Archive for the ‘Cocaine’ Category

Matt Jones: “We Snort the Coke, We Drink the Wine!!!!”

July 14, 2008

Matt Jones muthafuckas it’s party time!!!

We missed this from last week, but Matt Jones, Jags Wide Receiver and former “good guy” got busted for Coke by the fuzz.

Damn.  Anyway, the 6 foot 8 inch, former Arkansas Quarterback got picked up with two more of his boys while cutting up coke in a car with a credit card.

Genius!  I mean, what can be said?  If you get busted cutting up some coke in public place, we can rest assured that you have a drug problem.  And this just in, Matt Jones says that “it wasn’t him” or better yet, “it’s wasn’t his”..  Ha.  Right, because that defense works for anybody not named R. Kelly or Shaggy.  Hey Matt, unless you’ve sold 100 Million albums, you can’t use that one player.  Nah, that felony yeyo possession charge is gonna stick something serious my man.

Seriously, how wild do you think this cat is?  I mean, he’s big as all hell, cutting up some wild bolivian marching powder in a parking lot and has enough game to play NFL Wide Out.


– Lake

Bow Wow Checks Some Video “Vixens”

June 19, 2008

I’m still totally faded right now from the C’s win and the aftermath, but I would be remiss if I didn’t hit up this little tidbit I saw the other day on the net. I guess some video hoez got into a room, talked about the exact topics we all probably expect they speak of in every conversation of every single day, ie. Men with Money, Dack Size, Sex, people who want to have sex with them, their asymmetrically thick bodies, “the Industry” (whatever that means) and their “fame”.. I mean, the only thing missing was a line of coke and a knock off Fendi bag, ya dig? I mean, I don’t expect these chicks to be geniuses, but at least try not to be sooooo stereotypical.

Oh well, I guess that’s what happens to you when you’ve been getting hit off since the 6th grade eeeerrrr men have been trying to have sex with you since you hit puberty at the age of 12 1/2. Anyway, some chicken headz were talking greasy about Bow Wow and Mr. Wow just wasn’t having it. Peep the commentary from Dollicia Bryan and Rita G. that set the Lil Man off:

Wait a second, all the disses are fine (well, not really), but did that chicken Rita G. (NSFW) actually fix her mouth (like Collagen) to say she’s of “Moorish descent”? Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! Say what? I mean, dude, if that chick is of “Moorish descent”, my extra grand grand grand pappy on my mother’s side was kicking it with the Berbers (alright, that’s probably a bit too esoteric for the homies at UvT) back in Negative 2008 B.C. with Lucy, those Geico Cavemen (back when they were funny), the Missing Link and Mumm-Ra the Ever Living.

Chick, you’re Moorish alright.

Meaning you talk More “ish” that what I can take. (Rita G. NSFW HERE)

And More Ass than anyone could have hoped or dreamed for…damn. But back to the non physical substance. Is this babe serious? Come on.. I mean, dude, why can’t we just let a hoe be a hoe these days. What happened to the days when chicks were black, white, afro centric asian or spanish, done? Was it just me or were things much easier back in those days?

Don’t start in with all this “well, I’m actually Hammurabian on my father’s side, well, my biological father….but I grew up Navajo, so I’m really in touch with the earth, dats were I got deez KFC thighs, from that side and then I was messing with this dude, named Brock las- nite, so I got some black in me too” AHHHHHNT. Ok, that was lo, but what can I say? I’m still drunk from the C’s game.

But listen, and this is my last word on this narrow topic, but if you ever ask someone what race they are (which you probably shouldn’t be doing anyway, but I get it as it relates to video and non video hoes) and they start their answer with “actually”: 1. They’re about to lie to you, 2. They’re bullshit and 3. They’re probably good in bed and do freak nasty shit while rounding third base that will leave you wonder why you even need to slide into home…ummmkay?

Listen to uncle Lake.. ha I ask a hot and legitimately exotic babe where she’s from and I get an answer in 1.85 seconds…I ax a ho where she’s from and suddenly I’m in North Africa, Southern Europe and some short-named wild card spot like oh I don’t know, “Bali” that nobody can really confirm. Meanwhile, you ask the broad “Ok, where did you go to High School” and invariably they’ll tell you Greenbelt, Maryland…. Lord knows I don’t like to curse but:

And I wasn’t the only one who didn’t like Rita G’s Act. Peep what Bow Wow had to say not only about Rita G. but also about his supposedly jump off Dollicia Bryan.

Oh yeah, that Dollicia, peep it:

WOW. I didn’t know Bow Wow had it in him. And yo, that joint was produced and delivered with perfection , too. Damn, dude reaaaaally got at Dollicia. Ha. Man, what is wrong with these video hoes? Keep acting like this and they’ll fail to land that all important paid Baby Daddy angle they’ve been working their whole lives for. Come on. These chicks gotta know they’re one set of stretch marks away from going back on that pole. Sure, they’ll hit up the Client 9 circuit for a bit, but even that is a temporary job. Tell em Bow… These chicks shouldn’t have anything but praise for a dude like you. When will they learn?

