Kyla Ebbert 3: We Got What Ya Want

I don’t know if people actually think this chick looks good, or if people just know that some chick named Kyla Ebbert is out there naked that makes you all want these pictures so badly.  Seriously, does having the name make you feel like you actually know the chick?  You know that you can just switch off safe search on Google and type in “naked” or “boobs” or “butt” and get an unlimited number of nude women right?  Hell you can type in random professions like “nurse”, “cheerleader”, or “teacher” too.  You can get as specific as you want.  If you like redheads with no shoes in bondage, there is another freak on the internet that will accommodate your wishes.

Anyway, you are looking for Kyla Ebbert so here she is:

Seriously, that tan l’orange and that grill are terrible.  I mean you can tell they caked her up with makeup, turned her to the side to try to minimize that nose piece, then probably still had to airbrush the hell out of her to pull it together.  She’s even stilling in that “lean back and keep your stomach tight” pose so she didn’t pop her muffin top out of those draws.  The boobs are clearly fake too.  I’m not one to deny the people what they want though.  You can find the full pictorial HERE.

Enjoy!

-Brock

Kyla Ebbert Part 2: Dough Before Clothes

UPDATE: We found them.  Click HERE for our post with Kyla’s Playboy Photos. 

Us Versus Them covered Kyla Ebbert being kicked off of Southwest Airlines for dressing too suggestively months ago, but now she’s done it again. Miss Ebbert is stretching out her fifteen minutes of fame, and apparently also her legs as she has decided to pose nude for Playboy.

We have the Us Versus Them interns working feverishly to get you all what you want. Until then we will hold you over with these.

There’s our party girl throwing up the Shocker. So now we know she keeps it classy.

You know by now that she is the Orange one right? Apparently she is on the way to a Nassatal Halloween party with her two girls. Seriously, why is she carrying a purse, she’s not planning on leaving the house is she? She really would have gotten kicked off the plane for this outfit.

Come back later, we’ll find and post the pics. Click on the main page, or scroll down. We’ve got plenty of ladies to hold you over. Until then, the question on everyone’s mind is: Will she wear the green sweater?

Yikes, the Playboy retouchers are going to have their work cut out for them.

Inquiring minds want to know.

-Brock

===================Bullshit Half Update=======

My Intern, someone we like to call “The Headless Chick(en)” just gave me this.

Sure, it’s just a comparison pic with the old babe on the left and the lingerie babe on the right, but I do appreciate the enhanced J work and that ultra skrong stomach piece. I know, I know, I need to fire my intern for not delivering the real actual Playboy pics, I’m thinking on it.

Here’s a link to the rest of the promotional lingerie pics. Think she hit the gym for this one? Someone holler at me when the sex tape comes out… Predictable, but I do enjoy it. We’ll get after those real deal Holyfiield joints soon enough. I mean, the lingerie joints are fine, but everyone knows that Rule No. 2 at UvT is and always has been, “skin it to win it.” More later…

– Lake

Southwest Airlines policy on travel attire: “Clothes before hoes”

UPDATE: Kyla decided to pose nude in Playboy. Click HERE for our update STORY!

Meet 23 year old Kyla Ebbert, a chick who got kicked off a Southwest Airlines flight en route to Tuscon Arizona from San Diego because she was dressed too provocatively… Indeed, the “college student” and Hooters girl got the “heave ho!” from a SWA employee named “Keith” who took one look at her and said:

“I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to take a later flight. You’re dressed inappropriately. This is a family airline. You’re dressed too provocative to fly on this flight. ”

(she’s second from the right, yeah, the orange one)

This chick? Nah, can’t be. I can’t imagine that she’d ever wear something inappropriate or revealing in public. She looks so shy and virtuous. Peep her replica throwback outfit she rocked on the “Today” show with Matt Lauer in order to catch the eye of Playboy errrr tell her story so that other young women who are comfortable with their bodies don’t have to be unfairly objectified, belittled and humiliated by Corporate America ever again. Peep the gear:

(look, it’s not hard to imagine how a different shirt underneath that green thing would look significantly more whorish than this breast and stomach covering number she decided to rock for the show, nice try)

First thing I noticed…there have been some ahem enhancements added to her upper chest region. Not so shocking for a bottle blond with orange skin. The second thing I noticed, she doesn’t have on the black tank top she had on the day she got kicked off, which of course changes the whole look of the outfit. Hmmm, I wonder why she didn’t rock the exact same gear on the “Today” show. I smell a rat. I love it.

(bare footed and damn near naked, gotta love the free spirited white woman)

Look, I’m basically ok with Southwest Airlines having a no hoes policy on their airline. Now I’m not saying she’s a ho, but let’s face it, she had the hoe uniform on. And anyway, they reached a compromise on the matter. SWA let her get back on once she made “adjustments” to her gear to make it look more appropriate, so what’s she crying about?

What I’m more concerned about is this “doctor’s appointment” she needed to travel to Tuscon, Arizona for in the first place… Let me just tell you, if she’s trying to upgrade those cannons she calls breasts to something bigger, then she might as well just start chartering flights, because she’d be obscene in a Glad bag if those things got any bigger. If anything, she needs to tell whatever quack she’s going to see to do something about that sun ravaged catchers mitt she’s got stapled to her neck piece. I thought it was mama Ebbert when I first saw that grill.

(that is not the face of a 23 year old, looks more like a young Skeletor right before he turned evil)

She may have the body of a 23 year old, but she’s got the face of chick riding in the HOV lane to Cougar-ville!!! And you know she’ll be suing the airline soon enough for Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress. After all, she already said they humiliated her which I find hilarious. You’re a Hooters chick, you’ve proven if nothing else, you’re used to being humiliated.

Hell, I always thought there was a section on humiliation in your employee handbooks over there at Hooters. You entire job is predicated on a general lack of respect for yourself and the customer’s right to humiliate you over some beer, wings and some delicious blue cheese dressing. In short, you’re used to it. Even your mom knows what you’re about:

“My daughter is young, tall, blond and beautiful,” Michele Ebbert said, “and she is both envied and complimented on her appearance. She dresses provocatively, as do 99 percent of 23-year-old girls who can.”

Umm, no. 99% of chicks do not rock ho gear on flights. Let’s be clear about that fact. But I think it was the great southern philosopher Juvenile who summed this situation up best when he said, “where she get her class from, she get it from her mama”… Exactly.

– Lake aka the flying pelican (Scarface reference)