Yoooo, I know I said I would let Brock write something up about the Michigan v. Oregon game (after all, he was there) and he still can, but I’m sitting here watching Sports Center and I just heard the most hilarious sound clips from that Oregon-Michigan post game press conference. So hilarious that I just feel compelled to talk about it. But before I lay it all out, let me just say that I watched the Oregon-Michigan game start to finish and two things stick out to me:
1. Chad Henne is not an elite Quarterback like we were led to believe he was.
Yes I know Henne hold records or is about to hold records for TDs at Michigan. But remember, Rocky Balboa was an accomplished heavy weight champ who just knew he was hot until Mick let Rock know all his opponents “wuz has beens” and then Clubber Lang (read: Oregon) whooped his candy ass. Ok? Michigan plays in the Big 10 and quite frankly, the Big 10 is NOT a great football conference anymore. Granted, the Big 10 has great football fans and plenty of passion for the game, but the teams, coaches and competition are simply sub par. Sorry people, but it’s just true. You never were as good as the SEC, that’s just a given and now, all the other conferences have either caught up with or surpassed the Big 10. Just the facts.
So I don’t care what Henne has done against these bums. He can never do shat when his team needs him to and the only silver lining to this debacle of a start for Michy is that Chad is hurt which forces Lloyd Carr to use someone else (thank goodness). Honestly, if Michigan had to play an LSU, Florida or even Oklahoma, I think they’d have to carry Hart, Henne and Carr out on stretchers and then call up the post-Vick era representatives from the Bad Newz Kennels to either electrocute, hang or smoke each one of those dogs just to put them out of their damn misery…
***Incidentally, you can buy this T, which apparently only comes in Extra-Medium, right HERE.
2. The Michigan Defense sux. Again, it’s just a fact. They couldn’t stop Appalachia State’s spread offense with the mobile Quarterback and they really couldn’t stop Dennis Dixon and Oregon. Honestly, they couldn’t stop Oregon when they went to a plain old power game, something the Big 10 used to be know for. Seriously, Michy got rolled 39-7 and if you watched the game, it really wasn’t that close. Oregon literally could have scored two more touchdowns at the end of that game if they wanted to.
(“Dude, pass me that chewable weed, then throw your motherfu*cking O’s up maaan”)
They just didn’t want to. UGLY!
With that said and after a game of total domination by Oregon, here are a few interesting quotes I heard.
Lloyd Carr (defiantly):
“I’m a tough minded, competitive guy and there isn’t anything that comes my way professionally that I can’t handle. And there is nothing that can keep me down. Not a loss to Appalachian State, not a loss to Oregon, not a hundred losses and not the loss of my job.”
There isn’t anything that comes your way that you can’t handle? How could that be? It’s quite clear that you’re incapable of handling App State and Oregon… that we know. Further, how about showing us that you can handle a spread offense? What the hell. I mean, last week you got torched by App State and going into this week you KNEW Dennis Dixon and Oregon ran what amounts to a better version of that same offense. The recruiting websites claim you have every athlete any coach could ever want currently in-house, but yet there wasn’t one visible sign that your team had ever heard the term spread offense, much less had a game plan to stop it.
I know, I know, I’m taking the quote out of context. Lloyd meant that he can handle all the criticism. Well great, it’s easy to handle the criticism when you’re an old man who knows he’s about to leave. Why not start handling what they’re paying you to do, the FOOTBALL!!! Maybe if you were more clear, concise and confident about your ability to handle that, you wouldn’t get so much criticism. And let’s be clear, if you don’t step down this season, then you’ll just get fired so don’t get too big for your britches there talking about losing your job. As Snoop said in that parody skit of that scene in The Mack on Doggystyle, “have it your muthafuckin way”… of course, then a fool got smoked. Lloyd, that fool is YOU!
Mike Hart (with a crazy, Herm Edwards-like look on his face)
“We’re going to win [against Notre Dame] next week. There’s no question in my mind. I guarantee we’ll win next week. I’m going to get this team ready. It’s guaranteed that I’ll get this team ready. The coaches are going to do their job. The seniors are going to do their job on this team. And we’re going to win next week, I don’t care..”
Dude, I hear you trying to rally the troops and all and clearly you’ve bought into this idea of “the Michigan man”, but you can’t be out here running your mouth like this. Not after you got worked in your own stadium against TWO unranked teams when you were supposed to be looking at a National Championship this year. Really, you’re the only visible cat within that Michigan program that I feel sorry for. You were out there doing your job, but your boy Chad Henne, he just was terrible.
(Yo, is that America’s player, Eric, from Big Brother 8?)
Lloyd Carr is about as useful on a football field as Lloyd from Entourage and your Defense is just awful homey!!! I mean, didn’t you know your D was this bad when you decided to come back for your senior year? The only thing that saves you from having to eat this quote is who you’re playing next week; a team that is so terrible, so hapless and even though they’re unranked too, they’re probably the only team that has been MORE overrated then you guys over the past few years. Dude, I saw LSU whoop up on Virginia Tech tonight. Let me tell you, if you were playing either one of those teams, you would NOT be guaranteeing a damn thing, unless you were guaranteeing a 40+ point ass whooping by those good Tigers. You may make good on your promise to beat Notre Dame, but it’s just because they’re an even worse JV squad then you guys are at this point. But let’s be clear, you’re both JV quality squads and your decision to come back for this year.. it’s like that clown Michael Eric Dyson said of Mayor Ray Nagin in the HBO Documentary, When the Levies Broke, “understandable, but lamentable..” Ha, great rhetoric.
– Tough-minded, competitive Lake, guaranteeing a blog entry next weekend
Peep the press conference in full here. Pretty hilarious look on Hart’s face throughout. For once, I feel sorry for these dudes.