– Lake


Not that we didn’t know the Dollicia chick was a groupie video ho clown, but I came across a few more pics that are fairly hilarious within this context. First, Dollica and her old squeeze Jamie Foxx as he gets a nice squeeze.

Again, perfectly ok without the Bow Wow talk. So Jamie is getting his ‘bag o’ tricks I’m ole st. nick….bitch’ act on. It’s all good and oh, what was that about Dollicia and Bow?

Yeah, sure… Seems like Bow Wow is completely out of his ‘comfort zone’ and you look completely offended. Kind of like in this next pic.

It’s so terrible that it’s good. Ha. Bow Wow has a new fan….BROCK.. ahnt. ha

She finally took dat azz to rehab..yes, yes, yes

January 24, 2008

After being recorded lighting up the glass dizzick and tooting the boogar sugar Amy Winehouse has finally checked her skinny ass into rehab.


Hopefully they’ll have burgers up in there. Forget methodone, get that chick a Royal with Cheese.

– Lake

Brokeback star Heath Ledger is dead at 28

January 22, 2008

Damn, though I’ll still never forgive him for that infamous line from Brokeback Mountain, “I wish I knew how to quit you,” I’m still sad for the family of actor Heath Ledger.


It’s tough, but it looks like another young and talented man fell pray to either the Coca or H. Or maybe he took the matter into his own hands and made good on a Owen Wilson like death wish. Who know. It’s all no good though…hmm, I wonder if he ever finished up Batman?


That Joker character he pulled together looked pretty damn crazy.

– Lake

So far it looks like Heath was clean. He may have taken a deadly mix of prescription drugs but fortunately no illegal drugs were found. It is going to be crazy watching him as the Joker now though.

And you thought it couldn’t get any worse….

January 10, 2008


I’m not a big Wino guy. I don’t really listen to her music aside from the obligatory “Rehab” bridge each and every Club DJ felt they had to hit me with back in 2007, but when I saw this I just had to post it. She gets a few points for going retro Johnny Depp, but let’s face it, this chick is just terrible. Yes she is talented and yes she has done wonders for my strange interest in the Bolivian Marching Powder, but otherwise, what has she contributed to popular culture?


And in case you were wondering, that’s the ole “Not Kardashian” negative arse piece. “Ass so flat you can see it from the front!”


I must admit, Mos Def got that one (reversed of course) as right as this chick is wrong on Ms. Fat Booty.

– Lake

It’s official: Lindsay Lohan loves sex

January 2, 2008

UPDATE:  Check out the Nude shot of Lindsay right HERE!!! 

And sex loves her…

Like an ungrateful boyfriend who doesn’t tell his lady how much he cares for her, doesn’t open the door or even comment on how good that Christmas goose tasted, I must apologize to a lady that means a lot to me….Lindsay Lohan. I freaking love this chick! End of the day, she’s just a hype babe visually.


Yeah, I know, she’s not that hot, right? Think again. You need only look at Lindsay next to a regular chick, like say, Rumer Willis below and then you see that she’s got special talent in the looks area.


Then you just gotta ask yourself, who did more for Cocaine in 2007 than Linds?


I mean babe checked into rehab about four times, she had that hot mug shot where she’s clearly blasted out of her fucking mind, and she’s even got those bathroom pics where she’s tooting the Bolivian Marching Powder with a fellow space cadet.


Hey, anyone who has spent as much time in nightclubs as I have understands the integral place scandalous hoes like Lindsay play in that scene. I think we should salute her and the White Horse all together for their many contributions to the party scene both personally and with the example they set for our young, supple over 21 years of age youth about America at large.


Anyway, now comes word that Lindsay not only looks the part, oh and thank you for the nipple slips (NSFW) and baby maker (NSFW) exposure, but she’s the real article. Indeed, when she’s not nipple slipping HERE or word is out that Linds is a certified FREAK!!! I guess she had some 2 week long “boyfriend” in rehab named Riley Giles and homey gave the goods on Lin-Lo:

Lindsay’s definitely a nymphomaniac. She’s wild in bed. We’d have sex a couple of times in the day and then go to it through the night. We once did it four times in a row straight. That was crazy. Lindsay was insatiable. She’d demand sex again and again. We’d go at it for hours. She’d have worn out most guys.

The first time we had sex I couldn’t believe I was looking down at Lindsay Lohan naked. We’d barely gotten through the door when we just ripped each other’s clothes off. Lindsay is so hot. She has a great body. Her backside is fantastic, perfect, all plump and round. She has great curves but her belly is nice and flat and toned.

When you orgasm, your endorphins shoot up and it becomes a massive natural high. If you have an addictive personality like Lindsay you need that to replace the highs you got from taking drugs all the time. Sex became a key part of her recovery.”

What a great read. I could have done without that absurd, fanciful and shameless personal “dack” riding he tried to pull off with that “any other man couldn’t have satisfied”—-AHHHHNT, Nilla Pleez. You aren’t hype. If you were, you wouldn’t be giving the goods on ole girl right before you slithered your punk ass back into whatever sewer you came out of. Oh and nice mug shot.


