don’t Taze Me Remix”.

Yo, seriously, is there anything better, other than the classic “dont taze me bro”, than this cat actually calling out for “help”? Dude, THE COPS ARE FUCKING YOU UP and you’re FIGHTING THEM. They are the help. HAAAAA Classic.

====================UPDATE============================

The aftermath of this whole thing is hilarious.  After being tased, this cat still was talking hella shit.

Listen to this cat’s rhetoric.  “They are going to try to kill me, I’m not going to go anywhere.  Can you take these handcuffs off me, can I sit?’  Hilarious.

UvT Sports: The Cocks Can’t Be Beat

September 19, 2007

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The Ol’ Ball Coach has his South Carolina Gamecocks at 3-0 right now and ranked #12.  He has stated that he is trying to win the SEC this year so that he can build a new stadium in wherever the hell the South Carolina Gamecocks play, out by the crick, in front of the ole Molasses factory, up in the cotton field, wherever.  Here’s the great part.  Spurrier is calling out Lee Corso to make it happen.  Watch him lay Corso out on Gameday:

Corso called him out, and Spurrier is fighting back.  Here’s my thing, Corso had to know that was coming?  He had no response?  He didn’t have a stupid hat to put on?  He makes himself look like an idiot.  Especially since South Carolina won that game too.

Steve Spurrier likes to put teams on notice that he will come and beat you no matter who you are or where you play.  He’s already taken out the Georgia Bulldogs, but let’s see what happens when he rolls all that Shat talkin’ into Baton Rouge against LSU on Saturday.

By the way, Saban is 3-0 in Bama too.  We’ll see when the conference schedules start…

-Brock

I Hate T-Pain

September 13, 2007

But I can’t stop listening to his music.

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It all started with that damn “I’m in love with a stripper”. Is there a b#tchier title than that? You can’t fall in love with a stripper! I mean your player card will get taken immediately upon a violation of that magnitude. I’d turn the radio station every damn time it came on. Then they got me when they put Twista and aRa Kelly on the remix and I couldn’t resist. “Plus we got a lot in common, she’s a stripper, I’m a freak” might be R. Kelly’s best line of the last four or five years…right behind “I order one bottle, then I F*ck with one model, then I order more bottles, now I got more models“. But I digress. Then there was that damn “I’m Sprung”, same damn thing. There is just something terrible about that cat’s perspective on life. I think it starts with that cat-azz look in dude’s eyes.

His album is called Rappa Ternt Sanga…for real. Spelled just like that.  I’m not making that up.

But now the guy is back and every damn where. “I’m a Flirt”, The “Same Girl” Remix, “Outta My System”, “Know What I’m Doing”, and “Buy You a Drank”. Then there is Bartender. I can’t stop listening to this damn song.

“She made us drinks, to drink…we drunk em, got drunk. And now I know she thinks I’m cooooooool”. Well damn that makes sense.

OK, here’s my problem. Has anyone ever heard this dude’s real speaking voice? Does he always sound like he is hooked up to the plastic tube of a synth machine like a low budget Roger and Zapp? What the hell does he do in concert?

Fine, I’ve got two problems. It goes back to that “ain’t right” look in his eyes. How do I put this? OK, if there was a song that didn’t need any more people invited to the swordfight, it was “Same Girl” with R. Kelly and Usher. The song is about two dudes messing with the same chick, did T-Pain really think it was a good idea to jump into that bedroom? Even worse, when the Ray-J and Kim Kardashian Sex Tape dropped, T-Pain comes out with a quote about it. Is it about how Kimmy K’s booty cheek tucks on the top as well as the bottom?

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Noooooo. T-Pain is talking about how Ray-J must really be “swangin”. And I quote:

“Not too many guys can go after Ray J. The man got a huge meat, ok. He’s short, the man is packing. He’s got length on him. I got the width. Shit is wide. He got a foot on him. Man have a foot on him. Much respect to Ray. Man to man. No homo. Ya’ll seen that shit. Ya’ll know the man’s swanging.”

WTF is that?

I can’t take it. Oh and by the way, you can’t say “no homo” when you say something blantantly gay. It is properly used when you merely say something slightly ironically gay, like “Let me get a Big Mac. No homo”. Not “the man got huge meat”, it just doesn’t work.

Mike Hart, what do you think about that?

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I really can’t take it.

-Brock

Disgraced toe tapping Senator decides to retir—STOP, IT’S THE MUTHAF#CKIN REMIX!!!!

September 6, 2007

“uhhhhhh!!!!!! Yeah, Craig is back, who in the world got a problem with that?!?!?!”

(All these so called “values Republicans”, that’s who!)

Wow, excuse the irony of my statement but can you all believe the BALLS on this f#ckin guy (Brooklyn accent)?

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(Dog, watch out now, we don’t know what this dude is capable of)

Embattled gay Republican Senator Larry Craig of Idaho is now talking about NOT retiring from the United States Senate on a random ass technicality. This cat is a piece of work man.

He left that wild voice message on the machine of a cat he erroneously thought was his lawyer (umm, how does a guy who has made it to THIS level make that kind of mistake at this juncture?) saying that he was going to say “it was his intent to resign on September 30th”, ostensibly leaving the door open with some possible lawyering of the word “intent” and then turn around and refuse to resign once he’s cleared of those lesser charges he already plead guilty to.

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(Evil genius or just evil?)

Wow. I guess this cat is digging in those toe tapping heels in anticipation of the forthcoming ethics investigation in the Senate. Is this cat serious? First he comes with this CRAZY audio tape of him bargaining with the cop who he tried to get or give some damn head to, now he’s trying to get his damn conviction withdrawn in some wild attempt to actually remain in office?!?! Peep this cat’s rhetoric from the original incident.

