Archive for the ‘Shane Battier’ Category

More Athlete Wives and Girlfriends: Hoops

July 7, 2007

It’s the off-season, so we can’t say for sure, but we were sad to see Jason “White Chocolate” Williams’ fall from grace this year. Dude used to be exciting, crafty and wildest of all, just downright ‘hood on the court – representing for white guys all over the world. Now homey is all knee padded up, one season away from the forced baldy, even his tats have faded, just not a good look. But then it all made sense when I peeped his choice in wife:


How in the hell is ‘White Chocolate’ gonna be rolling with Vanilla? Damn homey. You couldn’t even go Butter Pecan Rican? ‘White Choc’ and all this bad chick karma probably had something to do with Jason “the brother who didn’t shoot his limo driver” Williams’ fall from grace:


Damn Jay, you were so dead nice back in the day too. Get on that Duke bench homey, Wojo should be shining your shoes right about now (hate to say it but ‘Jay’ still has one of the worst smile games in the business).

Anyway, it got us thinking, who else out there is rolling with the ‘vanilla sister’ instead of the standard issue ‘chocolate deluxe sister’ we expect. Umm, this may take a while and we’ll have to go with a continuation because we can’t fit all this in one post, but peep the vanilla crunch loving bros and make your own judgments as to how it’s helped or hurt their game.

Nilla Wafer No. 1


Lol! We start with Tim Duncan. Can’t lie at all. This vanilla sister has done Timmy right! After all, homey is grasping up on the final MVP trophy (one of several) in the pic and she’s just a cheesing like an Atlanta Braves sambo errrr logo. Seriously, this is a match made in, well, purgatory (jury is still out) but you can’t argue with the success. Can’t hate on Tim and Amy (*of course*) Duncan.

Nilla Wafer No. 2


Awwwww, Shane, why homey.. WHY??!! I’ll forever owe a debt of gratitude to my main mane Shane Battier for bringing home that 2001 NCAA National Championship for the good guys, YES, those Duke Blue Devils (hate us), but homey, now I gots to cut ya. I’ll just ask, seriously, why? I mean, we all could kind of saw you going that way (just like we saw Tiger going that way), but if you’re gonna do that thang, do the thang right homey. Like Kimmy Kardashian right or Jessical Biel right. You can’t go Becky from ’round the mall wrong. Damn, sorry I had to cut you Shane, but my journalistic integrity was at stake and this is just terrible dude.

Nilla Wafer No. 3


Look, anything and anyone that can help cure Scottie Pippen of that ugliness, we’re all for. And this cat thought he could make a comeback this year. Scott, I got one word for you, AHNT, which is the sound of a buzzer going off on your candy ass. Scott, you’re lady looks good and next to you she looks even better. But you’re gonna have to pull a major upgrade to get enough chick karma going your way to turn back those hands of time. Sorry Scott, the answer is still no.

-Lakey the Lover