And in case you didn’t take that story as true or if you didn’t necessarily believe that story constituted certified Noelia “that’s the way I like it” status, then peep this new report that Linds banged out 3 Italian dudes in under 24 hours. Haa haaa, reminds me of a female version of Lake from back in my younger years… Only, look at the mugs on the slugs she allegedly got cut up by, slump busting Linds?


Yeah meng, I own know about Lindsay’s choice in dudes. Then again, that’s even better for the rest of the men out there who haven’t hit Lindsay off yet. Now basically any cat who isn’t terrible has a chance to meet this chick in Vegas one weekend, hook up the booger sugar and then rock out with his cock out in the hotel suite with a certified B-Lister. Hmmmm JFK to Vegas for this weekend on JetBlue is a clean $438. I could do it.

– Lake

I’m dreaming of a whiiiiiite Thanksgiving….

November 22, 2007

“Just like the ones, she used to blow.”

Some of us enjoy some Turkey, some ham… hell, you get your Mac n Cheese on. A little stuffing rounds it out nicely, oh and the cranberry sauce, you gotta go with that, right? Well, not if you’re Amy Winehouse. Now let me preface this by saying we never talk Amy Winehouse on this blog. I’ve never really talked to Mr. Hardon as to why that is, but I guess it’s just because the babe is just ugly and not very interesting.


Sure, she’s got a nice voice and she did rock that “Rehab” song, but she’s got the concave tail, the bullshit hair piece, terrible skin, no chest, no breast, no meat, no lovers.. just nothing I want to hear from, see or talk about. But I’ve gotta admit, I’m becoming a bigger fan of her’s now. Not because of her music, oh hells no.. It’s because she was photographed, in public mind you, with the White Horse all up in that Toucan Sam Beak she calls a nose. Peep it.


Cocaine is a hell of a drug – Rick James

Lord Jesus!!! That is awesome!! Why so glum, though? Yo, let me ask yall a serious question. If your hair was a mess, you had some dish rag tying it back, then you had fangs for teeth, a flamingo beak for a nose and my 3rd grade version of the Run DMC rope chain around your neck would you take the time to apply a respectable amount of make-up?

Boy, let me tell you, that Bolivan marching powder must be some real powerful shit.


(I can only assume this is a post and pre booger sugar pictorial)

I’ve never tried it, but I’m beginning to consider giving myself a toot for Christmas maybe? It’s either that or HGH — that many people can’t be wrong, right?


How about this, Amy needs a new song. “Trying tell go to rehab, I say, Yes, Yes, Yes….”

– Lake

What’s up with Tracy Morgan?

November 16, 2007

More proof to my theory that in order to be truly hilarious, like genius level, you have to actually be crazy. Like, on the brink, can’t function normally, got a screw loose, aint right, all wrong, self medicating, chemically imbalanced and just all together fucking loony kind of crazy.

We saw it with Martin Lawrence‘s crazy ass sitting in the middle of the LA Freeway in a plastic track suit with a bag of twizzlers and a .45, we saw it with Eddie picking up that he-she, getting Mel B. preggers and just generally having that weird ass look on his face that says “I aint right” ever since Boomerang, and of course we saw it from Dave Chappelle’s $50 million peace out/back to Africa tour. Now, we see a glimpse of it again. I ask you, what in the hell was Tracy Morgan doing? I guess the craziness is proportional with the funniness, so TM is only but so crazy.. See, if he had Richard Pryor’s skills, he would have been trying to hit ole girl when she leaned up on him.

– Lake

Jacob The Jeweler: Diamonds weren’t the only Rocks he was Slangin’

November 2, 2007


Jacob the Jeweler, known for his gaudy watches and custom “Jesus Pieces“, was hooking people up with more than that bling. He was apparently also laundering money through his company for the “Black Mafia Family” and their cocaine ring. Nooooooo, you’re telling me the guy hooking up famous people with custom million dollar baubles had spare cash around? Yeah, diamonds, ridiculous mark ups on your product and rappers everywhere? That makes you a prime candidate for the Black Mafia.

You see Jacob didn’t flip like Mike Vick and OJ’s boys though. He did the crime, so he’s doing the time. Actually flipping on the “Black Mafia Family” is probably a lot more dangerous than going out on a NFL football player or uhhhhhhh an ex-NFL football player who allegedly killed some people already.

Is this thing going to shake out like the BALCO trial, with lists of customers and confidants?


Is Diddy going to say he he thought it was only flaxseed diamonds?


Is Pharrell going to have back his gold and platinum albums in a scandal several years from now? Jacob is rocking that Kanye in the back by the way…hilarious.

Anyway, Jacob better watch his back in jail, before cats try to roll up on him. I don’t think “jeweler” is one of those intimidating professions that affords you protection in jail. Otherwise he is going to end up rolling with this dude.


Don’t drop the Ice!