Danity Kane in Bikinis

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Hmmm, I own know. I think this just reinforced what I already thought about Danity Kane.

Ok, I like the red theme. Damn they’re rocking some ultra coverage ‘kinis, no?

Now the ladies look pretty good here to a woman. But we do have to take a few points away from Aubrey for her enhanced J game. Unfortunately, that will no longer be accepted her at UvT and will be signified with an *asterisk*. Moving on to the last pic.

Damn, Shannon don’t hurt ’em. Let me just run down my entire impression of all three ‘kini shoots.

1. Aubrey is no longer hot

First off, the only thing she’s bringing to the table here are those fake J’s, which I hate. Otherwise, it’s just a mess. I’m not fooled by the sides cut out bikini, either. I know what that is, just a way to cover up the most suspect part of the belly. If Aubrey’s body was tight, she’d show up to the photoshoot naked. Instead, she’s covered and I know why. Terrible.

2. Audrina looks like someone’s moms

First off, if I hate the high waist jeans, then you KNOW I hate the high waist bikini. It’s a bikini!!! How did she manage to ruin one of the most basic and loved articles of clothing out? This aint Happy Days, take off your grandma’s britches and respect the genre.

3. Previously super thick D. Woods is now super tight

Nuff said, though she may want to watch getting too tight in the middle. She’s starting to get that Venus Williams extra hard stomach piece. I want my lady strong, not skrong.

4. Shannon always was and still is, the best looking member of DK

I wish it wasn’t true because she’s got about as much personality as blade of grass, but she looks damn good in these bikini shots. That little white and red number is exactly what you want for summer fun. Plus she’s the only girl who is really giving us that basic bikini we all love. Ok, D. Woods is too. Shannon has always kept it tight and she hasn’t stopped yet.

5. If I didn’t mention her, she’s irrelevant (Dawn)

There you have it. I like DK a lot and their music is pretty good, but they’re struggling with the look these days. I think it’s time for Puff to hook up the next Making the Band 5 “Danity Kane II” contest because these babes are getting long in the tooth. Just do it like Menudo, once you’re too old, you’re out. I like that idea.

– Lake

3 Responses to “Danity Kane in Bikinis”

  1. Be On It Says:

    I actually thought the girls looked a hot mess. Did no one teach them how to pose? I mean, even the hacks on the f*ckery known as America’s Next Top Model at least try to bring it.

    Lakey, I will tell you, the worst bikini/swimsuit to wear to try to hide a tubby tummy is the side cutout one. It is designed purely for those mythical creatures with perfect Coke bottle proportions, a nice (not huge) J game, small waist, and decent but not Buffy-ish hips. It just looks a hot mess on anyone else.

    Audrina’s granny draws are probably to hide that baby bump (it’s just a rumor, but allegedly she had a quickie wedding to the Kardashian brother).

    Speaking of Kardashian, since we are now putting asterisks besides plastic Js, I assume any further mention of that thing attached to that loser R-Bush will have more stars than the Grammy’s red carpet.

  2. Will Says:

    They all look very very basic.

  3. DANITY KANE ANALYSIS « MRod says: Is the crew ready? Like spaghetti. Says:

    […] Read more here. […]

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