Archive for the ‘Eli Manning’ Category

Karma’s a bitch: Giants are champs, Pats are not

February 4, 2008

I don’t know, maybe illegally videotaping your opponent, rocking that ridiculous hoodie all the time, stealing people’s wives and putting them in pimp houses in Brooklyn, never being honest on your injury reports, mumbling with a stoned grill through all your press conferences and running up the score on your opponents this year thereby giving Brock and unwarranted and unnatural upgrade at Fantasy QB wasn’t such a good idea after all.

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It’s called Karma my nilla and now it came to bite you in the azz! Oh yeah, you got what you deserved tonight, that we know. The Giants won and pretty much everyone outside the 617 was happy as a result. I wonder what Mercury Morris will have in store for all of us tomorrow.

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You know those ESPN executives are on the phone with that cat right now checking out those flights on Orbitz because they need homey on set to run some post Non Perfect Season smack on the Patriots. Let me just give yall a sample of the kind of smack this cat runs.

Hilarious. As I said before, homey needs to be a regular feature on ESPN’s NFL coverage. He’s great.

Anyway, I don’t want to rub anyone’s face in it, but this thing went about as it should have. Again, Karma is a muthafucka and the Patriots have been assholes all year long. Their coach is a complete dick and hey, even Tom Brady got a little dirt under his nails.

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Oh and you can stop those “Tom Brady is the best Quarterback of all time” statements any time now. Tom was not sharp today.

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Sure, he was bothered by the Giants’ pass rush, but this is the NFL.

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He missed a number of key throws to Randy Moss and just wasn’t able to execute when he did have the passing lanes. Cats ride his jock when they win, so they might as well kick him in the nuts now that they lost. Oh and how happy do you think Bridget Moynahan is right now?

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You know she’s got little Tommy dressed up in a Eli Manning alternate Red Jersey just making it rain (with Tom’s child support money) on the little guy like confetti after the game.

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Damn T, I think you’re an all right guy but you kind of deserved what you got. It’s all good though, you’re the man with three rings already and you’ve got years ahead of you. Make it right homes.

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Congrats to the Giants. I didn’t need Plaxico’s waterworks at the end, but hey, cats were talking shit when he guaranteed victory and said the Pats would only score 17 points. Hell, even the humble Tommy B. responded to Plax by saying 1. “Is Plax going to play defense” and 2. “give us a little credit”… sheeyut, seems to me he gave yall too much credit since you only mustered up 14 points.

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Given that Plax can’t speak on the topic right now, I’ll do it for him. AND DEN WHAT?!

Finally, how silly does THIS cat look right now?

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Damn son, put some clothes on. Ok, how about now?
Anyway, Tiki looks like a real clown right now. I mean, he left the team talking all that “I have other opportunities” and as soon as his ass leaves the Giants start manning up and playing as a team. Sad to say, but both he and Jeremy Shockey were quietly more a part of the problem than the solution. All this talk about Shockey being a “premier” tight end. Really? I can’t tell on the field. Anyway, Tiki and his brother Rhonde look really silly right now.

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Michael Vick aint got shit on these two cats. Lol, look at the dog… If he could talk he’d definitely be yelling “Yelp!” (Scooby).

I mean, it’s almost like Tiki lost a championship more than the Giants won it without him. Pretty terrible. Congrats to the fellas… Fire up that “Ballin” song one last time.

– Lake

Cat fight: Tiki Barber v. Eli Manning and the impact of their ladies

August 22, 2007

And you wonder why the Giants have underachieved in the past years.

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They’ve got no stones!!! Former New York Giants teammates Tiki Barber and Eli Manning exchanged “barbs” over the past few days over comments Tiki Barber, a current NBC football analyst, made which criticized Eli’s leadership and assertiveness. He further described Eli’s ability to run team meetings as “comical at times”. Well, well, well. Eli didn’t like that and he blasted back with this:

“It’s just one of those deals. I’m not going to lose any sleep about what Tiki has to say, I guess I could have questioned his leadership skills last year with calling out the coach and having articles about him retiring in the middle of the season [because] he lost the heart [to play].”

Huh? That’s the smack yall? Um, can someone please call up my boy Ocho Cinco in Cincy or maybe Terrell Owens in Dallas.. hell, I’d even take a Donovan McNabb, “keep my name out yo’ mouth, keep my family’s name out your mouth” blast right about now. These cats are pathetic and I think I know why. Yep, it’s weak chick karma. I mean, look at Tiki’s selection in lady:

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(awww, why does the “articulate” brother often have to go this way? Dammit Tiki!!! No disrespect homey, I’m sure your wife, Ginny Cha (seriously), is a sweet lady)

And then let’s contrast that against Eli’s woman:

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(Hey, nothing against her, but this is just boring man! I much prefer this blond and Eli together)

This is what I’m saying, now look at their selection in lady and then look at the results they got. Then contrast that against proven winners in the NFL. I give you Jerome Bettis an his lovely wife, Trameka (yes, really):

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(One for the thumb homey.. good work)

And of course, the gold standard in NFL chick karma turning into production on the field, my main mahn (Ali G finger snap) Tom Brady and his plethora of solid bangers:

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(Love ya T and yes, Bridget is looking right in this picture..nice)

Bottom line, Eli and the Giants are doomed. They need to get their chick game up and then maybe they can get those wins up. You just wait and see, this will be another sub par year for young Not Peyton Manning. I mean, even their receivers are chick stricken, peep Amani Toomer:

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(awww, homey… If you’re gonna go that way, you gotta go strong like Paul Pierce.

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We all know what he’s about and really can’t hate)

Awwwwww, need I say more? Out.

-Low Lake and loving it.

==============UPDATE=====================

All you semi hatin, fully hatin and just started to talk some shit as soon as your team won Giants fans out there, peep Lake’s take on your Superbowl victory. Hey, we can’t see Eli’s lady from the neck down, so that would explain how he was able to man up and get it done. Make no mistake though, the theory is fool proof. Hot chick, great performance. So either she’s sittin on dubbs with the Kim Kardashian ass with the hollywood blondie rack or Eli is banging out a stripper from Scores or both.  I can’t find all of them, but I’m assuming Plaxico’s hoes are A+, thereby outsetting Amani Toomer and Michael Stray’s missteps and I heard Tom Coflin has a direct line to Puerto Rico’s….Hoez, so you know that man was doing his part as well.

One thing is for sure, yall needed to get Tiki’s lady off your squad. She wasn’t built for victory.