Dude, this cat Craig said, “you solicited me”!!! Not sure how folks do thangs in cosmopolitan Idaho, but ’round where I’m from that means that he’s acknowledging that he was looking for sex with a DUDE IN A DAMN MEN’S BATHROOM AT THE AIRPORT!!! I love how the cop hits old Larry with that crazy rhetoric, “so, do you get lucky in that bathroom a lot?” and then when Craig says “No, I don’t do those type of things”, which is absurd because supposedly that bathroom is notorious among the low gay sex cruising crowd for a toe tapping, hand rubbing good time, the cop hits him with: “Now see, this is disappointing, you’re lying to a police officer (as if they don’t lie, lol), this is embarrassing, people vote for you” WOW.. I mean, he really stuck the landing on that dig. And Craig with his low protestations… haaa I know, I know, you just wanted to catch that plane. Let me remind you of something right quick Senator, we all know you love to do this:

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Hence this:

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And this:

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Closely followed by THIS:

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And never this:

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Which of course leads young Lake Arlington inevitably to this:

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Followed of course, by this:

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In other words, peace the f*ck out homey!!! Actually, let me go ahead and reverse myself because I want you to stick around. The American people really need you to stay in office so they can understand how hypocritical the Republican Party is, especially these politicians who trade on “values” issues. I actually love the presence of Larry Craig, Ted Haggard, Mark Foley, David Vitter and his hypocrite wife Wendy Vitter… I mean, I love them all. And please Senator, stop saying that you’re not gay. Everyone knows that YOU ARE GAY homeboy. Yes you have children, ADOPTED children that were fathered by another dude. We know nothing of your affinity for women except what you tell us and everyone knows YOU ARE A LIAR!!! There have been whispers that you were gay since the 60’s, dude, we know what you are and what you do. I happen to love it, so carry on and please stay in office. I figure I can write about your candy ass clean through the end of 2008.

-Lake

Quinn finally in camp, let the bust begin!

August 8, 2007

This cat can’t be serious with this cover… Brady Quinn is at it again.

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The park tanner and self-proclaimed future of the NFL is finally in camp with a 5 year $22.2 million deal with a reported $7.75 million of guaranteed money he stole errr got from the Cleveland Browns. Quite frankly, we’re excited too. And why, of course, to see the super bust unfold in front of our very eyes.

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This cat is going to make Tim Couch look like Joe Mantana once he’s done in C-town. Enjoy it.

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And what exactly is going on in this picture? Never mind.

“Drop and give me $20” – Givin some h*ead part 2

August 8, 2007

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We all remember the story of Republican State Rep. Bob Allen, the cat who offered to perform oral sex on an undercover MALE cop. Sure, how could anyone forget. Well, what we didn’t know at the time our UvT Florida bureau was breaking this story was that Representative Allen had a perfectly good explanation as to why he was soliciting errrr offering up mic checks at a KNOWN den of gay prostitution: It’s because he was in the presence of black people! Of course, Eddie Murphy should have used that. Peep the quote:

“I certainly wasn’t there to have sex with anybody and certainly wasn’t there to exchange money for it.”

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Now let me get this straight, the cops were doing an undercover sting operation at a known haven for gay male prostitution and you got busted offering an undercover brother a mic check for MONEY, but you “certainly” weren’t there for sex and “certainly” weren’t going to give that dude 20 bones for it? Look, I don’t think the word “certain” or any derivation thereof should be used, unless it’s to state that you are CERTAINLY lying not now, but right now AND that you are CERTAINLY a cack sucker, who has before sucked cack!

“B-but wait it gets worse (Onyx, Slam)”. Ole boy had something to say about that big bad undercover law enforcement officer who popped him:

“This was a pretty stocky black guy (just how he ‘likeded’ them?), and there was nothing but other black guys around in the park,” Allen, who is white, told police in a taped statement after his arrest. Allen said he feared he “was about to be a statistic” and told the fuzz he was just “playing along” when an undercover officer “suggested” that the legislator give him oral sex and $20 in a public restroom (nasty) because he was “intimidated”.

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Look, I’m one of the whitest cats in all of America. I’m happy about this and yes, I’ve been intimidated by many cats here and there in my travels. Now, upon the rare occurrence that I was intimidated by a black man, even a “stocky black man” (after all, there was that one time when Mike Tyson tried to holler at my girl at Republic Gardens in DC, true story), it never occurred to me that in an effort to diffuse the situation and neutralize my antagonist I could go with a Karrine Steffans inspired polishing act. I can see it now, you polish a cat off, stand up and say, “Now what, now what punk, you punk beeyatch, what? You want some more!?” I mean was Adebisi suddenly working as an undercover copper or something?

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This aint Oz and you aint Tobias Beecher (or are you?). You’re a publicly elected official who CHOSE to put his candy ass in that place, at that time. I mean, how many times, as a straight man, do you just find yourself surrounded by stocky black men in the public restroom at a park? I mean, how many times has a grown man, white or black, rolled up on you and demanded oral? I know, I know, happens every Tuesday…

And then ole boy had the audacity to mention his wife and daughter (who is going off to college mind you) as if they were in support of him. I aint saying your wife knew you were a cack sucker, but when your husband is on the DL, you may not know he’s sacking cack, but you KNOW something aint right in the bedroom and something aint been right a long long time. I’m not sure how, maybe one too many attempted trips to the back door, maybe some ole freaky gear, some unspeakable toys, something. But believe you me, when his wife heard of this, she was not shocked and if anyone in this world is certain of Allen’s cack sucking credentials, it’s his wife, followed by me.. Asshole!